leave this sad place

Chapter 121 Ming Wu
Time walked by itself, as if nothing in this world could attract its attention.

Ouyang originally thought that returning home this time would be different from the past, but this was just his own speculation.Is it so easy to change something that is already used to it?

In this family, grandpa and grandma still have conflicts from time to time.But Ouyang still felt deeply powerless as before, not knowing what to say and what to do!
This is some very small matter, he really can't figure out why they are always noisy because of it.Looking at the gradually aging grandparents, he felt more helpless besides helplessness.

It seems that some things have the attribute of "patience", and they are constantly repeated, and the passage of time just keeps killing them.Gradually, Ouyang no longer had the complex emotion and discomfort he felt when he just returned home.He also gradually returned to the way he was when he returned home.

More than ten days seems to be a long time, but in fact it is just a flash.

It's a new year again, the hustle and bustle of fireworks and children's playfulness add more joy to this joyful Spring Festival.

But what does this have to do with Ouyang?Other people's New Year is a happy family reunion, but his is just a cold moon hanging alone in the sky.

Chinese New Year, how can there be a taste of Chinese New Year?It seems that he has never had a reunion year since he was a child, and it is impossible for him to have a reunion year in the true sense.

His mother had already gone out to work when he was very young, and the number of times he returned home in the past ten years was only a few times, and the longest time he stayed at home was only a few days.Even in his mind, even the face of his mother is only limited to the memory of the past.The feeling it gave him was just like what was described in the book.He didn't really know his mother that well at all.Their relationship is also like a book - very close, but closer than anything else!
And what about the father?To him, this was simply an unspeakable pain.He had absolutely no idea how he should treat that person.

hate it?He had never hated a person so much!Since he was a child, his grandparents kept telling him about that person, and what he said one by one, one after another, was all about how that person lost his fortune and how he let his mother down.Under such indoctrination, how could he not be hostile and hate that person after growing up under such indoctrination?

What's more, in his memory, he also clearly remembered the scenes that seemed to be engraved in his childhood.Those moving pictures, those pictures that will only become clearer and clearer, are the endless pain that has been tormenting him all the time, and they are so unforgettable and deep into the soul!He grew up in hatred and pain. As an introvert, he will not let people know about this, and no one will know about it!
"Remember all these. When you grow up and have the ability, there will be that person's retribution." Ouyang still clearly remembers what they said to him in his mind.How could this not be Ouyang's pain?Did they ever know how Ouyang felt when they said these words?

At that time, he simply fell into a kind of painful torture that he couldn't get rid of.He hated that person, even more than anyone else!Hate everything about him, even hearing that person's name would make him feel disgusted from the bottom of his heart!But that person was his father, his own father!

Who would be a born villain?Who wants to truly become a disobedient and unfilial son?Who is willing to bear these?But how should he - Ouyang - treat that man - his father?

Ouyang thought, his eyes became a little gray.

In a corner where no one is around, his heart will always be so surging, and it will truly reflect everything he thinks in his heart.

"Who doesn't want to have a good father?" He murmured in his heart in a low voice.He can only say these words to himself in his heart, he knows that his heart is yearning, always yearning, just like the dry earth yearns for rain!How could he hope that his heart would turn into a real desert?
He went to the window and closed it, drawing the curtains.

He really didn't want to hear the sound of his grandparents arguing outside.

"We quarreled again." He sighed, in such a year, it might as well not be a year!How can there be any joy in this year!

Others celebrate lively auspicious festivals, but his is a deserted and incomplete day.

Suddenly, he didn't know what to do.The outside world, the festive, auspicious and bustling world outside, filled his heart with complexity and made him want to peep through the cracks in the windows, and how many times he had been through it like this!

He looked at the grandparents who were still arguing outside the window, and couldn't understand why they didn't take a break on a day like today?

His heart became even more bored, and he was a little flustered, he opened his mouth wide but didn't know what to say or what to say!
He slowly remembered this time last year, when that person seemed to come.He didn't know why he treated that person like this at that time, and let that person leave here in the middle of the night.

When he was in the past, he thought that he could treat that person calmly, but when he was really with that person, he realized that he was simply fantasizing again.How can the hatred that has been engraved in the bones for many years slowly dissipate with the passage of time, and how can it be so easily erased by time?All of this has become a habit unconsciously, a habit of hostility and hatred in the bones!

Who really wants this?Who planted such seeds and bore such fruits?And why let Ouyang suffer alone-this pain he shouldn't have?

"I don't even have the most basic happiness of ordinary people!" He wanted to cry out, but he was used to crying in his heart.But the tears did not shed this time.

He knew that his heart longed for it, longing for it again and again, but he couldn't say it.Because that is a luxury he cannot have!
"But, I really want to, I really want to have a simple and warm home like ordinary people." He closed his eyes, but this time he was not sure that he would not shed tears.A simple and warm home, a real home, a father who owns like an ordinary child, these small requirements seem to be out of reach for him!He doesn't know why God treats him so unfairly, even the most basic needs of ordinary people can't satisfy him!
His mood became even more depressed, as if there was no longer a ray of light around him, and there was no more ray of light to be found!

"Yehei gave me a pair of bright black eyes, but I used them to look for light in the dark." He chanted a familiar sentence, but he didn't feel warm, and his heart was filled with more bitterness.Because no matter how hard he looked, he couldn't find the way ahead.

He felt confused again, not knowing what to do.With such a depressing past, he believed that he would be driven crazy by himself sooner or later!
His eyes were also changed into blankness, he didn't know that reading was useful for him.It felt like reading and reading like this couldn't have the slightest effect on what he hoped for.

"What if I have a lot of money?" He was startled by a sudden thought.He doesn't pursue too much money, and he doesn't care much about his usual attire.What he valued was feelings, but this time, such an idea suddenly popped up.

"If I can easily support this family?" He imagined that he could independently bear the expenses of the family, so would his mother not have to go out to work?Can grandparents enjoy their old age and spend the rest of their lives leisurely?Will even that person be proud of himself and change?

"If this is really the case, can I meet those people who I miss very much?" As soon as this idea came up, he fantasized about many things he wanted but couldn't do, and he remembered Sister Xiaolan and Jie'er who don't know when they will meet again.

"If that's the case, how wonderful it would be!" The light in his eyes that had just lit up dimmed again.

His heart was even more lost.

"Maybe it's still possible," he read.

"As long as you study hard, you can find a good job in the future." There was a hint of excitement in his voice.

"All of this is very possible!" His eyes were slightly rosy.

"Yes, study hard!" He made up his mind again, and another invisible pressure fell on his shoulders!

But I don't know how naive such an idea is still!
(End of this chapter)