Beidiao Workplace Illustrated Book

Chapter 329 Autumn 2022 (3)

In BJ, have you been laid flat and rotten?

At this time, I was sitting on the bed of a hotel next to the Xiangjiang River in the financial center of Changsha. The hotel was on the 32nd floor. Looking out, I could overlook the entire Xiangjiang River and the surrounding banks.The so-called splendor and prosperity of the city is nothing more than this.

It has been a whole week since the business trip to Hunan last Sunday.

At eight o'clock in the morning, I was awakened by a nightmare. After waking up, I found myself lying on the hotel bed alone. I closed my eyes again. The 3D and 32D space of my thinking was opened, and my soul flew out of the room and into the sky.I seemed to see myself curled up in a room in a hotel building on the [-]nd floor.Compared with the vast world and the vast universe, human beings are so small and insignificant.

I felt sad and sad in my heart, and two lines of tears overflowed. The dream just made me feel extremely guilty, and I still have lingering fears.

The day before yesterday, I was chatting in the WeChat group at home. I was walking on the head of Orange Island, looking at the statues of great men, looking at the orange trees, taking pictures of the island’s scenery, and sending the photos to the WeChat group.My mother and sister chatted with me very happily.Then my mother hit the iron while the iron was hot and hurriedly urged me to get married and have children. Her biggest wish now is to hope that at the age of 30, I can start a family and start a business as soon as possible.

I have long been numb to my mother's urging, and I still carelessly cope with my mother's inner desire.He said insincere words in a joke, but unintentionally angered his mother.My mother was furious, and finally cursed: Don't take my words seriously, you still have a family when I'm alive, and you won't even have a family when I die.

It was the first time in the two years since my father left that my mother was angry about my marriage.

Two years ago, my father urged me to get married and have children, and he also quarreled with me in the WeChat group at home.Since that quarrel, my father and I have been in a cold war.One month later, my father passed away unexpectedly. He left this world in a hurry without even giving me a chance to apologize to him, so that for a long time afterwards, my heart fell into infinite remorse Regret and self-blame.

And last night, my mother took the initiative to greet me in the WeChat group, asking me how I was on a business trip?When are you going back to BJ?Is the epidemic in Changsha serious?Ask me to take care of myself.

For a moment, I panicked. My mother is a woman who never admits defeat, but in front of me and my sister, she does not fight or grab, and is as gentle as water.

Then, I had the dream this morning. In the dream, I was arguing with my mother. She was angry and desperate, and she wanted to do something stupid. I cried and ran to my mother, and then woke up.

I am a person who has always pursued spiritual freedom, and I can't bear the slightest shackles in my mind.I always feel that I am still young, never willing to define myself easily.But in real life, I have to accept the various definitions given to me by the world. In the village where I grew up, they gave me the definition that you should get married and have children when you are 30 years old, but I have always hated this kind of worldly view To discuss my pursuit of real life, so that in the end I have hostility and antagonism with those who love me.Let me fall into infinite entanglements and contradictions while trying to compromise and persist, and then it became a vicious circle, so that I even lost myself, my soul escaped from the body from the high sky, ran to the vast starry sky, and was far away from my body. Farther and farther away, even the last earth has become a point where blue and white meet.

I used to hate those people who pretended to be flat and rotten, but now, I seem to be living the way I hate. The transition in between is actually just two or three months.

Three months ago, I suffered setbacks at work, the postgraduate entrance examination and study fell into a bottleneck, the newly bought building was not smooth, and my passion for work fell into a trough.

The self who has always been proud and arrogant began to become depressed, and all previous plans and fighting spirit for the future were completely disrupted.The pendulum of life swings back and forth between boredom and pain, and the motivation of desire is slow and fast.You are unwilling to give up the existing material life, coveting the existing enjoyment and the status quo, but you cannot completely let go of your inner pursuit. In fact, greed and hesitation are the fundamental culprits that make you miss the real beauty.It's like sunlight shining on the glass of a high-rise building, the strong light refracted is warm but dazzling.

I comforted my heart and told myself that some days are destined to be empty and time wasted.It's like calm water, without any ups and downs.So you can squander yourself wantonly, squander the indulgence of your soul, squander every sunshine in the morning, squander the quiet and peace at night, squander all the scenery worth admiring along the way.Because you know, sometimes people change and wake up, just for a year, a day, or even a moment.You suddenly have to make a great decision to reverse the trajectory of your life, which is the shining point of your entire life and the meaning of your entire life.

I once claimed to be extraordinary in my past, I have achieved what others desire but dare not do, I have pursued many ideas in my heart and realized them, I have firmly established my ideals, and lived a dazzling life shine.I also tried to find an interesting person with whom I could have a good talk, and our soul fusion would be so compatible.

But I have found more and more that the past life and future ideals are actually insignificant, just like dust in the vast galaxy.But in real life, it is so difficult to find someone you want to talk to, so that now you have become a person who can't even guess yourself, and refuses to confide in anyone.In fact, the reason does not lie in others, but in yourself, you do not have the freedom of others, the truth of others, the relief of others, the compromise and plainness of others.

So you are eager to find a partner like the sun, who will help you to expose all the trivialities and all the confusions.

However, you should first find yourself in the parallel world, hug him warmly, shake hands with him, and walk side by side with him.

Liu Haifeng

Saturday, November 2022, 10
In the Financial Center of Yuelu District, Changsha
(End of this chapter)