Heart like dust, smile peacefully

Chapter 24 Be able to advance or retreat, leave an open-mindedness for others and yourself (2)
In addition, in interpersonal communication, there is another speaking rule that must be followed, that is, "Talk about three points for a human being, but don't give up all your heart." It means, don't talk too much, otherwise you will bring trouble to yourself. come to trouble.Most women like to talk fast, so pay special attention to this.Otherwise, it is very likely that you will drop a stone on your own foot.

She and Xiaoyin are college classmates. After graduation, they came to a food company as administrative assistants together.She has a more outgoing personality, can speak well, discusses or argues with others about something, and is very brave every time.Xiaoyin, on the other hand, is somewhat introverted, not very good at speaking, and always becomes the "loser" in debates.

In a blink of an eye, the two of them have been in the company for half a year, and the company stipulates that assistants who have worked for more than half a year have the opportunity to become regulars.Both she and Xiaoyin are secretly working hard, hoping that they can become regular one day soon.

Soon after, the administration department received several new tasks, and the supervisor assigned two of them to her and Xiaoyin respectively, with a deadline of one week.Obviously, this is an assessment.When accepting the task, the supervisor asked her: "Are you sure you can finish it independently? Do you need me to arrange another person to help you?" She completed the work together, and at the same time she said to her supervisor: "I will definitely try my best to complete the task."

The reason why she didn't want to complete this work with others was because she wanted to take this opportunity to show her strength and impress her supervisor so that she could become a full-time employee smoothly.However, what she didn't expect was that this task was far more difficult than imagined.Five days passed without any progress.When the supervisor asked her about the progress, she lost her original confidence. She honestly said: "It's not as simple as I imagined!" After hearing this, the director encouraged her to continue working hard, but she was somewhat unhappy.In the end, it took her ten days to complete the task.Not only did she fail to achieve the purpose of showing her face in front of the supervisor, but she also left a bad impression on the supervisor as a big talker, and she regretted it.With the help of colleagues, Xiaoyin successfully completed the advertising plan within the stipulated time.Since then, Xiaoyin has successfully become a regular, and she is naturally still working as her assistant.

Afterwards, there was another time when she had a quarrel with a colleague, and she said to the colleague: "From now on, we will sever our relationship as a colleague, and I will never say a word to you again..." Unexpectedly, this sentence Less than a month after she finished speaking, that colleague became her immediate boss.In the end, she left the company in disgrace.And Xiaoyin, who always grasps the standard of speech, became the head of the department after half a year.

The experience of "her" tells us that Qianjin should not easily agree to things that we are not capable of; and once we agree, we must fulfill our promises, that is to say, we must not talk too much.Just as if there is room in the cup, it will not overflow due to adding other liquids, and if there is room in the balloon, it will not explode due to refilling some air. And can't get off the stage.

In real life, there are always some women who are willing to get together Zhang's parents and Li's family to gossip about other people. Wherever they are, there are always disputes.Therefore, such women are always annoying, and they can easily become "the target of public criticism", being spurned and hated by others, and their ending can be imagined.Therefore, women should pay attention to one thing in interpersonal communication, that is, never be a "gossip woman".

As the saying goes: "It is better to scold others in front of others than to criticize them behind others." That is to say, when you find other people's shortcomings, you can use euphemistic methods to point them out in person and persuade them to correct them.But if you don't say it in person, but keep talking behind your back, it will not only make the person being said angry, but also make the listener resent you.Because the listener will naturally think like this: "You can speak ill of others in front of me, so it is hard to guarantee that you will not speak ill of me in front of others."

Therefore, in your daily life, not only should you not gossip behind others, but you should also correct your attitude and use dialectical thinking to think about such things when you encounter others talking badly about another person in front of you.Let gossip stop at you, and you are wise.

After mastering these skills, I believe you will become a woman who can talk and become the darling in interpersonal communication.

3. Sorry, I can't help you
One of the greatest lessons in life is to know how to say no, the most important of which is refusing to do something for yourself or to do something for someone else.

In interpersonal communication, we often encounter situations where we ask others to do things. Of course, in turn, we are often begged by others to do some things.If it is within the scope of one's ability, of course you should try to help others as much as possible, so that you can gain a lot of popularity, make many friends, and bring a lot of convenience to your interpersonal communication.

However, sometimes, when others ask us to do something that is beyond our ability, or when we are not very sure that we can complete it, we must not agree to it all at once, because it is easy to be self-defeating.Because, if we continue to do so, we may not be able to complete it due to lack of ability. At that time, those who ask us for help will inevitably be unhappy, and even say that we are not enough friends.As a result, not only did he fail to make friends, but he offended them.

She is a cheerful girl with a somewhat boyish personality. Usually, when friends around her ask her for something, she always takes the lead without giving in.Zhang Qiang is her colleague, and they usually have a good relationship.Zhang Qiang often asks her for help, and she always agrees every time, and will do her best to help her.

At the beginning, Zhang Qiang was very grateful to her, and he would thank her every time he got her help.But after a long time, Zhang Qiang got used to it, and stopped saying thank you to her, thinking that all this seemed to be what she should do.And because of her cheerful personality, she never took these things to heart.Later, Zhang Qiang asked her for another matter, but this matter was very difficult, and she was not sure of it.But she didn't want to lose face in front of her friends, so she agreed without thinking about it.However, she spent a lot of effort and entrusted many relationships, but she still couldn't get things done.In the end, I didn't expect Zhang Qiang to ignore her anymore, and even said a lot of bad things about her to other friends behind her back.In the end, the two broke up unhappy.

The mistake of "she" is that no matter what the friend asks, she immediately agrees to it, and she will not refuse when it is time to refuse.She thinks that doing this is enough friends, and if she refuses, she is not enough friends. In fact, she doesn't know that as long as she learns to reject skillfully, not only will she not lose her friends, but she will also avoid getting into embarrassment.

Learning to refuse skillfully is not unkind, but a kind of self-defense, self-esteem and stability, a manifestation of will and confidence, and a kind of open-mindedness and wisdom.Therefore, in interpersonal communication, not only must learn to refuse, but also be good at saying no.It is necessary to be able to reject others without embarrassing or embarrassing them too much.At the same time, once you decide to reject the other party, you must be firm in your mind, but the method of rejection should not be too rigid.In addition, the most important thing is to express your sincerity so that the other party can empathize.

Her friend Jiajia is going to Paris to study abroad. The two of them usually have a good relationship, so she called her cousin who works in Paris, hoping that she can take care of Jiajia in life and work in the future.But the cousin refused her request. The cousin said: "Your enthusiasm for your friend is commendable, but I don't want to know her. Because this is not in the country, everyone basically depends on their own life and work." Work hard, not rely on others. I already have a like-minded network, and you know, I don't like dealing with strangers. Plus, it's likely to get you in trouble. Because, if you introduce her to Me, if she asks me to do something and I fail to do it, she will probably complain to you, which will affect your friendship. So, you have to tell your friends to be self-reliant wherever you go, No matter who takes care of you, it's best to rely on your own efforts."

Although the cousin clearly rejected her, she spoke in a reasonable and tactful manner, so she was not angry, but felt that what the cousin said was very reasonable.

This kind of refusal can be said to be clear and sincere, and it is easy for the other party to accept.So, sometimes, refusal does not mean being inhuman, nor is it arbitrariness, but a more advanced interpersonal communication strategy.So while rejection can be hard to say at times, there is a way.

Method one, find an excuse for yourself to refuse.Make excuses, although it sounds a bit ugly, but it is indeed a good way to refuse other people's requests.It's just that you have to be careful when looking for excuses to decline, and try to find some convincing excuses that convince the other party, so that your friends will neither force you nor cause too much dissatisfaction with you.

The second method is to help the other party find other solutions.In the face of other people's requests, if you really do not have the ability to do so, in addition to directly refusing, you can also provide the other party with other ways to solve the problem, such as introducing him to someone who is more capable, or thinking of a more capable person for him. Good solution.In this way, even if the way you pointed out still can't help much, the other party won't blame you too much, after all, you have tried your best to help out.Of course, if the other party succeeds because of this, he will naturally be grateful to you.

Method three, ask others to convey your refusal.When you can’t speak up when you refuse in person, you can ask others to tell you about your rejection, which can give the other party a psychological buffer. Relatively speaking, it will be easier for the other party to accept, because sometimes refusing in person does hurt. Each other's self-esteem, thus affecting your friendship.

Method [-]: Change the topic at critical moments.Appropriately changing the subject can actually easily solve the problem of "how to refuse" for you, because changing the subject sometimes means a "negative" answer.If the other party says: "Let's come here to play again tomorrow!" "Oh, I think we should go back!" Your answer will at least make the other party feel that you are indifferent to this proposal and let the other party understand that you are rejecting him. ask.Although it is also a rejection, it is more acceptable to the other party than saying it directly.

Method five, keep silent or procrastinate appropriately.When the other party makes a request, if you keep silent for a while or delay with an excuse, then the sensible person will understand what you mean when they see this reaction, and will not be "entangled" with you anymore.For example, when someone asks you: "What do you think of this person?" In fact, you don't think this person is very good, and you are embarrassed to say it, so you can smile noncommittally at the person who asked the question, so that the other person will naturally agree. I understand what you mean, and I won't ask you any more.For another example, if a male colleague wants to ask you to watch a movie after get off work, but you don't want to go, then you can say this: "I have something to do today and I can't go, next time I have time, I will invite you to watch it." This way will neither make the other party embarrassing, but also express one's own mind correctly.

Method [-], do not answer directly, and throw multiple-choice questions to the other party.For example, you go shopping with a girlfriend, she fancy a dress, when she asks you if this dress is suitable for her, if you think it is not suitable for her, don't say it directly, that way It will disappoint her, you can pick up another dress that suits her better, and then say: "The one you picked is good, but I think this dress can bring out your temperament better." It is not only agreeing with the other party's suggestion, but also tactfully expressing your different views. Although it is a kind of negation, it is easy for friends to accept.

Method seven, learn to say "no" diplomatically.You can also learn the "diplomatic rhetoric" of diplomats.When diplomats encounter questions they don't want to answer or are unwilling to answer, they always use one sentence to prevaricate: "No comment." This sentence can also be used.In addition, words such as "Well...it's hard to say", "The truth will tell you" and so on can also help you cope for a while.

It is not difficult to learn to say no tactfully and to say "no" appropriately.As long as you understand the above methods, express your negative thoughts in the most ideal way, and integrate them into your actual life, it will definitely help your interpersonal communication.I hope you will master the "art" of saying "no" in this interpersonal communication as soon as possible.

4. The agency was too smart to calculate, and it missed Qingqing's life
The biggest obstacle for smart people is that they are consciously smart, persistent in disguise, lack of flexibility, and misunderstand that they have a strong ability to change everything and win the world.

In life, people often say that a woman who is too smart is not cute.Perhaps this sentence has been heard by smart women, and it will arouse their strong dissatisfaction: Why is it not cute to be smart?Is it cute to be like a fool?Of course, the meaning of this sentence is not to say that a woman has to be like a fool to be cute, but that even if she is very smart, she must learn to pretend to be a fool properly.Because women who are too smart are often exquisite and transparent, and they seem to have a deep understanding of life, and they always look like they can see through the world.However, in this way, not only will they be very tired, but the people around them will also be very tired.

In the face of women who are too smart, most men are not willing to marry them as wives, because they are too calm and see things too thoroughly, and all lies cannot escape their eyes. Living with them, men will be very hard.For men, what is most needed is a woman's understanding of coldness and heat, understanding, and women's pretending to be confused, because such a woman will preserve a man's self-esteem. If all the thoughts of a man are seen under the eyes of his wife If there is no surplus, then what is the fun in life for them?

Therefore, in marriage, a woman must learn to see things clearly, but more importantly, she must be able to pretend to be confused and not say everything, otherwise, men will avoid them.If this can be done, then even if a man really cheats, he will most likely turn his prodigal son back.

She and her husband Mingdao have been in a "cold war" for two weeks, and the two of them can't speak ten words a day, and sometimes they don't even say a word. The reason is that she found out that her husband is having an affair.She has been married for five years and her daughter is 3 years old. Faced with her husband's betrayal, she was very sad and couldn't accept it for a while, so she could only be cold-faced and reticent every day.And Ming Dao knew he was wrong, and he was guilty of being a thief, so naturally he didn't dare to provoke her.As a result, the "cold war" between the two continued.

When her friend Jiazhi came to visit, she told her about her troubles.Jiazhi told her not to continue the "cold war" with Mingdao like this, unless she didn't want to live with him anymore, otherwise, doing so would only make their relationship worse.After Jiazhi left, she fell into deep thought.

In the evening, there was a thunderstorm.After the rain stopped, Ming Dao received a message from his lover, asking him to go out to meet.Ming Dao lied to her as usual and said: "A few colleagues are going out for a gathering, and they may come back later." In the past, when Ming Dao's affairs were not exposed, or when Ming Dao made excuses to go out, she would always complain.After this incident, although she didn't say anything anymore, she treated Ming Dao's excuse to go out with a glaring cold war stance.But this time, she changed her usual routine and said in a flat and friendly tone: "It has just rained, the road is slippery, and you will definitely have to drink when you have a party with your colleagues, so don't drive, take a taxi, be safe Hearing this, Ming Dao was taken aback for a moment, and then whispered: "Yes, I see." She walked over to straighten Ming Dao's collar, and then said: "Be careful on the road."

(End of this chapter)