Funny: The Hilarious Life of a Wasted Taoist 1

Chapter 25 The Underworld (1)
At this time, the surroundings around me were like splashed ink, and it was pitch black. I took a closer look and saw a magnificent door standing in front of the car, which was huge.I looked up and saw two copper lion knockers hanging on the door seven or eight meters away from me, and the word "underworld" was written in seal script on the top of the door.

I said, "This door knocker looks awesome, but it's out of reach!"

Gou Fugui said: "This is a decoration, just follow us."

When we reached the door, the door slowly opened as if we knew we were coming.

Wu Xiangwang said quite proudly: "This door is automatic."

I used to wonder why so many people walked to the door in the movie, and the door opened. After hearing this, I was enlightened, and it turned out that it was also an automatic door!
After entering the door, I saw a huge sign next to the door, with this line written on the top - welcome to the underworld, and a map was drawn below, not only marking the mansion of the king of hell, the bridge of Naihe, the eighteen floors of hell, There are also miscellaneous paths and shopping malls.

I am a frugal person and rarely travel, so now that I see the map, I feel that I should write it down first so as not to find my way later.

Gou Fugui waved his hand and said, "Comrade Lei Feng, with us here, why are you still looking at a map? Let's go, let's show you the way, so you won't get lost when you come here after you die, hahaha."

This Gou rich man is not bad, but why is he so annoying when he talks sometimes!
There were ghosts rubbing shoulders and heels beside me, and the death patterns were all kinds of strange. I walked all the way and almost saw the whole structure of human organs, thinking that I must not want to eat meat for a while when I go back, so I can save money.

To be honest, at first glance, this underworld is no different from the human world.There are even trash cans, and the slogans painted on them are also very creative, such as "Hell is my home, we rely on everyone to take care of it", "It is strictly forbidden to spit blood everywhere!", "Those who throw internal organs will be fined!" Class words.

After walking for a while, a palace appeared in front of my eyes, and there were two people standing at the door, one with a bull's head and the other with a horse's head.I thought to myself that this is the legendary bull head and horse noodles. I heard that these two are very greedy for money. I don’t know if it is true.

Gou Fugui walked over cheerfully, and said, "You two little brothers, I am the policeman in charge of Yangming Village, and now I have important matters to see the king of hell, please inform me."

Niutou raised his chest: "Yan Wang is very busy."

Ma Mian let out a heavy breath from his nose: "No time!"

I said to Don't Forget, "Or I'll release Pikachu to bite them."

Don't forget to shake his hand at me, then stepped forward, took out a few Ming coins from his pocket, whispered to the bull's head and horse's face, and then stuffed the money in.

The two ghost soldiers immediately smiled: "Yan Wang should be free now, let's go in and report." After that, Niutou went in to report.

I remembered this time, it turns out that people in the world of ghosts and ghosts are unable to move a single step without money, and if I die in the future, I will have money in my pocket.

Ma Mian stared at me and said, "Why do I feel that the Qi on your body is so familiar?"

I remembered what the man in the suit from the Aoxiang Law Firm had said. The Taoist Ma who gave me the second floor of the small house was a match for these two, so I asked him: "Do you know Ma Jianmin? That's my grandfather's second uncle's." Grandpa's great-grandson."

Ma's face slapped his thigh: "So you are a descendant of Lao Ma! Hey, just wait, I will inform you again."

I said, "Hasn't the bull's head already gone?"

Ma Mian said: "You don't understand, just having money doesn't mean you can see the King of Hades, it has to be related."

It turns out that Hades is not so easy to see.

While waiting, I saw a river next to the underworld, and there were red and bright flowers blooming all over the river, and I said to myself, "This underworld is quite green."

Pixiu said: "This is called Manzhu Shahua, also known as Bianhua, which blooms specially beside the Santu River."

I said, "Manzhushahua? That name sounds quite classy."

I saw that the flowers bloomed beautifully, and the name was also nice, so I secretly said to Sanniang, "Want to? I'll pick it for you."

Sanniang shook her head with a smile, pointed to the sign next to the flowers and said, "It says to care for flowers and plants, ghosts are responsible."

"Comrade Lei Feng, don't just want to pick this flower just because of the foreign style of its name." Gou Fugui said, "Recently, some young people are very shameless. They think this flower has a nice name and sounds romantic, so they secretly come to pick flowers and give them away. The female ghosts made Yan Luo Wang very angry, and they were all severely punished."

"Mr. Ma, you don't know. Manjusawa is easy to grow, likes shade, and can also repel insects." Don Xiangwang said: "The Santu River is very cloudy and full of water. Those dead mosquitoes like to gather the most. Here, the Hall of Yama is nearby, King Yama was bitten by mosquitoes every day, so he couldn't stand it so he planted this flower, the main purpose is to repel insects."

"You said who would be happy to give this to others?" Gou Fugui asked me, "Do you know why Manzhushahua blooms so beautifully?"

I shook my head.

Wu Xiangwang reached out and grabbed a mosquito in the air, and said to me, "Because there is a dead body buried under it."

Sanniang smiled and asked me, "Brother Ma, do you still want to pick flowers and send them to me?"

I said solemnly: "It is the responsibility of ghosts to take care of flowers and plants."

Speaking of this, the bull head and horse face came back and said: "The King of Hades wants to see you, go in."

Sanniang, Don't Forget and I were about to go in, Gou Fugui said: "Wait a minute, don't be in a hurry!"

Then he took out a few pieces of paper money, stuffed them into the hands of Niutou Mamian, and said, "Comrade, you have worked hard! My name is Gou Fugui, and I am a policeman from Yangming Village. We will get to know each other when we meet in the future."

Then he patted their shoulders affectionately, turned around and said to us, "Let's go."

I suddenly realized, no wonder he can be an official, and he never forgets to pave the way wherever he goes.

The underworld palace is extremely spacious, surrounded by dark kerosene lamps, and the walls on both sides are painted with scenes of ghosts being tortured in the [-]th floor of hell, which looks extremely terrifying with the dim lights.

There is a carpet in the middle of the palace, with ghost messengers holding sharp weapons standing on both sides, and sitting at the front is a fat man with a big black beard, thick eyebrows and big eyes, wearing an official uniform and an official hat, and next to him is a vicious judge with a mustache.

Sanniang pointed to the bearded beard and asked in a low voice, "Is that the King of Hades?"

I said: "It should be true, the bearded man surnamed Zhang who filmed the TV series also looks like this." (Zhang Jizhong? Deleted)

Gou Fugui said, "The person we are looking for is right ahead."

The light was too dim, and after hearing what he said, I realized that those ghosts crawling in front of me had their bowels spilled all over the floor, and they were none other than General Kong's family.

The trial of the case has come to the end, the King of Hades slapped the tree awake, and said loudly: "Leng Baoyuan, you killed the Kong family with sinister intentions, and you should be punished for your crime! I sentence you to go to the Knife Mountain Hell to suffer from the pain of sharp knives. , and then enter the frying pan hell to be fried in hot oil, and then reincarnate into the beast realm after a hundred years!"

I was very happy when I heard it, and said to San Niang: "This grandson will be fried thoroughly in 100 years, even if he is reincarnated as a beast, he will be a roast suckling pig."

Sanniang licked her lips: "I hope he is reincarnated as a chicken, I love fried chicken the most."

After hearing this, I secretly decided to take Sanniang to eat Ken Oki when I got back. It was a high-end restaurant, and it was best at cooking chicken.

When Fu Qingcheng heard that he knew he was going to suffer, but he didn't show any worry at all, King Yama said: "Come here, drag him down to be punished!"

Two ghost messengers took the chain to lock Fu Qingcheng, Fu Qingcheng threw the chain aside with a wave of his hand, seeing him resisting, the two ghost messengers immediately held him down and tied him up forcibly.

Yan Wang said: "Leng Baoyuan, if you resist arrest again, your crime will be increased."

Fu Qingcheng sneered and said, "Lord Yan, who is your name?"

Yan Wang was obviously irritated by his contemptuous attitude, and said, "Leng Baoyuan, I am calling you!"

"You sentenced Leng Baoyuan?" Fu Qingcheng laughed, "But my real name is Fu Qingcheng. If you don't believe me, Lord Yan, you can look up the book of life and death to see my date of birth."

As soon as these words came out, everyone was stunned.

He admitted that he was the murderer who killed the Kong family, but he did not admit that he was Leng Baoyuan.

"I've never been some kind of Leng Baoyuan." Fu Qingcheng said, "That identity is fake."

Hades frowned when he heard his words, and asked the judge next to him, "Is this true?"

The ferocious-looking judge held the ecstasy pen in one hand, and flipped through the book of life and death with the other. He turned to the end and said, "En?" Reincarnated as a human, his name is Wang Liang."

Yama asked, "What about Fu Qingcheng?"

The judge replied: "Fu Qingcheng's date of birth and death is indeed consistent with this person."

Hearing this, Fu Qingcheng said: "No wonder I thought Wang Liang looked familiar when I first met him, and somehow I felt sorry for him and always wanted to treat him well, so it was him!"

All the ghosts were confused when they heard this, Pai Yao said: "This seems to be a big deal, the underworld is in trouble!"

Sanniang fanned her fan, gloating and said: "There is a good show to watch."

Seeing that King Hades and the judge suddenly lost their voices, General Kong said loudly: "Even if his real name is not Leng Baoyuan, it is a fact that he killed our family. These crimes are enough for him to go to the [-]th hell. What does your name matter?"

Hearing this, Fu Qingcheng smiled confidently: "It doesn't matter? It's a big deal! Your lord, what is Fu Qingcheng's life as recorded in the life and death book?"

The judge said: "You have been poor all your life, but you have never harmed anyone."

A treacherous smile appeared on Fu Qingcheng's face, and he asked back: "Since I have never harmed anyone, why should I be punished to go to hell to atone for my sin?"

General Kong roared: "What harms no one?! Are you pretending to be standing here as the youngest of the Kong family?"

Fu Qingcheng said slowly: "General Kong, what you said is wrong. There are no rules, and there are rules in the underworld. In modern terms, the underworld is also a society ruled by law. There must be laws to follow when speaking and doing things. What is the underworld? Rules? What is the law of the underworld? Isn’t it the book of life and death? Now, even the book of life and death can’t convict me, so what can Lord Yama do to me?” You can also go to heaven to ask for clarification!"

This Fu Qingcheng was indeed a rich and powerful entrepreneur during his lifetime, and the threat he released was very intimidating. The King of Hades had never been threatened like this by an ordinary ghost, and his eyes were as big as copper bells with anger.

The Kong family ghost was so angry that his chest heaved non-stop, and those intestines floated like waves. The hanged ghost asked General Kong's wife softly: "Mom, I have never been a bad girl who has changed her mind. Why do I look at Baoyuan more and more now?" The more I talk, the more I want to punch him..."

These words seriously spoke out my heart. Seeing Fu Qingcheng's so pulled face that he couldn't recognize his mother, I really wanted to go up and give him two slaps, until he hugged General Kong's leg and shouted sorry.

Obviously I am not the only one who has this idea, even Gou Fugui frowned and said: "People can't be so shameless!"

Just when the crowd was furious, a charming female voice with a smile suddenly sounded: "Mr. Fu knows very little about the underworld, and ordinary people will never understand it to this extent. If I guess correctly, this is for you to change." The master of life told you, right?
Hearing this, Fu Qingcheng's expression changed greatly, and he said, "What did you say to change your fate?"

"Change your fate?" Hades asked the judge next to him, "There was a report about changing your fate before, who said it?"

Gou Fugui hurriedly said: "Leader, leader, I reported this matter." Then he stepped forward and explained the beginning and end of this matter clearly.

When Gou Fugui mentioned that the fate of the Kong family also did not match the reality, Yan Wang asked: "Isn't there only one Leng Baoyuan with problems? Why are there so many problems all of a sudden?"

The judge said: "This has never happened before, so you don't know. This person is closely related to the fate of others. A change in one person's fate will affect other people."

I said: "If Leng Baoyuan hadn't changed his fate, the Kong family would not have died tragically, and they wouldn't be making trouble in hell now, so this incident has obviously affected more people."

Yama listened carefully to my words, his expression became very serious.

I said: "This kind of big event caused by a small event is called the 'moth effect' in our human philosophy."

Hades and Judge nodded repeatedly, Sanniang poked me and whispered in a low voice, "Brother Ma, that's called 'Butterfly Effect'."

I said, "Basically, a butterfly is a big moth."

Hades already knew that this matter was no small matter, and asked the judge with a livid face: "You said that the fate of people is closely related, so it must not only be affected by the Kong family. Didn't the ghosts of those people come down and be tried? Why didn't anyone report such a big thing before?"

The judge said: "Your Excellency, you forgot, the sentences below are all based on the original sentence written in the Life and Death Book. Therefore, there have been a lot of people who have petitioned (politically sensitive) recently. You said that the Life and Death Book has never been missed. Those people are troublemakers. After a meal, the original sentence was upheld."

Yan Wang blushed and said: "Of course you have to follow the rules, or else you have to pay?" Then he waved his hand and said to Fu Qingcheng: "I won't pursue other people, but you are the chief culprit in this matter, and you can't escape it." Responsibility, what should be the crime?"

After Hades finished speaking, the ghost guards standing on both sides knocked the ground with their weapons and shouted loudly: "Wei...wu..."

There was also a shrill voice shouting, "Leave the confession!"

Another deep voice continued: "Strictly resist!"

I turned my head and saw a ghost in white clothes and a white face standing in the dark place where the sound came from, with a very tall white hat on his head.

Gou Fugui asked me, "Who do you think he is?"

I said: "With such a high hat, he must be a senior chef in the underworld."

Don't forget to say: "That's black and white impermanence."

"It's a lie! Black, white and impermanence all appear in pairs." I said, "Now you only see the white, why don't you see the black?"

Sanniang said with a smile: "Hei Wuchang is standing there, but you can't see it standing in the darkness with black clothes, black pants and black face."

I am secretly amazed, this is called protective color!There's no comparison to a chameleon or something!
Going to look at Fu Qingcheng again, his face was livid with fright, and he said: "What change of fate? I don't know at all!"

"How dare you argue!" Yan Wang slapped Xingmu, "Drag it out and soak it in oil!"

The two ghost messengers immediately went to tie Fu Qingcheng with chains.

It's too cruel, and torture will be used as soon as it comes up.I couldn't bear to watch it, and said to the two ghost messengers with compassion: "We still have something to ask him, don't fry it too hard, it's almost medium-rare."

Fu Qingcheng was dragged by two ghost guards, who kept struggling and kept shouting: "Lawyer! Lawyer!" After shouting a few words like this, he suddenly fell silent, and saw the wall painted with the oil pot hell It suddenly disappeared, and a wave of heat came head-on, and behind the wall was a huge frying pan!

The hot oil in the pot was boiling. Compared with the oil pot, the tortured ghosts were like ants in size. The screams of the tortured were one after another. Next to the oil pot was a high mountain. The ghost guard standing on the top of the mountain pushed a ghost down. I heard the crackling sound in the oil pan, and the cry of the ghost was extremely miserable.

Seeing this scene, Fu Qingcheng's legs were so weak that he couldn't walk. The ghost guard dragged him to the junction of the oil pot hell and Yan Luodian. Fu Qingcheng finally couldn't stand it anymore and shouted: "I'll do it! I'll do it!"

The ghost messenger let go, and Fu Qingcheng rushed to the king of hell, wiped away the tears that were frightened, and said repeatedly: "Lord of hell, I have recruited them all, and I am indeed the one who killed the Kong family, because The villain's life is not good, so I changed the fate of Leng Baoyuan, who can become rich and powerful..."

The King of Hades said: "Under the whole world, no one knows how to change fate. How did you change your fate?"

Fu Qingcheng said: "The villain changed it in a muddleheaded way, and he didn't know why he succeeded..."

Hades shouted: "Nonsense!"

Fu Qingcheng said: "This is true, in fact, villains also have a little spiritual power..."

I couldn't help booing him: "Damn you, you have spiritual power and you can be scratched to death by the Kong family ghost so easily?"

Yan Wang said: "Throw him into the frying pan!"

The ghost messenger came to pull Fu Qingcheng again, Fu Qingcheng begged for mercy, and shouted loudly: "I say! I say! I didn't change my life! It was someone else who changed my life for me!"

Yan Wang said: "You quickly recruit it as it is."

Hearing that he finally started to tell the truth, we stepped forward and stood with Kong Jiagui to listen.

Fu Qingcheng said: "My parents died since I was a child, and I grew up eating all kinds of food in the village. It was nothing at first, but then a blind fortune-teller came to the village and said that I was burdened by the previous life, and that I was born lonely and helpless in this life. If you live poorly all your life, you will be a drag on others.”

The hanged ghost asked me: "Are all the fortune-tellers for Xiami blind?"

I said, "One line suffers from one line, and that's an occupational disease."

Fu Qingcheng went on to say: "The blind master has never missed a fortune-telling for others. After listening to his words, the villagers began to exclude me. I think I was only five years old at the time. I was just a child, but my fate had already been decided. No matter how hard I tried in the future All in vain. I am very unwilling, why do I have to pay for the mistakes of the previous life in this life? Why am I doomed to be poor all my life? I wanted to change my destiny, so I knelt at the door of the blind man for a day and a night."

Sanniang asked: "The blind man is that high-spirited man?"

Fu Qingcheng shook his head and said: "No, that blind man said that human fate is destined and cannot be changed randomly. He also swore that there is no sign of my destiny changing, and advised me to accept my fate."

"But even if he said that, how could I accept my fate? I said that if I don't know what will happen in the future, it's fine. Now that I know, no matter how hard I try, there will be no results. How can I be reconciled? The blind man sighed , If you knew this earlier, you shouldn’t have told me, and then you’ll go back to where you live and never come out again.”

"I was born in a small place, and I was short-sighted at the time. I saw this blind man's eloquence, and I knew he would save me, so I knelt at his door and refused to leave. I knelt like this for two days. The blind man didn't come out, but met a young man."

"Could it be this young man?" I asked, telling the story to focus on the important ones. Since this young man is mentioned, he must not be here to sell steamed buns, and his identity is definitely not simple.

Fu Qingcheng nodded and said: "I didn't know when this man came to me at the time. The man appeared suddenly as if he had fallen from the sky. At that time, he just opened his mouth and asked - 'Do you want to change your life?'"

We all fell silent when we heard this, the man's first words and appearance seemed very strange.

"I guess he heard it from the disabled comrade," Gou Fugui said, "As for why you didn't see him coming, it's very simple. Maybe they belonged to the same room. When they came out of the door, he walked quietly. , You knelt for a few more days and were exhausted, so you didn't notice."

Fu Qingcheng replied: "Although I was tired and hungry, I kept staring at the blind man's door. The man definitely didn't come out of the door. That kind of situation is like he suddenly appeared in the gap of less than a second when you blinked." Same."

"I know who that man is now!" I whispered to Sanniang, "He's the Flash!"

Sanniang glanced at me, half coquettish and half complaining: "You just like to play poor!" Then she asked Fu Qingcheng: "Is this man a blind man's friend?"

Fu Qingcheng said: "I thought he knew the blind man, otherwise he would not have known about my desire to change my life. But the second sentence the man said was-'I don't know the blind man, but I can help you change your life' .”

(End of this chapter)