Self-control 2: How to control your emotions and destiny?

Chapter 18
This evaluation determines the self-positioning of "what kind of person am I?" It should be objective, rational, and detailed, based on your understanding and evaluation of yourself, rather than arrogant or self-deprecating.To make this evaluation, you need to have a full understanding of your past, and then talk about it, express "what kind of person you are", and make a good positioning.

Step 3: Restrained self-expression - "I don't need to be too good to be good at it."

Establish a new image for your work, that is, go to the field where you are best at and the easiest to succeed, and then succeed easily.Don't be too exaggerated and invested, and should be restrained so that success will follow its own course and take its course.With one success, we develop a confidence-inspiring pattern.Then you have to enhance this successful experience, and after a long time, you will be able to establish a more calm state of mind.

Step 4: Tell yourself this - "I have three strengths."

1. "I'm good at persistence."

2. "I have abilities that others don't."

3. "I'm more confident than other people."

If we use these hints frequently, the fear of success will gradually be left behind, and a normal and positive attitude of a successful winner will be established.

Success means avoiding pessimism - you have to draw a line with pessimism.No one can predict the future.When people set a goal and want to achieve it as soon as possible, the thoughts of "yes" and "no" will always appear alternately.In the face of pessimism and optimism, you must know how to choose to avoid pessimism from affecting your behavior.

How can we drive pessimism out of our hearts?
Amory designed a simple and easy plan for our students. He made an emotional comparison table for people to judge the specific difference between optimism and pessimism, and remind people how to make the right choice among them.The specific method is:

Divide a whiteboard into left and right columns with a clear line in the middle for distinction.Write optimism on the left and pessimism on the right, and post it on the wall.When you get home from get off work every day, write down your optimistic and pessimistic feelings on the left and right sides of the watch, and don’t miss any feeling.

After writing everything, the next job is to draw out the pessimistic feelings one by one.While drawing it out, experience the process of "driving it out of your heart" with your heart.Then say the optimistic feelings one by one, out loud, and allow yourself to experience the process of "it has settled in my heart".In the end you will succeed in moving further from pessimism and closer to optimism.

Success means accepting greater anxiety -- you learn to turn stress into motivation.Any stress and anxiety you should treat as normal and not cause negative associations.You should not worry too much about your lack of personal ability, but learn to share the pressure with others to fully adapt to the team environment, borrow the ability of others to help you solve problems, and achieve common success.

Success means accepting greater competition - you have to learn to turn any kind of crisis into an "opportunity" instead of allowing it to become a real danger.Don't take your valuable competitor as an obstacle to your career development, and hate him or think that you are "not as good as others, very useless", but learn from him humbly and challenge him confidently, Ultimately promote yourself and coexist with him.

In today's world, all successful people should know how to manage stress and calm their inner anxiety.Otherwise, his success will not last long.What happened to Highmer was a process of breaking down under the pressure of taking on too many tasks in her own life.

You have to be mentally prepared to "fight a long-term war" for your own career, pay more, and persist more.It is not difficult to change ourselves, but whether we can persevere with enough confidence for a long time is an extremely difficult test for us.

Emotional Self-Management Course
Sense of achievement positioning

Advantage positioning: You must fully consider your own advantages, "What am I best at?" This is the most important factor for a person to accurately position himself.The work you do must reflect your strengths.If it happens to be your shortcoming, even if you can succeed in the end, you will pay a very heavy price.

Goal principle: Avoid changing goals frequently and blindly changing the direction of your efforts, which will waste your time and energy.More importantly, it will make you lose confidence and interest in work, which is a heavy blow to your emotions, and will eventually produce feelings of powerlessness and inferiority complex.

Overcoming Laziness: You will definitely have moments of slack and slacking off, and you must remind yourself to cut yourself off from them.You have to say to yourself every day, every hour and every minute: "Hey, man, don't be lazy, hang on for a while, and go through this process with me." Creation principle: You want to find creative work, not simple Repetition of labor is conducive to long-term persistence, not just hard work for a while.

Principle of interest: what you do should be what you are most interested in.Finding a job that will allow us to do a lifetime is the goal of each of us.

Interaction principle: Interaction with the team is very important in the process of success, and the help of the team can make you make more rational judgments.Moreover, mutual assistance can eliminate and weaken the negative emotions generated in the work, and play a role in comforting, encouraging and cheering each other up.

◎The Origin of Loneliness
The real duty of life is to find ourselves and overcome the "loneliness" that has accompanied us all our lives. It is always in the body, sometimes quiet, sometimes explosive, making us feel our own powerlessness, loneliness and helplessness to reality.Although there are countless "uncertainties" in our lives, finding ourselves is the only certainty.

This is our highest ideal, undiminished by age, unshakable by the deterioration of ability.If you can overcome loneliness, you will truly overcome yourself and find the spiritual motivation that can support you for a lifetime.

Ponte is a Spanish boy.When he was 5 years old, he was sold to a farmer by his father, and after several twists and turns, he was sent to a deep mountain to help an elderly shepherd.Soon, the shepherd passed away, leaving Ponte alone.But he didn't try to leave, but stayed on the mountain, choosing to survive alone.

Compared with enduring the abuse of his stepmother, he feels that he is still "happiness" alone guarding the deep mountains and old forests.

Although Ponte is young, he has already learned to forage from the shepherd.The animals guided him, and he ate what they ate.Ponte was very clever. When the wild boars dug up tubers in the soil, he rushed out and threw stones to scare them away, and then took the tubers for himself.

One day, Ponte went into a cave, played with the wolf cubs inside, and fell asleep while playing.Not long after, the female wolf, who had gone out to feed her cubs, returned to the cave and looked fiercely at the uninvited guest.The wolf cubs began to share raw meat, and at this time Ponte also woke up, watching the wolf cubs divide the food hungrily.A wolf cub approaches him, and Ponter tries to steal its food.The she-wolf clawed at him, and Ponte had to give up. He couldn't beat the she-wolf, and he didn't want to offend her.Needless to say, he also knew the fate of offending a wolf in the deep mountains.

Fortunately, the mother wolf threw him a piece of meat after feeding the cub.Ponte didn't dare to pick it up, but the she-wolf pushed the meat over with her nose.Ponte picked up the meat and swallowed it, but he was a little apprehensive, thinking that the she-wolf would take the opportunity to bite him, but the she-wolf just stuck out her tongue and licked him.

In the end, Ponte became a member of this wolf family and often came here to eat.

He also has another constant companion: a snake.It lives with Ponter in an abandoned mine.He made it a nest and fed it some goat's milk.It follows Ponter everywhere and protects him.Ponte would be very lonely when he couldn't hear the animal's voice, so he imitated the animal's voice, and if they answered, he could fall asleep peacefully.He learned the sounds of various animals such as deer, fox and owl.

When he was 20 years old, Ponte was finally found and the police took him to a small village at the foot of the mountain.According to Ponte, this is the worst nightmare of his life - being forced to reintegrate into society.He has completely lost his ability to adapt to modern society, and even has no special feeling for his father.When he was taken to a haircut, he even thought the barber would cut his throat with scissors.

He is not used to sleeping in the bed, and at night he lies on the ground or finds a corner to curl up there.What disturbs him most is the noise and crowding of human society."I can't get used to so many noises, like cars, and I can't understand that humans move like ants. Ants go in the same direction anyway, but humans walk in all directions. I'm afraid to cross the road," Ponte said.

This is not the most deadly, Ponte needs to make ends meet.He has learned to eat and walk like a human, but he has to work.He changed from one to another, and even went to the army for a while, but he couldn't get used to it.Therefore, in the most difficult time, he flashed the idea of ​​returning to the mountains countless times.

Ponte never understood how to deal with people, until a village took him in and let him live a quiet life.He only needs to farm and hunt.

Summary: Lonely Ponte - "I'm afraid, so I run away."

What was Ponte's problem?If lack of systematic life training in human society is one of the reasons, then after reintegrating into society, Ponte's own fear becomes the main reason for his evasion and lack of confidence.He is afraid of unfamiliar environments, even if this environment can give him a better quality of life, he also resists because of unfamiliarity.

"I really want to go back to the jungle and the mountains and continue to live with that she-wolf and that snake."

This is the voice of Ponte, isn't it also the psychological state of many of us?We all end up in a Ponte-esque “aloneness” when we’re stuck or in unfamiliar territory—it’s not where I should be, it’s not something I can do.Well, I should go back!As a result, people retreat back in a natural way, back to the zero starting point of nothing, where they live their lives with confidence that has dropped to freezing point just like "primitives".

The solution: Open arms -- "You're welcome back, this is your home."

The wonderful life is down the mountain, but it takes courage and will to go on.If Ponte wants to fully adapt and return to human life, he must take the mountain as his home, not the abandoned mine.Therefore, there must be a mentality of returning, rather than the emotion of being forced to enter an unfamiliar environment as a "guest".The latter will make him unable to adapt to human life forever, and I am afraid he will flee back to the mountains after staying for too long.

We let the students who participated in the emotional management course feel about loneliness-everyone expresses their understanding of loneliness in one sentence.After analyzing the opinions of 2000 students, we have summarized 7 typical forms of loneliness that people often see:
Emotional loneliness: "I feel like I have no soulmate."

Material loneliness: "I fear the material world and keep a distance from them."

Spiritual loneliness: "I always feel empty."

Survival Loneliness: "Where do I go in this world?"

Collective loneliness: "I can't find my place in the group."

Closed loneliness: "I don't want to confide in anyone."

Confrontational loneliness: "I resent others approaching me, and I just want to be alone."

Confrontation: Changing Sleep Habits

Take a look – what kind of loneliness are you?Have you positioned your form and realized what kind of problem you are facing?Then please tell me, every day, how do you sleep?Sleep patterns often determine our attitudes towards loneliness. Whether you accept or try to fight, as well as your level of loneliness, can all be reflected in sleep.

Do you sleep with your partner, or in separate beds? ——(It not only represents a habit, but also an emotional form of loneliness.)
Are you used to a room alone, or do you have to be accompanied? ——(The latter shows that you have serious spiritual loneliness.)
Do you like sleeping with pets? — (Emotional loneliness.)
Fall asleep? --(Good habit, but in the long run, there is a possibility of material loneliness.)
Or, can’t sleep without your very own pillow? ——(Survival loneliness requires support.)
Prefer to be naked, or in pajamas? --(Pajamas represent a slight defensiveness, you can try to sleep naked.)
Show your feet? ——(Indicating survival anxiety.)
Can you fall asleep with your head covered? --(Closed loneliness, I don't want to reveal my heart, I just want to find a quiet place.)
Time - If you can spend 7-9 hours a day in bed, this good sleep time will have more positive benefits on your emotional state.At the same time, it can also help you keep your body healthy.

Hint: Establish a regular sleep routine
Prepare some reminders for yourself, and you will not be able to sleep peacefully if you do not do these procedures well before going to bed.The premise is that we can't rely too much on these things.For example, allow yourself to read a 10-page book or watch a 30-minute video collection (preferably sports or music) before bed.Develop a habit: do something beneficial to yourself, soothe your brain, and fall asleep smoothly.Over time, the damage of loneliness in all its forms can be mitigated.

Emotional Self-Management Course
Place loneliness in the subconscious

Speech rate: Slow down your speaking rate and keep it flat.Because the faster the speech speed, it means that our subconscious mind begins to fear loneliness. With such an order, you will really become lonely.For example, once a fast-talking person stops, he will be at a loss. Only when he keeps talking can he be stable, which is the manifestation of this consciousness.

Welcome: welcome your loneliness, tell your subconscious mind: it is actually a positive word, even if it sometimes brings you great pain, once you overcome it, you can take this opportunity to improve yourself.Therefore, loneliness has benefited me a lot.This is a program to establish a lonely experience for the subconscious mind, so that loneliness becomes one's own spiritual wealth, not a mental burden.

Communication: You must know how to communicate with the subconscious mind, both to share the feeling of happiness with it, and to bear the experience of heartache, loneliness and helplessness with it.Don't repress it, let it flow, and then the subconscious will give a command to let them out.Show: Don't shy away from showing your loneliness to the outside world.Letting people know about your spiritual experience, without being shy, creates a channel for diluting loneliness and empowering.All experience with emotion, which is magnified and hurts itself, is due to our failure to show it outward in time.The more it is suppressed and closed, the greater the harm it will bring; the more it is volatile and open, the less negative effects it can produce.

◎Cowardly--the closed door
Some people don't want to express themselves-they have a strong desire to express themselves, but due to lack of confidence and skills, they stop at the last door.Then, close the door, all emotions, passion and strength cannot be released.Under the long-term influence of this emotion, memory loss will be a dangerous signal. It means that low self-esteem has seriously hit our brain function, indicating that the body has an irreversible escape response.

Five Reasons - They Can Cause Inferiority Anxiety

These reasons are ignored by most people, just like the germs hidden under the food, which always release the virus after eating into the stomach.It's too late to expel them by then, and they take root inside you, turning you into someone who seems too ashamed and afraid to show who you really are.

compare with others

Some people feel uneasy and prone to low self-esteem when they see those accomplished people dangling in the media every day.They hope that they can also be like successful people, but feel that they are not capable enough, so they gradually lose confidence.

Actually not so, you should remember that although there are better and more accomplished people than you in the world-of course there are many of them, and you may have many around you, no one will learn from your "self-worth". "Benefit from.That is to say, there are always some places where they are inferior to you, and you have specific values ​​to benefit the society.

This means that you and others cannot "be each other", you can only be the best version of yourself.So, try the opposite of "comparison" thinking, you will find a different way of life, in the end you will see - no one can match you, except yourself.

Instead of comparing with them, it is better to compete with your own yesterday.Ask yourself if you are making progress.If you find yourself stopping self-improvement, start working on a new goal right away and forget about the people who stand in your way, who are not important to your life at all.

suppress one's vulnerability

That's what I find the problem with most people is that while people try to be calm and strong every day, it's not a good thing to hide your vulnerability all the time.In this world, there is no one who can ignore and successfully suppress fragility.It will explode sooner or later, and if it accumulates too much, once it is released, it will easily cause a person to collapse.

Sometimes, we are afraid of the opportunity to talk freely, and we are afraid to express and vent our emotions.So, change this bad habit, speak freely and vent freely.

Whether you are happy or sad, don't suppress these emotions, and don't be afraid of being seen.

Accept whatever state you are in now, and don't feel intolerable and hostile to yourself.So what about fragility?Appreciate your own occasional "powerlessness" first.

Always want to prove yourself in front of others
The worst situation is that in order to get a good evaluation from the outside world, you make compromises, lower your self-worth, and try to please everyone.Of these, many said they had experiences of being outspoken, of making themselves cowardly for an outcome that looked good.Such consequences will undoubtedly cause endless troubles, not only make you depressed, but also make you lose yourself.

(End of this chapter)