Engraved crush time

Chapter 19 Your Leaving Without Saying Goodbye, Mine Escaped

Tang Qiming never came back, and he didn't even say "goodbye" to me.I know, this is his usual style.It's just that I don't like it, I don't like how he forced me to accept his style of doing things.However, I had no choice but to get through his phone, so I had no choice but to bear it silently.

The room is so empty, every night I hope to hear the sound of running water, walking, and even the sound of closing the door, but what awaits me is empty silence.So, I got up from the bed and nestled on the sofa in the living room, and I turned on all the lights in the room.The white lights made me forget that I should save electricity.

The house is in a mess.The coffee table was covered with colorful food packaging bags, some of which fell on the floor in a mess, and I didn't bother to pick them up and throw them in the trash can, I had no energy.Just nestled on the sofa, seemingly sleeping but not sleeping.Most of the time I am awake, this state is very bad, because I always think of a lot of things, such as when I was a child, I cut my finger because I cut potatoes, and the bright red blood was left on the white chopping board. I panicked Powerful, but enduring the pain and groping to find a Band-Aid, I dare not tell Jiang Caiwen, I am afraid she will call me stupid; another example, when I was in elementary school, I was ridiculed and ridiculed because I did not want to join some small team activities. The aggressive taunts gradually turned into fists. To this day, I still remember the tragic pain when three or five fists landed on my back, and my whole heart seemed to be pierced. I couldn't beat them, so I could only squat on the ground and cry.As a result, more people surrounded me and laughed at me, but no one would stand up except Xiao Jiayi.He dropped the schoolbag on his shoulders like a bomb about to explode, pushed down the bad boys around me, and then grabbed one of them and beat him to death.He looked very aggressive in the fight, his veins were twitching violently, and his face was flushed with blood, so many children fled.Finally, when he helped me wipe away my tears, I realized that his arm was bleeding. The bright red blood flowed straight down the arm and flowed into the bottom of my heart. After all these years, I can never forget it.

Sometimes I just fall on the sofa and sleep when I feel tired.At this time, even sleeping is a panic. I always dream about the pain and tears when I was a child, so I cry in my dream, and the tears fall on my wrist.I woke up from my sleep, and for a while I couldn't tell what was a dream and what was reality.Just staring feebly at the clock on the wall, the seconds dangled round and round, and the time became so long.

Tang Qiming is a good man.I always say this to the empty house.I don't need an audience, or rather, my audience is myself.I tell my story to myself, babbling like I have amnesia.Then I asked myself, "Do you love him?"

do not love.This is the voice that jumps out from the depths of my heart for the first time.I think this is my answer too.I don't love him, what I love is Xiao Jiayi.And Tang Qiming is just a good man, he only appeared to bring me some kind of warmth.And that's why I feel bad conscience.I think what Wang Xinrui said is right, he is a good person, and a good person should be happy as a matter of course, but I cannot destroy his happiness.

That's it.

So I barely supported my body, trying to pack Tang Qiming's things.If he comes back, he can take it away directly, lest he get busy and leave some things in a hurry.Before I got up from the sofa, a gentle knock on the door interrupted my plan.I turned around and opened the door, and then I saw Jiang Caiwen.

I don't know how she knew I lived here, I never told her that I rented a house outside.I know that this is my own business, I don't need to tell her.

Before I could open my mouth to ask, applause sounded from the empty stairs, burning pain spread from my face, I turned to look at her, her eyes seemed to be burning, this fire Burned in her eyes for years.I don't know if there will be a day when it will automatically go out.

"You bastard, are you still alive?" She still swears and hits like I did when I was a child. In front of her, I was never a child who made her feel distressed, but a tool for violence.I am used to her abuse and slaps, these things filled all my childhood memories, so that I often wonder if I have some kind of psychological defect, and it is precisely because of this defect that I have to Falling into some abyss again and again, there is no other way but to struggle to the death.

She stepped into the house, looked at the house like a tenant, and then sat on the sofa, "There is a place at home that you don't live in, and you rent a house outside. The rent is free or what's the matter?"

I leaned on the threshold and reminded her, "That's your home, I don't have a home."

Her face turned pale in an instant, and she looked like a ghost in the living room with the curtains closed.I just felt that her eyes drooped a little bit and landed on the coffee table covered with garbage bags.She reached out and picked up the colorful garbage bags together, and put them in a white plastic bag, which she also picked up from the floor.The room was so silent that there was only the faint sound of plastic bags being squeezed together, and then the sound disappeared, and she also stood up from the sofa, went to the corner of the table and picked up the garbage bags in the trash can together.

I held her back, "Don't bother you, I'll clean it up myself."

Instead of dropping the trash, she gripped it even tighter.She lifted her head, sighed heavily, and walked out of my room.

I don't even know the purpose of her coming to me, is it to slap me and scold me or to help me clean up the trash?I have no idea.

Anyway, I'm used to her inexplicable.She was like this when I was a child, beating me inexplicably, so that I would always reflect on what I did wrong in the unhealed pain, so I became more and more careful, and even lived in panic every day, even though In this way, the slap will still fall on my face.

Later, I realized that she hit me just to vent the pain in her heart.Because I often hear her sigh in the dead of night, and every time I hear that heavy sigh, I feel gloating, the kind of gloating with revenge.

"Why can't you get through on your phone? I thought something happened to you?!" Yang Shanshan sat beside me.She came by coincidence, Jiang Caiwen just left for a while, she stepped into my room.At that time, I was lying on the sofa in a daze, and I even forgot to close the door.The advantage of this is that I don't have to get up to open the door for Yang Shanshan, I have no strength left.

"During class yesterday, Teacher Dai asked you why you didn't go to class." She said calmly, "Jiang Hui, you haven't gone to class for three days. This is not good."

I didn't answer her.I feel that I don't have the strength to speak, pretend, or do anything. Fortunately, in front of Yang Shanshan, I can let myself go without pretending.

"Have you eaten? Are you hungry?" She asked me, "Why don't we go eat hot pot, it's cool today."

I shook my head and said, "Yang Shanshan, tell me, did you tell her?"

"what?"

"Isn't it?" I asked her without looking up, maintaining the inherent posture.

"Jiang Hui, I don't understand what you are referring to. Tell who? Teacher Dai?"

"Jiang Caiwen." I stopped her, and then I realized that she might not know who the name was, so I added, "It's that middle-aged woman you just met upstairs. Garbage in plastic bags."

"Oh, what's the matter?" She looked innocent, "I met her, you look very similar to her."

"Did you tell her that I live here?" I ignored her last sentence, and I didn't bother to pay attention.

"Nothing." She justified, but her face began to flush slightly.

I didn't speak, just nestled on the sofa.The burning pain on his face has long since disappeared, leaving only a long period of tranquility.Yang Shanshan stood up and touched the glass to pour water for me, but when she turned around and walked to the kitchen, I heard her cry, "Jiang Hui, the water in the glass has turned green." The empty cup stood at the door of the kitchen, "The water dispenser is also empty, what kind of life are you living? Where is Tang Qiming? Why doesn't he change the water?"

"He's gone," I said.

"Where did you go?" She looked at me.

"I don't know." I shook my head and buried my head in the sofa.

Yang Shanshan didn't ask any more questions, she put down the glass, turned around and walked into the kitchen.Soon, I heard the sound of running water washing things.That sound is very familiar, continuous and continuous.Later, I heard the sound of flames jumping, "stinging, stinging" as if they were about to burn.

I found a certain kind of peace in this faint sound, and my body gradually became lighter, as if floating on a cloud.Soon, I fell asleep on the sofa.Sleep is actually a very wonderful state. A large part of its existence is to make up for the sadness and remoteness in reality. Only in sleep, many people and things will not become so far away, will be Become inseparable, forever and ever.

I really wish I could sleep like this all the time, don't wake up, don't face, don't be sad, just fall asleep like this, don't care about anything, don't have to think about anything.Just fall asleep like this, that's fine.

So, I found Xiao Jiayi again in my sleep, and I found the time that had left me. He sat on the front bumper of the bicycle and waved to me and talked to me. His body seemed to be plated with a layer of gold leaf, shining brightly.The bicycle keeps sliding forward at a constant speed, unhurried and unhurried.He reached out to pull me, but no matter how hard we tried, we couldn't touch the little palm that was right in front of us.The distance was stretched very long, and as time passed, it became farther and farther away against the background of the morning sun.Then I cried, I waved my arms and shouted loudly: "Don't leave me...don't leave me..." But Xiao Jiayi couldn't hear me, he was already sitting in the car that was drifting away, he couldn't see me how sad...

I heard someone calling me, his voice was very familiar, full of childhood memories.I feel like I'm dreaming, this dream has been going on for too long, and I'm beginning to believe it's true, so I don't want to wake up, and I don't want to throw away the remaining warmth.However, the voice became clearer and clearer, with warm air spraying on my face, I opened my eyes, and then, I saw Xiao Jiayi.He was sitting next to me, holding my hand and smiling at me.

I looked at him in astonishment, and didn't speak for a long time. I always felt that I was still dreaming. This dream had been going on for too long and was too deep. For a while, I couldn't tell the difference between dream and reality. Confused together, piled up in front of me layer by layer, like a bunker.

It was Yang Shanshan, who poured two cups of hot water and put them on the coffee table. The water vapor soaked through the glasses, and the curling heat radiated in all directions, "You guys talk, I have to go beforehand." She winked at me and closed the door.

The whole room was silent, I even suspected that I was dreaming, otherwise, how could Xiao Jiayi appear in front of me quietly, he is not Monkey King, he can't change 72, he can't ride the clouds.

"You have slept for a long time, are you hungry?" He asked me.

I lowered my head, not daring to look at his face.I am afraid that all my sorrows will pour out thousands of miles at the moment I look into his eyes.I don't want him to be sad or unhappy because of me, I owe him so much, I can't finish my life.

He should be happy, and be happy with Tao Wanyi.

"You should be in Guangzhou." I reminded him, "Tao Wanyi will be anxious if she can't find you."

He didn't take my words, but turned his body slightly, took out his cigarette deftly, and then smoked it like no one else was there.His appearance made me feel very strange. For a moment, I even felt that four years had already obliterated us, and what was left was just a similar body.So I asked him, "When did you start smoking?"

He took a puff of his cigarette, then leaned on the sofa almost paralyzed, "After the college entrance examination. At that time, I tried my best to fill in the report to come to Zhengzhou, but my volunteers were secretly changed by my father. They hoped that I could Stay with them and take care of each other. On the day I received the notice, I bought a pack of cigarettes at the convenience store downstairs, and locked myself in the bedroom to smoke one after another. Since then, I have become obsessed with that The smell of tobacco, it always makes me feel peaceful." He said, exhaled a mouthful of cigarettes, and the faint smell of tobacco hit his face.

I lowered my eyes, "You shouldn't be smoking, it's not good."

He suddenly laughed, and his hearty laughter wafted through the empty room, and his voice wafted along with him, "Jiang Hui, you are still so simple. In fact, there is nothing you should or shouldn't do. ;Okay, or not, as long as you feel pain, feel relieved, and feel that you don’t need to live in pain, that’s good. Every one of us lives is not easy, so there’s no need to bind yourself to some kind of rules and regulations, let I’m not happy.” He glanced at me, stopped talking, and just smoked silently.The whole world fell silent, and we all stared blankly in a certain direction, as if in that direction, we could go back to the past.

"Did you know?" He stared out the window, something like light flickered in his eyes, "Your good friend—that girl named Yang Shanshan, called me when I was in class, and she told me you Very depressed, asked me if I have time, would you like to come back to see you some time. I said yes. I hung up the phone and booked the plane ticket for the day. I didn't even have time to go back to pack my things or ask the counselor for leave. I don't care about that much at all, I just want to appear in front of you as soon as possible, when you need me, hurry up, even a little bit, I feel at peace." He put out the cigarette butt, "Lucky The strange thing is, it only took me three hours to get to you from Guangzhou. After I arrived in Zhengzhou, I called Yang Shanshan and asked her where you were, and she told me how to go. That's it, I I saw you sleeping soundly. When I thought that you could see me when you opened your eyes, I suddenly felt very happy."

"Xiao Jiayi, I owed you when I was a child. How can I pay you back when you treat me like this? What can I owe you?"

"This is not a deal." He interrupted me, sitting upright, "I am willing, willing to do this for you. For you, thousands of thousands."

I suddenly felt sore nose, I want to hold back.It's a pity that I didn't succeed, and crystal tears still rolled down my face.Xiao Jiayi looked at me in astonishment, "Jiang Hui, why are you crying?" He wiped away my tears, just like when I was a child.

Xiao Jiayi stayed at my house.I advised him to go back to Guangzhou or Qingshui Hutong, but he was unwilling anyway.He said: "Jiang Hui, I can't rest assured that you look like this, please, don't drive me away anymore, and don't make me feel uncomfortable anymore."

I stopped talking, and simply cleaned up Tang Qiming's room.He stood at the door of the bedroom watching me busy, and asked me softly: "Is this what you call marriage?"

My busy hands paused for a few seconds, and after a few seconds, I heard Xiao Jiayi's voice: "Jiang Hui, why did you lie to me? You obviously just rented a house together. Why did you lie to me that you were married?"

"Xiao Jiayi," I interrupted him, "I didn't lie to you."

"Is this what you call marriage? Sharing a house with a boy is marriage? Jiang Hui, you really..." He paused, "Simple," he said.

I ignored him and continued to make the bed.Tang Qiming left in a hurry and left all his messy things on the bed. He was not like this before.I remember that every time I passed by the door of his bedroom, I could see the neat bed and the neatly arranged table.Only this time, he left the laptop on the bed, the table was even more messy, and the unfinished water in the cup turned green and gave off a strange smell.

I think he must be eager to get out of here, eager to get rid of me.Most men are like this, in a certain state they are like an arrow on a bow.But I don't blame him, he is a good man, he should have his future and happiness, and I can't destroy him.So, I wondered if I should invite Yang Shanshan to be my companion after Tang Qiming moved out. Living alone in such a big house always felt empty in my heart.

Xiao Jiayi was obviously too tired.He fell asleep in bed and forgot to turn off the lights.I stood at the head of the bed and looked at him, he was sleeping peacefully, his brows were stretched.I want to lean on his face and kiss him, even just once.But I dare not, I am afraid of disturbing his dream, I am afraid that I will fall into some kind of abyss again.So, I quietly exited the room and turned off the light.I said to the dark bedroom: "Xiao Jiayi, good night." I really hope that the rest of my life can be like this every day, saying good night to the person I love, watching him and being with him in endless nights, but in my heart It is also clear that hope is just hope.

I went back to the living room and opened the French windows.There is a cool breeze blowing in, caressing the face, it is very comfortable.It's just that I couldn't enjoy such a quiet night to the fullest.Just now, the girl from the milk tea shop called me, her voice was crisp, even with some kind of despair, "Manager Jiang, I think you should come to the milk tea shop."

I hung up the phone and went out.The outside world is bustling with people coming and going, as if people are animals that lurk day and night, no matter where they go, they are always crowded.And the direct result of this is that, walking in the lively crowd, you suddenly feel that you are so lonely.

I forget how long I haven't gone out, how long I haven't heard the sound of people and cars, the whole world is far away from me, as if a lot of time has been edited, and all I have left is a A vague feeling, I can't grasp it, I can't see it, I can only melt it into my body silently.

From far away, I saw the flashing neon sign of the Qisehua Milk Tea Shop, which stood out among the billboards of several sportswear brands, especially the ever-blooming Qisehua sculpture, which once became a my faith.Until now, I still carry this belief forward.I know that I will never lose it in my life, and it is impossible to lose it.It saved me when I was at my lowest point.

"Xiaohui, you are here." Seeing me enter the door, Xiaoya walked out from the front desk.She is the oldest waitress in the milk tea shop, and she had worked here for half a year before I came to the milk tea shop.After Manager He left, waiters one after another resigned and looked for another job.Only she stood firm as always.I once joked with her and said, "Don't you feel bored after doing this for so long?" She smiled and didn't rush to answer me, but continued to wipe the table.The way she wipes the table is very focused and subtle.The table was shiny again after being wiped down with a rag.That's when she answered me.She said: "I'm a girl from the countryside, and I don't have much knowledge. It's not easy to find a stable job in such a big city." She didn't speak anymore, just put the rag in the sink and scrubbed it , repeatedly, focus as usual.It was at that moment that I suddenly felt that we were very close.Experience is actually a very delicate relationship, it will quietly bring two people who are far away close together.So until now, she still calls me "Xiaohui". To be honest, I like this name instead of the polite "Manager Jiang".

In fact, even if Xiaoya didn't say anything, I could still feel the desertedness of the milk tea shop.Compared with the hot weather, it looks lifeless.Because of this, the sales report that should have been sent to Sister Liu a week ago has been delayed until now.I have been waiting, waiting for the turnaround of the milk tea shop, waiting for the bustle of the milk tea shop to resume, but I couldn't wait.If I can see the future, I will understand that not only now, but even in the longer future, I will not wait until it is destroyed, it is destroyed in my hands.

"Xiaohui, you haven't been to the milk tea shop for three or four days. There is no business in the shop these days. We can't get through to you. Several male waiters thought the shop was going to close down, and they said that the boss wanted to default I didn’t even dare to come to the store for my salary. This morning, those waiters still patted the table and said they quit, no, they really didn’t come to work at night.” Xiaoya didn’t have any plans, and reported the situation to me truthfully.I glanced at the store, and sure enough, only four of the eight waiters came.

"The store has never owed you wages, has it?" I said, "It's just that the business has been deserted these days. In a few days, the business will improve, and I have the confidence."

"Xiaohui, don't you know?" Xiaoya asked me tentatively.

"what do you know?"

"There is a new milk tea shop 100 meters away from our shop, just at the intersection. I pass by there every time I go to and from get off work. The shop has just opened for a few days, but..." She paused, then went on Said: "The price of a cup of cold drink is less than a quarter of ours. That is to say, a cup of milk tea that costs [-] yuan here is only [-] yuan. At first, I thought their milk tea at this price must be It’s a defective product, so I bought a cup to try it out. I was dumbfounded when I took the first sip, the taste of their milk tea is exactly the same as the one in our store..."

I didn't speak, just stared blankly at the bustling street, and the crowds of all colors gradually became blurred in my sight.I like this feeling, only this feeling can make me feel like a dream, and I don't care about so many whys and hows.

(End of this chapter)