Funny: The Hilarious Life of a Wasted Taoist 1

Chapter 17
When I was in school, I felt depressed as soon as I was in class, and felt sleepy when I read a book. Later, because I slept too much in class, I couldn’t sleep at night, and my insomnia was severe. For the sake of my health, I had no choice but to skip class.

But you also need to choose a day to skip class. If you want to skip class every day, the school will definitely expel you, so I usually choose to skip class during the holidays, such as Ching Ming Festival and Double Ninth Festival. Answer "Come out to celebrate the holidays".

Later, when I entered the society, I saw my head teacher at that time, Mr. Xu, who taught mathematics. He made a brilliant summary of my behavior at that time: "You coward just want to skip class!"

Then I realized that if you really want to do something, you can figure out an excuse if you don't have one.

At this time, the lights were on and the road was full of traffic. I finished my work, sang KTV with my brother, and was having dinner with a few successful people.

Sitting on my left is the overlord of the underworld - Er Gouzi, the gang leader in the high-end small bungalow residential area, and sitting on the right is the business elite - Qiangzi, the chairman and CEO of Xiaoqiang Decoration Company.

In addition to me, the boss of Mashi Advertising Culture Media Co., Ltd., the three successful men gathered together, which was extremely eye-catching, and all the passers-by in the past cast envious glances at us.

"That's why I don't like it," I told them. "The three of us together, the light is too dazzling! Others keep looking at us, and it doesn't conform to our principle of keeping a low profile."

Er Gouzi slapped his legs and shouted at passers-by: "What are you looking at, blind your dog's eyes!"

Passers-by looked away one after another, and walked away dejectedly with their heads down.

Qiangzi took a sip of the noodles and said to Er Gouzi, "Don't make noise, keep a low profile, keep a low profile."

He really wants to keep a low profile. The three of us are married to him. His wife is very strict with him and strictly controls him from going out to meet friends. Qiangzi loves his wife to death. His wife said that if you go east, you will never go west. , so now he can only come out to meet us during the holidays.

Successful people have their troubles, which outsiders cannot understand.

"I said you three." The owner of the beef noodle shop ran over, "It's fine for you to squat on the curb and eat beef noodles, don't scare people? You three sit here, and each of you has a bowl of two yuan five beef In front of me, I have already scared away several of my guests!"

The three of us ignored him and continued to suck noodles.

Since I moved into the small second floor, due to the inconvenient transportation, I spend less and less time with these friends, and I only come out for dinner today during the holidays.I'm going to ask the things that have bothered me for a few days together.

"Let me ask you a question." I said, "If there are a group of cats living in a mouse hole with a mouse, it seems that these cats are not hostile to the mouse at present, but maybe they will bite the mouse at some time. What about that rat?"

"Just talk about it." Er Gouzi said, "Can cats and mice get together?"

I said, "Don't worry about it, just help me think about it first."

Qiangzi said: "Anyway, we all live together, so let that mouse touch the group of cats with love."

I said, "What if they are not moved?"

Er Gouzi said: "Beat them, and ask them if they are moved after beating them."

I asked, "Is there a way to be more civilized?"

"As long as it is a living thing, it must have weaknesses," Qiangzi said, "understand deeply and attack their weaknesses."

Based on this sentence, you can see that if entrepreneurs want to really become black, the underworld has to stand aside.

I also want to discuss this issue with Qiangzi in depth. Qiangzi's wife made a fatal phone call, and his wife didn't believe how Qiangzi explained that he was spending the holiday with us.

Ever since Qiangzi became an entrepreneur, Qiangzi's wife thought that a man would turn bad if he had money, and strictly controlled the financial power.The total funds in Qiangzi's wallet will never exceed 15 yuan.

The one who is darker than the underworld is the entrepreneur, and the one who is more powerful than the entrepreneur is the entrepreneur's wife.

Qiangzi sucked away the remaining noodles in one breath, waved his hand and said goodbye to us sadly: "I'm done with this festival, I'm going back, let's see you again!" After finishing speaking, he sighed and made a farewell message: " Happy Children's Day!"

"Happy Children's Day!" I said, "You go, we don't know when we will meet again next time."

"Hurry up," Er Gouzi said, "July [-]st is the party's birthday."

I finished eating the noodles, said goodbye to Er Gouzi, took my paste bucket and squeezed onto the bus to go home.

I am quite envious of Qiangzi, they say that marriage is the tomb of love, people in the tomb always feel pitiful, but it is even more desolate without a tomb.

The one who got off the car in front of me was a child from the village. He led his mother out of the car, and suddenly pointed to the sky and shouted, "Mom, what do you think is that?"

His mother squinted her eyes for a long time and said, "Balloon."

I looked in the direction they pointed, isn't that the roof of my second floor?Take a closer look, the two heads are floating above the house!

If the villagers walk over and see it, they will be scared to death!I quickly ran back and climbed up to the roof, and opened my mouth to ask, "What are you doing?"

The man nodded and said: "I am cultivating a relationship with my sweetheart. Looking at the stars and the moon, from poetry to philosophy of life. Romantic."

I saw villagers strolling by on the road, and hurriedly drove them off: "Go back first, go back first, and come out when it gets dark at night and no one else is around."

Sending the two heads away, I was about to go down from the roof with a sigh of relief, when I heard someone behind me sigh.

I turned my head to look, and the hanged ghost with a big tongue floated up at some point, looking into the distance with a sad face, as if he had something on his mind.

Her appearance is not as lethal as the two heads, and no one can see anything wrong when sitting on the roof.I decided to leave her alone and let her sit.

Sitting so quietly and quietly, she also looks pretty good.She's not ugly, and ignoring the tongue, this picture looks very artistic.

Just as I was thinking, a gust of wind blew by, blowing her hair, and the black hair fluttered around her face, sticking to her tongue.

I was wrong, this tongue cannot be ignored!
The hanged ghost suddenly sighed faintly, and said softly: "Thinking of the king is like the full moon, and the light is less clear every night."

I was taken aback when I heard the words, and looked up at her. Her pronunciation was standard, and she didn't have a big tongue at all. I don't know how many times I have said it.

The Hanged Ghost brushed his hair, still looking into the distance, with an indescribably lonely expression.

I sighed, and was about to comfort her, when she sighed softly again: "Every festive season makes me think of spring."

After I praised her, I immediately changed my tune, and I shouted, "It's 'Missing Relatives'!"

The hanged ghost turned to look at me with tears in his eyes.

Based on my understanding of her, she has a strong ability to resist blows, definitely not to the extent that I cry just by shouting.

I suddenly realized that this hanged ghost has a weakness!And now, I seem to have met her weakness.

I went to sit next to the hanged ghost and asked, "Are you unhappy?"

The hanged female ghost nodded: "Yes."

I sat down with a smile: "Then say it to make my brother happy."

The female ghost who hanged herself had tears in her eyes, but as soon as she finished speaking, the tears flowed out, and she said, "He...he hasn't come back yet..."

I asked, "Who?"

Hanging the female ghost said: "Ou Zhanghu."

"Husband." I couldn't tell she was married, so I asked, "Where did he go?"

"I don't know." The hanged female ghost said, "Ke Su said to let me wait for him."

I asked, "Then you just wait for him, why hang yourself?"

Hearing my question, there was a trace of doubt on the face of the hanged female ghost: "Hang yourself? I don't remember..." She tilted her head, with a more puzzled expression as she thought about it, and finally said: "Maybe I waited too long, I can't take it anymore. Or maybe... Su heard some bad news about him." Speaking of this, she suddenly raised her head in panic and asked me, "Did he shit?"

How do I know, I asked, "How long have you been dead?"

"I don't remember." The hanged female ghost touched her hair doubtfully and said, "I don't even remember what happened before. I just remember that I have to wait for him... Do you think he can come back?"

"It's hard to say." I said, "It's been so long that you can't even remember what happened before you were alive. Maybe he died of old age."

"It's really shit?" The hanged female ghost was stunned, and suddenly said, "But if he shits, why doesn't his soul come to see me, he said let me wait for him, he said he would come back..."

She became obsessed as she spoke, repeating those few words over and over again.

I saw that I couldn't ask any more questions, so I came down from the roof. The man's head was talking to the woman's head. Seeing me coming in, I turned around and asked, "You must have asked nothing. That lady didn't even know her own name after she died." I can’t remember.” After finishing speaking, he shook his head and sighed, “How pitiful! I don’t remember anything but that man, but he has been waiting here for more than 50 years.”

I asked: "You know?"

"Of course, of course I know!" The man nodded, "I came to this house earlier than her."

I said, "You lived here, too?"

"NO, NO, I was already dead when she moved here." The man nodded, "However, I remember more than her, let me think about it, her family seems to be very rich... yes, very rich , her father is an official, this is the villa bought by her family, it turned out to be very big, there is even a small garden at the back..."

"I have met her husband, who is very cute. Because it is a villa, they only come once in a long time. The last time it was only this young lady. I felt wrong that night, and it turned out that my feeling was right. The next day I heard the servant screaming, "Miss hanged herself! "

I asked, "You didn't go up to take a look at it at night, because you didn't feel right?"

"Of course, I'm a gentleman!" The man cut me off, then looked at the woman affectionately, and said, "All the ladies live on the second floor, I won't go upstairs casually."

Thinking back to when he hovered around the door of the refrigerator for so long, I think what he said was very credible.

This hanged ghost is also brainless, if people don't come to her, she can go to others.Now that so many years have passed, maybe that person has already been reincarnated.

This reincarnation, I don't know where to look for it, and the police may not be able to find it out.

Thinking of this, a flash of inspiration suddenly flashed in my head, the police in the world can't do it, I can go to the police in the underworld - Gou Fugui and Don't Forget Each Other!

I am a person full of action, and I think I can do it. Seeing that it was dark outside, I immediately went out to stop a ghost and asked, "Have you seen Gou Fugui and Don't forget?"

The ghost said: "I see, it's in the square."

When I walked to the square, I saw a group of ghosts crowded there.

The square of the village is just a stage. Usually, the villagers sing a play, put on a cultural performance or something, but today the village held a regular meeting during the day, and on the stage there were tables and chairs that were not collected when the village chief spoke and the village cadres spoke. Gou Fugui sat in the middle , sitting next to Don't Forget.

I asked the ghost next to me: "What are you doing?"

The ghost said: "Didn't you see it? It's a meeting."

After finishing speaking, Wu Xiangwang coughed on the stage and said: "Today, everyone is called here for a major event related to people's livelihood. First of all, we have invited our leader, Police Officer Gou Fugui, to speak , please applaud." After speaking, he pointed to Gou Fugui.

The ghosts in the audience were stunned, but no one applauded in response.

Wu Xiangwang said again: "Applause!" Then clapped his hands.

His applause rang alone in the silent night.

Seeing that the two people on the stage were getting more and more embarrassed, there was suddenly excited applause.

All the ghosts and I turned our heads to the direction where the applause sounded, only to see that Reddy Gaga came here at some time, sat on the ground, sat on the ground happily, clapped and shouted: "Good! Good!"

Gou Fugui and Wu Xiangwang looked relieved, Gou Fugui pressed his hands, and said, "Thank you for your warm applause, thank you!" Then he looked at his notebook and read out in a drawn out voice: "Today I asked everyone to come to this meeting, The main thing is to thoroughly implement the instructions of Lord Yan, learn the policies of the underworld, and work hard to build a better hell environment." At this point, he paused.

There was silence all around, only Reddy giggling there.

Gou Fugui raised his head and glanced at the crowd of ghosts under the stage.

Wu Xiangwang said to the audience: "Hey, how did you guys behave? You don't understand? When the leader pauses in his speech, he should applaud, applaud!"

The ghosts under the stage dragged their voices out, and said disdainfully: "Woo——"

Wu Xiangwang slapped the table and stood up: "What are you talking about, do you think you are listening to cross talk! Applause!"

All the ghosts under the stage were silent, and Reddy clapped desperately again.

Gou Fugui nodded, and continued to read: "According to the instructions in the Jifu Zhun No. 3679250 to build a happy new Jifu document, first, we have to..."

As soon as he paused, Reddy clapped vigorously, and the two cooperated seamlessly.

The report was long and smelly, and it made me drowsy after listening to it.

One ghost beside me yawned and said to the other, "I haven't felt sleepy since I died, and this time I finally found the feeling of being a human again."

"I hope everyone will study these 28 major items and [-] minor items carefully." Gou Fugui closed his notebook and said, "That's all for today's meeting."

All the ghosts cheered up and applauded thunderously.

"No more?" Reddy quacked. "One more, one more!"

Those ghosts flocked to him like a tide and beat him.

Gou Fugui and Don't Forget came down from the stage, and Gou Fugui walked up to me cheerfully: "Comrade Lei Feng, I haven't been in office for long, I don't know the local residents well, I haven't cultivated feelings, and I'm not familiar with official duties. gone."

I felt that it would take a long time for this relationship to develop, so I asked: "Did you teach the ghost class well in the last class?"

Gou Fugui shook his head and said, "Don't mention it, the police officer before me came to take over not long after he died, and it happened that the underworld was going to receive a 100-year summary report. Oppose Feudal Superstition, Hades became angry when he saw it, this place is full of ghosts, you oppose feudal superstition, you are a counter-revolutionary in the underworld! So he was sent directly to hell to experience the essence of feudal superstition.”

I sighed for a while, and said, "Brother Fugui, I have something to ask you." Then I told him about the female ghost being hanged, and Gou Fugui said straightforwardly: "Comrade Lei Feng, don't worry, since you spoke, That's absolutely no problem, I will definitely investigate this matter!" Then he turned his head and said to Wu Xiangwang, "Write it down and study it when you go back."

I asked again: "You are haunted by ghosts, how can I usually find you?"

Wu Xiangwang took out a whistle to me: "As long as you are within our jurisdiction, when you need us, you blow this whistle, and we will come right away."

I blew it for a while but didn't hear the sound, and saw that the shape of the whistle was very familiar, as if I had seen it at a dog shop, and asked, "Dog whistle?"

"No," Mu Xiangwang explained, "This whistle can emit a frequency that you humans can't hear, but we can hear it from a long distance."

I thought, isn't that still a dog whistle?

After a few farewell talks with Gou Fugui and Don't Forget, the ghosts around him dispersed, Reddy Gaga's clothes were ripped apart by those ghosts, and he sat on the ground aggrieved and said to himself: "Why did you hit me? , the fat man and the thin man are talking about cross talk..."

I seldom do good deeds. Once I finish this deed, I feel very comfortable. When I wandered back, I saw the hanged female ghost sitting on the roof wiping her tears, and shouted to her, "Don't cry, someone will find you right away." Already!"

As soon as I finished speaking, I saw the figure of the hanged ghost flashed, a gust of wind blew by, and a red tongue appeared in front of my eyes.

Shapeshift!

With tears in his eyes, the hanged ghost grabbed my clothes and asked, "Your respect?"

I said: "Of course it is true, I have already sent someone to investigate."

The hanged ghost asked again: "Did you lie to me?"

I was full of confidence: "If you can't find anyone, I'll give you my head as a ball!"

The next day, Gou Fugui and Wu Xiangwang did not come, and the hanged ghost came to me at night, and I said, "It's only a day, how can it be so fast."

A week later, Gou Fugui and Don't Forget didn't come, and the Hanged Ghost came to me at night, and I said, "I'm busy with work, hurry up!"

Then another month later, Gou Fugui and Don't Forget still didn't come, and the hanged ghost came to look for me again at night. I wiped my sweat and said, "It should be soon...there are so many Chinese people, so it's hard to find them." !right?"

Then another month later, the hanged ghost stopped looking for me, and just stared at me from a distance all day long. When I was eating, I heard her talking to that kid who was always bored in the room, asking him if he wanted to play football.

San Niang smiled gloatingly.

I deeply feel that I cannot wait any longer!According to the efficiency of those two ghosts for hundreds of years, by the time they find it, the Chinese men's football team has already kicked my head and hit the World Cup!

I blew the summoning whistle fiercely, and a moment later, Gou Fugui and Don't Forget really came.

I asked: "Have you found anyone? Why haven't there been a single person for so many days!" Hearing my question, the hanged female ghost quickly approached.

The two ghosts looked sad, and Gou Fugui said: "Comrade Lei Feng, it's not that we are slow. You need to analyze the specific situation in detail. To tell you the truth, we have been looking through the information during this time, and the spirit of reading it is almost gone. But You also know that in those decades, natural disasters and man-made disasters continued, there were wars, famines, and cultural revolutions. There are so many unregistered ghosts wandering outside, not to mention you don't know the name of the person you're looking for, it's like looking for a needle in a haystack!"

"Famous Zhi?" The Hanged Ghost interjected, "I know his famous Zhi, his name is Leng Baoyuan."

I was surprised: "Don't you even remember your own name? How come you still remember his name?"

The hanged ghost said: "I even remember everything about him."

"That's easy." Wu Xiangwang said, "It's easy to find when you have a name."

Sure enough, the next afternoon, the two ghosts arrived as promised.Gou Fugui patted me on the shoulder with satisfaction: "Comrade Lei Feng, I don't take on heavy responsibilities. The matter has been settled."

Don Xiangwang took out a small notebook from his pocket, "We conducted a search based on the information you provided, and according to the records..." He pointed to the hanged ghost, "Your surname is Kong, and your single name is Ting, and your father is a well-known local General."

The hanged ghost nodded: "It seems to be true."

"And the Leng Baoyuan you mentioned was born in Jiujiang County, Jiangxi Province. He was born on February 1923, 1975 in the lunar calendar and died on September [-], [-] in the lunar calendar."

"Shit?" The Hanged Ghost asked excitedly, "Then where is his soul now?"

Wu Xiangwang said: "He was reincarnated on July 1983, 21. His name in this life is Wang Liang. I have his date of birth and place of birth here, but I don't know where he is now." He closed his notebook , said, "There are only so many materials that can be found. We are not high enough to read other materials. We can only check them after he dies."

I said to the hanged ghost: "Look, everyone has reincarnated, so don't worry about it."

The hanged ghost said in a daze: "He told me to wait for him...why did he go to reincarnation, no, I have to go to him and ask him for clarification!"

I said, "Wang Liang's name is too common. There are too many people calling it. How do you find it?"

The female hanged ghost said: "I will find those named Wang Liang, and look at them one by one."

"They are all reincarnated, and their appearance must have changed."

The hanged ghost said anxiously: "Even if he is reincarnated, he will recognize him even if his appearance has changed!"

(End of this chapter)