Men love such a woman: 12 lessons a happy woman must take

Chapter 24
In today's society, women are no longer the ladies of the big family who "do not leave the door, but do not step in the second door".Like men, women also have to mix in various business and social occasions.And women who know the wisdom and methods of communication are generally unimpeded in business or social occasions, like a fish in water, and can do things well in many men's circles.

Interest is the best channel to shorten the distance between each other
For many female friends, there may be such an experience: I am very interested in becoming friends with someone, but before I have said a few words to the other party, the other party politely refuses to communicate with us.

What has actually happened?In the eyes of many people, the other party is a person who is difficult to approach.Is it true?Actually, that's not really the case.It's not that they're really difficult to access, it's just that we don't know them as well as we should.Think about it, if we meet a person, what he says and does is something we don't understand and is not interested at all, it is difficult for us to have the patience to communicate and communicate with the other party.Around this time, we can only politely refuse to communicate with each other.

To establish a good interpersonal network, we must know each other well and start from their interests. Only in this way can we shorten the distance between each other and be accepted by the other party.And all of this requires us to be slow, and don't rush to get the other party's approval once or twice.

Now, let's look at an example together.Come see how important it is to learn what people need to know before engaging with them.

Xiao Chen is a salesman of a tobacco and alcohol company. His job is to sell various brands of alcoholic beverages sold by agents to some restaurants and pubs.In the city where he lives, there are many such enterprises, and the competition is fierce. In order to be able to sell alcohol, the salesmen of different companies have tried various methods to communicate with the people who manage the procurement of alcohol in restaurants and taverns. Good relationship.

Once, Xiao Chen heard that a friend knew the supervisor in charge of wine purchases in a restaurant with a decent scale. In order to improve sales performance, he eagerly found his friend, hoping that the other party could help introduce him. introduce.

Xiao Chen's friend agreed, and made an appointment with the supervisor in charge of purchasing drinks.They met in a coffee shop and chatted while drinking coffee. At the beginning, the supervisor smiled and said something to Xiao Chen, but gradually he seemed a little absent-minded.After drinking a cup of coffee, he excused himself to leave.

Xiao Chen didn't notice this.Thinking that he already knew the other party, he brought the company's wine samples to the restaurant within a few days and found the supervisor.What puzzled Xiao Chen was that the supervisor seemed to have forgotten who he was.

Xiao Chen felt very embarrassed and angry, and told the matter when he met his friend again.The friend was very surprised, because in his impression, the executive was a very easy-going person.Feeling puzzled, he asked Xiao Chen about the last time he met him.After listening to Xiao Chen's narration, he said with a smile: "I'll ask him out again, and you can chat with him about football, how about it?"

Xiao Chen was dubious, but he still followed his friend's advice.They communicated very happily that time. When he went to the restaurant to find the other party again, the other party was extremely enthusiastic about him. Needless to say, Xiao Chen's goal was also achieved, that is, the supervisor agreed to try the drinks that Xiao Chen promoted.

After reading the above examples, you may wonder why the two exchanges and communication before and after will bring completely different results?In fact, the reason is very simple. For the first time, Xiao Chen didn't know anything about the other party. All he said and did were things that the other party was not interested in. In addition, in today's extremely fast-paced social environment, the things we see every day , I don’t know how many people I have contacted, so how can I remember them all?If it is changed to another situation, when we meet, what we say and do are topics that both parties are interested in, it will be quite different, even if we are inadvertently, we will pay attention to each other. How can it not leave a deeper impression in our minds and shorten the distance between each other?In this way, a good foundation for communication is laid.

No matter how close you are, there must be a degree
In interpersonal communication, there is such a rule, that is, the rule of hedgehog communication.This is the term first created by American psychoanalyst Blake to describe the complexity and difficulty of modern interpersonal relationships.He took advantage of the characteristics of hedgehogs themselves: two hedgehogs approach each other in order to keep warm in the cold season, but if they get too close, they will sting each other; if they are too far away, they cannot achieve the purpose of keeping warm.Therefore, they always keep a distance that can neither sting each other, but also keep each other warm.

It is most appropriate to apply this law of communication to women.When a woman gets along with the opposite sex, she can easily form an intimate relationship with the opposite sex by virtue of her own charm, which is an effect that may not be achieved when interacting with the same sex.Forming this kind of relationship with the opposite sex can often bring her more convenience, but at the same time there are dangers.If you are too intimate with the opposite sex, sometimes it will create an illusion for the other party, but as you yourself, it is intentional and ruthless. In this case, it is very easy to spread scandals about you and cause unnecessary troubles.

When getting along with the opposite sex, women must reserve appropriate space for each other, even if they are intimate, they must have a degree.

"No one is perfect, and no gold is pure." No matter who you are, you have advantages and disadvantages.After getting along with the opposite sex for a long time, some people will talk about everything, and it will be endless and irrelevant.Some girls instinctively think that the other party is very trustworthy, so they say everything, vent all their dissatisfaction and opinions on others, and express it quickly.If your friend is an informed and reasonable person, he will definitely advise you, enlighten you, and persuade you not to talk about others casually.But if your friend is a troublemaker, it is very likely that your words will be passed on to the person you are talking about, causing resentment from the other party.If your friends have bad intentions, exaggerate the facts, add embellishments, and deliberately provoke conflicts, it is very likely that you will be in a very embarrassing situation among your friends, and even serious disasters may result.

There is an ancient saying, "The friendship between gentlemen is as light as water". In a crowded and competitive place, if you can't make friends with everyone, then keep "casual friends" with them and be friendly. This is the wise choice for modern women without hurting the other party's contacts.

Therefore, as a woman, whether it is at the beginning of her career or she has been in the rivers and lakes for a long time, when interacting with male colleagues in the office, she must be knowledgeable and measured.If the relationship is shallow, it is not worth mentioning, but if the relationship is deep, it will often cause a lot of gossip for yourself, which will become a huge obstacle to career development.The opposite-sex friendship in the office is an out-and-out "double-edged sword"-if you don't coordinate well, you may be ruined and notorious, but if you coordinate well, you will have a successful career and a reputation.

Lingli is the secretary to the general manager of a computer company.According to colleagues, Lingli is the only secretary who has not been involved in an affair with the general manager.This is because, after Lingli successfully applied for this company, she told herself that when dealing with the boss of the opposite sex, she must first pay attention to keeping a distance.

As a secretary, Lingli will inevitably have some understanding of the privacy of the general manager's personal living habits.Some of her colleagues believe that the more she knows about the general manager, the better, so that she can be the "intimate padded jacket" of the general manager.

But Lingli doesn't think so.She felt that she had to have a certain degree of understanding and understanding of her boss. Knowing too much was not a good thing, and even knowing some things would be a burden.Especially when things that the boss concealed were leaked, as a secretary, she would become the biggest "suspect".The former secretary of the general manager was dismissed for this reason.She was once dubbed by her colleagues as the "family nanny secretary" of the general manager. However, her meticulous "service" not only failed to consolidate her position, but also caused many troubles and had to leave in a hurry.

Lingli said that such a secretary is not the career orientation she pursues, and she does not want to leave her current position in a hurry.Therefore, in daily work and communication, Lingli always keeps a certain distance from the general manager.At work, Lingli is shrewd, capable, careful and thoughtful, and is an indispensable right-hand man for the general manager; however, after get off work, Lingli will never take the initiative to participate in the private life of the general manager, let alone deliberately get close to the general manager , Learn about his gossip news, and create excuses for others to talk about right and wrong.

Lingli's reasonable, calm and capable work style quickly won the trust of the general manager and the respect of other colleagues, and her career can be said to be like a fish in water.

Successful professional women will never believe the saying that "there is no real friendship between men and women"!Successful professional women will create a truly pure friendship between men and women in the workplace.Moreover, this friendship is colorful and brings her more happiness than troubles, and it will almost become the spiritual pillar of her work!Successful professional women will use good heterosexual relationships to pave the way for their careers and lay the foundation for their career success.Just like Lingli, she was able to rationally control her relationship with her boss of the opposite sex, which not only won her a good interpersonal relationship, but also laid a solid foundation for her future career success.

In fact, women spend far more time with their colleagues than with their families.During such a passive and long period of time, if there can only be two relationships between colleagues, "love" or "not love", that is a real tragedy!

Therefore, a young woman who is really eager to succeed must correctly understand the role of the opposite sex, and when getting along with her, she must set a limit for herself so that she will neither stab the other party nor herself.

Work itself is neutral, but it is undeniable that no one can completely annihilate gender awareness in the workplace. The relationship between men and women in the modern workplace has already had various permutations and combinations, and there will be more permutations and combinations of colors , and the key to these arrangements lies in how you grasp a degree. If you can control your degree of getting along with the opposite sex, then you will definitely be the brightest star in the workplace.

learn to listen before you speak
When interacting with people, many female friends are eager to express their thoughts and opinions.In fact, at this time, we are not in a hurry to speak, but to listen to what the other party has to say first, which is often more conducive to communication and communication.Joe Girard once said: "There are two great powers, one is listening and the other is smiling." When you communicate with others, if we always talk, we will learn nothing.Gains can only be gained when listening creatively.Therefore, let others speak and give people the opportunity to express themselves.Listen to their opinions, sorrows and emotions.

John Rockefeller paid special attention to listening.The policies he implements are all based on listening to everyone's opinions and conducting open and honest arguments before drawing conclusions.Only those who know how to listen can succeed in relationships, careers, families, etc., and seize opportunities that others miss.

The ancient Greek sage Socrates said: God gave man two ears and two eyes, but only one mouth.A few words vividly and profoundly illustrate the importance of "listening".

Once there was an envoy from a small country who came to China and paid tribute to three identical golden men, who were so resplendent and magnificent that the Chinese emperor was very happy.

But the envoy of this small country was not kind, and asked a very difficult question: "May I ask your majesty the emperor, which of these three golden men is the most valuable?"

The emperor thought of many ways, and invited a jeweler to check, weigh and see the workmanship.They are all the same.How to do it?A great country in the sky, wouldn't you not even understand this trivial matter?
Finally, the bewildered emperor invited a wise man, hoping that he could use his wisdom to help solve the problem.

The emperor invited the envoy to the main hall, and the wise man held three straws with confidence.He inserted the straw into the ear of the first golden man, and the straw came out from the other ear.In the second golden man, the straw fell out of the mouth directly, and in the third golden man, the straw fell into the stomach after being inserted, and there was no sound.

A wise man said: "The third person is the most valuable!"

The messenger was silent, and the correct answer was indeed so.

It is important for a person to be able to speak well, but it is even more important to be good at listening, because listening is a bridge of spiritual communication.U.S. President Lincoln talked with an old neighbor for several hours. Almost all the words were said by the neighbor alone. What Lincoln did was to listen sincerely.This is probably why Lincoln is so beloved.Franklin, an American scientist, said: "A calm listener is popular everywhere; but a chatterer is like a leaky ship, and every passenger hopes to escape from it as soon as possible."

Telling others about yourself is a kind of human nature; listening to others about yourself is a kind of self-cultivation.Listening to all directions can make people keep pace with the times, accept the opinions of all groups, and keep a clear mind; enlighten thinking can make people increase their knowledge and talents.Of course, the premise of all this is to learn to listen.Smart people often choose to be a listener rather than a speaker.

If you are a lively and talkative person, change it and learn to be an excellent listener first.Since listening is one of the elements of success, as a skill, what are the methods and essentials?Of course, listening is not just about listening.As a kind of communication, what should be paid attention to in listening?
[-]. Focus and listen sincerely
When listening, keep your attention and pay attention to the key points of the other party’s conversation at any time. When the other party’s interest is high, you should use your eyes, hands or short words to give feedback, especially to express that what you pay attention to is exactly what the other party is talking about. The point is.

[-]. Be patient and don't interrupt other people's speech casually

When others are talking smoothly, it is considered as a kind of uneducated or impolite behavior to intervene casually, change the speaker's train of thought and topic, or make random comments.

[-]. Occasional questions or prompts can clarify the content of the conversation and give encouragement to the speaker
For example: "Can you elaborate on what you just said?"

"I may not understand, can you be more specific?"

Or encourage the speaker with questions or comments.Such as:

"Here are a few suggestions. Which do you think is the best?"

"That's interesting, go ahead."

same.You can express your approval and encouragement with short words such as "yes", "right" or nodding and smiling at the right time.

[-]. Give timely feedback
Feedback is the retelling of the understanding of the speaker's expressed information and emotions in his own words, which shows that he has heard and understood the information.You can repeat what the speaker said word for word, or you can explain in your own words what the speaker meant.For example: "Can your words be summed up like this..." When someone says: "I don't like my boss, and besides, that job is annoying." You can explain in your own words: "You don't like your job very much." satisfy."

Only when the above four points are achieved can it be regarded as listening instead of listening.

tactfully express refusal

A clear and blunt refusal will make both parties feel awkward. You might as well adopt some ingenious and euphemistic ways of refusal, which not only express your own wishes, but also control the disappointment and unhappiness of the other party to a minimum.

Zihan is a lively and lovely girl who is very popular among boys. She maintains a pure friendship with a boy named Xiaohang, while Zihan is deeply in love with Xiaohang.

On a moonlit night, the two were sitting at a round table in an open-air cafe, sipping fragrant coffee. Xiaohang suddenly held Zihan's hand in both hands and said excitedly: "Will you be my girlfriend?" Is it?" Zihan immediately reacted.She smiled lightly and said, "Aren't I your 'girlfriend'?" Xiaohang looked at her in surprise, and Zihan said, "We are friends, and I'm a boy, of course I'm yours." Girlfriend'!" Xiaohang immediately understood the meaning of Zihan's words, let go of her hand, and said, "Yes, you are my 'girlfriend'!"

Chinese people love to talk about face.For the sake of face, I would rather run around for some unnecessary entertainment; for the sake of face, I have to smile and say some insincere words of thanks, so as not to make people misunderstand that I am cold and absent-minded.What do you do when you have to say "no"?Being tactful and subtle can not only save the other party's face, but also show off your ladylike demeanor.

How to say "no"?It is difficult to say no to others, but there is also a "Tao" to follow.

1.please tell others
Generally speaking, refusing in front of others or expressing refusal in person is always unacceptable, after all, the gap with what he hopes is too great.Other people's request is like a beautiful soap bubble. It would be cruel to pierce it directly, but asking others to pass it on gives them time and a psychological buffer, and is relatively easy to accept.

2.Vague Answers, Presenting Choices
If a friend or lover proposes to go to the park to enjoy flowers on the weekend, don't rush to refuse, saying "I won't go, it's not fun at all" will easily hurt the other person's self-esteem and dampen their enthusiasm and interest.You can say: "Blossom viewing is very good! It would be a good time to go boating at this time!" This answer sounds like you agree with the other person's suggestion, but it shows that you are more inclined to go boating.Essentially a negation.

3.say "no" with silence

Silence has different meanings on different occasions. Silence can express resistance or tolerance; silence can express resolute denial or acquiescence... If a friend you don’t know very well invites you to a party and sends an invitation, you can No reply.It speaks for itself.You do not want to participate in such activities.

4.Addition to the maze

(End of this chapter)