Engraved crush time

Chapter 20 There are fish in the North Sea and trees in summer

There will always be a long silence after the lively noise, as if this is the original appearance of the world. We abandon the silence and seek some kind of inner comfort in the noisy crowd. In order to obtain this comfort, we lose ourselves and become Be irritable, become numb, laugh out loud or talk loudly.But in the end, when the banquet is over and the singing is hoarse, we suddenly realize that we have never lost the thing of loneliness.

The city at night will always give me some kind of hallucination, especially when the noise is gone and the silence returns, this hallucination becomes more obvious and even false.I am addicted to the world I imagined, as if the world has nothing to do with me, they are them, I am me, we have nothing to do with each other, and we will grow old with each other.

The whole city became more and more silent.I can clearly hear the beating of my own heart, and the slow rhythm supports the fate of the dying struggle.Each of us is fettered and teased by fate. Even as time goes by, we still cannot get rid of the shackles of fate, as if life never belonged to us.

I refilled myself a glass of wine.Lepin Chateau dry red, as bright as blood, is poured into a shimmering glass cup, shaking and intoxicating.I don't know how to taste wine, I just want to drink.Demand is a very essential thing, without any modification or even cover-up, it is purely an instinctive release.In fact, love is also a need, even the most basic need, just like our three meals a day, but we can't satisfy it, and we are in a situation of hunger and cold all day long.

Too many people are stingy with their love, and the more people don't get love.

Far away.Love this thing is too illusory and ethereal, it is not as real as this drink.Shake in the palm of your hand, bursts of coolness.This bottle of wine is the work reward Sister Liu gave me last month.She rarely showed up, and even entrusted a bottle of wine to the courier.To be honest, I can't figure out the boss of Sister Liu. Every month's work performance is sent to the designated mailbox through an electronic form.She trusted me so much that she entrusted everything in the milk tea shop to me, but now, I have failed her trust.I don't know how to save the milk tea shop. We don't have that much capital, and we can't make high-quality milk tea for two yuan a cup, so we have to sit and wait.Thinking of this, I suddenly felt hopeless.

When Xiao Jiayi appeared in front of me, I just drank half a bottle of red wine.I thought I was drunk and had hallucinations, but it was not the case. My consciousness was very clear, but my cheeks felt hot.

"Are you sleepwalking?" I said, raising my glass of glass and taking a sip of red wine.

"I woke up after sleeping and found that you were not in the house. I called you only to find that your mobile phone was left on the sofa. So, in the middle of the night, I woke up Yang Shanshan again, and she told me that maybe you will be here. No Come to think of it, you're really here," he said, sitting across from me.

"Would you like a drink?"

"Good idea." He smiled.

I stood up and found a glass for him, and he poured wine into the glass, making a "dong dong dong" sound.Then he picked up the glass, shook it lightly, brought it to his mouth, took a sip, and said softly, "Good wine."

"It's a lot of research. It's hard to imagine what you have learned during the four years in Guangzhou."

"Learned to endure." He didn't look up, but just looked at the bright red liquid in his hand.

I pretended I didn't hear, and continued to sway the liquid in the glass.

"Yes, it's forbearance. Forbearance that can't escape reality." He took another sip of red wine, with a calm expression on his face, "Do you still remember that I told you last time that I tried to write to you? The letter, but it was not mailed. The first time I drank and had stomach bleeding was the night after I finished writing the letter. I stole all my father’s red and white wine into my bedroom, then opened the curtains, looked at the dark sky, Drinking constantly, thinking about a lot of things while drinking. It was that night that I suddenly realized that alcohol is actually a good thing. It can paralyze your nerves, paralyze your consciousness, and make you unable to distinguish between the past and the present, so , We can always rely on the anesthesia of alcohol to live in an imaginary world, in such a world, there is only beauty and no regrets."

"You must have been drunk afterward."

"No, on the contrary, I didn't get drunk. I really didn't. I drank two bottles of red wine and felt very conscious. I got up from the floor because I had to go to class after dawn. Before dawn I I need to tidy things up and catch up on sleep. Before doing this, I put the letter to you in an envelope, and then I fell on the table and wrote down the address of Qingshui Hutong. At that moment, I Suddenly I feel that we are so close, just like when I was a child, you live opposite my house, and I can meet you when I go out. Thinking of this, I feel happy, secretly happy by myself. I lie on the bed and sleep all the time I couldn’t sleep, so I silently watched the sky turn fish-white little by little, and the whole world seemed to wake up in an instant. I didn’t sleep that night, I didn’t sleep for a moment. I just waited quietly for the dawn. It means that I can send you a letter, and I can hear about you... But, I couldn't do it because I wanted to send a courier, and the post office didn't work until nine o'clock, so I had to wait. Waiting is actually a long time. This kind of suffering, especially when you desperately want to hear some kind of news, this period of time becomes so long in an instant, it is difficult to pass every minute. Later, I slept in the classroom, and only sleep , will feel that the waiting time will be edited out."

"But fate made a joke with me." He smiled wryly, "I found myself lying in the hospital when I opened my eyes, my mother was sitting next to me, she grabbed my hand and asked me if I felt better After she reminded me like this, I felt terrible in my stomach. At that time, I only had one thought in my mind, which was to send you a letter. I stayed in the hospital for three days, and those three days were very important to me. For me, it was really torture. Because I couldn't do what I wanted to do, I could only bear the long wait. Three days later, I was discharged from the hospital. The first thing I wanted to do was to send you a letter, but the letter disappeared. "

"Could it be that your teacher found out and took it away?"

He shook his head and took another sip of red wine, "No, it's Tao Wanyi. During the three days I was away from school, she packed up everything. She stole the letter. It was the second day after I was discharged from the hospital. She made an appointment I went to the roof of the teaching building and told me. I asked her to get it back, but she refused to give it to me. So I told her, I said: 'Even if you don't give it to me, I will still write the second and third letter , even the hundredth letter.' I didn't mean anything else, I just wanted to get back my own things. But she didn't respond, she just looked at me quietly, expressionless. Just when I was about to turn around and leave At that time, she stopped me. I thought she changed her mind and wanted to return the letter to me. But in fact, she didn't. She took the letter out of her bag and began to tear it up. I wanted to snatch it back, but unfortunately It was late, and I saw with my own eyes that the letter that I poured all my heart and soul into was torn into two, four, eight, until it became tiny pieces. She raised the shredded paper and threw it downstairs, so , those tiny pieces of paper were blown in all directions by the wind... Later she said: "Xiao Jiayi, if you write a second letter, it will not be your letter that flies downstairs, but me." Her tone was very soothing , without any emotional color, as if explaining a certain fact, unhurriedly. After she finished speaking, she went downstairs. I stood alone on the rooftop of the 6th floor for a long time. I watched those things drifting away. I thought to myself, will there be such a few words that can float across the mountains from my side to your side? Is it possible?" He drank the wine in his glass, then fell on the table silently. Silently, his eyes fell on the neon lights flashing outside the window.At that moment, I suddenly found that the corners of his eyes were shining.

"It's all over," I couldn't find the right words to comfort him, "Also, Tao Wanyi is doing it for your own good."

"For me?" He suddenly laughed.He smiled embarrassedly, "Can you do whatever you want regardless of my feelings for my own good? Why do you still think so until now?"

"I don't know. I just think she loves you so much, even to the point of madness, so when I think about it, I feel that no matter what she does, it is justifiable. After all, her starting point No malice, just doing what should be done for the one you love."

"Jiang Hui..." He interrupted me, "Why do you think everything is so simple?" He shook his hand, looking exhausted, "Forget it, I won't talk to you about it. Let's go on drinking."

"There's no more wine." I reminded him, "Go back and rest, I'm sleepy."

In this way, we left the milk tea shop.There was no one on the street, and the whole world was eerily silent.When I thought of what Xiao Jiayi said to me, I felt cold, and a wave of chill hit my face.At this time, Xiao Jiayi grabbed my hand, which was very warm and wide, and he held my hand firmly in the palm.I didn't pull it back and let him hold it tightly.I really hope we can go on like this all the time, out of the cold and into the warmth.It's been like this all my life, holding each other tightly.

But no matter how simple the fantasy is, it will be defeated by reality. We are so helpless and have nothing to rely on, and we have to face these cold realities again and again.The whole person seemed to be lifted up, pushed down by the reality from a thousand-foot-high cliff, salvaged again, pushed down again, and so on, until his body was smashed to pieces.

I opened the door, and the white sunlight in the room instantly slanted out, burning my eyes.I subconsciously blocked the light with my hand, then turned my face and asked Xiao Jiayi, "Why didn't you turn off the light when you left?"

Xiao Jiayi still held my hand, "I forgot..." he said.

Soon, I realized that it was not Xiao Jiayi who forgot, but Tang Qiming came back.Before I recovered, he blocked the door without warning, and then I heard his familiar voice: "Jiang Hui, you're back."

I stood there numbly like an electric shock. At this time, I actually forgot to let go of Xiao Jiayi's hand, or rather, I forgot too many things, and I only thought about how he came back, how could he come back? ?

Later, Tang Qiming reminded me, "What are you doing outside, come in quickly."

I came back to find him smiling.I didn't understand what his smile meant, but I just took my hand out of Xiao Jiayi's hand as quickly as possible. I hoped that Tang Qiming didn't see it, but it didn't. The whole process was under his surveillance.However, he didn't say anything.

Whether this is a good thing or a bad thing, I don't know, I just feel like shaking.

Tang Qiming was very generous. He extended his hand to Xiao Jiayi with a smile on his face, "Hi, you are Jiang Hui's friend, right? I am Tang Qiming—Jiang Hui's husband." He deliberately put the emphasis on the last few words On, not too fast, just aggravated the tone.

I lowered my head, not daring to look at Xiao Jiayi, and then I heard his voice: "It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Xiao Jiayi—Jiang Hui's childhood sweetheart."

Immediately afterwards, there was a "Lang Lang" laughter in the living room, which I did not expect.I was caught between them, not knowing how to advance or retreat.Tang Qiming, on the other hand, said softly: "It's getting late, hurry up and rest. Xiao Jiayi, go to my room and sleep. I'll sleep on the sofa tonight."

"Why is this so embarrassing? Let me sleep on the sofa."

"Hehe, you are a guest. How can you sleep on the sofa?"

Such humility is completely meaningless, but the men are happy with it.In the final analysis, this is not because they are generous, on the contrary, but because they are stingy.Arguing over a simple issue, each showing their own talents.In the final analysis, men are more stingy than women, but they are better at covering up and hiding than women.

I am too lazy to listen to the humility of these two men.In order to prove their generosity, they will even find a hundred or even one reason to explain that they should sleep on the sofa and the other party should sleep in the bedroom.I don't have that much strength to be humble with them, the red wine pouring into my stomach has already played a role in my body, I can't wait to lie in bed, sleep peacefully, and avoid these meaningless things debate.So, I yawned and walked to the bedroom, and said as I walked, "You guys continue to be humble, I will go to bed first."

However, what I didn't expect was that the humility of the two of them ended here, and Tang Qiming gave in.He patted Xiao Jiayi on the shoulder, and ran to the bedroom to bring him blankets and pillows.Until I closed the bedroom door, the two of them were still chatting about each other's majors and knowledge, collaborating with each other without saying a word.I don't have that much energy to listen, I'm so tired, I just want to sleep.

So, I locked my bedroom door and shut out all sounds.

Great, the rest of the space is entirely my own.I can think about nothing, do nothing, just lie on the bed, close my eyes, waiting for the alternation between day and night, waiting for the peaceful morning, waiting for the old age... It's so good.

This night, I slept soundly, with almost no tossing and turning.Falling on the bed, drowsiness hit him, and his consciousness gradually became blurred.When I woke up from this sleep, it was already dawn, and the clear and crisp bird chirping and chirping could be heard outside the window.I can't remember how long it has been since I lay down on the bed with such a peaceful mind and looked at the clean and picturesque morning scenery outside the window. When I was young, I didn't know how to look at such a scenery; When you are old, shouldn't you feel sorry while looking at the scenery?In a person's life, only when he walks along the way and loses something, will he understand what is the most important in the end, and these are the so-called regrets and regrets.

We are doomed to regret and regret, this is a fate we cannot escape.

I got out of bed and opened the door.Tang Qiming was cooking breakfast wearing an apron as usual, and oily fried eggs and fried dough sticks were already placed on the table.

Seeing me standing in the living room, he greeted me and said, "Hurry up and wash up, the millet porridge is about to be cooked, and I can eat some potato chips."

I didn't move, or rather, I only moved my eyes, I didn't see Xiao Jiayi's figure.The sofa has already been tidied up by Tang Qiming, there are no blankets, no pillows, not even anything left by Xiao Jiayi, whether it's clothes or mobile phones, as long as there is something like that, I will feel at ease.But alone, nothing.

"What about him?"

"Who is it?" Tang Qiming didn't turn his head to look at me, but he was busy turning on the gas stove, heating the pan, pouring oil, and then burning potato chips. The room was filled with a light oily smell.

"Who else is there, Xiao Jiayi!"

"Let's go." His voice was lost in the sound of "stinging, stinging" cooking, but I could hear it clearly.

"When did you leave?" I forgot to keep calm, "Tang Qiming, did you tell him something?" I growled.

"I don't know, I didn't say anything." He cooked as usual, without looking back at me.

I turned around and ran to the bedroom. I lifted the quilt on the bed and threw it down heavily. There was nothing on the bedside table, so I went to look for my bag again, but I still couldn't find the phone.At this time, I heard Tang Qiming's voice: "Don't look for it, your mobile phone is at the socket next to the TV. You didn't take your mobile phone when you went out last night. I put it there for you."

There was already a faint smell of potato chips in the living room.I tried my best to keep my peace, then grabbed my phone and looked up and down for Xiao Jiayi's number. What I didn't expect was that it was not in the phone book, nor in the call log, and even the text messages Xiao Jiayi sent to me were gone...that is, Said, I can't contact Xiao Jiayi anymore.

Tang Qiming turned off the gas stove, and he put the oily yellow potato slices on a porcelain white plate. The freshly cooked potato slices were steaming, mixed with the smell of millet porridge, and floated into the living room one by one.Tang Qiming was still cleaning up the dishes in the kitchen. He had a habit of washing the dishes in the cupboard with clean water before each meal.There was the sound of running water in the kitchen, and I couldn't figure out how the water droplets and bowls and chopsticks were spinning in his hands, and finally the porcelain white light was jumping for joy, clean and white, I just knew that I couldn't contact Xiao Jiayi.

It took him a long time to come out with clean bowls and chopsticks, which contained steaming millet porridge.He put the bowls and chopsticks on the table, and when he turned to serve the potato chips, I got in the way.I didn't look at him, but just stared at the clean floor motionlessly, "Why do you want to do this?" I said, "Why did you touch my phone, why did you delete all of Xiao Jiayi's contact information?"

"I have to serve the food." He said, pushing me.It's just that I stood solidly in the middle of the road, motionless.

"You drove Xiao Jiayi away, right? It was you, right?"

"The food will be cold in a while."

"Why did you even delete his phone number?" I was about to cry.

"Let's eat."

"Tang Qiming!" I roared, "Since you chose to leave, why did you come back, why did you come back!"

He didn't answer me.Just bypassed me, walked into the kitchen, and put the potato chips on the dining table.

"Come and eat quickly. Look, I have fried your favorite potato chips and fried eggs. If you don't eat any more, the eggs should be cold."

I turned around and ran to the bedroom, closed the door, and tears flowed out.I called Yang Shanshan, she was still sleeping, her voice was full of drowsiness and hoarse, "Jiang Hui, early in the morning...what's the matter!"

I said, "Yang Shanshan, didn't you ask Jiang Caiwen for Xiao Jiayi's phone number before?"

Her drowsiness disappeared instantly, "How do you know?"

"Don't worry about how I know, that's not the point. The point is, you give me Xiao Jiayi's phone number, immediately."

"Don't you have his phone number?"

"Fuck!" I swear, "Yang Shanshan, why are you such a mother-in-law? If you want you to send it to me, send it to me quickly. There's so much nonsense." I was in a hurry.

"I really admire you two. He woke me up in the middle of the night last night, looking for you; this morning, you woke me up again, looking for him. I said, Where are you two singing this!"

"Yang Shanshan!" I ordered her.

"Okay, okay...I won't say anything, I'll send it to you now." She hung up the phone.

A jolt.

It was a text message from Yang Shanshan. I opened my phone and saw a series of numbers.I couldn't wait to dial it, but a gentle female voice came from the other end of the phone: "I'm sorry, the user you dialed has shut down."

It was as if, suddenly, I felt that my heart was completely empty.

When I came out of the bedroom, Tang Qiming was still sitting at the dining table.The food on the table remained motionless.Seeing me coming out, his eyes drifted from the dining table to me, he forced a smile and said, "Jiang Hui, come and eat."

I ignored him.I recited my head too far, I was afraid that I would cry, but it was actually too late, and the tears came faster than I expected.In just a split second, they broke through the barriers, rushed out of the eye sockets, and slid down to the corner of the mouth, "Tang Qiming, what did you tell him? Why are you doing this to me?"

"Jiang Hui..."

"Yes, I owe you." I interrupted him, "I owed you before we played this game. You lent me 1 yuan and returned it to Jiang Caiwen. It was you who chipped in to replace me with a new mobile phone." , You have done me a great favor. I have tried my best to repay you. I will return everything I owe you. What do you want to let me go? What do you want? I am not worthy of you , I will only destroy you, please, please let me go, we have nothing to do with each other!" I leaned against the wall, turned my face away, and said softly.I was already trying my best to control the tears that were pouring out of my eyes, but they still ran across my face silently.

Three months ago, my mobile phone was accidentally stolen when I was squeezing the bus after finishing a whole day of sales work. I was defenseless during the whole process because I was tired.When I got off the bus, I touched my pocket only to find that my phone was gone.It never occurred to me that these were just the beginnings of bad luck.Because on the next morning, Jiang Caiwen came to my school, and the moment she saw me, her face was gray.I clearly remember that the first sentence she said to me at that time was: "I thought you died in the hospital." I didn't understand what she meant, or she reminded me: "It wasn't you who sent me a text message last night. Did I transfer 1 yuan to your classmate’s account? And you said you were in a hurry for surgery.” I was stunned, and there was only one thought in my mind, which was that Jiang Caiwen’s phone number should not be listed in the phone book. Named: Mom.

I didn't expect Jiang Caiwen to be so easy to deceive.A text message made her transfer 1 yuan, which was something I didn't expect.But it was too late, my mobile phone was stolen, Jiang Caiwen was cheated, and it was all my fault.

It's just that that day, she didn't say much, seeing that I was safe and sound, she left silently.Her back is extremely thin, and I know she must be crying, feeling distressed for the 1 yuan.And it's all my fault.So that night I asked Tang Qiming if he could help me raise 1 yuan.To be honest, I didn't hold out much hope, but what I didn't expect was that he helped me make up enough.

I clearly remember the next morning, he spread 1 yuan in cash on the table in front of me, smiling.I don't know how he got the money and I forgot to ask.I just told him that I will pay him back, as soon as possible.He said, no rush.

These days, I have been trying to save this money to pay him back.I know that what I owe him is far from 1 yuan, but more things that cannot be measured by money, but I can't pay those things back, and all I can pay back is money.

Tang Qiming responded to me with silence. He sat motionless at the dining table, like a stone sculpture.I don't like his rationality, I just hope he can be emotional, even if only a little bit, enough to make him leave me, that's enough.

"Jiang Hui..." He took a long breath, "Eat something," he said, "I'll go and heat up the millet porridge."

He stood up and walked towards the kitchen stupidly. When he was about to reach the door of the kitchen, he turned around again, returned to the dining table, picked up two bowls of millet porridge, and walked towards the kitchen.Soon, the sound of rushing water drowned out all other sounds.

My phone was vibrating, I thought it was Xiao Jiayi.I couldn't wait to hold the phone in front of my eyes, it was a text message from Jiang Caiwen: Come back, please?
This sentence is even a little humble.I held the phone, lowered my head, and suddenly felt a slight soreness in the tip of my nose.

(End of this chapter)