Beidiao Workplace Illustrated Book

Chapter 320 Spring 2022 (3)
Today, I am 30 years old
After eating this cake and drinking this glass of wine, I will be 30 years old.

The ancients said that standing at thirty, I don't know what this standing represents?Set up a family?Start a business?Liren?But now, I have neither.

Today, at the age of 30, I am glad that my family and friends are still thinking about my birthday, and there are people who bought cakes for me. The 30th birthday will be recorded in my future memory. No matter how long the years pass, I will always remember it in my heart.

On March 1992, 3, the 3th day of the first lunar month, I was born.Now that I have lived for 29 years, I have had glory, loneliness, splendor, and decadence, but in the recent period of time, I have not been happy and unsatisfactory. I began to deny myself in my thirties .

I seldom deny myself, and I never deny myself. I am born with pride and disdain, arrogance and self-confidence. My mother often suppresses me and asks me to keep a low profile. Some friends are often serious or joking. Tell me: where do you get your confidence?
I never took the words of my mother and friends to heart. Over the past 30 years, I still face the ups and downs of this world with the attitude of going out and laughing. How could I be a Penghao person?

But in the past few days, I often think about it. In fact, no matter how I look at it, I am inferior to others.

BJ is a city that gathers top talents. It is precisely because I have met so many excellent people around me in these years that I gradually realize how insignificant I am. It is also because I have many dreams in my heart, and these dreams are in the past few years. During the past year, I didn't fully bloom, so I was frustrated again and again, and I began to doubt myself, and many of my previous ideas began to waver.Because there are hills and valleys in my heart, but I have not seen mountains so far, so I began to feel unconfident.

Compared with before, no matter how busy I am at work, no matter how much the company or the leader entrusts me with heavy responsibilities, I will not have the slightest pressure, and I will be able to do a job with ease. I have never experienced the so-called pressure from my colleagues, but at the age of 30 Today, for the first time, I feel the pressure brought by my dream. Today, I still have no ambitions, so I feel a little sad in my heart.

I have always advertised myself with hard work, but I don’t know that in many aspects, even if you work hard, compared with others, you have already lost at the starting line.

In the past few years, with the improvement of my work, the colleagues around me have become more and more excellent. I have fought side by side with undergraduates and master students of Peking University, and have worked with many master students. I feel that my education is not as good as others, so I want to take a 211 master's degree after working for many years. When I was already on the road of postgraduate entrance examination, I realized that I still lacked a lot in cultural courses. Now I am working hard to take the postgraduate entrance examination, but compared with others, I have already lost at the starting line. Others are born smarter and harder than you. A few years ago, I completed the transformation of the master's degree.

Even if you try harder, even if you study harder, you are half a beat behind others.

I have been clamoring to lose weight. Starting from February 2021, I have been running and exercising every day, but the fat accumulated on my body over the past few years is difficult to consume in a short time. Those other people's fit figures are so promising in my opinion Impossible, it has been a year since I lost weight, but my figure is still unsatisfactory.

No matter how hard you try, you don’t know that people are born with a good figure, have good eating habits, work and rest habits, no matter how much you eat, you won’t gain weight. If you try hard to lose weight, you can’t achieve the results of others, and you are half a beat behind others .

In fact, I have always longed for a life, a life that can realize my dreams and ambitions. Since October 2020, I have been tired of work and life in the workplace, and I always want to create an ideal life to break the original life, so I quit my job and went to XZ, hoping that would start a life.

A few months ago, every time I lay on the bed before going to bed, the room was surprisingly quiet, and the surroundings seemed to be asleep. I closed my eyes, and my thoughts and soul went out of my body in an instant. Driving a Volkswagen Polo car, walking on National Highway 318 and Duku Highway, looking at the sacred mountains and holy water, the snow-capped peaks, the endless grasslands, and the Tiffany blue lake water, it is the emptiness and joy of the soul. self redemption.

Those days of traveling alone made me nostalgic again. I had imagined countless times that when I returned to BJ from XZ, my life would change drastically.

But I was wrong. I spent two months traveling all over the Northwest and XZ, but when I came back, I found that I had to return to a job, because this job can make me earn money. With a decent salary, I can have a sense of security in life. In the final analysis, for money, I had to live a working life in the workplace that I hated before. At that moment, I was discouraged, and I suffered the blow I brought to myself.

I thought that when I came back from XZ, my world would change, my life would change, but no, nothing, I let go of some people and some feelings, after returning to BJ from XZ, I still want to Before I started, I went to work step by step, and in order to survive in BJ, I was doing a job that I was familiar with. I was disappointed, depressed, and felt that I had lied to myself. Because my expectations were too high, I was very disappointed. After going around , life still hasn't changed.

Others said to me: Liu Haifeng, you are too lofty, so you feel that no one in this world understands you, so you are out of tune with this world, so you have no requirements for material things, and no pursuit of fame and fortune.Yes, what others said is too true, so a person who is self-confident in his heart is living the life that the world is living, chasing the material that the world is chasing, how painful should he be?
I don't like who I am now, don't like my current job, and don't like my current life, but the root of all this is that I don't like who I am now, the ideal world in my heart is far away, never touched, day after day Daily life does not bring me any sense of accomplishment.

Without a sense of accomplishment, there will be no sense of joy, without a sense of joy, there will be no sense of motivation, without a sense of motivation, there will be no patience and persistence, and without patience and persistence, nothing will be accomplished.

And what this world can really bring you a sense of accomplishment is your job. You can have no love, no dreams, and no extravagant expectations you want, but you must have a job, and you must love this job enough. Because of love, you will devote yourself, because of dedication, you will achieve achievements and be full of energy. Recently, I often think about myself, who just graduated in June 2015. I just entered the society at that time, and I am full of fighting spirit for work. , especially in 6 and 2017, the years at HKUST Xunfei were extremely busy and fulfilling, getting up in the early morning, going home late at night, and running around for more than ten hours a day, still full of fighting spirit. In 2018, in the days of TAL, I traveled on business every day, went to three or four cities a day, traveled half of China, and worked on nearly 2019 million projects. In 3, at Cheetah Mobile and stationed in JDZ for more than half a year, I led 2020 tens of millions of projects and completed the huge challenges in my work.

But at that time, I felt busy, I felt that I didn’t have time for myself, I felt that the pace of work was too fast, and I felt a lot of unhappiness in my heart. But now that I think about it, those three days of the craziest work, overtime, and staying up until 2 o’clock in the morning are the craziest days. The most fulfilling and the most fulfilling. All of these senses of accomplishment come from work, dedication, and learning and growth.

I no longer have the busy and fulfilling sense of work from 2017 to 2020. From the beginning of 2021 to the present, it has been a whole year. It can be said that I have been idle for a year. During this year, I have worked in two companies, but these jobs gave me no sense of accomplishment. It is precisely because I have no sense of accomplishment that I don’t feel that work can enable me to realize my own value and create value for myself and the company. unhappy.

Because I don't like dog-fly camps, I don't like fishing in troubled waters, and I don't like wasting my time, so I am eager to gain and achieve something in my work every day. However, during this year, I have been living step by step and have nothing to do. Every night after work, when I walk out of the company, I will sigh in my heart, feeling that I have wasted another good day.

The work is not satisfactory, the dream is difficult, and there are thousands of words in my heart, but no one can tell, because I always feel that no one in this world can really understand you.

You have been looking for someone who can understand yourself. For 30 years, people around you come and go. In fact, there are many people who understand you, want to walk into you, and can walk into you.It's just that before the age of 30, I still had a picky face and didn't know how to cherish and be grateful, which made me miss many people, many things, and many friends and colleagues who could have made close friends. In fact, they were not wrong. You are honest with each other, but you always cover yourself tightly, calculate the success or failure in life, never open your heart to be kind to others, you have no sense of security, no sense of responsibility, from beginning to end.The past that passed away was actually your fault.

Someone will do what you wish, after reading all the stories you wrote, your official account, your novels, your prose, and after reading your words, they will say to you: Your words are so sincere, your thoughts are so delicate, and your emotions So fragile, so kind-hearted, but you have also been hurt, I feel so sorry for you when I look at you.

How touched you were at that moment, there is no shortage of people who really understand and love you in this world, but a lack of your heart to understand and love others.

In the future, you can no longer treat yourself as a child. You should be a little more responsible, a little more open-minded, with the mission you have given yourself, and work hard to complete the tasks you set for yourself. At the age of 30, although it seems that nothing has been achieved, it seems that you have not yet accomplished anything. If you can reach your ideal height, then simply give yourself a sense of ritual tonight, stare at the candle, close your eyes, make a good wish, wait until you finish eating the 30th birthday cake, blow out the colorful candles, and drink up the cup Drink some wine, then smile, continue to embrace a brand new day, embrace the 30-year-old self, and embrace this world worthy of our love.

You have to remember that in the days to come, you must live up to yourself, time, and the rising sun every day!

Liu Haifeng

Tuesday, March 2022, 3 Lunar New Year 1

Yu BJ
(End of this chapter)