Funny: The Hilarious Life of a Wasted Taoist 1

Chapter 13 Beauty and Lady Gaga (2)
The heartless man obediently shut his mouth, stared at the heads of the two with aggrieved eyes, and followed them upstairs.

The man's head was holding a kitchen knife, and when he found the right position, he was about to cut off the leader's neck. As soon as he rushed up, he was slapped down by a heartless palm like a rubber ball. Then shoot.

I have never seen killers and thieves duel in this way.

Seeing that they had already walked out of the visible range through the crack of the door and went up the stairs, I opened the door and followed lightly.

The leader walked suspiciously, turning his head to look from time to time.

I walked over lightly, hiding under the stairs and peeking furtively.

Suddenly there was a burst of heat in my ear, and Sanniang's voice sounded: "It's midnight, what are you doing?"

"Hush..." I said happily, "There are thieves!"

"I think you're more like a thief." Sanniang smiled lightly, "Aren't you afraid that they will steal your things?"

I was even happier: "I don't have anything upstairs."

San Niang said: "It's a pity that they came to steal this house."

I said: "There must be a good show, those two heads followed, but I can't see clearly from here."

Sanniang smiled slightly, and took out the jade plate from her bosom: "Look at it from here."

It seems that it is not the patent of human beings to like to join in the fun.

On the plate, those two people just came out of the Taoist room. Someone once said that those who do bad things are most afraid of ghosts and gods. It seems true.

The man's head must have been knocked out, and he followed behind with a knife dangling in his mouth, while the woman scolded him with a look of hatred for iron.

The leader probably thought something was wrong, so he asked the careless: "Do you feel a little cold?"

The lack of heart said: "Haunted..." Before he could finish the ghost words, the leader hammered him on the head with a mallet: "Shut up!" Then he pointed to a door and said: "Open the door!"

As soon as the lack of heart squatted down, the hanged ghost floated out from the next room.The heartless eye turned around and saw it. He wanted to speak but was afraid of being beaten, so he grinned forcefully in the direction of the female ghost.

The leader squatting next to him said, "What are you doing stupidly, open the door quickly."

The hanged ghost had already floated behind them, and muttered heartlessly: "Then I don't care." Then he squatted down, took out a wire from his pocket and inserted it into the keyhole.

I was enjoying watching it, when I suddenly heard Sanniang ask: "Whose door do you think they broke?" My heart suddenly turned cold, there was a locked room upstairs, and Yunmei lived in it!

Thinking of this, I quickly got up and ran upstairs, but just as I stood up, Sanniang grabbed me again: "Look!"

I looked down and saw that the door had been pried open, with a small crack open, and my heartless eyes were still lying on the crack to watch, while the leader sat on the ground with a pale face, pointing at the door and trembling non-stop.

"Why do you think he did this?" Sanniang asked.

I said, "Goat epileptic?"

"Idiot!" Sanniang gave me a sideways look.

The hanged ghost floated in front of the leading man, and asked kindly, "Are you alright?"

The leader first saw the tongue, was stunned for a moment, looked up along the tongue, and then completely disregarded the professional ethics of a thief, let out a deafening roar: "Ghost!!!"

While roaring, he crawled out on hands and feet, the woman's head stopped in front of him, shouting: "It's now, cut off his head!"

A face with half bone and half flesh was a big visual impact. The leader howled again, turned around and ran out. It didn't matter when he turned around. Just squirt it out.The leader burst into tears, screaming and running downstairs.

I saw that he was tortured both mentally and physically, and I couldn't bear it, so I stood up resolutely, and wanted him to see that a fellow of the same kind could be stronger. Who knew that when he saw me, he froze for a moment, as if he was stimulated again, and called out Louder: "Ah!!!" Then he ran out scrambling and crawling, and was so frightened that he lost control, and a straight water stain spread out on the ground.

Just scream when you see ghosts, but scream when you see people!Do you have principles?

Do I look that scary?

The human head and the hanged ghost gathered together, and I was very sad when I saw the watermark on the ground. This accessory was completely beyond my expectation, and I said to them righteously: "You are not allowed to scare people anymore, whoever scares people will mop the floor. "

This threat worked, and they all fell silent looking at the watermark.

"Wait, wait for me." The heartless eye panicked and wanted to run along with the leader, but just halfway up the stairs, he stepped on the ground, rolled down, and remained motionless.

I was startled, and quickly went to check his breath. I was still breathing, and just breathed a sigh of relief, when I heard someone from upstairs asking, "What's wrong?"

As soon as I looked up, Yunmei came out at some point.

I shook my hand and said, "It's okay, it's okay, he accidentally fell down the stairs."

"Oh, that's it." Yun Mei smiled, "I was startled when I heard the sound outside, so I'll go back to sleep."

Sanniang watched Yunmei leave, sneered, and said, "I don't know who was scared!"

I heard something in her words and asked, "What do you mean?"

Sanniang glanced at me, scolded coquettishly: "Idiot!" Then turned and went back to the room.

I dragged that heartless person back to the house. In the middle of the night, the two men were alone in the room, and my heart was filled with desolation.

The heartless eye was still motionless, I wondered if he had broken it, I turned his head to see if there was any injury, and when I moved my hand, I saw something hanging around his neck.

It looked like a thread, but it was cold when I touched it. When I looked carefully, I found that it was a rope made of extremely thin metal wires. There was an iron lock hanging on the rope. There was no rust at all, and it was so bright that it could shine , the palm-sized lock body is printed with the word "steal" in seal script.

This lock looks heavy, but it is very light to hold. What's more, there is no knot on the lock rope, and there is no key hole in the lock. The rope and lock are tightly connected, and it cannot be pulled off.

I took the lock and studied it for a long time, but I couldn't figure out how he put his head in it.

Early the next morning, Yunmei came to knock on the door. She was still wearing a white dress. The difference from yesterday was that there were a few bright red peonies on it. I was a little confused when I saw her dress. I remembered her dress yesterday Without a bag, where did you change your clothes?

Doubts are fleeting and then I forget about them. Clothes are small things. Women are the most amazing creatures in the world. You never know where they keep their things.

Yun Mei asked: "Now can you rent the house to me?"

Thinking of the danger of last night, I swallowed a handful of bitter tears, and signed the lease with Yunmei without saying a word.

Yun Mei put away the contract with a smile, and said: "Then I can go up and tidy up the house."

I said, "The one you chose is the master bedroom."

Yun Mei said: "Actually, I like the room with the dressing table, but it's a pity that there are people in it."

I was taken aback for a moment, thinking that there was only one hanged ghost in that room, so there was no one there!

Before she could react, Yunmei suddenly smiled, bent down playfully, pointed at the Pixiu hanging on my chest, and said, "Your necklace is so beautiful."

I seem to have heard this word somewhere, and my back felt cold.

Yun Mei hummed a song and walked upstairs.I laughed twice and asked Pai Yao: "You, do you think her words are weird?"

Pixiu's tone was not kind, but he replied quickly: "She is telling the truth!"

Yep, I asked the wrong person.

I didn't wake up at noon, so I went out to the village to find a doctor.

When I went to the village, I found a group of people gathered around the door of a family member, and some villagers whispered: "Who did it?"

"It was fine last night, why did it become like this overnight?"

I pulled a villager and asked, "What's the matter?"

The villagers said: "Uncle Zhao's cattle died last night, but they are all in good condition, except for their heads."

"what?"

"I don't know what's going on, except for the head, the body is there." The villager said, "If you steal a cow, you should steal the whole head together. How could you just chop off the head? Uncle Zhao didn't have any grudges with anyone. Who did it? ? Too wicked!"

Children in the village ran and shouted: "Aliens! Aliens!"

Through the crowd, I saw a pool of blood on the ground in the yard, black and red, splashing on the ground like a big peony flower.

I have a vague premonition in my heart.

The villagers said that the doctor in the village went to the city to buy medicine, and I returned without success. Halfway there, I heard someone shouting loudly: "It's evil! It's evil!"

I turned my head, and saw the black-bearded old man standing behind me last time, staring at me very seriously: "Lay Ma is safe and well! The last time we said goodbye, did what the old man said come true?"

I forgot what he said a long time ago, but now that I think about it, the murder case last time really made him right!
The Taoist obviously saw through what I was thinking, smiled slightly, and said, "You still don't believe me?"

I asked, "Do you want more money?"

He replied without hesitation: "Yes."

I turned around and left: "Then I don't believe you."

The Taoist grabbed me and said, "You are haunted by ghosts and ghosts, it is very dangerous. The poor Taoist sees that you are in trouble, so I kindly help you."

I snorted coldly, ghost?Since becoming a Taoist priest, I have seen tens of thousands of ghosts every day. Now my heart is as strong as a grass, the wild fire is endless, and the spring breeze blows again!Survive the scorching heat, survive the severe cold, and still scare me with ghosts?You are out!
I said: "Pull you down! The Taoist priests in other TV and novels are not like this. Even if they appear mysteriously, they will appear at critical moments. It's good for you, the matter is settled and you come out to make an afterthought!"

The Taoist said: "A few days ago I went to the National Taoist Congress, and I really couldn't get away."

I asked: "The congress is more important than human life?"

The Taoist priest said: "This meeting passed the "Incense Money Distribution Act."

OK, this does matter.I had nothing to say, and walked away.

The Taoist still didn't give up and shouted behind him: "You have a demonic aura, you may be in danger of your life, you have to be careful! Be careful!"

I went back to the small room, only to find that the heartless eye had woken up a long time ago, squatting in front of the refrigerator, staring at those two people.

The two heads were obviously rarely stared at like this, and they both had embarrassing expressions. The man's head asked the woman's head: "Baby, do you want to chop off his head?"

The woman nodded, "What if I use his head and become stupid?"

The man nodded and said, "I think this person is too deep."

The woman's head said: "Then you go up and chop him off."

"Oh, baby!" The man's head was obviously terrified of being photographed yesterday, "I think you're right, he doesn't look smart."

At this time, the heartless eyes who had been silent all this time suddenly smiled, pointed at the heads of the two people and said: "Silly hat!"

I walked over and asked that heartless: "Why don't you leave?"

He looked at me heartlessly, curled his lips, and said aggrievedly: "No one came to pick me up."

I asked again, but this guy didn't know anything. He only said that the guy who ran away yesterday met three months ago, bought him new clothes, and said that if he stole something, he would buy him chicken legs to eat.

It seemed that this careless person was also deceived, so I asked, "What kind of car did you come here by?"

He said carelessly, "The car."

I asked again, "Where did you live?"

Heartless said: "In the house."

Desperate, I asked, "What's the name of the person who brought you here?"

Heartless said, "He said his name was Brad Beatt."

I was about to cry, and continued to ask: "Then you always know your own name?"

He said carelessly, "My name is Reddy Gaga."

The man's head looked at Reddy Gaga again: "I can't tell, you are also turtles."

I covered my face in pain.

I took Lady Gaga to the village and asked around, but no one knew where he came from.

I didn't expect that this heartless person whose name was given by Brad Beatt could find a home so easily, so I had to bring him back again.

When I got back to the house, I smelled the smell of food as soon as I opened the door. Looking again, the table in the living room was full of food. He is elegantly holding the food and sending it to his mouth.

I couldn't see that Sanniang could cook, so I was taken aback: "You did it?"

"Me?" The corner of Sanniang's mouth curled up, "Brother Ma, you really know how to joke, do I look like someone who can cook?"

While talking, she saw Yun Mei bring out a plate of beef stew with potatoes, and said with a smile: "I went out today and saw a beef seller outside, so I bought some by the way."

"Oh..." Sanniang walked over, "I heard, it's the headless cow, right? It just died yesterday, and the meat is still fresh."

After Sanniang finished speaking, she took a piece of beef and put it into her mouth, she bent her eyes to look at Yunmei: "The craftsmanship is good."

Yunmei's cooking skills are really good. After eating a meal, Reddy's face was full of red, and she burped on the chair contentedly. After the meal, Yunmei took the initiative to clean up the dishes.

Listening to the sound of splashing water in the kitchen, I suddenly felt a sense of home.

She can go up to the living room and down to the kitchen, where can I find such a woman!

"Your eyes are straight." Sanniang laughed, "You humans are really easy to be fooled by appearance."

Hearing this, my heart moved, and I wanted to ask again, but Sanniang smiled charmingly again: "However, if you are not deceived by the appearance, we fox spirits will be useless." After speaking, I got up and walked into the room , walked to the door of the room, held the door again, turned around and smiled at me, "Brother Ma, it's been rough recently, you have to be careful."

She seemed to have something in her words, I turned my head and listened to Yunmei's voice washing the dishes and suddenly felt a little awkward, the interest in chatting with Yunmei just now disappeared, and I led Reddy back to the room.

At night, I made a bed for Reddy Gaga. He seemed to be sleeping on the floor since he was a child, but he was used to it. He fell asleep immediately after turning over.

Unexpectedly, after sleeping until midnight, Reddy suddenly jumped up from the ground,

I was taken aback by his action and asked, "What's wrong?"

Reddy quacked: "There is a voice."

I listened carefully, and there were indeed small footsteps.

I looked out through the crack of the door, but saw Yun Mei, who was wearing a white peony dress, went downstairs step by step, then opened the door carefully, and walked out.

What is she doing out here so late?
Lei Di rattled the crack of the door and watched Yun Mei go out, yawned, ran back and went back to sleep, I lay back on the bed, but couldn't fall asleep anymore.

About an hour later, Reddy Gaga suddenly raised his head and looked at the door again.

I immediately pricked up my ears to listen, and sure enough, I heard the sound of the door.

He is very sensitive about these things.

He went to the door to look again, only to see Yunmei came back again.

I breathed a sigh of relief, and just went back to sleep when something flashed through my mind, and I felt something was wrong, so I leaned over to look again.

This time I really saw some clues.

Unlike when she went out just now, Yun Mei’s clothes changed color. Just now, although the color of the peony flowers looked dull in the dark, she could clearly see her white skirt, but now, her skirt has obviously changed color. The pattern is significantly enlarged
There are no regular graphics at all, with different shades, as if sprayed on it.

This shape is like the puddle of cow blood seen during the day!
Blood?

There was a buzzing in my head, what exactly did Yunmei do when she went out?
I watched Yunmei go upstairs and disappeared out of sight. Reddy Gaga suddenly reached out and poked me: "I want to pee."

I was startled, and said, "Go out of the toilet and turn right." Reddy opened the door and ran out.

I sat and thought about it for a long time, thinking in my heart that I couldn't stop thinking about it, why don't I ask her directly tomorrow.

After thinking about it, I got up and was about to close the door, only to find that Reddy went out to use the bathroom, it had been a long time and he hadn't come back yet.

At this moment, the moon and stars are scarce, and the outside is quiet. I haven't recovered from Yunmei's weird incident, so I naturally thought of the worst aspect - could something happen to my lack of care?
Thinking of this, I slowly opened the door and called softly, "Reddy Quack? Are you there?"

No one responded, there was a dead silence all around, and there were bursts of howling wolves outside the house.

"Reddie quack?" I pushed open the door, and yelled as I walked softly. "Quack? Quack? Quack... Quack?"

Just two steps away, I suddenly heard the sound of the door opening behind me. I turned my head and saw that Sanniang was wearing a lace nightgown, her slender fingers brushed the corners of her mouth, she looked at me with resentful eyes, licked her lips and said, "Little Ma Brother, I usually don’t eat supper at night, but if you learn how to quack a duck again, I don’t mind breaking the precept and steaming you.”

The two heads opened the refrigerator door and looked here.

I'll shut up right away.Sanniang snorted and closed the door.

The shelves of the refrigerator where the two people smiled were shaking, I turned my head and said, "Laughing again will steam you."

The refrigerator door closed immediately.

This is indeed a world of the jungle.

Now that the house is completely clean, I ran to the toilet to look for it, but Reddy was not there.

A thought flashed through my mind, almost subconsciously, and I turned my head to look at the second floor.

There was another howl of wolves outside the house.

I swallowed, and walked upstairs.

As soon as I reached the second floor, I suddenly saw a head sticking out from under me. I reflexively wanted to step on it, but the other end retracted.

Isn't it that careless?I said, "What are you doing here?"

Reddy squatted at the door of Yunmei's room, waved to me, made a gesture of silence, then pointed at Yunmei's door and said softly: "Look..."

I saw that the door lock was opened by him and opened a small crack.

"Are you peeping?" I reached out and patted the heartless head: "What's so interesting! Go back to sleep!"

Heartless said: "That looks good, that woman is taking off her clothes."

I said, "You really have no quality, can you just look at this?" Then I squatted down and put my eyes on the crack of the door.

Sure enough, Yunmei was still awake, standing with her back to the door, taking off her skirt.

She only turned on the bedside lamp, and the light in the room was extremely dim, but the woman's skin was so tender that it could drip water, and the skirt just unzipped and slid down her body.

Yun Mei took off her skirt, and went to take off her underwear. After a few minutes, she was naked without our backs. She was completely naked, and her slim curves were clearly visible.

Reddy Gaga is right, it really looks good!
I was so emotional that I peeked and shouted in a low voice: "Turn around, turn around!"

Reddy looked at me contemptuously, and said, "She hasn't finished taking off yet."

It's all stripped off, what else?
I looked into the door strangely, only to see Yun Mei reaching out to touch her hair again.

wig?Nowadays, many girls like to wear wigs, but Yunmei's flowing long hair is also fake.

Just as I was thinking about it, I saw Yun Mei's hands were like claws, she grabbed the hair and pulled it to the sides vigorously, the scalp was torn apart by her, revealing the fuzzy flesh and blood inside.

I was stunned!

Yun Mei kept moving her hands, and the skin in her hands was pulled from her head to her chest, where the bloody flesh and nerves slowly appeared.

I was speechless with my mouth open, and I finally understood what the leader saw that night!

After all the skin was pulled off, the flesh on Yunmei's body was still shaking with her movements, but she had already turned into a bloody person, her appearance was indescribable, just like a mosaic Ultraman.

The bloody man threw the skin aside, picked up something from the table, took a needle and thread to mend it, and took a pen to draw a detailed picture while mending.

It turns out that Yunmei is also a monster!
This scene seriously irritated my nerves, I couldn't stand it anymore, turned around and ran downstairs and rushed into Sanniang's room to ask for help.

The door was not closed, so I pushed it in and Sanniang was sitting on the bedside with my back, meditating.

I shouted: "San Niang! There are monsters!"

"Monster? Are you talking about me?" Sanniang turned her head with her cute, smiling voice as always, but above her neck was a furry fox's head!

(End of this chapter)