Heart like dust, smile peacefully

Chapter 23 Be able to advance or retreat, leave an open-mindedness for others and yourself (1)
For beautiful lips, speak kind words;

If you want lovely eyes, you have to see the benefits of others;

For a slim figure, distribute your food to the hungry;
Beautiful hair lies in having children's fingers run through it every day;
For an elegant posture, remember that you are not the only pedestrian when walking.

--Audrey Hepburn
1. People who are not good enough can be forgiven

Maybe some people are hateful and some people are mean.And when I put myself in his imagination, I realized: he is more pitiful than me.So forgive everyone you meet -- good or bad.

There is a Hakka proverb that goes like this: "Keep a thread of human affection, so that we can meet in the future." It means that when dealing with people, you must not stop talking or doing things, it is best to leave some room.Some women are always very straightforward in speaking and doing things, and don't save a little face for the other party. The result is that everyone breaks up unhappy.In fact, at this time, women can use some tactful methods to communicate with each other, such as insinuating, kind reminders, etc., so that arguments and theories can be avoided to a large extent, and many contradictions can be resolved.

She was a touring store manager for a chain of supermarkets, and one day she was touring one of the stores.However, when she walked outside the supermarket, she saw a scene through the window that made her angry.It turned out that a female customer in the beverage area facing the door walked around the shelf several times, as if she was looking for something, but she couldn't find it.At this time, as a tally clerk, he should take the initiative to ask the customer what he needs, and then help to get it. However, the customer has been looking there for a long time, but no tally clerk has come to serve.She looked into the store and saw a few tallymen talking about something together, and no one paid any attention to the customer.

As a store manager, she was very angry when she saw her subordinates being so slack in their work. She originally wanted to go in and scold them, but after a second thought, she decided to educate them in another way.

She walked into the supermarket, walked up to the customer, and asked kindly what he was looking for.It turned out that the customer was looking for a certain brand of lactic acid drink for children, but he couldn't find this brand after searching for a long time.After she knew it, she quickly found the drink for the customer on another shelf, apologized to the customer for not being able to serve her in time, and then sent the customer away.During this process, she purposely spoke loudly so that the tally clerks could hear her.In fact, as soon as she entered the door, the tally staff saw her and saw her helping customers find products in person. They all blushed and lowered their heads.

After the customer left, the tally clerks complained secretly, thinking that a reprimand would definitely be inevitable, and maybe their bonus would be deducted for it.However, what the tally staff didn't expect was that she didn't reprimand them, but simply explained some daily work matters as if nothing had happened, and then left.

Since then, this branch has never had a similar situation. In the turnover appraisal of the quarter, this branch jumped from No.2 to the sales champion of the quarter. At the same time, in the service appraisal Among them, it also won the excellent result of No.1.

When dealing with this matter, "she" adopted a clever hint method. She did not go directly to point out the irresponsibility of the tally staff, but went to serve the customers in person, so that the tally staff realized that they were not responsible. This not only saves their face, but also indirectly corrects their mistakes.Faced with such a boss who always thinks of his subordinates, his subordinates will of course feel grateful, and will turn this gratitude into motivation at work, so as to make greater achievements.

In fact, in interpersonal communication, leaving room for others is equivalent to leaving room for yourself.If "she" found out that the tally clerks were not serious about their work, she went directly to them and taught them a lesson, maybe some results could be achieved at that time, but most of the tally clerks would be dissatisfied, and they would definitely think that "she" It is a boss who is too harsh and ruthless. Working under such a boss will make them somewhat uncomfortable. With this kind of thinking in mind, they will naturally not do their work with all their heart.

As the saying goes, extremes of things must be reversed, and extremes will come.In dealing with the world, you can't go to the extreme, and there is no way to go to the extreme, and you can't say it is absolute, and it is unreasonable to say it is absolute.

She and her husband Shen Fei jointly run a small foreign trade company. The two of them were college classmates and began to fall in love when they were juniors.After graduation, Shen Fei started to start her own business. One year later, she also resigned from her job and started to start a business together with Shen Fei.After several years of hard work, their careers have achieved little success.When their careers were on the right track, they got married.Because both of them are very ambitious, they agreed that they would not have children first, and then work together for a few years in their careers.Wait for the company to get bigger, and then consider this issue.

When a husband and wife start a business together, generally speaking, the male leads the outside and the female leads the inside, but she and Shen Fei are different from others, just the opposite.She is extroverted and outgoing, making her a perfect fit for PR and sales, so she handles all of the company's work.And Shen Fei is relatively introverted and calm, so he is responsible for some administrative affairs of the company.Therefore, there are some important projects that require business trips, and she is almost in charge.

Once, the company received another relatively large project, and she needed to travel for a few days.On the way to the airport, she suddenly found that an important document was left at home.So she told the driver to turn around and drive back.When the car drove to an alley not far from her home, she suddenly saw a familiar car in front of her.Taking a closer look, it turned out that Shen Fei's car was parked there.She felt very puzzled, Shen Fei should be working in the company at this time, why did he come home?She was about to get out of the car to ask what happened, but found that Shen Fei was not the only one getting out of the car, but also his secretary Li Qing.She was even more confused, what is going on?She suddenly had an ominous premonition in her heart.In the end, just as she expected, after the two got out of the car, Shen Fei took Li Qing's hand and walked into the gate.

She was so angry that her hands were shaking, she never believed that her husband would do such a thing.Anger, shock, sadness, a whole lot of emotions surged up all at once, she even wanted to rush into the house immediately and expose Shen Fei's scandal in person.But after she calmed down, she calmed down rationally.She knew that if she rushed in regardless of the consequences, there would be an uproar, and perhaps their marriage would also be greatly impacted.

While rushing to catch the plane, and with such a big situation at home, she knew that she had to make a decision in a short time.She knew in her heart that what Shen Fei did was probably just a moment of confusion, he still loved himself and this family in his heart.But she couldn't just ignore it like this. After thinking about it, she came up with an idea.

She first dialed Shen Fei's cell phone and told him that she had forgotten an important document in the company, and she had already sent her secretary Li Qing to pick it up at home.Then she called Li Qing's mobile phone and told her to go to her home to get a document, and said that she would wait for her at the airport.About a minute later, she saw Shen Fei and Li Qing walking out of the house together, and Li Qing was holding the document she forgot at home.Seeing this, she urged the driver to turn around and rush back to the airport immediately.Five minutes after she arrived at the airport, Li Qing also rushed to the airport in a taxi.She took the document from Li Qing, smiled gracefully, and said "Thank you".Li Qing's expression was obviously embarrassing, and he didn't dare to look up at her.Not long after she came back from a business trip, Li Qing resigned and left the company with an excuse, but Shen Fei didn't say anything.She didn't mention this matter in front of Shen Fei, but Shen Fei knew it well, she was saving face for him.Since then, he has never done anything similar, and he loves and respects her more.

"Her" approach can be said to have easily resolved many big troubles.If she didn't care about the face of her husband and Li Qing, rushed into the house and exposed them on the spot, then the husband who lost his face would probably become angry, and even break the pot, and Li Qing might pester her husband like this and destroy their family. Of course, it was the result she didn't want to see, so she didn't choose to do this, but made a clever arrangement, which not only made the two parties realize their mistakes, but also avoided a family storm.

But some women may not understand why the other party should take care of his emotions when it is obvious that the other party has done something wrong. Since he has done something wrong, he should bear the due consequences.This kind of thinking is not unreasonable, but sometimes, finding a step for the other party may make you feel a little disadvantaged, but it can avoid a conflict or contradiction with more serious consequences, and you will also be hurt by the other party. Between gratitude and respect, weighing the pros and cons, you should be able to find a psychological balance.

Therefore, women should not be too impulsive when they get along with family members or with outsiders. When encountering troubles and problems, women should understand that sometimes the way to solve things satisfactorily is to give in one step and leave a bit of room. Or give the other party a step.

As the saying goes, it is a kind of wisdom to be a human being not to know who the scolder is. It can not only leave room for others, but also leave room for yourself; if you don’t push others to a dead end, your own road will be smooth; you don’t know whose fault it is , There is no need to worry about it, let yourself advance and retreat, so that you can handle work affairs more flexibly in the future and solve complex and changeable problems.

2. Soft dialogue is more natural
There is wisdom in life, and skill in language. If you express the same thing in two words, the final result may be completely different.

Language is an art, it is like a double-edged sword, it can make or destroy people.If you want to be a woman who is affirmed in the social circle, then you have to be a talker.Women who can talk are mostly cautious in their words and deeds, and they are also very flexible and calm when dealing with interpersonal relationships.Women who are not good at this may complicate a contradiction that is not difficult to solve, and even cause greater misunderstandings, which will bring many unnecessary troubles to their work and interpersonal relationships.Therefore, women must use the double-edged sword of language well in their interpersonal communication, so that they can become a popular person wherever they go.

If you want to be a talkative person, you must first know how to praise others.Everyone likes to hear other people's affirmation and praise for themselves, men are like this, and so are women.Because it is through the praise of others that you can show your abilities more, and you can have a strong sense of pride and satisfaction in life.For men, success means honor, fame, flowers and applause, which mark that they have their own status in the male world.Compliments from women mean that they have also passed the test of women's standards, which makes them feel very happy.For women, it is easy to get compliments from men, but it seems to be somewhat difficult to get compliments from the same sex.Because women are mostly jealous, they rarely praise a same-sex person who surpasses them in a certain way easily.Therefore, for women, if they can get sincere praise from the same sex, it will be a happy thing for them.

It can be seen that both men and women will be very happy if they can get sincere praise from women.Therefore, as a woman, you must grasp this principle well in interpersonal communication, and make necessary compliments to friends around you in a timely and appropriate manner, which will definitely let you gain more friendship.

In fact, everyone needs affirmation, especially the affirmation of outsiders.With the affirmation of outsiders, one's own existence has a sense of security, and praise is a form of affirmation.Compliments cost nothing, inspire people, make people happy, and earn you friendships, so why not do them?

Secondly, in addition to being able to praise others, you must also learn how to advise others.Although it is said that "good medicine is good for the disease, and good advice is good for the ear", many people still feel a little disgusted with other people's advice, because since it is advice, it means that the person being advised has flaws and mistakes in certain aspects. Are you willing to be caught by others and talk endlessly?However, sometimes we have to face the situation of giving advice to others. So, is there any way to make the advice sound less harsh?Of course there is.It would be much better if, when giving advice to others, it could be said skillfully.

The results of the monthly exam were sent out, and Xiaomei's math scores were far from satisfactory, and she only scored 70 points in the test.After returning home, Xiaomei showed the report card to her mother.

"Your math scores have always been very good, why did you do so poorly this time?" Mom asked.

"The new teacher Zhang's lectures are too fast, and many students in our class can't keep up with her progress." Xiaomei said.

"I didn't do well in the exam, so why put the blame on the teacher." Mom felt that Xiaomei was trying to quibble.

"I'm not lying. Our class did not perform well in mathematics this time. The highest score was only 79 points." Xiaomei said.

Xiaomei is usually an honest child, and her mother thought she would not lie, so she called several other parents she knew well. Sure enough, as Xiaomei said, the students did not do well in math this time, and more than half of them did not. failed.It seems that this new math teacher is indeed a little too fast in his lectures.So, Xiaomei's mother decided to ask Teacher Zhang this question during the parent-teacher meeting.

On the day of the parent-teacher meeting, before Xiaomei's mother could speak, Xiaogang's mother raised this question first.

"Mr. Zhang, I have a suggestion for you. Can you teach the class a little slower? My Xiaogang said that he couldn't keep up with your lecture progress, which is why his math grades are so poor this time."

"If you don't do well in the test, you don't look for reasons from yourself, you only look for objective reasons. This is wrong. If you can't keep up, it means that he has poor acceptance. As a parent, you also have the responsibility to supervise him." Teacher Zhang listened to Xiaogang's mother. , was obviously very upset, and Xiaogang's mother was speechless with a few words.

Xiaomei's mother could tell that what Teacher Zhang said was not true, but because Xiaogang's mother's words were a little too direct, which hurt her self-esteem.So, she decided to ask Teacher Zhang this question in another way.When it was her turn to speak, she said: "I have a colleague whose child is in another elementary school, and like Xiaomei, he is also in the fourth grade.

Their math class was taught very slowly, and only 25 pages were taught in four weeks. Although the child's monthly test scores are good, it cannot be compared with your class, because you have already taught 40 pages, which is almost twice as much as theirs. . "

Of course, Teacher Zhang heard the meaning of Xiaomei's mother's words. In fact, from the students' grades this time, she also realized that her lectures were indeed a little too fast.Since then, she has gradually slowed down her teaching progress.In the next quiz, the students did well.

The reason why Xiaogang’s mother was refuted by the teacher was because she did not pay attention to the measure of persuasion, which hurt the teacher’s self-esteem; while Xiaomei’s mother’s advice method was very clever, that is, it did not hurt the teacher’s self-esteem, and prompted the teacher to correct it. mistake.

Therefore, if you affirm the value of the other party before giving advice, satisfy some psychological needs of the other party, and then put forward the advice, it will often get twice the result with half the effort.Therefore, blunt admonition is not suitable for all situations. Sometimes it is more subtle and euphemistic to express the meaning fully and clearly, and it is easier for the other party to accept.Straight roads are good for horse racing, and winding paths can lead to secluded places. Each has its own advantages. The key lies in how you use it skillfully.

(End of this chapter)