leave this sad place

Chapter 132 The Breath of Death

"What happened last night?" This was his first thought when he woke up.

"How could I be like that?" He felt very strange and shook his head, still full of doubts.

"Maybe, it's the reason for the recent upset." He sighed softly, feeling very depressed for no reason.His heart was heavy like an iron stone, which made him panic.

He clutched his chest tightly, as if his heart would stop beating in the next moment.It feels so clear as if facing death.

"Death?" He felt slightly startled, why did he feel this way?
"Death." He murmured in a low voice, as if he understood something.But his heart became even heavier, making him feel like he could hardly breathe.

He stood still and looked out the window.The sun is still bright and warm, the lush trees are verdant, and the birds passing by from time to time can't help but sing a few words.Why would such a terrible word come to mind on such a beautiful new day?

"But, do they belong to me?" He murmured, with a trace of bitterness hanging from the corner of his mouth, those silent words already explained everything.

"What about mine?" He closed his eyes, and a starry sky map that looked like a smiling face appeared in his mind.The darkness, the endless thoughts in the darkness, the eternal loneliness in the darkness, these belong to him.

"Do you like it?" He seemed to be asking himself with a hint of stupidity.

"But is there any other choice?" He sighed softly, with a little loss and unwillingness, and was overwhelmed by grief for an instant.

He didn't know where these sorrows came from, why was it so heavy?Why is there no reason for this?
"Myself, what's the matter?" A ray of sunlight fell on his face, and the warm feeling made him startled, unable to understand why he became like this.

"I'm so tired——" With a low voice like a sigh, his heart felt tired again, and he felt as if he was really tired and exhausted.

"Is it because I often stay up late and often suffer from insomnia?" He asked himself subconsciously, but these only made him feel physically tired.And his?It seems to be the tiredness in my heart.

"Is there another reason?" He didn't want to believe it, but he had to admit it, because his heart was still suppressed, like a piece of iron stone, how could he really not know about such invisible pressure?

He slowly closed his eyes again, and then took a deep breath. A refreshing morning breath was sucked into his chest cavity, but his heart seemed to become even more painful.It's as if these things shouldn't be owned by him in the first place, just like the vampire in the western story meets the sun and waits for it to be wiped out!
A kind of fear seeped out again like a spring, and his body trembled uncontrollably.

"Could it be that I really shouldn't get used to this anymore?" His heart couldn't stop shaking, and at this moment he thought of many things that he didn't want to think about.

"Why?" He didn't know who he was asking, or just to breathe a sigh of relief.But why is the heart still heavy?He felt that his entire heart was about to be unable to beat heavily.

"Bang——, bang——" Even the beating frequency seems to be getting lower and lower, maybe it can take a long vacation in the next moment, and then slowly wither like a flower during the vacation.

"Is it because of being alive?" He finally asked himself this question that he wanted to know the answer but dared not ask.

"It's because you're alive that you're like this—'tired'?" He felt his heart miraculously feel a little lighter.

"Is that so?" He already had an answer in his heart.There was a wry smile on the corner of his mouth again, what else could such an answer ask him to say?

"Why? Why do I feel tired when I'm alive? Is it because of the invisible pressure others put on me? Then who would be so cruel? Is it like this? Is it like this?" In his mind He couldn't help but think of those friends who left him, those classmates and teachers who isolated him, and his mother who kept making him study hard.These will undoubtedly put great pressure on him invisibly.

"Is this really the case? What about me? What about the self who keeps giving me hints and burdens in my heart? What about the idiot who only knows how to torture himself with fantasies?" There seemed to be endless pain in his eyes, so why didn't he create all of this with his own hands!

If he really just wanted to live his life in a mediocre way, not living for his own dreams, not living for others' orders, but only living for life itself, maybe this would not be the case; How can all the grief in the heart be inflicted so easily and arbitrarily?

But can he do this?Can you do this just to walk through this world of mortals without pain?Will he allow himself this?

Can he be cruel enough to allow himself to do this?
"Why do you want to do this?" He knew that it was impossible for him to do this in his heart, but his character was already doomed, and his eyes became even darker.

"Could it be that the meaning of life is to come to this world to suffer and be tortured?" He asked unwillingly, hoping that the controller of this destiny could make the world less painful and tragic.

"If that's the case, then——I——will—will—will!" He shouted in his heart over and over again, screaming with all the courage remaining in his body!

The corners of his eyes turned reddish, but not a single tear fell, he had already shed enough tears!

"But, still, so powerless—" He was lost, and he didn't know who he should burst out his anger at.fate?How can that invisible and ethereal thing be understood?His heart sank even lower, as if he had fallen into an endless abyss, waving his arms indiscriminately trying to grab something, but his hands were still empty, and his body continued to sink, and no matter how deep he sank, he didn't even know Where is the bottom, and there is no end to the bottom!

"I really want to be relieved." He murmured, his eyes became even darker, almost no bright colors could be seen.

"Liberation?" He said the word softly, his heart moved slightly, and there was a pair of light flowing in his dim eyes.

"Relief." He chanted again and again, as if he had finally thought of something, and even an inexplicable look appeared on his granite-like stiff face.

He approached the balcony step by step, and his heart ached with the steps. "This feeling may never appear again." He murmured softly, his voice seemed to be enchanted.

He looked under the balcony, a flat concrete floor.Plus the distance of 30 meters - enough!

He stared blankly, as if possessed by a demon, and made a sleepy voice, "If—"

He was silent again, and then slowly raised his head, looking into the distance.The blue mountain ranges are entrenched like dragons, and they closed their eyes peacefully; the eagles fighting against the sky flapped their wings and soared to the clouds, and their cries pierced the blue sky like swords; the white clouds still stretched leisurely, gracefully And elegant.

"If it's just like this—" He lowered his head and looked at the concrete floor below, as if he saw a bright red flower slowly growing in size.

"Then everything is over, there will be no more pain, no more sadness." He murmured, his voice was like the temptation from the devil, but he clearly knew what he wanted to do.

He slowly closed his eyes again, and took another deep breath, as if he wanted to use this to give himself some courage so that he could complete the last thing in his life.

"Goodbye." He wanted to say, but didn't speak.He has already left too many voices in this world, this time, he wants to be stingy and save some energy to complete the last thing in this life.

There was a sound of "bang--, bang--" in his heart. He never thought that his heart could beat so powerfully.

"What a vibrant voice, does it belong to me?" He was startled.

Then, he exhaled heavily the turbid air in his heart, and then slowly opened his eyes, which were shining with bright colors again.

He turned around and left the balcony, leaving behind a still heavy Ning Ning breath.

(End of this chapter)