Loneliness and Rock and Roll with Band Observer

Xiangzi spoke straight to the point.

That unmade-up and slightly haggard face revealed a vivid expression full of apology.

"I... probably shouldn't have asked you to come at that time." She said, "I was already causing you trouble, but I didn't expect that you would suffer such a heavy blow because of Yutenji's matter."

Qiu Hui shook her head: "This is not Xiangzi's fault."

This wasn't just a habit of helping others shirk responsibility. Qiu Hui really believed this.

"On the contrary... In a sense, maybe I should thank you."

An inexplicable feeling of fatigue invaded Qiu Hui, so she spoke slowly and softly, appearing gentle and fragile.

"As for Ruomai's situation, I...will know it one day."

"Being exposed in this form may not be the worst possibility."

Akie said with a somewhat forced smile.

Xiangzi picked up the cup of water he had brought from the table and handed it to Qiu Hui.

"Would you like to drink something first?"

"Um."

Qiu Hui nodded, reached out and took the cup of water from Xiangzi.

The other person's fingers were very slender and soft, but the skin was a little dry and rough. Maybe it had been a while since I had taken good care of it.

"Recently... Aki'e's complexion has actually improved a lot." Xiangzi said with a slightly red face, "It seems that she has also learned to dress herself up a little... I thought that your life should be quite easy and comfortable now."

"Those were actually done by Wakamai."

After Qiu Hui drank all the water in the cup, she casually placed the cup on the bedside table.

"I don't have the leisure time for that kind of thing myself," she said lightly.

"Is it because of work pressure?" Xiangzi asked, following up on the topic.

There was obvious concern in her tone.

"Yeah." Qiu Hui just nodded and didn't want to say anything more.

She looks normal now, but she knows that it is only because she has a chance to survive that the function of maintaining a decent posture has temporarily resumed normal operation.

The real problem is still there and has never been solved.

As for Toyokawa Shoko, she placed her hands neatly on her thighs, with a thoughtful look on her face.

She wanted to speak several times, but swallowed the words back.

"Is there something you want to say but don't know whether you should say it?" Even Qiu Hui noticed this abnormality, so she took the initiative to ask.

"There is one thing I'm really curious about...but I don't know whether I should ask." Xiangzi sighed.

Her fingers unconsciously intertwined and pressed against the skirt covering her legs.

"Everyone told me about you. You... chose to run away because you had a conflict with your family, right?" She brought up the topic carefully.

This matter is probably a very sensitive topic for Qiu Hui.

Maybe I should proceed with caution, test the other party's reaction first, and then decide whether to discuss it in detail, she thought.

When she was in junior high school, Shoko Toyokawa probably wouldn't have thought so much.

She would pick up the notebook she found and read it, and if she thought it was the lyrics of the song, she would express her admiration to herself.

Since he thought Deng was a genius lyricist, he hoped that she could join his band and sing the songs he wrote.

As long as they think of it, they will do it without considering the consequences, or they are filled with absolute confidence that they can easily deal with any consequences.

Such a Shoko Toyokawa naturally no longer exists.

However, some things still remain.

"I...actually, it was my own choice to part ways with the family." Xiangzi suddenly revealed a very crucial piece of information.

Just as Xiangzi could empathize with the lyrics of the song "Deng" back then.

Now, Shoko can also try to understand Togawa Aie's feelings.

"I can't go into detail about the specifics. However, I have reasons that are strong enough to convince myself that I must do whatever it takes to persevere."

She looked directly into Akie's eyes.

"The question I want to ask is, is Akiie like this too?"

"Did Akie also choose to break up with her family for some unshakable reasons?"

Shoko, who asked the question, was cautious, while Akie, who was being asked, remained silent.

She was thinking.

My reasons...

Even I know that reason is untenable.

"I don't have that kind of solid reason." Akie shook her head.

"Maybe I'm just... running away."

Qiu Hui reached out her hand, covered her cheek and wiped it hard.

I work hard and make friends hard, hoping that these things can fill the real void in my heart.

"In order to avoid one torture, one replaces it with another."

"I've exhausted myself physically and mentally...but I haven't made any real progress at all."

Togawa Akie closed her eyes and lay back.

"So, what is it that Akiie is running away from?"

After hesitating for a moment, Xiangzi still asked.

"I want to escape from something. I think this is a solid enough reason."

She asked, but Akie didn't seem to be willing to answer.

Qiu Hui just closed her eyes and shook her head gently.

It was as if he was resisting thinking about the matter itself.

Xiangzi realized that something was wrong and decided not to ask any further questions.

“If you put it that way… it’s really strange.”

She suddenly felt something and let out a sigh.

"As for me, I think I have made up my mind."

"And Akie still doesn't even feel clear about the reasons for her actions."

"In the end, it was you who helped me, encouraged me, and helped me get out of the dark days after I was forced to make a choice..."

Qiu Hui opened her eyes.

"What did you say?" She looked confused.

"I mean, from the time we met by chance at the convenience store until now, Akie has really, really helped me a lot." Xiangzi smiled and shook his head, "Although you may not realize it at all."

"...I did help you." Akie nodded doubtfully, "But, those were just small things that could be done with just a little effort, right?"

She was indeed puzzled by this.

“After we decided to form a band, you always invited me and asked for my advice,” she said, “as if I could really help…”

“It’s true!”

Toyokawa Shoko shouted excitedly, standing up suddenly from her chair.

“…Sorry, that’s rude.”

She quickly sat back in her seat, looking apologetic.

"But, Akie's existence is...really important to me."

Chapter 54: The Dream of Equivalent Exchange

He said some slightly corny lines.

Xiangzi felt uneasy because of this.

She unconsciously squeezed her legs together and put her hands in front of her. She lowered her head slightly, but her eyes met Akie's directly.

"It was probably after we first met in the coffee shop... From that time on, I felt that you might be one of the few people like me that I could find at that time."

"It's normal that you don't know how you helped me."

"Because, just the fact that I was aware of your existence has a special meaning to me."

Really, the more I talk about it, the more corny it feels...

But even so, you still have to muster up the courage to speak out.

Xiangzi firmly and calmly expressed his thoughts to Qiu Hui.

If it is important, you must say it.

"...There's no need to be so exaggerated, right?" Qiu Hui seemed unable to accept this statement.

"I don't think this is an exaggeration." Xiangzi shook his head slowly.

Her expression was more serious than ever, as if she wanted to mobilize every muscle and every pore to serve as evidence of the sincerity and reliability of her words.

"Due to family changes, my father and I left the family."

"If I stay, I will have to face extremely harsh restrictions...so my only choice is to leave with my father."

Xiangzi sighed.

"My father is in a state of collapse, so I have to find ways to solve many problems on my own. But, after all, I am just a student who knows nothing about the world. It is a bit difficult to support myself..."

"But, Akie, your existence, in a sense, was like an anchor for me at that time," she said with a smile.

Calling them “companions” may not be appropriate, but calling them “role models” seems too exaggerated.

But your existence is like a reference point outside of myself to me.

In the endless darkness, by referring to your position, you can roughly understand where you are and where you should go.

Even if there is no real help, just being aware of the other person's existence is enough to give me enough strength and make me realize many things.

"Do you...really think so?"

Qiu Hui spoke in a somewhat dazed tone, as if she were talking to herself.

She seemed to find no evidence in her own experience to support this assertion.

“Perhaps I cannot comprehend this idea.”

She shook her head.

"I think... a healthy relationship should be based on equal exchange."

It would be a bit presumptuous to say this now. After all, my current condition is by no means "healthy".

However, since this is what I think, I can only express my thoughts truthfully.

So, Akie continued, "How should I explain it... the value I gave was equal to the value I received."

"As much as you give, so much you will receive in return."

"I haven't done anything worth mentioning for you..."

She looked away somewhat shyly.

"I don't know how to understand when you suddenly say something like this to me."

A subtle sense of disharmony emerged in Qiu Hui's heart.

How should I put it... This has actually happened before.

Take Pochi for example. What exactly is the reason for her love for me?

As a fellow band member, why her and not anyone else in the band, and why did she choose me?