Funny: The Hilarious Life of a Wasted Taoist 1

Chapter 14 Beauty and Lady Gaga (3)
When the connection was stimulated by this kind of stimulation, my eyes went dark and I lost consciousness.

When he woke up again, he was in his own room. Reddy was sitting beside the bed, with a man's head floating beside him.

The male head said: "Misterma, you fainted in the third lady's room last night, Reddy Gaga moved you back, are you alright?"

I was stunned for a while before I remembered what happened last night, and suddenly two lines of tears flowed down the corners of my eyes.

What kind of luck is this for me, the woman I fell in love with at first sight before was a vixen, and the woman I fell in love with later was an Ultraman in human skin!

The man sighed and said, "Misterma, I've heard what happened last night from Reddy Gaga. I stand on my own side and express my deep sympathy for what happened to you."

I said, "I've lost faith in women."

The man's head said: "As long as you don't have confidence in men."

Heartless said in a low voice, "But isn't there just men and women in this world?"

"Oh~ no..." the man shook his head and said, "There are still animals."

Pixiu, who had been silent for a long time, suddenly shouted excitedly: "Get out!"

There was still a glimmer of hope in my heart, and I asked the man: "She...she shouldn't be a bad monster, right?"

The man's head spoke very sincerely: "I don't know, but she doesn't pose any threat to me."

Before he finished speaking, he saw Gou Fugui floating in from the door with Don't Forget: "Comrade Lei Feng, I have something to ask you."

I waved my hand: "No time!"

Gou Fugui said: "Comrade Lei Feng, don't be like this. If you spend a few minutes, you may be able to find some clues for the deceased."

"Dead?" I asked, frowning. "What dead?"

"It seems that you don't know yet," Wu Xiangwang interjected, "Yesterday a person died in the village. The body's head was gone and the skin was peeled off."

I was shocked when I heard this, and asked, "Is someone dead? What time was it yesterday?"

"Late last night...?" Gou Fugui patted his stomach and thought, "No, it should be early this morning."

I felt a thump in my heart, this time almost coincided with the time when Yunmei went out.

Coupled with that bloody skirt, some words are ready to come out.

"What? The head is gone?" The man keenly grasped the valuable information in Don't Forget's words, and said repeatedly, "What about the corpse? It's useless for you to keep it anyway, don't waste it, give it to me .”

"The body was transported back by the human police officers in the city, but the skin was all peeled off, so it's useless to keep it for you." Gou Fugui signaled Wu Xiangwang to show us the notepad, "Let's wait until next time."

I looked at the notepad of Don't Forget and asked, "Can the body be stolen casually?"

Gou Fugui said: "As long as you don't violate discipline, it's okay to do good things for the masses, right?"

Many times, when I heard the emphasis in his speech, I couldn't help but want to slap him.

Wu Xiangwang pointed to the notebook and said, "This is it."

I took a look, and there were several photos posted on it, some of them as a whole and some of them as part of them. , the headless body shrinks into the shape of a shrimp, and the size cannot be seen in the photo, but at a glance, it looks like a livestock.

"The technique of peeling the skin is very skillful." Wu Xiangwang said, "The whole sheet was peeled off without any skin left. Do you recognize this person?"

I said, "Are you asking me?"

Gou Fugui and Don't Forget each other nodded together.

"It's so virtuous, even if I have seen it, I can't recognize it." I looked at the fat and blood on the dead man's body, and thought of the humanoid monster I saw last night, and I felt nauseated: "You call his ghost over and ask Isn't it over?"

"It's not that we don't want to call. When this comrade died, his soul was swallowed up, and he couldn't find it." Gou Fugui said, "The body was found in an old abandoned house in the village. You human criminal police questioned everyone in the village. I haven’t found anyone who hasn’t disappeared, so there’s nothing I can do about it.”

At this moment, Reddy Gaga suddenly pointed to the photo and said, "Bradbite!"

The man looked over and said, "That's right, it was the one that night."

The two ghosts asked in surprise: "Foreigners?"

I suppressed my nausea and took a closer look. There was a wound on the corpse's arm, which looked like a fresh wound—it was stabbed in the head by a man that night!

Reddy Gaga pointed to the photo dissatisfied and said, "Oh, idiot! Someone stole the skin and head."

I felt a chill in my heart, and suddenly remembered that what Yun Mei was mending in her hand yesterday, wasn't it just a piece of fresh human skin?

I quickly said, "I have a clue!"

The two ghost messengers immediately turned to look at me.I briefly described the events of the past two days. Gou Fugui frowned and said, "Comrade Lei Feng, I'm going to criticize you now. You're not doing this right! I know it's kind of you to raise so many monsters, but since you want to raise them We have to take care of it and not let them disturb the people, you see, it’s wrong for you to add so much workload to us now!"

Who has nothing to do with this thing!My back is still hairy, so he just said this!
The last one to die was Brad Pitt, and it might be my turn to be the next one, I said to the ghost: "Brothers, I really don't know her real identity, can you take her in? "

"Comrade Lei Feng..." Gou Fugui frowned and said, "Monsters have demon ways, and ghosts have ghost ways. Just like the villains in the world who kill people, we can't punish them. This matter is not within our jurisdiction."

"Then there's nothing you can do?" I asked, "You can't control her at all?"

"There is a way. Whether she is a human or a demon, her soul is under our control." Wu Xiangwang said, "Well, you kill her first, and then we will help you."

I hold my forehead, if I can kill her, why should I use you?

Gou Fugui patted his stomach and said: "But, she can't kill people like this. Let's report it when we go back and see how the higher authorities approve it."

I asked hopefully, "When will it be approved?"

"Hurry up." Don Xiangwang replied, "We will report to the village ghost office, the village ghost office will report to the town ghost office, the town ghost office will report to the city ghost office, and the city ghost office will report to the provincial office. After being processed by the provincial office, it will be reported to the central government, and after the central research, it will be consulted with the king of hell. The king of hell will submit written materials to communicate with the demon king at the next regular meeting of representatives from all walks of life in the heavenly court... Calculated, there will be about 900 years news."

The hope I had just kindled was dashed in an instant.

"Forget it, it's too late!" I waved my hand feebly and said, "Don't bother them with such a trivial matter, the world will end soon, let them have more time to discuss how to save the earth!"

Gou Fugui said: "Speaking of which, Comrade Lei Feng, this kind of thing is still up to you humans and monsters to solve by yourself. Isn't there a monster in the world?"

After hearing what he said, I suddenly realized that I am just a Taoist priest. Then I looked at Pixiu and said, "You..."

Before he could finish speaking, Pixiu had no way to get angry: "I said earlier that you and I are one, you are weak and I am weak, and you are strong so I am strong. Last time I suppressed Zhao Yi in my original form, I was already seriously injured. The original form is difficult.”

I thought of the Taoist priest upstairs again: "The Taoist priest Zhang upstairs..."

"Tianshi Zhang is just here with his dharma body, and he only comes back once in a while. The last time he met was your luck."

I took out the talisman left in my pocket and looked at Pixiu eagerly.

Pixiu said: "Ghosts and demons are not at the same level. Naturally, powerful spells also require the mana of the caster."

I had nothing to say anymore, turned around and took out 600 yuan from the interlayer of the shoe box under the bed, put it in my pocket, packed some clothes, and pulled Reddy Gaga to prepare to leave.

As soon as he walked to the living room, he saw the main door was pushed open, and Sanniang and Yunmei walked in.

Yun Mei held a plastic bag in her hand, and looked at me curiously, "Landlord, where are you going?"

Sanniang smiled coquettishly: "Hey, why, were you really scared yesterday?"

When I looked at Yunmei, I remembered the bloody Ultraman from last night. His calves were trembling. He pointed at the two ghosts and said, "I, I, I... I'll send them off..."

"Don't go out." Yun Mei said, "A person died last night, it's not peaceful outside."

They blocked the door, we really couldn't get out!

Seeing that I can't be tough on them at this moment, I was quick to think, and suddenly a flash of inspiration flashed in my mind, and I thought of a person, and said to Gou Fugui in a low voice: "There is a Taoist priest with a black beard nearby. He came to rescue me."

Gou Fugui nodded, and then walked out with Wu Xiangwang.

Yun Mei turned her head and gave me a sweet smile: "This is so good!"

Her tone seemed to be very familiar with me. I am a person with strong brain comprehension ability. When I saw her, I remembered the bloody mosaic yesterday. Listening to her so familiar words made me feel uncomfortable!
"So, it's still safe in the room." After Yunmei finished speaking, Yu moved her hand and locked the door.

I looked at the door lock, and instantly understood the feelings of those ignorant girls who were kidnapped into the hotel on TV and saw the man lock the door.

"San Niang, sit here." Yun Mei picked up the meat in her hand, "I'll cook."

I asked, "Didn't you already buy meat yesterday?"

"This is so fresh!" Yun Mei picked up the meat and shook it towards me, the red and white pork belly trembled with her movements, and the red liquid dripped down the meat.

I froze, and my calves began to twitch.

"Look, how fresh it is." Yun Mei scratched the bloodstain with her hand, and smiled very sweetly, "It's great to have such fresh meat every day!"

Yesterday was beef, what meat is today?

I fought a cold war.

Yunmei came into the kitchen humming a ditty, I had the urge to open the door and escape, but when I turned around, I saw Sanniang looking at me with a smile.

I understand, the monsters are all in the same group!

The two of them are working together, one is cooking and the other is staring at me.

I could only bite the bullet and find a chair, and sat down trembling.

Sanniang leaned on the table, propped her head on her hands, and asked with her mouth bent, "Did you scare you yesterday?"

I didn't know how to answer, so I answered vaguely. When Sanniang heard my response, she raised her eyebrows like a bright moon, and said in a dissatisfied tone: "Why? I don't look good in my original form?"

As a man who can bend, stretch and have wisdom, I can only succumb to the evil forces at this time, nodding repeatedly: "It looks good."

"Lie!" Sanniang tilted her head, her slender eyes narrowed, "Then why did you faint from fright?"

"Look at what you said, if I were a male fox, I would be fascinated by you!" I said, "Isn't that because I'm not a male fox, I can't appreciate some things."

Sanniang looked at me and smiled sweetly.

Pixiu snorted disdainfully.

It's okay if he doesn't hum, but when he hums, I get angry, lower my head and ask it in a low voice: "You knew that Yunmei is a monster, why didn't you tell me?"

Pixiu said: "She praised me."

I'll just rely on it, a dignified beast was knocked down by sugar-coated shells just like that!

I was calm on the surface, but my heart was burning with urgency. Seeing the time passing by, I don't know if the two ghosts, one fat and one thin, have found the old man with black beard.

Not long after, Yunmei brought out a hot meal.

The meat on the table is still delicious, but I have no appetite at all.

Sanniang raised her chopsticks, took a piece of meat and put it into her mouth: "As expected, it's still fresh! The meat is more tender than yesterday's." After that, she looked at me sideways, "I don't know if there will be such meat tomorrow. Fresh meat."

Reddy quack is a fool's blessing. I don't know how to eat anything, but I feel like I'm sitting on pins and needles, and I can't eat a bite.

Yun Mei said: "Horsepower, why don't you move your chopsticks?"

I said, "I'm not hungry."

Yun Mei frowned and looked at me: "Do you think my cooking is not delicious?"

I shivered, quickly picked up a garlic clove with my chopsticks and put it in my mouth, saying repeatedly: "Delicious, delicious, fat but not greasy."

"I am very confident in making meat!" Yun Mei smiled, "The meat must be cut according to the grain, so that it can be cut smoothly. Today, when I cut the meat, there were bones. I chopped it hard, and it splashed my face. The blood, I don’t know if it was washed or not.”

I looked at Yunmei. On the right side of her neck, there was a small piece of dark blood, lining her fair skin, which was extremely eye-catching.

"The most important thing is the outer layer of skin, but I'm the best at peeling the skin." Yun Mei tilted her head and gestured with her hand, "Peel it all off without any discount..." She looked up and down again when she said this Me, "Horsepower, your skin looks easy to peel."

I fought a cold war.

Yunmei smiled at me: "Just kidding."

I didn't see that she was joking.

After finally getting through the meal, the sky was getting dark, and the afterglow of the setting sun was no longer enough to illuminate the room. Seeing Yunmei and Sanniang lower their heads to clean up the dishes, I thought of running away again, and said haha: "So It's dark, I'm going to turn on the light."

Then he walked to the door, facing them, pulling the light rope with one hand, and secretly twisting the lock of the door behind him with the other hand.

With a "click", the lock opened.

Yun Mei, who was busy packing the dishes, raised her head vigilantly: "What's the sound?"

I was twisting the door behind my back with one hand, and I froze all of a sudden. I asked with a dry smile, "Sound? What sound? Where is the sound?"

Sanniang didn't speak, she bent her eyes and looked at me, her gaze fell on my arm which was placed behind me.

Reddy, who was full of greasy food, raised his hand and said, "The sound of him opening the door."

I glared at him angrily - which side are you on!

Yunmei put down her bowl and chopsticks, and walked towards me: "Horsepower, you can't go out, outside..."

Seeing her getting closer and closer, I said in my heart, "I will only listen to you!" I turned around and opened the door, ready to run out.

As soon as he opened the door, he saw a fairy-like old man in Taoist robes standing outside the door—it was the black-bearded old man.

I stood at the door, with the black-bearded Taoist priest in front, and Yunmei and Sanniang behind.

At this time, the clouds were light and the stars were sparse, and under the moonlight in front of the door was the reflection of a bald-necked poplar tree, and howling wolves could be heard in the distance.

My heart is suddenly enlightened.

The black-bearded Taoist priest stroked his beard, smiled at me calmly and said, "Two ghost messengers asked me to rescue you, what, am I right?"

This is the feeling of hope. For a moment, I felt that his Taoist robe was glowing. Fluorescent bugs are not enough to describe the brightness of this unexpected joy in my heart. Like a night pearl!That's right!Like beads!
"Immortal!" I couldn't be more excited, I dodged to hide behind the Taoist priest, pulled the Taoist priest's Taoist robe and howled, "Benefactor, help me!"

The Taoist turned his head and nodded slightly to me: "I found out that there are monsters in your room, and finally believe my words?"

"I believe it! I believe it!" I pointed at Yunmei, "Look."

The Taoist smiled and nodded, turning his head like a teachable child.

"What's the matter?" Yun Mei happened to chase after her, walked to the door, stopped suddenly, looked at the old man, and asked with a vigilant expression, "Who are you?"

"I thought it was a nameless little demon, but it turned out to be the legendary painted skin demon!" The black-bearded Taoist looked at Yun Mei, his expression slightly changed.

San Niang, who was originally sitting at the side, also stood up to watch the words, looked at the old Taoist and said angrily: "What a lifeless Taoist priest, unexpectedly came here!"

The face of the black bearded Taoist priest changed drastically: "The millennium fox spirit!"

The Taoist priest didn't know how many demons he had taken in. The two female fairies in front of him looked at the Taoist priest, their eyes almost spit fire.

When the natural enemies meet, there is a sudden storm, thunder and lightning, and the war is about to break out.

The atmosphere was so tense, I was worried that the old man with black beard would not be able to beat them, so I asked, "Can you beat them?"

"These two evildoers have a lot of practice." The old man with black beard said in a low voice, "I was seriously injured by the monster before, so I have no chance of winning."

When I heard it, I was anxious: "Then what should I do?"

"It's okay, don't panic, it's okay." The old man calmly took out a talisman from his pocket and handed it to me, "Go forward quickly and use this talisman to restrain her."

I took the talisman and asked, "What about you?"

The Taoist took a step back and clasped his fists righteously: "The poor man's magic power is not enough, let's take a step first, and we will meet later." After finishing speaking, he turned around and ran away.

I really want to kick him to death!

Reddy Gaga has the same problem as a dog. When he sees someone running, he chases after him hahahahaha all the way.

I could feel the anger of the two female monsters behind me without turning my head. I didn't care about anything anymore, and ran after Reddy Gaga and the black-bearded Taoist priest.

Yunmei shouted from behind: "Horsepower, wait! Horsepower! Don't run out!"

When I turned my head, I saw that the two fairies were also chasing after me, spreading their hooves and running even faster.

The old Taoist looked at us, and at the two female fairies who were chasing after him, and opened his mouth to curse: "Fuck me! What are you doing here!"

The three of us ran to an abandoned house next to the village. When I saw Sanniang and Yunmei chasing after me, I quickly closed the door.The door was so broken that it was about to fall apart. I searched for something to block the door. The room was so dark that I couldn’t see anything clearly. I touched a broken chair and was about to block the door. The old man with the black beard waved his hand and said: "No That's so troublesome!" Then he reached out and took out a few talismans, taped them on the door, and said, "This way they won't be able to get in."

Sure enough, there were only a few talismans pasted on the broken door. Yunmei and Sanniang arrived at the door, but they just knocked on the door, but couldn't get in.

Reddy squatted down to study the talisman, and was about to tear it up: "What kind of lock is this? Where's the hole?"

I was afraid that his hand would be torn apart, so I quickly opened his hand: "Don't move."

"It doesn't matter, this talisman is very safe." The black-bearded Taoist stroked his beard and said, "As long as it is pasted on, not a single fly can fly in outside the house, and at the same time, nothing can get out of the house, and within six hours No one can take it off."

"Horsepower technique!" Yunmei knocked on the door outside, "Come out."

I was still in shock and shouted: "Idiots just get out!"

"Horsepower!" Yunmei said, "It's dangerous inside, come out quickly."

When I heard what she said, my heart suddenly felt hairy, and I turned around and asked the black-bearded Taoist priest, "Aren't you a monster?"

The old Taoist pointed to the talisman on the door and asked, "What do you think?"

Yunmei knocked on the door and said, "Horsepower, come out!"

Seeing that she really couldn't come in, I was instantly angry and shouted at the door: "I won't go out if I can't say it!"

It was quiet outside the door, I pointed to the door and said to the old Taoist: "Look, don't dare to speak, these monsters are bullying and afraid of strength."

"Brother Ma..." Sanniang's delicate voice sounded, "Are you sure you won't come out?"

"It's hard to follow a gentleman's words!" I said, knocking on the door.

"Then you figure it out in the future, don't ask us!"

I was very angry: "That is, if I beg you, I will call you grandpa." Turning my head, the black-bearded Taoist priest was overwhelmed by my masculinity and gave me a thumbs up.

Sanniang said with a smile: "Okay, then I'll wait." It seemed as if she was watching a good show.

It's quiet outside.

"No wonder I think this place is full of monsters. It turned out to be these two big monsters." Blackbeard said: "These monsters are serial crimes. After killing people, they tasted the sweetness and stayed nearby to wait for the next target. But don't worry. , now protected by a spell, they will definitely not be able to enter."

Only then did I feel relieved to look around. The room was quite big, and there was a pile of garbage piled up behind it, which took up a lot of space in darkness.

I looked at the furnishings of this room, suddenly felt familiar, and asked Blackbeard: "Where is this?"

Blackbeard said: "I just found this place today, it's an abandoned empty house."

I've obviously never been here, but the more I look at this house, the more familiar it looks.

Standing by the door, Black Beard touched the charm and wondered, "It's weird, those two monsters are clearly outside, why do they always feel like there's a monster around them?"

Reddy rattled around, then sprawled and fell to the ground, yelling, "Skin and head stolen!"

(End of this chapter)