Loneliness and Rock and Roll with Band Observer

What do I want?

Is it a business achievement?

Is it "telling the story in your heart"?

Is it a literary achievement?

Is this a state of life where you can "survive even if you are alone"?

Or, is it something else besides this?

Pushing aside the tasteless drink bottle, Togawa Aie sighed deeply.

Joining the closing band is for the convenience of commercial operations.

Commercial operations are intended to expand the sales of novels.

The sales of novels are expanded in order to make money.

Making money is to continue to maintain the current lifestyle and to "prove myself to my family"...

...So, what is that thing that needs to be proved?

"Thank you, Ryo. This fragmented and ambiguous conversation is very meaningful to me."

"That would be great."

Liang turned his head and looked out the window at the sky blocked by tall buildings.

"I'm looking forward to our future collaboration as members of the closing band."

"I'm especially looking forward to seeing how your struggle is reflected in the music."

Chapter 31 Daily Trivia

Afterwards, the dinner party ended in a chaotic and joyful atmosphere.

It's just past seven o'clock now, and the evening is still long.

After saying goodbye to the other four members of the band one by one, Akie boarded the train home.

...In many ways, today was a very fulfilling day.

Qiu Hui smiled bitterly and took out her cell phone, ready to check if there were any new messages.

If she thought about it carefully, she had only developed this habit recently. If it weren't for the series of events surrounding the light novel, she wouldn't have needed to check her phone frequently, as she had little presence among her classmates.

"There really is new news." Qiu Hui felt a little surprised.

Before I knew it, I had become one of those people who needs to check social media frequently. Is this closer to the standard of normal people?

Unlocking the screen, Akie noticed that the new message was from Aine.

It's probably related to what happened this afternoon, she thought.

"I'm really sorry for leaving you alone in the box! I couldn't help but rush out because I was worried about Deng Deng. But now everything is fine!"

It was followed by a playful expression picture.

Qiu Hui glanced at the sending time.

The message came from the other party at about 5:30. I was probably on my way to the family restaurant at that time, so I didn't notice it.

“I was busy before and didn’t read the message. It would be great if you’re fine. After that, I practiced alone in the private room for a while, and it felt pretty good. Aine doesn’t have to worry too much about it.” Akie replied to the message like this.

"Well, that's great!"

Aine replied once more. After that, she only said some meaningless polite words.

Generally speaking, in online chats, being the last person to reply is considered more appropriate. If I continue to reply, it will only cause the other person trouble to keep making small talk. So I'll stop here.

Thinking of this, Qiu Hui did not reply but put away her phone.

“…Aine seems to be the type with a lot of nerves, so she’ll probably be fine.” She thought, “But I’m more worried about Takamatsu Tomori.”

It was originally just a matter of singing karaoke, but she made the atmosphere sound like a confession.

“‘A lifetime’.” Akie sighed, “This guy’s sensibility is too strong and delicate.”

That's probably why people resonate with what I write even more deeply than they resonate with myself.

It was clearly just something that was pieced together with reference to the industry's trends and professional story-weaving skills, but it had such a profound and heavy impact on the other party.

Thinking of this, Qiu Hui couldn't help but feel a sense of guilt.

"Sure enough, it was a good idea not to reveal the author's identity," she couldn't help but think.

If she knew that the true identity of "Akirako" was actually a bad guy like me, Takamatsu would probably feel quite disillusioned. It's better not to do such a boring thing as "revealing the true identity of Santa Claus".

The tram was only two or three stops away from where I lived.

"Let's officially complete the outline after we get home," Akie decided.

Although she had not touched the keyboard since she woke up, she had already completed most of the tasks except "typing text" in her mind without realizing it.

How should I put it? This characteristic of being able to count as work no matter what is probably part of the charm of light novel authors.

Returning to her cramped one-bedroom apartment, Qiu Hui went straight to her computer desk, started up the word processing software, and began the last task she had scheduled for the day.

Since the idea has been basically completed, all that remains is simple physical work such as typing.

Soon, the complete outline appeared on the computer screen.

"The only thing left is the character's name." Qiu Hui said helplessly as she looked at the ABCDEs all over the screen.

However, it would still be possible to make batch modifications after the main text is completed.

After sending the outline directly to the editor via email, Qiu Hui couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief.

The promise I made to the editor before was finally fulfilled.

The long-lost feeling of relaxation suddenly made her feel like melting into the chair...

"...No, tomorrow is a workday and I have to go to school."

So Togawa Aie froze in her chair again.

When I looked at the time, it was already past 8:30 in the evening.

"I need to send this school uniform to the laundry. Then I need to go to the bathhouse..."

He stood up from his chair and reached for the door of the mini fridge.

Qiu Hui opened it and saw that the supplies inside were almost empty.

"Not good. I need to buy some food first. The supermarket closes at ten o'clock, as I remember..."

First I send my clothes to the laundry, then I buy some food and put it in the refrigerator; then I go to the bathhouse, take a bath, and then get my clothes back. After all this, by the time I get home, it’s probably almost time to go to bed.

“Ahh, this is so annoying! And I’ve been running around outside all day. I was supposed to clean the house over the weekend, but I didn’t get to do it!”

The originally happy mood suddenly turned into a mess.

Standing up from the chair angrily, Qiu Hui made up her mind secretly.

"...If I can get the top spot on the sales list one day! Then I will definitely hire a servant!"

She took off her school uniform and changed into casual clothes. She put the school uniform she had been wearing for two days into a bag, then carried the bag and walked out of the door in a rage.

Leaving the lobby of the high-rise apartment, a sudden cool breeze made her shiver slightly.

It's almost July, and there are still such cold nights. Qiu Hui thought while wearing thin casual clothes.

She came to the traffic light and stood there with three other people beside her.

The red light didn't seem to be turning green anytime soon. Bored, Qiu Hui turned her head slightly and observed the three people walking beside her.

It seemed to be a mother and a pair of sisters. The gentle-looking mother and sister-like child seemed to be chatting about something intimately. The elder sister was carrying a school bag, and the younger sister next to her was wearing a gorgeous dance costume. It seemed that they had just finished their respective extracurricular tutoring classes.

The competition is really fierce now. It's a day off, but I have to go to tutoring class until almost nine o'clock. Qiu Hui sighed.

My sister and mother were discussing the topic of study with great enthusiasm. My sister confidently talked about the direction of further study, while my mother encouraged her in a somewhat exaggerated manner.

The little sister ran and jumped beside them, and from time to time she made some cute and irrelevant comments in a coquettish manner.

Having said that, the universities that sister talked about were all strange schools that even Akihime had never heard of. At best, there were a few universities that could barely be called "prefectural universities."

…Can just applying to that kind of school really count as admission? Qiu Hui thought.

At least, certainly not in the eyes of my troublesome father.

She thought bitterly.

Chapter 32: Qualified Loser

Togawa Aie is the youngest daughter in the family, the third child in total, with an older sister and an older brother.

Her father remarried once, so her elder sister Togawa Haruna and Akie are half-sisters.

After graduating from the Faculty of Economics at Kyoto University, Haruna naturally went to work under a familiar professor and continued her master's studies at the graduate school.

The second brother, Natsuhiko Togawa, attended high school and college in China because of his mother, so he is not very familiar with Akiie.

The father is a senior executive of a large foreign-funded technology company, and the mother is a foreign expert in Tanegashima. In short, it is an elite family whose vision is more terrifying than their ability, and who regards "development prospects" as more important than anything else.

"…but in the end, I was born as a freak who wanted to be a light novel writer." Akie thought to herself with a hint of self-mockery, "It really makes me lose faith in genetics."

I listened in on the meaningless conversation of a strange family next to me, and before I knew it, the red light had lasted for a while.

While crossing the street carrying her clothes, Qiu Hui suddenly recalled the message her sister had sent her.

"Please contact me again when Akie-chan is in the mood to chat with me."

……Feeling?

It's impossible to have that kind of mood.

A cool breeze blew, causing Qiu Hui to shrink her neck unconsciously.

What's more, even if I want to talk, I don't know what to talk about.

There was no room for any conversation between a guy like me who had to carry my own dirty clothes to the laundry and them who had been running on the road to victory since childhood.

Even though they theoretically lived in the same family, their ideas and talents were incompatible. To put it bluntly, it was like throwing a truly ugly duck into a swan's nest.

What is the meaning of reconciliation based on this?

No matter how many nice words you say, you can't make the neck longer, the feathers whiter, the posture more graceful, or turn a duck into a swan, right?

"Can you survive on this kind of thing?" Qiu Hui remembered what her father once said.

In fact, I already knew the answer to this question.

In fact, I have never denied my father's judgment.

I have long known how ridiculous being a light novel writer is. After actually getting started, I fully realized through my own experience how bleak the future of this profession is.

Work hard to learn the knowledge that is valued by society, solidly improve your professional quality; master accurate and elegant social skills, and make full use of all factors and resources from rationality to sensibility, from yourself to others, under the premise of strictly abiding by the bottom line of morality and law. This is the most valuable life path for both individuals and society...

...I understood this vulgar but true truth from the beginning.

I understand. The whole world is on the side that my father represents.

I am not the kind of ignorant middle school boy who thinks that even if the whole world is against me, I, who am chosen by fate, will be able to crush all obstacles and easily achieve the success I want.

Yes. What I wanted to prove to him was never “I can succeed”.

I just want him to understand that I can be a "qualified loser."

Even if you are humble, even if you are stupid, even if you are forever sinking in the quagmire of bigotry and ignorance, it doesn't matter.

I can still laugh even if I fail. I just want to prove it.

Before I knew it, I had arrived at the door of the laundry shop.

I walked in and put my school uniform in. I put in coins and set the time. I watched the timer light up and the machine emit a low, high-frequency noise, like the continuous roar of a herd of animals.

But the winner’s father, mother, brothers and sisters would definitely not agree with such a boring idea.

They simply won't take seriously the perspective of a fool who is willing to send his clothes to a coin-operated laundry.

Therefore, there is no need for communication.

It's enough for them to see that I can still live happily.