Beidiao Workplace Illustrated Book

Chapter 319 Spring 2022 (2)
After the new year is over, after returning to BJ, I suddenly feel lost and homesick
Today is the first working day after the Spring Festival. After getting off work at [-]:[-] p.m., the moment I walked out of the main gate of Wangjing Science and Technology Park, I felt a little sad when I saw the colorful night scene.Thinking about a few days ago, at this point in time, I should be staying in a gentle hometown, enjoying the warmth of a family reunion, but now, I am a stranger in a foreign land alone, and I feel a little sad in my heart.

Enter the subway from Donghuqu Station of Metro Line 14, sit for nearly half an hour, then transfer to Line 7 from Jiulongshan Station, get off at Happy Valley Station after a few stops, stroll back to the residence in BJ, along the way Feeling depressed again, I went back to the room without turning on the lights, and sat on the chair in front of the desk, looking at the lights of thousands of houses outside the dark window, not far away, there were colorful lights on the window sill of another building , My heart was suddenly broken. If it was a few years ago, I would definitely cry and cry, but now I am extremely strong. Even if I feel sad, I have learned to control my emotions and stay calm.

Yesterday morning, I drove back to BJ from home. When I walked back to the house from the gate of the yard, I saw my mother lighting firecrackers in front of the car. Since I have my own car after the Spring Festival in 2018, I drive back from home every Spring Festival. BJ, the old man always lit a firecracker to see me off, until later, I saw the old man off once, and I never saw the old man again.But now, my mother still remembers and continues this custom. She secretly set off a string of firecrackers for me, and then helped me carry my luggage to the car. When I moved the last piece of luggage to the car, I saw the burnt paper money on the front of the car. ash.

The custom in the village is that after the Spring Festival, family members drive far away to light firecrackers and burn paper money, implying gods from all directions, bless the driver to be safe and prosperous, and make money.

I stayed at home for ten days during the Spring Festival, and I feel that this year has been muddled. In the age of media, the Spring Festival Gala can be watched live on mobile phone video accounts, but the only sketch program that can attract me, I don’t think it has the slightest sense of humor, as a netizen commented : I just want to laugh, not to be educated.But in today's Spring Festival Gala, various programs seem to prefer to explain the truth to people and educate the public, and there is no sense of humor and humor at all.

The Spring Festival Gala is an important part of the Spring Festival, but now, it is boring.

I used to watch the TV until 12 o'clock at night, watch the New Year's Eve, and watch all the programs on the Spring Festival Gala, but now, I don't even have the desire to laugh when I glance at it. Whether it's Shen Teng or Jia Ling, whether it's Jia Ling Bing is still Jiang Kun. Compared with a few years ago, their Spring Festival Gala program can no longer make me laugh out loud.

As you grow older, you will find that there are fewer and fewer people and things in this world that can make you truly happy.

Under the strong request of my mother, I started to pay New Year's greetings from house to house. Wherever they went, they would all raise a common topic: Why are you still not married?You are so old!You need to get married and have kids.

I'm so embarrassed, I really want to reply: I don't care if I get married or not, your mother's business!
Especially the neighbor, who came to my house on the night of the first day of the first lunar month, and the first thing he said when he entered the door was: Haifeng, you are not married yet, you are already 31.

If killing someone is not against the law, I really want to rush into the kitchen, pick up a knife, and chop off the shit.

Don't chat if you don't know how to chat, don't talk if you have a low EQ, hide a knife in your smile all day long, run the train with your mouth full, talk nonsense with your eyes open, sincerely disgusting people, it's not too much to cause trouble for people on New Year's Eve, and it's not too much to kill this shitty person.

I went to an uncle’s house on the fifth day of the first lunar month. The uncle and others were not at home, only my aunt was at home. I sat in the room with my aunt and chatted awkwardly for half an hour.

During the ten-day Spring Festival holiday, I felt that I was wasting my time and wasting a good time. If I was alone, I would read, write, and exercise, but when I got home, I couldn’t help myself.

The year before last, all the villages in the entire county installed natural gas for heating in winter. The thousands of years of rural Hebei Province in China have bid farewell to the history of coal fire heating in winter. This is the progress of the times and the well-being of farmers. My mother said that although natural gas is Heating costs a little more than burning coal fires, but the house can be heated 24 hours a day, and it is clean, so there is no need to light the stove or clean the coal fires.

It's a pity that the old man didn't wait for that day. When winter comes, he always shouts that the house is cold like me.

This year I slept on a big kang, and my mother adjusted the fireplace to over 50 degrees at night. When I woke up in the morning, my nose was no longer cold.

But it is precisely because of the gas pipes exposed outside the wall that for safety reasons, there is a document on it that prohibits fireworks and firecrackers during the Spring Festival, and prohibits the "roasted malt bonfire party" on the night of the New Year's Eve. From the morning to the evening of the first day of the new year, large and small police cars were dispatched all over the city, wandering around every village, whoever dared to set off firecrackers would be detained first.

The Spring Festival without firecrackers is much quieter, safer, and more environmentally friendly, but the taste of the year seems to be gone.

Quiet and deserted, just like Li Qingzhao standing on the pavilion and looking into the distance: miserable and miserable.

In a flash, the year was over, and I didn't even hear a cannon.

Going north along the Rongwu Expressway, I felt finally liberated. After returning to BJ’s residence, I took a shower, washed clothes, and had a good night’s sleep. When I was at home, I was eager to return to BJ. Walking out of the company, returning to the residence in BJ alone, walking into the room alone, but suddenly lost, suddenly wronged, and suddenly homesick.

Maybe, I should really start a family.

The day before I went home for the Spring Festival, I packed up my luggage, clothes, big and small, and brought home a lot of old clothes that I didn’t wear. I brought home the daily necessities I bought before. The moment I got into the car and packed my things, I realized that in the past year, I bought so many things and spent or wasted a lot of money. Thinking about the years when I first came to BJ, the frugal self , has long since ceased to exist, and the annual living expenses are 13 yuan. A few years ago, I could not even earn so much money.

The world is always changing, and everyone is changing, and I seem to not even recognize myself.

During the Chinese New Year, my mother nags me, you have to start a family, you have to be under pressure, and with the pressure of the family, you will work harder, otherwise, you always feel that one person is full and the whole family is not hungry.I have no power to refute my mother's words, because I feel guilty, so I have no right to refute, thinking that she has worked hard for most of her life, and she is over 50 years old, and she still can't see me marrying a wife and having children. I work hard.

I know that perhaps the most sorry person in my life is my mother.

But I can't get married for the sake of my mother, for the sake of marriage. Since ancient times, loyalty and filial piety can't be both, but now, realizing dreams and being filial to parents can't be both.My mother hopes that starting a family can put pressure on me, but what she doesn't know is that the pressure I have now cannot be given by anyone, not by those outside relatives who urge me to marry, because I don't care about them, and I don't care about what those insignificant people say So they can’t give me the slightest pressure, but my mother is the closest person to me, I care about her, and I want to do my best to meet her requirements and wishes, to make her truly happy, to make her Enjoy your old age.

But now, I am really powerless.

It was precisely because of my weakness that I felt pressure at that moment. This pressure, more pressure on myself from the depths of my heart, was a weight I added to myself, because the things I like are very Expensive, so, I want to work hard to make money, work hard to make money.Because the places I want to go are far away, so I want to work hard to take a longer and farther road.Because the people I love are all perfect, so I want to try my best to make myself a perfect person first, so that I will not disappoint the perfect person.

I have always been tense and kept working hard, so that only at the age of 30, relying on my own strength, I started from the grassroots, and only then did I gain something in the vast big BJ. Changed and grown.

But now, all of these seem to be unable to change the status quo, and cannot change the deep-rooted thinking of my mother and millions of people, even my own heart. They will only ask you whether you are married or whether you have a family.But who will really care about you?And who knows if you're tired after a hard day's work?Walking back to your residence alone in the vast night, at that moment, are you alone?
I think this kind of days should be coming to an end, because even if I have the courage and strength of ten thousand men, it is impossible for me to die alone.Because I yearn for home and love more than anyone else in my heart, so I will work hard to go where my heart desires.Because in the eighth year of Beidiao, I have had enough of this kind of life alone, this kind of life without life, and I want to start a new, real life.

In at most three years, I will be reborn, as everyone wishes, as I wish.

The beginning of spring has just passed, and after the beginning of spring is spring. Everything is recovering. I also have many things, many dreams, and many changes waiting to be realized one by one. I still want to like expensive things, I still want to go far away, and I still want to love perfect people , still have to be positive and optimistic, and still have to make yourself better.

I was reading Schopenhauer's book "Thinking of a Pessimist" recently. Schopenhauer said that life is meaningless, life is a mass of desires, between boredom and pain, life is like a pendulum, swinging every day Between boredom and pain, the driving force is desire.

2022, the new year, for a better future and tomorrow, may wish to have more desires, more dreams, continue to struggle in pain, when the dream is between the border of boredom, then set up a new dream for yourself, continue to struggle in the next In a state of pain, because only in this way can one be reborn in Nirvana and meet new self constantly.

Liu Haifeng

Tuesday, December 2022, 2
(End of this chapter)