leave this sad place

Chapter 130

"Study hard, as long as you can get a good grade," Ouyang murmured, and he felt his heart was inexplicably disturbed again.I don't know why this feeling is going on, but it keeps appearing recently.

He looked out of the window, Baiyun was still resting his head on his pillow and dozing off leisurely and comfortably.He sighed softly, with an inexplicable look in his eyes, and a trace of worry in his heart. Recently, his emotions are often out of control, which makes him involuntarily have some negative thoughts.

What came from his ears was still the joyful laughter of his classmates, but those kind and familiar joys made Ouyang feel far away, and he knew that he was envious again.Seeing them having fun and chatting there, I felt that lonely feeling again.As if he was just a passer-by, all of them can only be shown to him as a picture of a movie, which will undoubtedly make his heart desire even more.

He longed for himself to be like them, longing for the happiness he deserved like ordinary people.

But I don't know when it started, all of this has been far away from him, the three big bloody characters "disharmony" seem to be printed on his face, making everyone who associates with him or wants to associate with him Everyone can see it clearly!
He introspected again and again, wondering what he did wrong that made them hate him and finally abandoned him; or he simply didn't bother to be with them, for fear of wasting his time and abandoned them!This kind of thinking still didn't get the answer he wanted, but the days continued as before.

He still didn't know the reason of all this at a loss, and he still felt extremely lonely at a loss!

Loneliness grows wildly in his heart like weeds, and their paradise is in his heart, so his heart becomes the birthplace of his inexplicable loneliness from time to time!
The wind blows gently, drifting from east to west and then from south to north, like an idiot searching, from ancient times to now, and has to continue to search; the water flows slowly, flow, flow, no At the end of the day, I have traveled all over the sky and the earth, but I still don't know where the road ahead is.

The eternal persistence, but the eternal loneliness!

"Don't think so much." Ouyang said lightly, comforting himself.He knew that his thoughts would drift far away like the dandelion seeds. For him now, it was undoubtedly a very painful thing.Excessive fantasies will not only consume his brainpower and make him tired, but also waste his study time, and even make him feel abnormally depressed and depressed!For him who is now rational, how could he allow himself to have such a situation?
"Study hard." He took a deep breath. Although he felt a little bored by saying such words, he still had to divert his thoughts in this way to comfort himself.

"But can I really study with peace of mind?" Doubts popped into my mind like a devil, and he, who was naturally sensitive, raised such doubts subconsciously.

He looked at the classmates in front of him, they were together in twos and threes, and they could talk freely about their thoughts, but what about him?He would rather bury everything in his heart and germinate.But is this what he likes?Does he really like him like this?

How could anyone want to do this?He couldn't find anyone to confide in.Whenever he was so disturbed that he wanted to go crazy, he searched his brain and couldn't even find a person he wanted to talk to. What kind of loneliness is that!

Everyone seems to be far away from him, looking at him is like looking at another creature, even with a little bit of guard, a little bit of hostility.He bitterly resented, his heart was broken, but this feeling became stronger day by day.

In the dead of night, he felt that every star in the sky was thousands of times more intimate than his closest person.He seems to be an elf forgotten in the darkness, and only in the deepest part of darkness can he find his own way home.

"Why?" Ouyang clenched the pen in his hand, his face became a little pale, and his heart trembled. He didn't know why all this happened.He wanted to live like an ordinary person, and it felt extremely difficult.

Now the only thing that accompanies him besides the novel is the shadow, lonely like a poisonous snake entrenched in his heart, gnawing at his flesh and blood bit by bit. Words such as "bone erosion" and "heart cone" can't describe a ten thousandth of his pain.

"Hehe." He wanted to try to smile, but it was extremely difficult.He felt like a piece of confetti abandoned in the corner, living a life that no one cared about, and his teachers and classmates seemed to be out of reach.Or even a piece of paper is not as good as it. A piece of waste paper may be picked up and thrown into the trash can.And him?Just let yourself slowly rot on the earth.

The inexplicable emotion in his heart became more and more intense, and slowly, he felt as if he had just re-recognized himself.What is naturally introverted and doesn't want to talk, these are not what he wants at all!

What about the real him?

he does not know.He no longer knows.

"Son, how are you doing at school recently?" At night, the mother called Ouyang.

Such a sentence made Ouyang not know how to answer.Well, even he himself feels at a loss, behaves well, does his own things on time, has food and drink, and has never been sick. Isn't this good in the eyes of adults?But in his opinion?Are these all what he wants?Why did he feel pain and depression in his heart more than once?

"I—" He hesitated, thinking of the new math teacher in his mind, thinking that he was not used to listening to his class at all, and basically doing math by himself; he also thought of Chen Cheng, a one-semester teacher. The same table was abandoned by myself, but the reason was only because it would affect my study. The most ridiculous thing was that this reason turned out to be the most real reason at the time; In the group, he felt that his teachers and classmates didn't pay much attention to him at all. Such a feeling of no existence made his heart suffer from loneliness.Are these all good?Are these considered good?

"Fortunately—" His voice made him feel an urge to cry.Can he say bad things to her?How could he, who had never made his family worry about him, let her worry about him this time?I have survived so many pains and sorrows when I was a child, but how can I not endure it this time?But why does my heart hurt so much?

"Everything is fine." He didn't dare to say any more words, he was afraid that he would cry out in pain, but why did he feel this way?Why is this feeling so clearly imprinted in his heart that he has to believe it?

"You're going to be in the third year of high school soon. Many students' parents came back to accompany him during the third year of high school. I was thinking—" She didn't notice that his voice had become a little different at all, and she continued to talk to herself Talk about your own plan.

"I will take care of myself." Ouyang knew what she wanted to say, but he didn't know why he said such words. Maybe his real heart was not what he thought.At the end, he added another sentence, "When I was in junior high school, I lived outside alone, didn't I come here too?" There was an indescribable taste in his tone.

"Yes, you have been very sensible since you were a child, and you never let me worry about it outside." She sighed and said: "When you reach the third year of high school, if necessary, I will come back."

"Oh." The inexplicable taste in Ouyang's tone became stronger and stronger, as if he was being sarcastic.

"Then wait until your third year of high school. Let's talk about it then. How about your recent studies?" She asked again.

"I don't know." As for what he was studying, he never wanted to mention it to them, and even avoided it.

"Then how tight is your time lately?" She asked sideways.

"It's okay." Ouyang sighed, it's okay, these three words are based on his standards, as long as he is not exhausted, everything is okay.

"Don't be too nervous about studying, as long as you try your best." She comforted him, not wanting to put too much pressure on him, but she didn't forget to add a sentence after she finished speaking. "As long as you don't regret coming out in the future, it's fine."

He knew what she wanted to say, but he could only pretend that he didn't understand what she said, and gave a faint "oh".

"It's getting late, take a good rest, don't read too late." She hung up after she finished speaking. She knew he wouldn't make her worry too much, but she never knew his true feelings what is it.

Ouyang listened to the sound of "beep - beep -" from the phone, and looked up at the starry sky outside the window.Everything in this dark night is more real than her, and also more kind than her.

She always wanted him to study hard and study hard, but she didn't want to put pressure on him and let him see it.He knows this, in fact, he has always known it!

His heart became heavier again, and he stood silently for a long time.

(End of this chapter)