Loneliness and Rock and Roll with Band Observer

"But... I really feel like she doesn't seem to be having fun playing in a band at all right now."

"It's the same when she's with me or with everyone else. Although she's very enthusiastic and works hard, I just don't feel like she's happy."

Goto Ichiri stared at the rough calluses on his fingertips thoughtfully.

"I... don't have many friends, so I spend most of my free time practicing guitar."

"Although I sometimes dream of becoming a rock star, making a lot of money and becoming famous...but other than that, I think playing the guitar itself is something that makes me happy!"

"But Akie... her original purpose in joining the band was to work."

"She doesn't like socializing like me. But for work purposes, she's still willing to do this and that..."

Goto Ichiri stumbled more and more as she spoke, until finally, she lowered her head slightly with a look of disappointment on her face.

The next speaker was Ruomai.

"I... because I have been with her for so long and have experienced so much, I... don't know what to do."

Yutenji Wakamaki stopped talking here and did not continue.

She knew that the mess between her and Xiaoqiu was beyond her ability to sort out.

And in the end, it was finally Toyokawa Shoko's turn.

It’s a bit strange to say, but now she is perhaps the calmest person among all the people present.

She stood up directly from her seat.

"Can I talk to her?"

Although she did not give any specific methods, she seemed quite confident in herself.

"You?" Ruomai was stunned. "You're going directly? Xiaoqiu should still be resting now..."

"Then it's okay to go after she wakes up."

Xiangzi smiled and sat back in his seat.

"I can't say that I can fully understand Qiu Hui's situation. Her experience and my experience are just similar to each other."

"but."

Her eyes became firm.

“I think there must be something we can resonate with each other.”

"Because she helped me in her own way when I was at a loss and had lost all hope, and I was inspired and encouraged."

"Since she can help me who is in a similar situation, then maybe I can try to help her in return."

Chapter 52 Self-Analysis

In fact, until now Xiangzi still doesn't quite believe it.

Would Togawa Akee really collapse due to pressure?

In her heart, Qiu Hui has always maintained an image of being firm and steady, and being able to handle difficulties with ease.

She was clearly someone who had the ability to motivate me to get out of trouble and internal friction, but why did she herself fall victim to the pressure?

Perhaps, it is because I don’t know her very well, Xiangzi thought.

The relationship between her and I has always remained at the level of ordinary friends.

There has never been a very close connection, nor has there been any joint venture like a band.

So, I didn't realize the difficulties she was going through privately.

After all, she wasn't the type to share her suffering.

Maybe that's why I want her to join the new band I'm going to form.

This way, our intersection will become closer...

...I can also understand her better and we can get closer to each other.

"I can't say that I know Akie very well."

Xiangzi said to everyone.

"But, at least from what I know, my experience and hers may have a lot in common."

"If I talk to her about some things, maybe we can make some progress."

She explained.

Of course, the reason why she wanted to do this was not just limited to efficiency.

I...maybe I am also hoping that I can occupy a more important position in Qiu Hui's heart.

This was undoubtedly selfish, so she did not intend to tell these words to the other three people in front of her.

But, although she didn't intend to say it, she was not reluctant to admit it.

and.

Helping others like this and trying to guide them out of their own predicaments can make Xiangzi feel very happy.

It's like finding some fragments from the past...

...No, it's not just that.

This is not the only way I recall the past, Xiangzi thought.

Even though I am no longer as capable as I once was, I still have the ability to help others.

If I can prove this, it means that there are some things in my "self" that will not be lost as circumstances change.

"Since Qiu Hui is resting now, let's wait a little longer," she concluded.

"If Xiangzi wants to give it a try, I have no objection."

After saying that, Aine looked over, with a hint of hesitation in her eyes.

"But what are you going to talk about with Akie?" she asked.

"I'm not sure now." Xiangzi shook his head. "Perhaps, we can only rely on improvisation, right?"

……

"..."

This won't work if it continues like this.

Even though she realized that giving up thinking meant some kind of mysterious and supreme pleasure, Togawa Aie couldn't convince herself to truly enjoy it all.

If you slide from one extreme to another, it can't be said to be the right decision in any way.

The part of her rationality that was still working warned herself like this.

Whether it was the previous attitude of burning everything driven by obsessive-compulsive paranoia, or the current laziness as if the whole world has nothing to do with me...

Neither of these is feasible.

The correct solution must be somewhere.

I need to find it somehow...it's my responsibility.

Thinking of this, Togawa Akeie couldn't help but laugh out loud.

She opened her eyes and realized she was under the covers. The windows were covered with blackout curtains, and the room was just dim enough for sleeping.

Having said that, she wasn't able to really fall asleep.

Haha, it’s my responsibility…

Things are obviously so out of place, why am I still using this logic to think about the problem?

Qiu Hui simply closed her eyes again.

My throat feels a little itchy and dry. I want to cough.

After lying in bed for a long time, my body seemed to realize something. The slight soreness that had been suppressed in some way was revealed unconsciously.

This situation was familiar to her. It was probably a cold, right?

This is inevitable, Qiu Hui thought. Anyway, when Ruomai comes over next time, I might need to remind her to be careful not to get infected...

… Various, somewhat trivial thoughts flashed through my mind.

After lying in bed for a while, the wounds in my heart seemed to have begun to heal reluctantly.

These thoughts were like the tingling sensation of growing tissue around a wound, and in some ways were a symbol of recovery.

But... that's not enough.

Although I calmed down, there was still no way to solve the problem in front of me.

As for Ruomai’s matter…I still don’t know how to face it.

I don’t know how to handle the relationship between Aine and Ichiri.

How can I truly treat friends and lovers as friends and lovers rather than as tasks to be completed... I have no idea yet.

Qiu Hui closed her eyes and thought, "It's still a long way to go."

Interpersonal problems are just a small matter...worse is yet to come.

And work. That is, light novels, and a band.

In a sense, the two can be said to have a relationship in which they all prosper together and suffer together.

In other words, we must take both sides into consideration.

but……

Qiu Hui realized something.

Perhaps I have been relying on "inertia" to move forward to a large extent.

Because I know that I have to rely on work to make a living, I have been forcing myself to devote maximum energy and enthusiasm to cope with pressure from all sides.

Even "interpersonal relationships" seemed to be regarded as a booster by me.

Because I need to be responsible for my teammates, it is natural for me to put extra energy into my work.

Relying on various reasons, I maintain a high-pressure state, not daring to slack off for even a minute, relying on mental inertia to always maintain the momentum of hard work...

But now, with Ruomai's incident, my state of mind was interrupted.

Once you stop, it will be a thousand times more difficult to get back on track.

The reason is simple. It may be easier to resist sleepiness when you are in bed, but once you are in bed, it is extremely difficult to get up.

So, what should I do?

"..."

“…Huh?”

When Qiu Hui opened her eyes again, she found that there was someone beside her without her noticing.

The light blue twin ponytails tied up with a black headband, the dress that she had seen many times before, and the slightly pale round face and amber eyes.

Toyokawa Shoko was looking up and down at the computer on the table. Logically speaking, she should have seen it once at the rental house...

"You're awake."

She also noticed Qiu Hui's gaze and responded with a gentle smile.

"How about we chat for a bit?"

Chapter 53 Why did you run away from home?

Xiangzi had already drawn the curtains, and the setting sun dyed the sky orange-red while illuminating the bedroom where Qiu Hui was.

Xiangzi moved the chair in front of the computer desk, turned it around, sat on it, and looked at Qiu Hui who was lying on the bed.

"...I didn't expect you to come."

Qiu Hui sat up straight with a calm expression, stood the pillow up, and leaned on it.

"Feel sorry."