They are in the music show, but I am a stranger to them

"I would rather not have a band, not have the world, not have Xiaomu, not have Lixi, and not have Xiangzi."

"Brother, I only want you. I only want you to be by my side. As long as you don't leave me, that's all!"

Unconsciously, under the strong impulse in his heart and the strong sense of gap between lost and regained, Takamatsu Deng, who was trapped in the devil's block, did something he would never do under normal circumstances, and uttered the cry from the bottom of his heart that should never be uttered.

That cry is called, "Selfishness".

Because of the repeated feelings of loss, the repeated unwillingness, the accumulated compromises and cowardice, during the time in Crychic, Gao Songdeng accumulated and brewed a feeling in his heart that the previous Deng would never have had.

The darkest and most selfish voice hidden in the deepest part of Gao Songdeng's heart, which had long been suppressed, was released at the wrong time and in the wrong way.

Gao Songdeng tightly grasped his brother's arm as he tried to struggle. He knew that with his own strength, if Chen Qi really wanted to break free from him, it would be effortless. After gritting his teeth slightly, he immediately made his hysterical judgment.

As Deng's body fluttered slightly, Chen Qi hurriedly caught Deng's body, but he was unable to resist the influence of gravity, and his whole body unconsciously leaned back...

"Pfft!"

With a dull sound, Chen Qi's body fell on the soft tatami, and the moment he came back to his senses from the chaos, he found Deng's figure, lying on his body.

What shocked Chen Qi even more was that Gao Songdeng's eyes, which were full of strange persistence, had been staring at him from beginning to end, conveying to him over and over again the voice in Deng's heart...

"Why... brother just doesn't understand?"

"Why, brother, can't you hear the voice in my heart?"

As she spoke, facing her brother who was in a daze, Gao Songdeng grabbed one of her brother's hands and pressed it tightly against her chest, as if doing so could help her voice be better conveyed to the other party.

Deng, who had already fallen into the devil's trap, didn't notice his brother's dull, lifeless eyes. He pressed his palm, lowered his head, and spoke out the dark voice in his heart word by word:

"Shoko has obviously left, and Crychic obviously no longer exists... Why can't I be the only one in my brother's eyes?"

"I just hope that my brother can cherish me like he did before. This is all I want. Why can't you satisfy me?"

"I don't care about anything else! The only person I want to stay by my side is my brother!"

"..."

Gao Song Deng, who had revealed all the darkness in his heart in one breath, could not help but gasp for breath. However, as he inhaled the slightly cool air again, Gao Song Deng regained a little calmness, and the luster in his eyes returned again.

And it was at the moment when the light came back on that she belatedly noticed her brother who was being suppressed by her.

And just when Gao Songdeng's gaze met Chen Qi's eyes, which were full of confusion, surprise, and even horror when he came to his senses, the dazzling and unprecedented gaze from her brother made her slightly aware of what she had done.

What did I do just now?

"Click."

"The weather is getting colder~ Lantern? Xiaoqi? Are you in the room?"

Outside the house, the Gaosong couple, who had just returned home, put down the things they had purchased and immediately pushed open the door of Chen Qi and Deng's room.

But the next moment, Mrs. Takamatsu saw everything in the room - she didn't know when, Deng had curled up in the quilt, seemingly still asleep, but the rolled-up quilt was shivering, and no one knew what had happened.

Chen Qi, who was supposed to be on the tatami, stood up early and returned to his seat... When Mrs. Gao Song came in, he smiled at her as if nothing had happened and said:

"Auntie, welcome home."

"Xiao Qi, I'm so glad to see that you and Deng are okay."

Mrs. Gao Song, perhaps because of her absolute trust in Chen Qi, did not have any doubts about what was happening. Instead, she smiled warmly at Chen Qi and said:

"We'll start cooking in a bit, Xiaoqi, once you've taken care of the lights, come out and help, okay?"

"Of course, I'll take care of the lights and be right back."

When he picked up the lamp, Chen Qi's expression paused slightly, but he concealed it without a single flaw.

As Mrs. Gao Song looked at Chen Qi, who was as reliable, obedient, and mature as ever, she didn't know whether it was out of inspiration or fate, but before closing the door, she smiled with satisfaction and praised Chen Qi sincerely:

"As expected, it is a wise choice to entrust the lamp to you, Mom and Dad. We don't have to worry about the lamp being damaged anymore."

"——Okay, Xiaoqi will take care of the lights first. Mom and Dad will finish cooking. See you later."

"see you later……"

No need to worry about the lamp getting damaged...right?

At the moment when the door of the room was closed, the calmness pretended on Chen Qi's face gradually faded... He lowered his head slightly, looking at his palm that had touched Gao Songdeng's chest. In his mind, he couldn't help but recall everything that happened a minute ago...

Everything that shouldn’t come out of the lamp’s mouth, everything that the lamp in our cognition cannot do…why did it happen just now?

Was it because of my intervention? My intervention not only made Deng different, but also made Deng's personality... so distorted?

No, no, this is not a lamp. This shouldn't be a lamp. A real lamp wouldn't -

"Pfft."

The dull pain in his heart for a moment made Chen Qi's palm curl up slightly unconsciously. Chen Qi looked at his hand that had touched the lamp on his chest, feeling the momentary tremor in his heart. His pupils also dilated a little, as if he realized something...

Perhaps I shouldn't stay with Deng any longer.

I am no longer safe enough, nor qualified enough to protect the lamp.

What I need now is to get away from here and eliminate the hesitation in my heart just now.

Otherwise, if I stayed with Deng now... it would only put the paranoid Deng into greater crisis.

They are brother and sister. It was Mr. and Mrs. Gao Song who personally entrusted their most precious daughter to me to take care of. They gave me a warm home, a caring sister, and so much trust and respect.

How could I have such emotions towards the lamp and the person I have always protected?

……

"Uh...Brother? Good morning...Hey?"

It was not until the next day that Takamatsu Deng, who had calmed down a little, finally poked her head out from under her quilt. She reflexively wanted to say hello to her brother who was sleeping on the tatami on the floor, but she immediately noticed something different.

I saw that there was no trace of anything on the tatami that should have belonged to my brother, and even the bedding had been folded long ago. Deng subconsciously got off the bed and touched the pillow and tatami, but found that there was no residual temperature long ago.

"elder brother!"

"Brother! Where are you?!"

"Dad! Mom! Get up quickly! My brother is missing—he's missing!"

She was more panic-stricken than ever before. When Gao Songdeng found that her brother, whom she had lost and found again, had disappeared again, her heart was completely terrified.

After searching the entire house, Gao Song Deng finally found only a letter left by his brother before he left, which was placed on the dining table in the living room.

He didn't tell Deng why he wanted to leave. He just said in the letter that he was no longer qualified to make promises and that he could protect Deng well.

He felt extremely guilty and self-reproachful for leaving without saying goodbye, but he had to leave in order to better protect his sister in another way.

"Don't worry, Lantern."

"Brother, I will definitely find back everything you lost. Brother, I will always pay attention to you like this."

Everything lost...

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, brother... I shouldn't have done such a stupid thing, I shouldn't have "crossed the line", from now on, I will never cross the line between brother and sister again.

I can even accept Xiangzi, I can accept someone else taking you away from me... No matter what the conditions are, I am willing to accept them.

Please, if you can hear me, please come back to me as soon as possible...

You... are everything to me, the only "whole world" that I cannot lose...

Chapter 46: The restoration of the sibling relationship, and the somewhat awkward Ai Yin

"elder brother……"

In the early morning, a ray of light shone through the gap in the curtains and illuminated Takamatsu Deng's face. The slightly hot feeling on his cheeks gently pulled Takamatsu Deng back to reality from the seemingly endless dream full of joy, sadness and despair.

When he opened his eyes again, everything in Gao Songdeng's eyes seemed to have regained the colors that this world should have.

Although there was only one ray of sunlight, it was the most dazzling golden sunlight she had ever seen since she lost her brother for the second time...

Wait, brother?

And suddenly, when he thought of this most important title to him, Gao Songdeng, who was originally a little confused, regained his senses at once. He almost straightened his back immediately and habitually turned his gaze to the bedside.

——This was Gao Songdeng’s first reaction after every distracted and difficult night during the past six months when there was no news from Chen Qi.

Even though she knew very well that her beloved brother would never come back, Takamatsu Deng still retained this habit. This was the first thing Deng would do when she woke up at the beginning of every new day as she and her brother lived together for more than ten years.

Even though Chen Qi later left home and left Gao Songdeng, there was still a trace of hope in his heart.

I prayed that all this was just a nightmare. My brother had not left me. Perhaps one day in the future, he would return to my side as usual within my sight.

"Are you awake? Light."

Just when Deng was still a little confused and the surrounding environment was not quite the same as the room he remembered, a familiar voice coming from above his head made Deng's body tremble slightly.

Deng's pupils dilated slightly, and she raised her head blankly. What she saw was the familiar and gentle face of her brother whom she had been thinking about day and night and to whom she had said "I'm sorry" countless times in her dreams.

In the pitch-black room with only a ray of light shining through, Gao Songdeng, whose eyes were as twinkling as stars, was illuminated by the light. He looked stupidly at Chen Qi, whose body was still shrouded in darkness, in front of him.

Although not a single ray of sunlight from the window shone on Chen Qi, Gao Songdeng felt that his smile was brighter and warmer than the sun.

"elder brother……"

"It's my brother."

Faced with Gao Songdeng's hesitation and seeming disbelief, Chen Qi, who had regained control of his inner emotions after half a year of separation, also regained his mentality as a brother.

Under the gaze of Gao Songdeng, who had not yet come to his senses and even thought he was still in a dream, Chen Qi took the initiative to reach out and rubbed Gao Songdeng's cheek, which he had not had the opportunity to touch for half a year. With his usual relaxed and calm tone, he smiled lightly and said:

"What's wrong? After not seeing you for half a year, you can't recognize your brother?"

"elder brother!"

Finally, at the moment when Chen Qi finished speaking, Gao Songdeng, who completely understood that this was not a dream, finally hugged Chen Qi tightly at the first moment after a broken call.

Gao Songdeng is not very strong, and his physical fitness as a lead singer is not particularly outstanding, but at this moment, Chen Qi really felt all the loneliness, solitude and longing that Deng had experienced in the past six months from the strength of Gao Songdeng embracing him.

It was almost as strong as the one used by Aine yesterday when she was wronged... These two sisters who called me "brother" were really the same. When they hugged me, they used all their strength.

However, what Chen Qi didn't know was that this wasn't even the greatest strength Gao Songdeng could use. Even at the moment when Gao Songdeng could no longer control his emotions, he still subconsciously retained a trace of rationality and didn't dare to use all his strength to hug the brother in front of him.

She was very scared. She was afraid that if her performance crossed the line again, she would scare away her brother who she had finally found.

In the past six months, Gao Songdeng had dreamt countless times about his past with Chen Qi...The question Gao Songdeng thought about the most was why his brother left him.

In the end, Gao Songdeng also understood that it was because of her "confession" to her brother in the past... She revealed the dark and selfish side of her heart, which she thought her brother would indulge and accept.

It was because of my dark side that my brother developed a fear of me and left me.

As a brother, you can only accept yourself as a sister.

Gao Songdeng, who has already figured this out, has been regretting her impulsiveness all the time in the past six months. If time could go back and give Gao Songdeng another chance, that day, she would definitely try her best to suppress the impulse in her heart and not show her dark side in front of her brother!

During the six months of separation, Takamatsu Deng experienced the feeling of losing his brother again. He was distressed and had already rehearsed in his mind countless times what he should do if he could find his brother again.

This time, I will never cross the boundary of "brother and sister" again...

As long as my brother can stay by my side, as long as he never leaves me again, I will definitely be a good sister to him.

"Brother, I miss you so much..."

"Me too, Deng. I missed you too."

After the brother and sister ended this warm and just right hug, facing Gao Songdeng who was crying with tears in her eyes, Chen Qi felt that he owed Deng a lot.

He couldn't help but stretched out his fingers to help Deng wipe away the tears from her eyes, and said softly:

"So, have you calmed down now?"

"Yeah." Gao Songdeng was obviously very clear about the meaning of her brother's words. She understood that her brother was not only asking about her current mood, but also about her feelings towards him after she had experienced a long period of absence since he left for half a year.

"Brother... is my brother. He will always be my best brother."

"For me, as long as Qi is still my brother, that's enough."

Yes, that is enough. Having experienced the feeling of losing his brother twice, Deng Takamatsu now completely understands his only bottom line.

She understood that Chen Qi could not stay by her side forever. Just as her brother had told her, all he could do was to protect her until the day she could be independent.

Let her brother stay by her side forever and protect her alone forever... Such an idea is too selfish.

Whether it was the Xiangzi of the past or the Aiyin-chan of the present... I shouldn't cross the line again.

"——That's great, Tou."

Hearing that Gao Songdeng finally gave him a satisfactory answer, Chen Qi breathed a sigh of relief in his heart.

And the next second, his relaxed expression was replaced by a look that Gao Songdeng felt extremely familiar with, a look she had felt before, from her brother, which was gentle and a little doting.