Loneliness and Rock and Roll with Band Observer

She realized one thing now. Someone else was also longing for what she longed for.

Some things, perhaps, really don't need to be so complicated...

……

So something happened.

Perhaps it should have been done earlier.

Perhaps, if there hadn't been some complications, these things should have happened years ago.

The bad news is, there are no ifs.

The good news is that, although it may be several years late, what is coming has finally come.

"...Akira-chan."

Yutenji Wakamugi put the quilt over herself.

Outside the window, the night had just fallen, and it was still some time before the usual lights-out time for the two of them.

"What's wrong?" Qiu Hui asked.

"Um... you, the last time was with..."

Ruomai hesitated to speak and just let out a long sigh.

“… Never mind. I can probably guess who it is.”

She lay back on the bed, with resentment in her eyes that seemed to be real.

"I... really didn't expect that this time it was... Xiaoqiu who took the initiative." She said to herself.

"Yeah," Akie responded, "I didn't expect that either."

She closed her eyes and took a long breath to get rid of the remaining fatigue.

Ruomai looked more surprised than happy. Maybe it was a bit hasty and sloppy...

"Hey, Xiaoqiu."

Qiu Hui turned her head and looked into Ruomai's eyes as she lay on the bed.

"Sorry. I might..." Akie couldn't help but speak out of instinct.

"Don't apologize." Ruomai frowned helplessly, "It's hard to change your nature."

But after a moment of silence, she smiled from the bottom of her heart.

"...I am very happy, for myself and for Xiaoqiu."

Qiu Hui nodded without saying a word.

Because now her heart is full of things that cannot be expressed in words.

Chapter 59 Tomorrow Will Be Better

A long time passed, a period of time that was unknown how long.

"I said so."

Qiu Hui stared at the ceiling and asked.

"How long...are we going to lie in this bed?"

"...I don't know." Ruomai replied, "How about you get up first?"

"Why don't you get up first?" Qiu Hui asked back.

"Because... it feels weird."

Ruomai also stared at the ceiling, as if the two of them were sitting or lying on the grass looking at the stars.

Intense emotional expression had already taken place in the previous period, and now even the aftertaste had almost dissipated.

Therefore, the two of them almost simultaneously entered the so-called sage time, that is, they began to think about some random serious issues.

"I'm actually a little uncomfortable with this." Ruomai stared blankly, "When I thought about Xiaoqiu actually...actually accepting me, I felt like I was dreaming."

She stretched out a hand and placed it on Akie's cheek, as if to confirm whether the touch was real and alive.

“How should I put it… Maybe I’ve gotten used to the feeling of being excluded, so now I don’t know what to do.”

"I'm not saying this because I don't like Xiao Qiu, but rather because I like her too much... so I don't know what to do."

Qiu Hui listened to her speech in silence.

Ruomai should know about the situation between me and Aine.

Qiu Hui wanted to ask about this matter, but felt that it was a bit inappropriate, so she could only keep silent for the time being.

However, although she didn't say it now, she knew in her heart that this issue would be on the agenda one day.

Aine and Ichiri, now Ruomai is added. If the number of targets increases to three, the problems that need to be dealt with will increase exponentially...

However, now is not the time to think about this kind of question.

So, Qiu Hui turned her attention back to Ruomai beside her.

"During this period of time, I really have been thinking about Xiao Qiu almost all the time." She continued, "Especially since the day we met in the office building..."

"…What is Xiaoqiu doing now? What should I do next? How can I resolve the situation? What should I do if the relationship breaks down completely? Since then, I have been thinking about these questions almost every day."

Hearing this, Qiu Hui held Ruomai's hand that was covering her face.

"I'm glad you care about me so much," she responded, "but...from my point of view, I hope you don't put all your energy on other people."

Taking care of yourself in the right way is truly beneficial to your physical and mental health. For Qiu Hui, who has been struggling for so long, this is her most personal experience.

"I won't do that." Ruomai sighed, "I also know that this is not good... For example, now. After Xiaoqiu really accepted me, I felt a little empty for some reason, as if something was missing..."

There was a hint of obvious uneasiness in her expression. She cast a longing look at Qiu Hui, as if seeking some kind of help.

"I feel the same way, actually." Akie said seriously, "It has been like this for a while. Because..."

She paused for a moment, as if gathering strength for the long speech that followed.

"The so-called 'desire' is actually a kind of traumatic 'desire-not-getting' pleasure between the satisfaction of basic needs and absolute enjoyment. Compared with simple satisfaction, the process of not being satisfied is closer to the reproduction of desire..."

As she was talking, Qiu Hui suddenly felt a black screen before her eyes. It seemed that her strange old illness had recurred.

“…What am I talking about? Don’t mind me. What I want to say is that the feeling of ‘not being able to get what you want’ is sometimes a stronger enjoyment than ‘getting’ it.”

Ruomai looked at Qiu Hui as if he understood something, and waited quietly for her to continue.

Although she didn't understand what Qiu Hui meant, she could feel that she must be saying something very important.

"Like I told you before..." Qiu Hui sighed, "...I have always been accustomed to self-deprecation, and accustomed to subconsciously regarding myself as an image that is not recognized and lacks the love of others."

"I did this because of this factor... I was actually craving that feeling of 'wanting but not getting'."

It seems that they are accepting torture and making sacrifices, but in fact they are reproducing their desires over and over again.

"…Maybe Wakamai feels the same way." Akie concluded, "Perhaps, you are also unknowingly enjoying a certain… uh, feeling that you long for from me?"

"I still don't quite understand." Ruomai admitted, "Since Xiaoqiu said so, then maybe it is true."

After saying that, she came closer with a smile, then generously embraced Qiu Hui in her arms.

"But, that kind of thing is fine anyway."

She closed her eyes and said intoxicatedly.

"Xiao Qiu is here now, and that's the most important thing for me."

"Um."

Qiu Hui responded with empathy.

"I'm here now. That's the most important thing to me."

……

In the dead of night.

No one knows what will happen tomorrow.

The problems before us cannot be solved unless we make efforts.

Togawa Akie sat on the bed, staring at the phone screen in silence.

The editor was asking about the progress of volume 3. The deadline was getting closer, but she had no idea what to do.

Looking at the calendar again, it seems that the new semester is about to start.

Summer vacation is coming to an end soon...

Qiu Hui shook her head helplessly. Although she was nominally on summer vacation, her workload was no less than that of the previous semester.

Seeing that the new semester was about to start, she could not give up on her studies like Ruomai did, so she had to put some effort into it.

This means that the workload will become even greater.

I...what should I do?

It is impossible to continue working on three fronts at the same time: writing, band, and studies.

Forcing yourself to go beyond your limits is not feasible in principle.

Qiu Hui knew very well that although she seemed to be fine now, that was only because she had temporarily blocked out all external pressure.

If we were to go back to the previous state, perhaps a similar collapse would happen again.

We have to find another way.

But...so what?

Qiu Hui put her phone back on the bedside table to charge, then turned off the light and slid into bed.

There is always a way.

Chapter 60: One Infects Two

"..."

open one's eyes.

After a good night's sleep, you should feel refreshed both physically and mentally.

But why...

"I feel so heavy..."

Togawa Akie struggled to open her eyes.

“Ah… cough, cough, cough!”

There was a loud cough.

“Ahem… ugh, ugh…”

Then there was a sharp pain in the throat.

“Not good…”

It turns out that Akie's premonition was reliable, but she is not happy about it at all.

A few days ago, she had already felt her throat was a little dry and itchy. According to her past experience, this was generally a sign of a cold.

And now, when her consciousness completely woke up from her sleep, she had a feeling... as if a razor blade was accidentally stuck in her throat.

The symptoms of a cold outbreak arrived as expected.

So Qiu Hui remained silent. She had to remain silent.

The pain, not sure whether it was a cutting or burning sensation, made her purse her lips tightly, not wanting to make even the slightest sound.

Of course, other parts of my body were not much better except my throat. My limbs felt like they were melting and weak, as if the gravity of the earth had increased several times overnight.

"Well……"

Qiu Hui tried to open her mouth, but the burning pain in her throat soon made the sound she made unconsciously distorted.

It's like there are zombies howling in my ears...