Funny: The Hilarious Life of a Wasted Taoist 1

Chapter 12 Beauty and Lady Gaga (1)
The woman turned her head.

Ever since I saw Hu Yating dangling around in a white dress, I have always had a shadow of the white dress, and now I see a woman in a white dress standing there, I think of Hu Yating in my mind, and I opened my mouth and said: "Hu... "

While speaking, the woman had already turned around. I was staring at her face carefully, but now I saw it clearly. The melon-seeded face with willow eyebrows, a pair of watery eyes are black and white, and that flawless white dress, the whole The portraits are typical Jiangnan beauties who come out of the painting.

"Are you the owner of the house?" she asked.

I nodded and stared at her vigorously. Except for her appearance and figure, she was no different from Hu Yating.

Seeing that I didn't answer, the beauty introduced herself with a smile: "My name is Yunmei."

There is one more thing that is different - the name.Listen carefully, the sound is different.

Hey, what else are you thinking about?As soon as I slapped my head, it wasn't that Hu Yating wore a white dress, so others couldn't wear it!
Although the figure in front of her was not as good as Sanniang, she was much stronger than Hu Yating, who was still a student!

Yun Mei asked again: "Is there still room for rent here?"

As soon as she asked this question, I was surprised. This haunted house actually recruited beautiful women. When the government started to rectify the environment and crack down on it. I lost my job, so I opened a "If You Are the One Matchmaking Agency" here, and all the beauties came here. , the men who come to sign up must be queued to Siberia!

Since the previous one was a vixen, I am very wary of the one in front of me: "Fairy?"

She opened her eyes wide and looked at me strangely.

"monster?"

She blinked innocently.

This reaction was so normal, I was immediately moved!
Live beauty!This is an extremely tempting existence for a single male who lives among various abnormal creatures such as hanged ghosts, human heads, vixen, imps, and Pikachu all day long.

It's just that the little girl in front of me looks so delicate, if she is really thrown to live in this haunted house, she will be scared every two days, what if something happens?
Seeing my hesitation, Yunmei asked, "Is there no room?"

I said, "Actually, my room is not very clean."

"It's okay!" Yunmei said shyly, "I'm good at cleaning the house."

Where can I find such a good girl!I gritted my teeth and said bluntly, "This house is haunted."

"Haunted?" Yun Mei covered her mouth in surprise, and after a few seconds, said again, "You lied!"

"What did I lie to you for?"

"If you don't want to rent an apartment to me, you can just say so." Yun Mei said softly, "There is no need to bluff people with such lies."

I said, "But the ghosts here are pretty good."

"That's not as good as this." Yunmei said, "You let me stay for one night, and if I'm fine, you can rent a room to me."

I was already worried that she would run away if I told the truth, and it was even more desirable to hear her say that, so I quickly agreed.Yun Mei walked around the room, pointed to the master bedroom on the second floor and said, "This is the one."

I was worried that she would go to the hanged ghost's room, but I was very happy to see that she had chosen a quiet room, so I helped her clean it, then went downstairs to hug the quilt and planned to run up.

It was getting dark after a round of work. Yun Mei said she wanted to rest and closed the door. I stood at the door with trepidation.From the bottom of my heart, I hope that Yunmei can live here. Living together with the same kind of creatures will give her a sense of security. If she is fine on the first day, it means that she can live in peace with these ghosts, so I will rent the house to her.

Tonight, no one should try to harass her!Who dares to scare her and who is in a hurry!
I just made up my mind, when I turned my head, I saw a red tongue beside me.

The hanged ghost stood pointing at the door and asked me, "Smelly neighbor?"

"En." I nodded.

As soon as the hanged ghost turned his head, he was about to rush in: "Then I'm going to say goodbye! We will get along with you from now on!"

Hi fart hello!This is what I am afraid of!I grabbed the tongue of the hanged ghost and pulled it out: "No need to say hello!"

The hanged ghost looked at me with those dead fish eyes and said, "Don't be polite!" Then he floated back to his room.

As soon as she left, Yunmei opened the door: "Why did I hear someone talking, are you calling me?"

I quickly waved my hand and said, "Did you hear me wrong? No one spoke." Out of the corner of my eye, the man's head appeared again at the stairway, and his eyes turned around to look here.

Whoops!I thought bitterly, it's not going to be a good night.

Yun Mei said strangely: "I clearly heard someone talking." After finishing speaking, she looked around and asked nervously, "Is it the ghost you said?"

Seeing that her eyes were about to drift to the man's head, I rushed forward to block the man's head: "It's not dark yet, even if there are ghosts, it's not a little activity!"

Yunmei gave me a suspicious look and closed the door.

I breathed a sigh of relief, turned around and asked the man, "What are you doing up here?"

The man glanced at the door of Yunmei's room, then turned his head and said in a very humble tone: "Oh, Mister Ma, you are very good!"

I was just about to warn him not to scare Yunmei again, when I heard the door opening behind me: "Listen, there are still voices talking!"

When I got excited, I flew up and kicked the man's head away.This kick was called "quick, accurate and hard", and the head flew out along the door with a whoosh.

Then she turned around and smiled at Yun Mei: "I am talking to myself, talking to myself."

"Talking to yourself?" Yun Mei said with a smile, "You are so cute!"

Hehe, cute.My heart fluttered, and I leaned against the door crookedly, fiddled with my hair, shook my head and said: "You are also very cute."

Yun Mei pursed her lips and smiled, looked at me with a blushing face, and closed the door.

Look, look, how real this reaction is, you should blush when you see a handsome guy!
So girls are better than humans, shy, shy, and cute!
I walked downstairs happily, and happened to meet Sanniang coming back, stepping on small high heels, and walking into the house with a small bag.

Suddenly seeing Sanniang, I felt uneasy: "Are you back?"

"En." Sanniang responded, looking upstairs with phoenix eyes, and asked with a half-smile: "Brother Ma, what did you bring back?"

Inexplicably, I felt a guilty conscience of being caught and raped by the wife: "He is renting a house."

"Oh?" Sanniang dragged her voice, "Mother?"

"Well, mother... daughter." I said, "Actually, I told her that the house is haunted, and advised her not to rent it. She said to stay for one night and have a look."

"Oh!"

"Well, that, she is just staying for one night, can you stop scaring her?"

"Scare her?" Sanniang turned her face upstairs and raised the corners of her mouth, "It's fine if she doesn't come to scare me! Let her live well."

I am very surprised that she behaved so generously!The last time Zhang Jiayan's living soul came back with me, she was unhappy, but this time it is also a female creature, and she is also a beautiful woman, why is she so open-minded?
San Niang asked: "Is there anything else you need? I'll go back to my room when I'm fine."

I said, "It's also a woman this time, why aren't you angry?"

"Why are you angry?" Sanniang smiled coquettishly, "Is she as beautiful as me?" Then she twisted her waist and went back to the room.

This makes me even more confused, Yunmei is also a Xiaojiabiyu with Jiangnan style, and Sanniang has her own beauty, but according to Sanniang, she seems to be worse than ordinary girls.

Just as I was thinking about it, the man's head popped out again, this time the injury was serious, apart from his nose, his eyes also started to bleed.

He was angry and sad and accused me: "You hit me again!"

I raised my fist to threaten him: "You are not allowed to harass Yunmei at night, or I will beat you to death!"

The man's head shouted: "You can't interfere with my personal freedom! I have human rights! Human rights! The rights of man! I'm going to sue you!"

Pull it down!I looked at him contemptuously, the fake foreign devils are only as big as they are, and they are all like this, how can they still have "human rights"? !

The man shouted for a while, seeing that I ignored him, he said to himself: "OK, for your sake, I won't make things difficult for you, but, you have to do me a favor."

As soon as I heard him dragging English, I wanted to slap him. I resisted the urge and asked, "What?"

The man blushed and said, "I want to date that beauty in the refrigerator..."

Beauty?To determine the word, I pointed to the refrigerator and asked, "That?"

The man nodded seriously.

Once again I'm blown away by this guy's aesthetic.

The man's head added another sentence: "If you don't help me, I don't know what I will do at night, youknow, people always like to play tricks when they are sad."

scare me?Do you think I'm scared of horsepower?I turned my head, walked directly to the refrigerator, opened the door and said softly to the female ghost, "Please, go on a date with him!"

This is not for me, but for Yunmei.

No one is willing to see such a delicate woman being frightened by a fake foreign devil man.

The woman's head looked at me with only one eye, and then at the man's head, and answered firmly: "No!"

"Why?" I said earnestly, "You two are of the same family and the same race. He has studied abroad, so he is also a returnee, a person with head, face, and education. You two will go out for a walk together in the future. When you meet Other heads, once you say that your boyfriend is a "returnee", you will have face! Don't say anything else, wait for the two of you to travel in the future, travel around the world, and when you meet a foreign head, you let him communicate with them, and the translation will be difficult. No need to ask, you're awesome!" The man nodded his head to the side.

The woman said with disgust, "But he has no body."

Hey, you have the nerve to despise others for not having a body!I decided to be tough: "I am the landlord of this house, if you don't date him, I will kick you out!" I pointed to the stool beside me and said, "I am a Taoist priest, you understand!"

The first time the woman saw the stool, she probably thought of the tense scene when I was dueling with her, hesitated and said: "Then, then I will try to hang out with him, you can let him in."

The man had been waiting for this sentence for a long time, and immediately rushed into the refrigerator.

I smelled the smell on the woman's head, and kindly reminded him: "Come out and let the air out."

After finishing all this, the little boy was missing. After thinking about it, I took a stick and blocked the door of the house so that he couldn't get out.

I don't know how he came out like this?Still can't get out?
After finishing all this, I clapped my hands, went back to the house and closed the door to analyze the current situation.

As soon as Yunmei came, there were two people living in this haunted house, a man and a woman, so it will be diversified in how it develops in the future.

Just thinking about the diversity makes me so excited!
What did that sentence say?Women, make haunted houses better!

Lying on the bed until midnight, I still couldn't calm down for a long time, so I just turned over and got out of bed. For Yunmei's safety, I planned to go out and inspect.

After going out, I walked lightly through Sanniang's room, and then went straight to the second floor.

When I walked to the stairs, I suddenly heard someone talking, and I was startled, wondering if there would be any new species coming out?He poked his head out of the corner of the wall to look.

It doesn't matter if you don't watch it, I almost cry when I see it!
The dead child, the man's head, the woman's head, and the hanged female ghost all came together and stood at the door of Yunmei for a meeting.

The woman asked the man: "Since my body was cremated, I have been looking for a new body. Does this woman's body look good?"

The man said affectionately: "Oh, baby, you are the most beautiful in my eyes!"

The woman nodded and said, "I'm very confident in my appearance, I'm asking about my body."

The man's head said: "It's beautiful, second only to you."

I don't think Yunmei will be happy to hear this.

The woman nodded: "Okay, go to the kitchen and get a knife, go in and cut her neck, and then I will take her body."

I was dumbfounded when I heard it, and I thought it was okay? !Yun Mei was originally a flat photo in a magazine, but if she changed her head, she would definitely become an abstract painting by Picasso!Just as he was about to stop him, he saw the man's head flying towards the kitchen.

This speed is simply a loyal dog!
I quickly stood up and said to the woman, "Don't be so evil-minded! Stay cool! If you do this again, be careful I'll beat you!"

The woman nodded, "Why are you here?"

I said, "I knew you would come to harm people, so come out to patrol."

The woman looked me up and said, "Do you only wear shorts on patrol?"

"What do you know!" I said, "If Yunmei is frightened by you, don't be afraid to throw herself into my arms. I will use my body temperature to warm her and make her feel safe."

Both the woman's head and the hanged ghost showed contempt, and said in unison: "Rogue/cow hooligan!"

I said angrily: "If you don't scare people, nothing will happen! What are you doing here? Go back! Go back!"

The woman's head seemed very unconvinced, she glanced at me, then at the door unwillingly, and then slowly flew back to the refrigerator.

I turned to look at the hanged man.

The hanged ghost said extremely aggrieved: "I've always wanted to comfort him." Then he floated back to the room extremely sadly.

I looked at the dead child again, and the door bolt did not trap him.The kid was so good, he rolled his eyes and looked at me silently, then floated downstairs.

I stood at the door of Yunmei and listened for a while, but there was no sound from inside.

In fact, I still want to listen to it for a while, but I can't stand the cold because of too little clothes, so I can only go downstairs shivering.

Walking downstairs, the man's head just floated out from the kitchen, with a knife in his mouth. When he saw me, his expression was very excited. He wanted to talk, but he couldn't put the knife down, humming in his mouth I couldn't say anything for a long time.

I said, "Come on, put the knife back quickly."

The man glanced at the refrigerator and said, "Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Just so uncomfortable, do you still want to kill someone?Shabby is not shabby!

I said, "They disbanded early after the meeting, so you can come and go wherever you want."

The man's head said in surprise, "Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo."

"That's right, we're all back." I said, "Put the knife back, go to bed early, don't stay up late, go to sleep, good night."

The man nodded and went back to the kitchen to put the knife.

Pixiu was very strange to our communication: "Can you understand him?"

I said, "I don't understand, but I have a high IQ, so I can guess right."

Pixiu was silent.

This time I invited them all back, but seeing the reluctance of a few guys, I guessed that they must have something to do, so after returning to the room, I immediately leaned against the door to listen.

Sure enough, after more than 40 minutes, there was movement outside the door again.

Hey, see if I don't deal with you this time!I was about to open the door and go out to teach these guys a lesson, but when I put my hand on the doorknob, I stopped suddenly.

At best, those ghosts just opened and closed the refrigerator and the door, and this was the first time they heard the sound of metal clashing.

Listen carefully again—the sound came from the gate, and it stopped after only a few rings. If I hadn't been paying attention, I really couldn't hear it.

Don't have any dirty things, right?I opened the door a crack and looked out.

The living room outside was silent for a long time. Just when I thought I had heard wrong, the door was gently pushed open, and two people rushed in from the door lightly, and then slowly closed the door.

The moonlight revealed the shadows of those two people—they were living people.

Thief!

I wouldn't be so surprised to see aliens in the house.

When it was first renovated, Qiangzi asked me if I wanted to install a security door. I roughly estimated the price of all the belongings in the house, and resolutely refused.

Didn't the price of oil go up again?If you really want to follow my things, he will have to pay a lot for the round-trip fare!
So I have always been very relieved that those who can come to my place to steal things are either unlucky or lack of understanding.

The two squatted furtively at the door for a while, looking around as if observing the terrain.

Only a rough voice could be heard asking: "Is there really rich people living here?"

His voice was so loud that another person quickly covered his mouth in fright: "Hush!"

Then he looked around and said in a low voice, "You are really stupid to say you are stupid! How can there be no money in such a big village with only this one villa?"

The one whose mouth was covered didn't seem to be able to use his brain very well. He wanted to speak while his mouth was covered, but was hit hard on the head by the other: "Don't talk!"

These two people, one unlucky and the other heartless, have a complete variety!

The air is so fresh and the world is so beautiful, why are these two so reluctant to step into the ranks of thieves.

Moreover, the government is desperately demolishing it, (politically sensitive?) real estate developers are desperately building it, and houses are springing up like mushrooms after rain. It’s not good for you to steal, why bother to steal this one!
If there is a way to heaven, you don't go, but if you break a door to hell, you still have to pry it in!

The one in the lead observed the terrain for a while, and asked in a low voice, "Which room is empty?"

The seemingly heartless man stretched his head and listened for a while, then pointed to the dead child's room: "This one."

It was a coincidence for them that there was indeed no one living in that room, just a kid who often locked the door tightly.

The two leaned over, and the leader said, "Open the door." The careless one bent down and fiddled with the door lock.

Behind them, the refrigerator door opened silently, and the heads of those two unwilling people floated out of the refrigerator silently.

The two heads obviously didn't expect that there were people here. They floated behind them for a while, looked at each other, then looked in the direction of my room, and quickly floated towards the kitchen.

Needless to say, I guessed that they were thinking about his body again.

I looked at the two thieves who didn't realize it, and I was happy at once, steal me?I don't even have to do it myself to clean you up!
The heartless man really had a hand, he tossed the door that couldn't be opened for life and death, and it opened with a "click".The leader rushed to push the door, and there was a "squeak" when the door was opened a little, but it couldn't be pushed again.

"Why can't this door be opened?" The one who pushed the door desperately pushed, but the door still didn't move at all.

The kid held the door tightly as usual.

Heartless pointed at the little ghost and said, "Child."

Didn't expect him to look stupid but see these things.

"What kid?" The leader pressed half of his body against the door, holding his breath and pushing the door hard.

He said carelessly: "There is a child holding the door."

The leader slipped his foot and almost hit the door, and quickly lowered his head to look: "Where are the children?"

Pointing at the little ghost without a heart, he said, "It's right here."

"This?" The leader bowed his waist to look, "Who is there?"

"Someone!" said the heartless, "eye to eye, nose to nose."

The room was silent and pitch black. The leader's body froze obviously, and he turned his head and said, "You...you...don't talk nonsense!"

Before he finished speaking, he still pushed the door with his hand, but the door closed with a "snap".

The heartless man is stupid, bold, and not afraid of ghosts. He grinned and said, "The kid closed the door."

The leader was very frightened, looked at the door and then at the heartless eye, pointed at the door and was speechless.

The heartless and rough asked: "Are you still going in?"

The leader trembled when he spoke: "I won't go in, go upstairs and change to another room."

Speaking of this, he sniffled his nose and asked, "Did you smell a bad smell?"

The man held a kitchen knife in his head, and it floated behind him together with the woman's head.

Without a heart, he said: "There is a human head behind you."

The leader was startled, and immediately turned his head to look back. As he turned his head so fast, the two heads hid even faster, and they kept their positions behind him unwavering from the beginning to the end.

"Where? Where is the head?"

"Two heads, one male and one female." Heartless said, "It's right behind you."

"Shut up!" It is estimated that in the eyes of the leader, this heartless eye is more terrifying than a ghost! "Don't talk anymore!" After finishing speaking, he walked upstairs on his own.

Both heads followed.

(End of this chapter)