Loneliness and Rock and Roll with Band Observer

Qiu Hui said to Su Shi and herself at the same time.

"Maybe I'm just used to keeping myself busy, so I can naturally ignore this confusion?"

Chapter 21 Talk Therapy

at the same time.

Outside the floor-to-ceiling window is a moonlit night. The soft-hued mood lights cast a light and floating light, making the bedroom melt into the gentle night outside the window.

Nagasaki Suyo sat on the edge of the bed, facing the floor-to-ceiling window, her long flaxen hair, which had not been carefully combed for several days, spread out casually.

She pushed aside a few strands of hair that blocked her vision and stared quietly at the small phone screen in front of her.

I didn't expect that she was not willing to waste time talking to me just to convince me to return to the band.

Realizing this fact gave Su Shi a very strange feeling.

"What do you mean by 'getting used to keeping yourself busy'?" she asked.

"Just like now."

Togawa Akeie on the other side of the screen quickly responded.

“When I talk to you, I think ‘I am helping you’; the same is true when I communicate with other people, I think ‘I am helping others’.”

"Helping others is a good thing and a meaningful thing; so if I am busy helping someone, then I don't have to care about anything else."

The message sent by Qiu Hui seemed to trigger a switch, causing Su Shi to quickly recall some past events.

Those confusions, those struggles, those specious arguments, those turning a blind eye.

“Sometimes I tell myself that everything is for CRYCHIC to be revived and for everyone to be together happily like before.”

As Su Shi replied, he felt a slight pain in his heart.

"As long as you tell yourself this, you won't think about anything else."

"That's right." Qiu Hui replied quickly, "If you're busy, you won't think too much."

"But this doesn't really solve the problem at its root. It's just a temporary anesthetic."

"Since Suyo mentioned CRYCHIC, I think you can understand it."

Su Shiqing couldn't help but nodded slightly, even though the other party couldn't see it through the screen.

“Yeah,” she responded, “That’s why I feel confused now.”

“I did a lot of meaningless things.”

"Me too," Akie replied.

Su Shi subconsciously clenched the phone in her hand.

"I'm helping others, and helping others shouldn't be meaningless. After all, other people besides me are benefiting from it."

“Perhaps that’s why I’m so passionate about helping others. ‘The meaning of my existence is to help others’, it feels unexpectedly cool to say it, isn’t it?”

"But sometimes I feel that this kind of thinking of mine may just be a kind of self-anesthetization."

Akie's replies became longer and longer.

She has always been like this, she would talk a lot when she got excited, Su Shi thought.

"..."

Su Shi did not read the message sent by Qiu Hui carefully.

Because, although Qiu Hui has been talking about herself, Su Shi always feels for some reason that the other party is describing herself intentionally or unintentionally.

Is the purpose of being passionate about helping others a way to anesthetize yourself?

This statement made her think of herself almost identically.

She also thought of what Toyokawa Shoko once said to her.

"Xiao Xiang told me that I am always thinking about myself," she replied.

After being suddenly interrupted, Qiu Hui paused for a moment and quickly replied, "Maybe, but it's not surprising."

"Are there really people in the world who don't think about themselves? Even if there are, they are probably so rare that there is no point in discussing them."

"So, if Sushi has something he wants, I think it would be better for him to boldly admit it and pursue it without any worries."

After a long pause, Qiu Hui added another sentence.

"It's better than being like me, not knowing what I want in the end, right?"

I……

I…want friends.

I want everyone to be together and have fun.

Nagasaki Suyo's body tilted to the side and lay on her bed, her body slightly curled up, her face pale in the light of the mobile phone screen.

Want a relaxed and comfortable relationship.

Want to be able to be with each other at all times.

What I want...

“I guess I did something wrong.”

Sushi replied.

"Like Akie said, I'm just anesthetizing myself."

"I thought I was helping everyone at CRYCHIC, but in reality I was just being willful and wanting to get back the feeling of being together."

"For this, I even destroyed new possibilities with my own hands."

Akie quickly interrupted Sushi's reply.

"I talked to Xiangzi about you," she typed, "She didn't really hate you."

"Are you trying to comfort me?"

"If you think that being honest about your views is a comfort, then it is."

"She should hate me now, right?" Su Shi typed with a self-destructive mentality.

"Are you asking her for something?" Akie replied half-jokingly, "You really only think about yourself. Why should Xiangzi think what you think?"

Su Shi looked at the words on the screen and couldn't help but smile.

Although it was really just a trace, as small as a small crumb that was accidentally knocked off when taking out the packaged raw noodles.

"What Akie said can't be considered wrong."

She replied with some reserve.

"Of course I can't say for sure how Xiangzi-san thinks of you now. But at this point, that kind of thing is over, right?"

Qiu Hui continued the conversation naturally.

……Right.

Su Shi nodded reluctantly.

Xiaoxiang now... doesn't want to have anything to do with me anymore.

It seems that if I continue to worry about her thoughts in a self-righteous way...

"……well."

Su Shiqing couldn't help but let out a sigh.

Then she continued to send a message: "Thank you for talking to me so much."

"You're welcome, because I feel much better too. Let's not wait too late, let's talk tomorrow if we have anything to say."

"Well, good night."

"Good night."

I turned off the phone screen, plugged in the charging cable, placed it on the bedside, and then got into bed.

Nagasaki Suyo closed her eyes. She realized that the topic they had just talked about had become a little blurry in her memory.

It was as if some force was driving her to try not to remember too many details.

When two people are together, they can talk and listen to each other, but when they are alone, for some reason, they don’t want to think about it and just want to forget it quickly.

It's as if the existence of Togawa Aie has some special magical power...if you realize her existence, you will become honest.

Su Shi, feeling her cheeks getting hot, simply buried her head in the pillow.

No, that would cause me to lack oxygen when I fall asleep...

She had to turn over again reluctantly, and then fell asleep reluctantly.

Chapter 22: What is your relationship with Aine?

And after that, Nagasaki Suyo began to think about one thing.

Do I like Qiu Hui?

She would think about this question from time to time when she woke up from the soft mattress, when she was tidying up her clothes, or when she was bored and thinking about the pictures on the TV screen.

Even now.

As she thought silently, she elegantly cut off the tender and juicy part of the beef rib bone and put it into her mouth along with the purple cabbage leaves on the plate.

"Thank you for coming today."

After she swallowed the food in her mouth, she looked at Qiu Hui in front of her with a friendly expression.

Unlike when he was in the band before, Su Shi's tone now does not have much deliberate disguise.

The other party had witnessed his most shameful and ridiculous side. In front of her, perhaps giving up resistance was the only way to retain the last bit of dignity.

The gratitude expressed in the words is also not false.

For Su Shi, who was longing for the other person's appearance for some reason, Akie's appearance itself could be considered a help.

At the same time, Qiu Hui took a sip of the non-alcoholic drink in the glass, and then put down the glass seriously.

"...I love free meals the most." She said the words in a serious tone, as if she was joking, "Besides, it just so happened that my roommate had to go out for something today. When I was thinking about how to solve the problem of lunch, Su Shi came to me, which really helped a lot."

Considering the occasion of today's meeting, Qiu Hui dressed herself up a little before going out.

This was not written by Miao Meng. She seemed to have gone out in a hurry early this morning for something.

Qiu Hui was not the kind of person who particularly liked to pry into other people's lives. So if Miao Meng didn't take the initiative to talk about it, she didn't plan to care too much about it.

However, considering that she has been playing drums very enthusiastically recently... maybe she is starting to prepare to form a band?

When I first met Miao Meng, she showed up at the agency just to discuss cooperation. Now if her career can have a new start, it can be considered as something to be happy about.

At this time, Su Shi's movements made Qiu Hui refocus her attention.

"It's me who is being helped," Su Shi insisted.

"No matter what, we can't let the person who pays the money think that he or she owes us a favor," Akie stressed. "If that happens, my worldview will collapse."

In the elegantly decorated and tranquil restaurant, the two had a conversation with subtle irony.

Today is Su Shi's treat, which can be roughly regarded as a follow-up to the conversation that took place last night, or rather this morning.

Since there happened to be no work today, Togawa Akeie, who couldn't tolerate herself being completely idle, agreed naturally.

The location was chosen by Sushi. This is a store that Sushi often comes to. The price is enough to make Qiu Hui feel mentally painful - but it is nothing to Sushi.

“Although it may be inappropriate to say this now…” Akie picked up the shrimp balls with a fork and rolled them in the crispy garlic sauce, “…but is it really necessary to come to such an expensive restaurant?”

"Do you feel unworthy of it?" Su Shi asked with a smile.

If you really feel guilty about this, I think you should do it more often, she thought quietly while secretly rejoicing.

"A little bit." Akie did not deny it.

"There's no need to think that way." Su Shi shook her head slightly. "It may sound a bit like bragging... but for me, this level of feeling is completely stress-free."

"Mom has always felt a little... guilty for being too busy with work and not having time to spend with me. Regardless of the effect, the money is her way of compensating me."