Heart like dust, smile peacefully

Chapter 18 The years are quiet, Xu Yi is calm and stable (4)
Having said so much, whether it is a man who is sorry for a woman, or a woman who is embarrassing for a woman, we have to face the reality and eliminate our fears so that we can solve the problem.If you make a list of women's worries and fears and arrange them in order, then the top two are probably fear of aging and fear of breaking up with men.In fact, these two things are not so terrible, it mainly depends on the angle from which women look at it.

Are you afraid of growing old?Faced with this question, all women must answer in the affirmative.Although a woman's appearance is born, but to maintain it depends on the maintenance of the day after tomorrow.Therefore, in order to prevent their appearance from aging, women began to think of various methods, buying expensive cosmetics and visiting beauty salons.Especially women over the age of 40 have a deeper fear of aging. In order to restore their youthful beauty and delay their own aging, they even do not hesitate to use a knife on their face.However, no matter it is cosmetics, beauty parlors or cosmetic surgery, they cannot keep women young forever. The wrinkles that should come will come sooner or later, and the youth that should go will not stop because of anything.In fact, women should let go of the fear in their hearts and accept it calmly when facing the aging of their appearance.Besides, who said that a woman with wrinkles is not beautiful?Who said that a woman is no longer attractive after the age of 40?Audrey Hepburn once said: "A woman's charm grows with her age, so you don't have to worry about your appearance getting old."

Almost all women who are still attractive despite their youth are gone, almost have a charming temperament, and most of them are calm and optimistic.As the saying goes, appearance comes from the heart, if your heart is always tense, worried and fearful, then no matter how beautiful your appearance is, it will be eclipsed; on the contrary, if you are peaceful and calm inside, then even if the youth is gone, your appearance will definitely be radiant.So, don't be afraid of aging, as long as you keep a young heart, you will always be the most beautiful woman.

Are you afraid of breaking up with your boyfriend?Are you afraid of divorcing your husband?Faced with this kind of problem, some women will probably deny: what is so great, I can live without anyone!However, he said so in his mouth, but he didn't think so in his heart.For women, feelings are always the most important, so there is no woman who is not afraid of losing feelings.

If love is lost, women will be afraid that they will never find another person who loves them, and they will also be afraid that they will never fall in love with others again, because love is too important to women. If you lose love, a woman is equal to losing The reason and courage to survive.If she loses her marriage, a woman will not only have all the fears of losing love, but also worry about the education and growth of her children, her future financial situation, and the eyes of her family and others.It is precisely because women have these fears that men take hold of their lifeblood, so this has also become the reason why many men can play their hearts unscrupulously.Moreover, sometimes, a man will not stay because of your fear, because the retreat and weakness you show because of your fear will make you lose all your charm, thus speeding up his departure.

This kind of fear of women is mostly related to their inability to be independent. This kind of independence includes not only economic independence, but also spiritual independence.

The so-called economic independence means that no matter before or after marriage, a woman must have a job or career of her own and a stable income.Of course, it doesn't mean that men can't eat, but that the happiness that can only be obtained by men will not be too reliable. This truth has been verified countless times in reality.The so-called spiritual independence means that women should have their own interests and life. Even if they are married, they should not completely lose themselves. A woman without any hobbies, life is boring.Even if they are financially independent enough, if they lack spiritual independence, women will be entangled with loneliness and emptiness, become more insecure, and even make love and marriage complicated.

A woman must be like a woman, a wife must be like a wife, and a mother must be like a mother. A woman who is economically and spiritually independent can feel happy and happy at any time, and this kind of happiness and happiness is What grows from the bottom of my heart will never be destroyed and changed at will because whoever leaves and who stays.

Therefore, women should not be afraid in the face of emotional separation and marriage breakdown. The more afraid things will become more complicated, the more afraid the situation will get worse.Accept it frankly, don't force it to stay if it's not yours.In fact, if women are really not afraid, then it is the turn of men to be afraid.

In short, in the face of any fear, a woman cannot adopt an evasive attitude. The more she evades, the easier it is to become a prisoner of fear.You can't artificially expand this fear, but you should face it, face it, and ignore it. If you are strong enough, then no worries and fears will knock you down.

6. Don't be afraid of the future, don't think about the past

When you reach any stage of your life, you should like that period of time, complete the duties that should be completed at that stage, and follow your life without indulging in the past or looking forward to the future feverishly. This is good for life.

Everyone knows the story of unfounded worry. Many people listen to this story as a joke, thinking that there can be no such stupid people in the world who think that the sky will fall and the earth will fall.However, in fact, there are many people who are as stupid as nonsense in their lives. They are always worried about some unpredictable things, or things that are impossible to happen at all, and women worry far more than women in this regard. man.They are always used to thinking about things with the thinking of "what if...then", and then they will make all kinds of assumptions about things that haven't happened, and the more they think about it, the more worried they become, and the more anxious they become. The more you worry, the more you think, the cycle repeats itself, a vicious circle.In fact, such groundless assumptions and conjectures are not conducive to the solution of the immediate matter at all, and will bring more troubles to people and increase the pressure continuously, so that people will become worried and suspicious all day long.

There is a girl who runs an online store by herself, selling woolen sweaters.In the first year of operation, the business was good and the benefits were very good.But a year later, due to more and more people opening online stores, her online store encountered many competitors, and her business was greatly affected as a result.Looking at the piles of goods in the warehouse, she was very anxious and worried. She sighed every day and couldn't sleep well at night.Not long after, she fell ill.

The family took her to see a doctor. After hearing her story, the doctor said that she had a mental illness and she should go to a psychiatrist.So, she came to the psychiatric clinic again.

"Recently, have you not been resting well enough?" The psychiatrist asked her when he saw her tired face and her eyes were bloodshot.

"Yes, I suffer from insomnia every day. Sometimes I wake up suddenly in the middle of the night, and then I can't sleep anymore. I often keep my eyes open until dawn." She replied.

"Have you looked for the reason, what is it because you can't sleep well?" The psychiatrist then asked. "Because my online store's business is not good, I have a backlog of a lot of goods that cannot be sold, so I am very anxious, thinking about what to do every day, even thinking about it when I sleep, and it turns out like this," she said.

After hearing this, the psychiatrist nodded and began to persuade her about her problem.After listening to the psychiatrist's persuasion, she seemed to have figured out a lot.Finally, the psychiatrist told her: "I'll teach you a small recipe to promote sleep. If you can't fall asleep in the future, you can count sheep. If you count, you will fall asleep naturally." Come back later.

Half a month later, when she came for a follow-up visit, the psychiatrist was shocked.It turned out that this time, her two eyes were not only bloodshot, but also swollen like peaches. The symptoms were obviously much more serious than when she came last time.

"How did it become like this, did you follow the folk remedy I told you?" the psychiatrist asked hastily.

"Of course I did," she said. "Impossible. If you really did it, how could it become more serious? I have tried this method on countless patients, and it is almost a hundred-test. Do you count too few?" The psychiatrist was a bit unconvinced.

"I count quite a lot, tens of thousands every day, but I still can't sleep." She shook her head and said.

"What's going on here? You should be sleepy after counting so much?" The psychiatrist wondered.

"When I counted hundreds of sheep, I really felt very sleepy, but then I thought about how much wool there must be for so many sheep. It would be a pity if I didn't cut them off in time, so I imagined holding a sheep in my hand." Take the big scissors and start shearing the sheep with a click," she said.

"Then after shearing the sheep, you should be sleepy, right?" the psychiatrist continued to ask.

"When I just finished cutting, I was really sleepy, but I thought, if I spin the wool into thread and then weave it into sweaters, where should I find a buyer? There are already woolen wool in my warehouse. There are a lot of unsold woolen sweaters piled up, plus these, of course I am even more anxious, you think, can I still sleep?" She said with a sigh.

"..."

This story sounds a bit exaggerated, but in fact, no matter in life or work, there are many such women, and they often worry about some unrealistic things:
My boyfriend didn't call me yesterday, what if he wants to break up with me?
Husband is always unhappy when he comes home from get off work recently, what if he is fired by the company?The manager said that there will be a meeting tomorrow, what should I do if I am criticized by name at the meeting?It has been raining a lot recently, what if there is a flood?
…Imagine, if a woman is often tormented by some things in her own imagination, then the originally cheerful personality may become sad, and if the original personality is introverted, the consequences may be more serious.

This is only the impact on the mood and emotions, often imagined and may have a lot of negative impact on your life and work.

For example, at home, if you sigh all day long and put on a bitter face, the atmosphere at home will be very dull, and it will be difficult for people around you to be happy. After a long time, it is difficult to guarantee that it will not affect the relationship between husband and wife; if You are always frowning and worried in the office, so the colleagues around you may not get too close to you: the competition in the modern workplace is already fierce, and everyone is under great work pressure, so most people are willing to Surround yourself with cheerful, joking people, at least to some extent.So, think about it, will someone take care of you who moan and sigh every day?

Carnegie once said: "Actually, 90.00% of the anxiety will not happen at all. It is people who create their own anxiety." .As the saying goes, "There is nothing in the world, and mediocrity disturbs it."

So, stop worrying about imaginary things. When you feel depressed because of certain things, or feel particularly tired, you can give yourself a proper rest, go for a walk outdoors, and go to the countryside to breathe fresh. Air, or go to places where you have no time and few opportunities to go to release all bad emotions.

When you release all your negative emotions, you will feel refreshed, all worries and worries will disappear, and the sunshine of joy will illuminate your life again.

(End of this chapter)