Alice in the Land of Steam

Chapter 1196: Does it feel very familiar?

Bai Ye just watched.

She had been doing this ever since the voice in her head told her, “You can do this.” She watched when Gloria became Gloria Risperdette; she watched when Gloria found herself a member of a very powerful secret society; she watched when Gloria, wearing a deerstalker hat and a plaid cape, excitedly hung a sign reading “Watson and Sherlock Holmes Detective Agency” on the door of her gloomy mansion, because she had been allowed to be no one but herself.

Even until now, Bai Ye still doesn't understand what kind of person he is.

But through long-term observation, she gradually understood what kind of person Gloria was.

This guy who appeared in her mind at some point in time, who was clearly a second personality but whose character was completely opposite to hers, who kept saying that he would help her realize her wish, didn't look very smart. In fact... he was really not very smart, and was even a little clumsy.

But she was serious, a seriousness that frightened even Bai Ye.

No matter how her identity and memory change, she can always quickly put herself into the role and smoothly switch between each role on the stage. As a princess, she should be elegant and noble, and as an actor, she should be calm and generous. Even if she is the most ordinary girl in the world, she can interpret the most ordinary appearance, ordinary and unremarkable.

This should be considered a unique talent. In fact, it is not difficult to play these roles well, because the settings about their personality, background, living habits, way of speaking and even style of doing things usually come into your mind along with those memories that suddenly appear, but how to accept them is the most critical issue. Bai Ye can't do it. She feels extremely disgusted with all the memories that don't belong to her, and can even be described as hatred. She would rather be regarded as a lunatic or mentally ill by others than to drive them out of her mind; however, Gloria accepts them as naturally and quickly as a sponge absorbs water. This may be related to the fact that she is originally empty-a container with nothing will naturally not resist injection from the outside world.

To put it in a less polite way, Bai Ye even felt that she was born to be someone's shadow. The "someone" here does not refer to a specific person or a type of person, but to the countless seemingly real shadows in your life, the residual images in the mirror, the people who have died in the past, the people who are still alive now, and the people who will be born in the future. Ordinary people cannot imagine how they feel when they see countless different versions of themselves in a mirror, but the girl accepts it all with peace of mind, just as she said to Bai Ye: "I was born to respond to your wish. If you don't want to be someone, then let me be her."

And what about Bai Ye?

Bai Ye just needs to watch.

For many years, she has been fighting against an endless maze, an interlocking mirror and a hazy and strange dream. She is like a wounded soldier, using her stubbornness and hardness as weapons, looking for the perfect tactics to break through the loneliness in the world in the cycle of year after year, but she has been defeated repeatedly. She is forced to retreat into the fortress she built on the heights of her mind, entrusting the heavy responsibility of the war to the blank soul who has just stepped onto the battlefield, while she curls up in a corner and silently licks her wounds.

Maybe at first she just wanted to give herself a break, and once she recovered, she would immediately throw herself into the endless war. But gradually Bai Ye found that she would live more easily when she stopped fighting. The fortress that protected her was extremely solid. Its foundation was cold tears, and its walls were disdainful smiles. There were also crossbows called loneliness and cannons called resistance on the walls, which were enough to stop all invading enemies. However, what was more important was that her successor seemed to be more adapted to this war than herself. She did not eliminate the war by fighting, but by coexisting with the enemy. This sounded a bit like compromise, but if the person who compromised was not herself, maybe it would not matter, right?
After realizing this, Bai Ye rarely stepped out of her fortress, and she resisted all communication with the outside world with a stubborn attitude. She did not think that there was any need for her to communicate with them, which made her even colder and more silent, like a heart of stone polished by the wind and snow. The only person who could make her speak was Gloria. As mentioned before, although she had good adaptability and could always actively substitute into each role, she was a little clumsy, so she often encountered unsolvable problems when playing the role and asked Bai Ye for advice. How can I act more naturally? What should I do when I am suspected? What should I do? I seem to be exposed? At this time, Bai Ye would silently turn out the part she needed from the memory of this character and tell her what to do. She always resisted these memories, but this time was an exception, and even the girl herself didn't know why.

The only person who can make Bai Ye leave this fortress is Gloria, even if it is only a temporary departure. She always uses reasons such as she needs to rest, she wants to be lazy, she is not in the mood to act today, etc., to force Bai Ye to control this body. Bai Ye naturally saw through her little thoughts. After all, she never hides them and always thinks she is smart. Gloria may be kind, but the more Bai Ye contacts the outside world, the more he hates the attitude of others towards him, the inexplicable memories in his mind, and even this body that can be anyone in the world except himself. She always can't control herself and does things that violate the identity of the role, so that in almost every role played by Gloria, the symptoms of "split personality" appear.

Naturally, people would only think that Gloria is the normal main personality, and Bai Ye is the evil secondary personality - or, the negative personality.

Bai Ye was indifferent to this, and even let it go, because sometimes she felt that Gloria was the most suitable personality for this body, and it would be great if she was really a secondary personality born from the curse, and disappeared without a trace one day, then the problems that bothered her and Gloria would no longer exist.

Later, she appeared as Bai Ye's personality and did some very excessive things, which fueled these rumors and further confirmed the fact that Gloria was the main personality. But Gloria was very angry when she found out. It was the first time they had a fight. Although they reconciled quickly, Bai Ye was still annoyed that she didn't understand his good intentions. He thought this guy was just a fool, who didn't know anything and wanted everything. From that day on, her tone of voice when talking to Gloria became cold and harsh, and she changed her name to "Little Fool Gloria". Gloria no longer agreed with her blindly, but occasionally refuted a sentence or two, and looked unhappy when she was scolded.

But both of them knew very well that this was not because their relationship had deteriorated, but quite the opposite.

The two twin personalities maintained a wonderful relationship all the way until they met the young man with short silver hair in the city of Lunwiting, which changed their destiny.

Contacting these unknown travelers is definitely the most daring decision a girl has ever made in her life, for both Bai Ye and Gloria, but that may also be the inevitable result of a lack of security. When Gloria was lurking as a member of the society and secretly stealing information, Bai Ye had a premonition of her future fate; and when she learned her true identity from Linge and his group, this premonition did not turn into a sense of relief. She was indifferent and restrained about this, as if the so-called "girl kingship" was not the "self" she had been pursuing, but just an ordinary one among countless identity changes in the past, and it would soon disappear until it became another person.

Gloria was very excited. She felt that she was finally on the right path. The kingship and the curse, the fate and the future, the desire and the urgency all echoed each other. She placed too much expectation and unwarranted trust in her new companions, and even wanted to tell them her true identity, but was stopped by Bai Ye in the end. The latter told her that in order to gain the trust of these people, the part about the curse and the twin personality could be revealed, but not completely. It would be better to modify it and say that Gloria was the main personality, and she was the secondary personality born from the curse.

"Why?" the little fool asked her foolishly.

Of course Bai Ye didn't want to tell her the real reason, so he made up an excuse: "Because you look too easy to bully. If they knew that you were a personality born from a curse and would not resist, would they want to destroy you? So let me be the secondary personality and act a little cold and stern, then they shouldn't dare to act rashly." It seemed to make sense.

Gloria stammered and whispered, "But I don't think Mr. Ling and the others are that kind of people."

"Idiot! Don't use your senses, but rely on contact and observation! How long have you known them, do you know what kind of people they are? In short, just listen to me!" Bai Ye made the decision unreasonably. Gloria wanted to say something, but she had already taken away control of her body.

What happened later is what everyone knows.

Although the result of the incident confirmed Gloria's statement, these travelers not only did not intend to destroy Bai Ye's "sub-personality", but even wanted to ask the great goddess for help to give new life to the two personalities in the same body, so that she, who was born under the curse, could live in this world openly. It can be said that she is a typical representative of a good person, but Bai Ye has never regretted her decision. For this girl who was tempered by memories and became extremely cold, she has experienced countless emotions in her life, loneliness, sadness, anger, unwillingness, and even despair. She has confronted, fought, struggled, compromised, and even learned to coexist with them. Only regret is not one of them, because it is too weak.

For Bai Ye, weakness is a very distant feeling.

Sometimes she could see them, but could not touch them, such as when she woke up and opened her eyes to find herself in a strange place again, or when people around her kept talking to her about "what you should be like", or when people whispered about how hateful that demonic personality was, which could be traced back to when she stood on the edge of the balcony of the castle and the man who could usually call himself her father fled in panic.

Whenever it appears, Bai Ye will frown and endure the itchy feeling on the tip of his nose, as if there are mosquitoes flying around him. It is very annoying at first, but when you gradually get used to it, you will feel that, ah, it's nothing special.

On the contrary, Gloria is weak, which is almost everyone's impression of her. She cries a lot, dares not say anything too harsh, and screams when she sees a bird falling from a tree. When she holds up a valuable crystal vase with her delicate and weak hands, everyone is worried about whether the broken pieces of the vase will cut her, rather than her gritting her teeth and holding on. She occasionally gains some special identities, such as an athlete or a warrior, and has a healthy body, but this kind of weakness does not refer to the physical state, but a kind of aura, as if this adjective constitutes everything about the girl.

Ironically, in everyone's eyes, the relatively weak Gloria is the main personality that controls this body, while the cold and harsh Bai Ye can only be a secondary personality, a negative personality. Because humans need to have a certain degree of weakness to integrate into society, and for humans, social relationships are almost equivalent to the meaning of life. Only those who can integrate into this social ecology are "humans", and the rest are accessories.

What's even more ironic is that Bai Ye wants Gloria to be the main personality of this body more than anyone else, although her reasons are different from everyone else.

No one will understand her.

No one would understand a cold, harsh monster who exiled herself from interpersonal communication and social relations. She lived in a solid fortress built for herself. She had no friends except Gloria, no emotions, no wishes, and was accompanied by loneliness all day long, looking up at the unreachable weakness.

……

Until now.

Bai Ye raised his head and saw the young man looking at him quietly.

The tip of her nose suddenly felt itchy, making her want to sneeze loudly.

But the girl knew she would never do such a thing.

As she said, this was a very distant emotion for Bai Ye.

"do not come……"

So she pleaded grimly.

Give me some meow