The years I was a birdman

Chapter 332 Wine Tears

That drop of ink-like liquid slid down Zhang Shifei's cheeks and dripped onto his chest, but it didn't wet his chest, but continued to flow down, and finally landed on the ground, which was very strange. As soon as the drop of liquid landed on the ground, it actually bounced up, somewhat like colloidal ink beads, it bounced a few times, and finally stopped.

It's really strange why Zhang Shifei shed such tears, which turned out to be black, and after the tears flowed out, the tear stains left an ink-colored trace on Zhang Shifei's face, from the corner of his right eye through the From the cheekbone to the jaw, it seemed to be a thin black scar that never disappeared.

After shedding this drop of tears, Zhang Shifei also changed his appearance. The tsunami-like pain in his heart just now disappeared, and with it, there were many emotions, love, promises, fear, regret, and guilt. ...All kinds of emotions disappeared along with the inexplicable pain.

Maybe it's really like what the yellow hat said, Zhang Shifei wants to love, but doesn't know how to love, wants to fulfill his promise, but can't see where his promise is.

He was just chasing blindly, unable to tell the direction, and wanted to fly freely, but broke his own wings. He was just an ordinary person, ordinary people can no longer be ordinary, and he sacrificed himself infinitely for an unattainable ideal. In the endless exile, I always think that the ideal in my heart is getting closer and closer, but I don’t realize that I have already stepped on a fork in the road. This road has no end, just like the ideal in the distance, which can be seen, but it seems that it will never be possible. touch.

Zhang Shifei's heart seems to be empty, maybe even if he has been like this all his life, it's nothing, the dream has been shattered, but he hasn't woken up yet.

The clouds over Yingzhou were changing. Although the sunset was not visible here, day and night also alternated. When the bamboo forest began to glow and the sky gradually dimmed, Li Lanying came back with Chen Tuan on his back. Chen Tuan got drunk and lay on Li Lanying's bed. Li Lanying had already fallen asleep on his back, and Li Lanying was shaking every step at this time. It seemed that he also needed alcohol to anesthetize himself, or else troubles would keep coming to his mind.

Liu Ling, an old fellow, seems to never get drunk. This is ironic. The more people who love wine, the less likely they are to get drunk. This is Liu Ling's great hatred. He always said before that if you are not drunk, you have to drink What's the use?If you are awake, what is the use of dreaming?
But despite this, his obsession with wine has remained unchanged for thousands of years.

He also came here with Li Lanying, he might still want to go to the Yuxi Spring to get some spring water while Chen Tuan was asleep, Li Lanying was really drunk, he threw Chen Tuan into the house like throwing luggage After going inside, he came out again, came to Zhang Shifei, and then glanced at him, saw that he kept his head down, opened his mouth, wanted to speak, but held back, the matter came to this point, There was nothing to say, Li Lanying felt depressed, so she called Liu Ling and wanted to go back to the village to drink.

Forget about getting drunk, these are Li Lanying's original words.

After saying this, Li Lanying turned around and left. While walking, she couldn't stop muttering something, which seemed to be cursing or self-deprecating.

Seeing that Li Lanying was gone, Liu Ling stretched out her hand to button her booger, wiped it on her front, and walked back, but when she passed by Zhang Shifei, he was stunned. He looked at Zhang Shifei, hesitated for a while, then lowered his head, and picked up the inconspicuous black bead beside Zhang Shifei.

Under the bright green light of the bamboo forest, Liu Ling looked at the bead carefully, his expression was very complicated, surprise, surprise, emotion, and many emotions mixed in his eyes, he seemed to understand what it was, and Understand, the importance of this thing, this bead, is the last regret in his life, and also the ultimate goal of his stay in this land of Yingzhou for more than a thousand years.

However, there was no trace of a smile on his face. He thought for a while, then clenched the bead tightly, then bent down to lift Zhang Shifei's chin, when he saw the mark on Zhang Shifei's right face At that time, he was silent, and then he let go of his hand, and after a long time, he said softly: "Unexpectedly, you are the last person I will wait for, miscellaneous chicken, may I ask you, if your heart is really dead , how will you choose the road ahead?"

Zhang Shifei was silent and did not answer. Seeing this, Liu Ling sighed, maybe not choosing is also a choice, so he stopped hesitating and said softly to Zhang Shifei: "Well, I know what to do Now, until tomorrow evening, you still have nearly a day to think."

After that, he left without looking back.

Yingzhou hasn't been this lively for a long time. This night, some people are sleeping, some are dying, some are busy, and some are begging to get drunk.

Zhang Shifei really doesn't know how to choose. As for whether his heart is dead or not, maybe only he knows.

Sleepless all night, maybe because he has slept for too long, maybe because he would have nightmares when he closed his eyes, Zhang Shifei stared blankly ahead, as if his soul had left his body, his body seemed to be integrated into this in nature.

In fact, Zhang Shifei didn't know why he didn't dare to close his eyes anymore, his heart was already empty, didn't he, so why did he still do this?What am I afraid of, why should I be afraid?Zhang Shifei kept thinking about this question in his heart, until it was very late at night, he still didn't understand it.

Until a chamber pot rolls to his side, he didn't realize that the chamber pot was the first thing they found before this hut when they came to Yingzhou. Chen Tuan said that it contained the fierce god Tai Sui, Regarding Tai Sui, neither of them knew much about Tai Sui before, but now it is different. It can be said that the tragedies of Ran Xi and Zhang Shifei have an inseparable relationship with this guy. It is because of its skin that it evolves. There are many egg demons, so they will have so many fates.

The chamber pot didn't even move at all before, but now it's rolling to this side, it's really unbelievable, but it seems that the movement of just this distance is already the limit of the urinal, so that it is now falling upside down Knocked to the ground, motionless.

Although it stopped moving, the long-lost hoarse voice came out from the urinal: "Hey, brother, are you sad?"

The voice sounded a bit sarcastic, but it couldn't hide the exhaustion. Zhang Shifei didn't speak, and still kept his head down. He continued: "I know, you are feeling very uncomfortable now, hehe, I have expected it a long time ago, on the day Wu... the fate of God came here, I expected it, you will not end well."

After a long sleep and excruciating pain, after hearing the word fate again, Zhang Shifei's heart was always blank, but he also trembled slightly like a conditioned reflex, but still said nothing, and The chamber pot also seemed to have noticed his slight movement, so it smiled, and then said to Zhang Shifei in a sharp and hoarse voice: "How about it, do you want to cooperate with me and let me out? I can help you find him, and he should have no defense against you, you add me, we two join hands to kill the fate of that bitch, and then I can help you revive your little beauty, how about it?"

Zhang Shifei moved. After hearing what the chamber pot said, he raised his head and looked at the chamber pot. Tai Sui in the chamber pot was overjoyed, thinking that this time it might be a real joke. I don't know how many years have passed after being sealed in this urinal, and now it will finally see the light of day again, how can it not be happy?
But it didn't know that besides Zhang Shifei, there seemed to be a pair of eyes staring at it in the small wooden house.

Unexpectedly, Zhang Shifei just looked at the chamber pot blankly, then lowered his head again, and still didn't say a word. It hurriedly said: "Don't you want revenge? Don't you just want to be played like this? Don't you want...don't want to save your beloved woman?"

Silence, Zhang Shifei was silent, and that night fox saw that the kid was motionless like a lump of elm wood, so he couldn't help getting angry, and saw it yelling at Zhang Shifei: "Trash! You really It's trash, the trash apprentice taught by the trash master, just like your trash master, has no backbone at all! Thanks to the qi I have accumulated for so many years to talk to you, you deserve it... Wait, hey, you are Don’t you still have hope in your heart?”

After the chamber pot scolded a few words, it seemed to think of something suddenly, so that before it finished cursing, it suddenly changed its tone, and then sneered, and said to Zhang Shifei: "I tell you You, no matter what you think in your heart, and whether your heart is dead or not, I will tell you this. You think it is true now, but the falsehood still exists. Don’t think that guy who only knows how to sleep will help you , let me tell you, he has been lying to you! Ever since you came here, you have been doomed to live in lies. In fact, he is not Chen Tuan at all, I am the real Chen Tuan! Do you understand? Only me Only then can you help me!! Believe in me, save me, I will help you get everything done..."

This chamber pot has been chattering endlessly, but the right and wrong are still indifferent. The chamber pot seems to have found that the current situation is a bit tricky, so it suppressed the unhappiness in its heart, and then softened its tone a lot Cut off, I saw it said to Zhang Shifei: "Seeing that you don't speak, do you not believe me? It's no wonder that you have a mortal body and can't see the truth clearly. Well, then let me explain to you. Come to prove that my words are correct, our affairs have to start from that thousand years ago..."

"You, can you be quiet?" Zhang Shifei finally spoke, and he looked at the chamber pot expressionlessly, and the chamber pot was overjoyed when Zhang Shifei finally spoke, and thought it was this kid Finally tempted, such an opportunity, how can it let go?I saw it hurriedly said to Zhang Shifei: "You have finally spoken, trust me, give me some time, and I will tell you what you really want, how about it?"

Zhang Shifei shook his head. Although his heart was blank, he didn't want to hear the urinal talking nonsense to him. He just wanted to be quiet for a while now. The truth and lies seemed to have nothing to do with him. The urinal was originally He's the one who tells lies. Besides, Zhang Shifei has messed up his own affairs, so how can he have the leisure to care about the rotten millet from thousands of years ago?

It's ridiculous, the more people who avoid lies, the more likely they are to encounter lies.

Seeing that the chamber pot still didn't want to be quiet, he dragged his weak body and walked slowly like in the forest. He needed to be quiet, he needed to think about nothing, and walked into the bamboo forest, leaving only a chamber pot behind him He couldn't help scolding his father and mother, seeing that Zhang Shifei was so out of control, the chamber pot couldn't control it anymore, and the vicious words kept coming out, as if it was going to explode the grievances it had suffered for thousands of years.

The curses behind him got farther and farther away, and Zhang Shifei had already walked into the depths of the bamboo forest. The bamboo forest was like a maze, a brightly lit maze. Xiao Xiao found the black and white TV under the bed at home, and when he opened it, it was full of light spots like snowflakes. The light emitted by the bamboo forest reflected the confusion in Zhang Shifei's eyes and the shocking black tear stain on his face.

Zhang Shifei didn't know where he was going, so he just walked aimlessly. His heart was not empty. Although the pain was gone, what was left was indeed an endless emptiness. He was like a wandering man. Wandering in this bamboo forest like a ghost, only when he came back to his senses did he realize that there seemed to be a pool of sparkling spring water in front of his eyes.

In Zhang Shifei's eyes, this spring water was also gray, like cement slurry. On the edge of that spring water, Zhang Shifei saw a monster that he didn't know whether he should hate or forgive.

Ranxi, it has also been sitting here, looking at the reflection on the water motionless, but after Zhang Shifei appeared, it raised its head. The two deep-rooted enemies are now facing each other across the pond, looking at each other. They thought that when they saw each other, each other's hearts would be full of emotions, but when they met at this time, their hearts were surprisingly calm, without any waves.

It turns out that there is not only black and white in this world, there is still gray on the border between black and white.

And in this world, the boundary between black and white is so blurred, everything is born for a reason, and then dies through reincarnation, and the cycle of heaven has never changed.

Only the attachment to the karma of fate, like a shadow, only arises and never dies, causing all kinds of pain.

The suffering of the sky, the suffering of the cold wind and three thousand snows, the suffering of the earth, the vicissitudes of the sea and the hundreds of peaks, the suffering of people, the unknown cause and effect, the mist, the suffering of the beasts, lingering and wasting is a lifetime.

Everything in this world is as vague as the fusion of black and white. People can also be monsters, and similarly, monsters can be like people. Maybe everything in the world has the same root and the same origin, which is the same thing, but It's just that we couldn't see it at the beginning.

When all the prosperity came to an end, when all the so-called good and evil disappeared, there were only two hard-fated people left. Their destinies were different, but in the end they came to the same end by different routes and got the same end.

Either 'good' or 'evil'.

Ranxi looked at the right and wrong, for a long time, it finally spoke first, very ironic, although time took away its face, but not its voice, its business is still like a lark coming out of the forest It was pleasant to hear, and I saw Ranxi say to Zhang Shifei: "You are here."

Zhang Shifei didn't speak, just sat on the ground, and then looked at his reflection in Yuxi like burning west. The water surface of Yuxi didn't have any waves, just like a mirror. Zhang Shifei looked at himself reflected in the water countless times The appearance, but never once, so downcast.

With a yellow and thin face, high bulging cheekbones, thick dark circles under the eyes, even the eye sockets are slightly sunken, and a very eye-catching black tear stain. In Zhang Shifei's eyes, there are only three colors left, black, white and gray. Therefore, this tear stain, Very eye-catching, Zhang Shifei looked at him quietly, as if he was thinking about his life.

He looked at it for a long time, then raised his head, subconsciously looked at Ranxi, he found that Ranxi was also looking at him at this time, maybe they both had something to say in their hearts, but they didn't know how to say it, When Zhang Shifei looked at it, he was a little scared for a moment. What a terrifying look, it was not as empty as his own, but full of persistence. Therefore, Zhang Shifei lowered his head again and continued to face himself. Reflection in water.

How similar their encounters are, but what is their state of mind?Zhang Shifei looked at Ranxi, he knew very well that at dusk tomorrow night, when it died, they were all the same, Zhang Shifei felt that his heart was dead, what is the difference between heart death and body death?Zhang Shifei thought of this, and said to himself, "Have you ever regretted it?"

Have you ever regretted it?Zhang Shifei looked at his reflection in sleep, this sentence seemed to be mentioned to Ranxi, but also seemed to be asked to himself.

As for why it asks this question, maybe he doesn't have an answer now, maybe it's because what he sees is as dense as what he sees. torture from the premises.

After listening to Zhang Shifei's words, Ranxi also lowered his head, looked at the water, and said to himself: "I regret, regret why God didn't give me more time?"

Zhang Shifei didn't look up, but just sighed: "Without hope, what can we do with more time?"

When Ranxi heard his words, she stared fixedly at her beautiful face on the water for a long time, and saw it said infatuatedly: "I am old, this is the place I have never wanted to dare to go. The problem I am facing, no matter how high the practice is, it is not as high as time. I have tried to chase and chase my lifelong belief, but in the end my hands are still empty. How much I want to get it, to get time, to get his praise, even just one sentence, Even if it's only for a blink of an eye... as long as, just one more time..."

When Ranxi said this, he stretched out his trembling hands to touch his own reflection in the water, as if he was holding that beautiful face in his hands, but just as his hands touched the water surface, his eyes were full of tears. The ripples disturbed the shadow, its reflection kept swaying on the water surface, swaying unsteadily, as if laughing at it, laughing at it, this little monster overreaching itself, Ranxi looked at his own shadow and hummed cried.

While crying, it kept saying: "Again, just again, just give me some time, let me work hard to fulfill my wish again, how good would it be?"

The ripples on the other side of the pool did not affect the shadow on this side. Zhang Shifei heard Ranxi's cry, and his heart, which he thought had been blank, was filled with sadness like water ripples. He sighed, and then looked at Ranxi. Xi said: "How do you know whether your choice is right or wrong? Maybe you are wrong at all? Maybe, even if you are given endless time, you will still live in endless pain? "

"Until the last moment, who can know whether his choice is right or wrong?" Ranxi smiled miserably. People, there is no reason to speak, I only know what I want..."

What exactly do I want? Zhang Shifei was stunned. He repeated these words over and over again, and at the same time fell into boundless contemplation. Na Ranxi obviously knew that he was going to die tomorrow. For a spider, its life time is indeed too long, but it feels that the time it has passed is just a blink of an eye.

People and animals are the same, no matter you are a mayfly who lives and dies at night, or an old man who lives for a hundred years, before you die, you will feel that your life is just a fleeting moment, the key is that your life has Whether there is no pursuit, whether there is any regret, everything is there. At this time, it is full of unwillingness. It really cannot accept this huge regret, but it is powerless to escape.

Pursue the flower of a lifetime hard, but there is no result. Is it necessary to spend this kind of life like this?

Ranxi has been catching the reflection with her hands, never giving up, and never succeeding, the reflection is still the reflection, it is still it, it used to be as beautiful as the reflection, but those years have passed and can no longer be obtained.

Zhang Shifei finally understood that this is persistence.

He remained silent for a while, but Ran Xi's constant movements finally caused ripples in the small pool, and Zhang Shifei's reflection in the water also began to sway, like a changing fate in the wind.

He started to think, to think again, but he didn't know if he could make a new choice.

Until the sky brightened, until the sky turned warm yellow, until Liu Ling appeared, today's Liu Ling is no longer dressed sloppily, her hair is neatly combed behind her head, even the dirty clothes are gone, replaced by a Although the old but clean navy blue robe, he seemed to guess that Zhang Shifei would be here, so he walked straight to the side of Yuxi, and then put his hands on his chest, and a small one appeared in each of the left and right palms. Yuping, this small bottle is ruddy and gleaming. Zhang Shifei should recognize the origin of these two small bottles. These are the two empty water bottles in the hidden compartment of Liu Ling's wine cellar, but at this moment, the two In the bottle, it is not necessarily filled with water anymore, it may be something that can change his fate.

Seeing that Liu Ling's face was a little pale, it was obvious that he had done something to bother him last night, he sighed, and then said to Zhang Shifei and Ranxi in a tone that seemed to be very emotional: "Okay, what should I do?" It's time for you to 'decide your destiny'."

(End of this chapter)