Heart like dust, smile peacefully

Chapter 22 There is a kind of happiness called waiting (4)
After reaching the marriageable age, most women are very eager to get married.Because marriage will bring many benefits to a woman, in addition to getting a man who loves her, the main thing is that after marriage, she can live a relatively stable life.After marriage, the man will give the woman a home, the man will go out to make money every day, and at the end of the month, the salary will be handed over to the woman, and the woman will feel at ease.If a man earns a lot of money, then a woman can choose to give up her job and be a full-time wife at home.Therefore, most men can give women the stable life they need after marriage.But, just like women need stability, men need quiet.The so-called quietness is a warm and comfortable family atmosphere that allows them to relax.However, most women cannot do this.Because for women, after getting married, their life circle will become smaller and smaller, and their friends will become fewer and fewer, so there will be fewer and fewer people they can confide in.As a result, the man around them will become their main confidant. Whether they are angry or happy, they all hope to talk to the man. At this time, the man will become their emotional punching bag, emotional dumping station and Psychotherapist.However, after a day of work outside, most men hope to spend some time with women quietly after returning home, and then talk about the happy or unhappy things they encountered outside.However, in the face of a woman who wants to confide in her heart, they may not be able to say anything.And women don't seem to be aware of this at all, they don't care whether the man is listening or not, they just make their mouths happy and chatter endlessly.Over time, men will feel dizzy and become taciturn or even indifferent.

"Husband, Liu Lili in our office bought a new skirt yesterday, and she wore it to work today. Seeing how she looks, she dares to put a tight skirt on her body with such a big butt. I really don't know how much I weigh. ;Xiao Zhang quarreled with his wife again, and her daughter-in-law went back to her mother's house again. This time he said that he would not take her own initiative to pick her up, and said that if his wife continued to fight like this, he would apply to the court for divorce; Our supervisor has changed a new wig, not to mention how ugly it is, so old, bald is bald, what is shameful, wearing a wig, don't we know that he is bald... "Husband, my aunt Remarried, I heard from my mother that this time I married an overseas Chinese in the United States, the conditions are good, but they are already 60, and my aunt just 40, you said, can we have a common language with someone so old?You have met my former little uncle, right? What a nice person, honest and stable, but my aunt just looks down on him, saying that he is worthless... "Yesterday, the shopping mall next to our unit had a promotion , I fell in love with a pair of boots. At that time, I thought I would buy them after I got paid today. But when I went to buy them after get off work today, I found out that they were out of stock. I asked the salesperson when new products would be available, and she told me Indifferent, with an arrogant attitude, what a bull, isn't he just a salesman... "Husband, do you know, when I went to work this morning, I almost got angry when I took the bus die……"

The person who said these words has just been married for a year and works in a company as a financial worker.She deals with numbers and tables every day in the unit, and rarely has the opportunity to speak.Therefore, as soon as she got home every day, she would open the chatterbox and chatter endlessly.Her husband works in personnel affairs and has to communicate with colleagues in various departments of the company every day, so after returning home, he doesn't want to talk anymore and wants to stay quietly for a while.Therefore, facing her endless nagging, he felt very distressed, and he tried to communicate with her, hoping that she would give him a quiet environment.But she believes that the happiness of life is to be accompanied by her husband after returning home every day, and to confide in her husband, so she always turns a deaf ear to her husband's suggestions, and still enjoys the joy of chattering on her own every day.

Finally one day, the husband couldn't take it anymore and raised a serious protest to her.The two quarreled like this. She felt that her husband didn't understand her, and the husband felt that she was just a chatterbox. The more they quarreled, the more fierce they became.The husband finally said that if she continued nagging every day like this, then life would not be able to go on. The previous feelings were almost lost by her nagging, and now only upset was left.After the quarrel, she seemed to realize her own problem. After she calmed down, she also began to reflect, and felt that this talkative problem must be corrected, otherwise, her husband might really be nagged by herself.

For married men, their career is as important as their family. They spend much more time and energy on their career than on their family. What they think most about is how to get promoted and how to make more money. So they But I don't want to go home every day to listen to the women's three aunts and six aunts, the parents of the east and the west, and the endless nagging.After a long time, they will inevitably lose patience, and quarrels and even family crises may occur.Therefore, as a woman, if you want to prevent yourself from getting worse and worse in the heart of your husband, and prevent your husband from feeling that you are getting more and more annoying, you must get rid of the habit of chattering.

In addition to nagging, there is another thing that men can hardly bear in marriage, and that is to quarrel with women.Women seem to be born with a better talent for language than men, which can be seen from nagging, and it can be said that women's talent is brought into full play in quarrels.

In fact, women don't want to quarrel with men, but as the saying goes, there is no spoon who does not touch the rim of the pot, and no tooth who does not bite his tongue. It seems that there is no couple in the world who does not quarrel.It doesn't matter if you quarrel, what matters is whether you will quarrel or not.Husband and wife are the closest companions. Generally, there will be no conflicts of principle. Most of the quarrels are because of trivial life matters. Therefore, you must not hurt each other's feelings because of quarrels.In addition, most of the quarrels between husband and wife are provoked by women, so as a woman, you must pay attention to the proportion of quarrels.So, if quarrels are unavoidable, how should women grasp the proportions?

First of all, don't speak too harshly when quarreling, otherwise it will hurt your feelings.Some women always speak indiscriminately when they quarrel, and they say whatever they say harshly. At that time, they feel happy, but they don't consider the consequences. Excessive words will only make men feel disgusted, thus affecting the relationship between husband and wife.Secondly, don't always compare men with others when you quarrel.Some women always say something like this when they quarrel: "Look at how promising you are, you have been in the unit for so many years, and you haven't even become a supervisor. Look at your classmate Xiao Zhang, he has already become a manager , if you were the manager, I’d like to serve you every day, but you’re not, so why are you still yelling at me?” Perhaps for women, this is to motivate men, but for men, this is definitely a kind of insult and contempt.If women always beat men like this, it will inevitably lead to two results: one is to become self-defeating, and the other is to abandon you.Also, avoid arguing in front of outsiders.But some women prefer to scold their husbands in front of outsiders, or invite relatives and friends to judge when they quarrel.In their view, they can gain the upper hand by doing this, but they don't know that this approach is very unwise.Originally, if the quarrel between husband and wife was not a matter of right and wrong, it might disappear quickly, but if outsiders get involved, the man will feel very humiliated, and the result is that the conflict is likely to accumulate deeper and deeper, and even cause irreconcilable conflicts. situation.Another point, that is, don't say "divorce" easily.In love, when quarreling, women always use breaking up to threaten men to submit. After marriage, these two words naturally become "divorce".They think that when "divorce" is mentioned, men will definitely be afraid, so they will submit obediently. In fact, it is not the case. At the beginning, these two words may play a certain role, but after a long time, if a woman quarrels with these two words If the words are on the lips, it is likely to make men feel disgusted or even bored, and then your marriage may really have a big problem.Every quarrel will make a woman very sad, and it will also make a man very depressed. If things go on like this, how can life continue?In fact, women don't want to quarrel with their husbands. Who doesn't want to live happily every day?But sometimes, quarrels are inevitable.Since it is unavoidable, as a woman, you must grasp the proportions, and at the same time, don't forget to have more equal communication with your husband, and try to eliminate the factors of quarrels in the bud.Always remember one thing: Mutual respect is the cornerstone of a happy marriage and family.

What women need is stability, what men need is quiet.So no matter whether it is nagging or quarreling, as a woman, you should try to avoid it as much as possible. If you can't avoid it, you must also grasp the intensity and proportion of it, and don't let the originally happy marriage be destroyed by your unrestrained words.

6. I love you, my other mom

As much as you love your husband, you should love his family as much.Please keep your sharpness and shrewdness in your work, not in your life.

For a woman, if she wants to be happy in marriage, it is not enough to get her husband right. If she does not get her mother-in-law right at the same time, it is likely to cast a shadow over her happy life or even lead to destruction.This is by no means alarmist. From ancient times to the present, there have been countless broken families due to disagreements between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.Nowadays, some people even regard the bad relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law as a more terrible marriage "killer" than "extramarital affairs".Therefore, how to deal with the relationship with the mother-in-law naturally becomes one of the keys for a woman to control her life's happiness.

In fact, this principle is not difficult to understand. If you can please your mother-in-law, then your mother-in-law will naturally say good things about you in front of your son; on the contrary, if you have a bad relationship with your mother-in-law, she is likely to often say good things about you in front of your son. Bad words, and even accuse you with tears and snot.Just imagine, if things go on like this, can you guarantee that it will not affect your husband and wife relationship?Even if your husband loves you again, he will not disregard his mother's feelings. At that time, it is a small thing to ask you to blame him. If it affects your relationship or even your marriage, it will be a big problem.Therefore, how well you get along with your mother-in-law affects a woman's marriage to a large extent.

Although everyone knows that it is important to have a good relationship with mother-in-law, in real life, there are still many women who cannot pass this level. From their point of view, there seems to be a natural gap between themselves and their mother-in-law. A great ability is also difficult to surpass.But there are exceptions to everything. Not all women can't handle the relationship with their mother-in-law well. For some women, dealing with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can't be easier.Because they never treat their mother-in-law as an "enemy" like those women who can't handle the relationship with their mother-in-law, but as a "friendly army" that can be united, and then sincerely pay care and respect, so that they can easily I can handle my mother-in-law.

In fact, although there are tens of millions of mother-in-laws in the world, and each of them has different requirements for daughter-in-laws, as mother-in-laws, a good daughter-in-law in their eyes will inevitably have some common advantages.So, if you can understand the minds of mother-in-laws, then no matter what kind of personality you are facing, you can easily handle them.So, what qualities should a mother-in-law think a good daughter-in-law should possess?

First, we must respect and love my mother-in-law from the bottom of my heart.Just like there is no perfect daughter-in-law in the eyes of a mother-in-law, if you stand from the perspective of a daughter-in-law, you will inevitably find many shortcomings in your mother-in-law, but you must not disrespect or love her because of her shortcomings.The so-called "love the house and the black", if you really love your husband, then you must give sincere love and respect to this woman who gave him life.As long as you pay, there will be rewards. When you do this, not only your mother-in-law will feel it, but your husband will also feel it. At that time, you may get double rewards.

Second, treat your husband better than yourself.To put it bluntly, the reason why the mother-in-law made things difficult for her daughter-in-law is mostly because the daughter-in-law did not take good care of her son, or did not meet her standards.So, if you can be more considerate and caring to your husband, at least in front of your mother-in-law, don’t always yell at your husband, and don’t always let him do housework. A man who has the final say, so the mother-in-law will naturally be elated.

Third, learn to observe words and expressions in front of your mother-in-law.Mother-in-laws are all elderly, so most of them are used to being polite, but they often use this kind of politeness to test their daughter-in-law. Therefore, as a daughter-in-law, you must know how to listen to her words and her looks, so that you can Difficult to pass the test easily.

Fourth, care about her more than her son.Generally speaking, in the eyes of the mother-in-law, no matter how close a daughter-in-law is, she is not as good as her own daughter. Conversely, the daughter-in-law also thinks the same way, no matter how good a mother-in-law is, she is not as good as her own mother.Whether it is a mother-in-law or a daughter-in-law, there is nothing wrong with thinking this way, but if you want to get high marks from your mother-in-law, you have to change this thinking, give your mother-in-law a little more care, and try to care about her more than her son. For example, sometimes your husband forgets your mother’s birthday because of carelessness, but you must remember it; for another example, your husband is usually busy with work and may not have time to chat with your mother. At this time, you can also take the initiative to do it for you; When your mother buys a gift, don't forget to prepare an identical gift for your mother-in-law... If you can do this, are you afraid that your mother-in-law will not like you?

Fifth, learn to make concessions when there are differences due to living habits.You and your mother-in-law belong to two generations. They are different in terms of age, growth environment, education level, etc., so it is inevitable that there will be some differences in living habits.At this time, as a daughter-in-law, you have to learn to make concessions. This can not only let your mother-in-law see that you are sensible and well-behaved, but also prevent these small differences from turning into big conflicts.

Sixth, we must grasp the distance from our mother-in-law.As the saying goes, only distance can produce beauty, that is to say, beauty cannot exist without distance.This sentence may not be true, but there is some truth to it.A little distance is really needed between people, this is true for husband and wife, especially for mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.Therefore, if conditions permit and the parents-in-law can take care of themselves, it is best to live separately from the mother-in-law after marriage. There will be fewer opportunities to meet and conflicts will naturally be much less.Of course, then again, even if you don't live together, don't forget to go back and see them often, bring some gifts, and help your mother-in-law with housework. close.

In fact, both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have their own shortcomings, so tolerance is essential when getting along, especially for daughter-in-law, sometimes this kind of tolerance is not only respect for mother-in-law, but also a sign of respect for your husband and for you. Respect to your family.Husband's mother is his own mother, this sentence must always be kept in mind.As long as you truly feel that this is your own mother in your heart, you will be psychologically attached to her, and in turn, your mother-in-law will also feel your sincerity.

(End of this chapter)