Honkai Impact 3rd, a simulator of lifelong regret!

……

Where is Alicia? Why can't I find her in any of the rooms? Why has even her scent been blown away by the wind?

【No. 】

【No. 】

[Still no.]

You couldn't find any trace of Alicia in the house. The girl who used to be by your side all the time, who always wanted to exploit you, disappeared when you needed her most.

【why? 】

Why isn't she here?

[You haven't forgotten the true nature of your initial departure and your search for Aponia; it was actually because you wanted to find Padofelis.]

[Because you need to make yourself appear very busy so that Alicia will hold back a little when she's exploiting you.]

If it weren't for this, you might not be facing this problem today, and you might not realize that your memory could be flawed.

[It's precisely because a young girl could take you away anytime, anywhere, and as long as she's sure you still have energy and strength, she'll exploit you without hesitation.]

Only when you're overwhelmed and don't want to continue feeling completely exhausted every day will you deliberately seek out things you can do, even if it means putting yourself through a lot of hardship.

In your memory, you have almost never witnessed Alicia leaving your side, leaving this town, leaving your home.

At this very moment, as if she had foreseen it, the girl chose to leave, and no trace of her could be found anywhere in the room.

Even the sweet, strong scent that should have filled the room dissipated with the breeze from the slightly open window.

If it weren't for the lingering awareness of Alicia's presence in the room—that unforgettable impression almost etched into your mind—you might even doubt whether this is truly your house.

【Strange.】

That's really strange.

You take a deep breath, gently close the window, and leave the room, which was once spacious and empty, now only bathed in the dreamy light filtering in from the outside.

Since Alicia isn't home, that means you might be somewhere else in town. Although the girl used to be a bit of a hands-off manager, she would occasionally fulfill her duties as the park's administrator.

[If you've encountered something insurmountable, or if you're looking for a way to kill time because of your lightning-fast escape...]

Even if it happened in other parts of the town, it would be perfectly understandable.

Let's see where Alicia is now.

You step onto the bustling street, watching people greet you warmly. In this eternal paradise, devoid of any internal mobility, the people you encounter are already all too familiar.

[Perhaps because you disturbed her lunch break, Padofelis has started setting up her stall again; a boy named Kosmo, whom Qianjie seems to have picked up from somewhere; and Hua, a girl who is said to have fallen on hard times from the Divine Continent.]

[Having suffered greatly from the devastation of the Collapse, losing family members, all loved ones, and even the concept of home itself.]

Displaced people reunite in an eternal paradise, forced to confront imminent suffering and embark on new lives.

For most of the world, the so-called finding joy in suffering is not because of genuine enjoyment, but simply because suffering is completely unavoidable.

If one doesn't try to find joy in hardship, the ultimate outcome of facing disaster will only be immense physical and emotional devastation.

[If one's body and circumstances are already abnormal and unhealthy, and their mind is also like that, then the only outcome will be death.]

……

108. Just like the first choice.

[If you happened to see them at another time, you would greet them, and perhaps even ask if they needed any help, using this as an excuse to escape Alicia's exploitation.]

If there's anything in this world that can truly frighten you, it's probably being exploited by Alicia.

[Honkai and such.]

[Perhaps ordinary people would feel fear, perhaps any normal person would instinctively feel disgust and fear; anger is more of a cover-up.]

However, for the Herrscher, who is now feared by everyone and symbolizes the greatest calamity and most terrifying threat from the Honkai, this is a different story.

The Honkai itself might simply be something that makes you feel uneasy whenever you think about it, a sense of unease as if everything is about to be taken away.

[At the beginning of your resurrection, you were indeed afraid of the Honkai, afraid of the Great Honkai that could descend at any moment, even though you had just unconsciously unleashed a Great Honkai, as if something had truly been taken away from you.]

[Now, being with Alicia, a girl who is clearly a Herrscher, and possibly has been one since the first day you met, you're increasingly realizing your true nature through things like instant noodles. (Wu)]

The feeling of simple fear... isn't as strong anymore.

But right now, you're in no mood for that at all. You unconsciously bite your lower lip, unable to linger your gaze on them for even a second longer.

Even a simple, polite greeting is impossible; shaking your hand a couple of times seems like going too far.

A nameless irritability swirls around your thoughts, its source elusive, like flies buzzing incessantly in your ear in summer, accumulating discontent with each passing second, each fleeting moment.

What was originally a trivial matter, something that would normally be resolved with a little comforting, seems to have grown into something significant over time.

A seed buried deep in the soil struggles with all its might to sprout; if it is uprooted before it even begins to grow, no matter how deep its roots are, it will inevitably die.

【—What if there isn't one?】

If the seed is allowed to grow freely, and the green leaves are allowed to sprout, the tender new shoots will harden with the wind, covered with a light green layer.

[So, consider a seed that already exerts all its strength just by breaking through the soil, its roots exploring the surroundings and digging deep into the earth for who knows how long.]

Its growth rate is beyond the imagination of ordinary people; it's like a divine miracle, growing to a towering height in the blink of an eye.

Life is truly incredible; after extreme repression, what inevitably follows is extreme growth and unrestrained catharsis.

If possible, you'd like to see Alicia right now so you can ask her what's wrong with your memories.

Why can't I tell you everything?

Why do I always have to change the subject?

Memories of the past are like a library rising from the ground; though I'm simply strolling down the street, it feels as if I'm already walking through a library.

[I had no intention of reading it, no reason to read it; just seeing the table of contents and the cover was enough to stir my emotions.]

Because every book on that bookshelf, every conversation recorded there, every moment of your past with Alicia, is essentially identical—a severe homogenization with no difference whatsoever.

It seems that every time you talk to Alicia about your lost memories, about those past journeys that should at least have been quite exciting, it's because...

That girl could only offer one response.

[—Change the subject.]

[Although Alicia knew without a doubt that you could clearly see the deep understanding beneath the girl's heart in those cherry-pink eyes.]

As someone who has personally experienced your entire past, you have the right, the privilege, and the necessity to understand all the actions you have taken.

Whatever your past was like.

[You're willing to love Alicia, you've always been willing to believe in Alicia, that trust has been established. If the girl says something is wrong, and that error is correct in your memory and in your common sense, then your first thought might not be to refute it, but to doubt yourself.]

[Because you have indeed doubted yourself, and the reason the girl is unwilling to talk about it is because she has become a bad person as she has matured.]

[While the likelihood of a young girl turning into a bad person is extremely low, it's also possible that she might unintentionally do something wrong.]

Those things may be serious, or they may not be.

Perhaps it was intentional, or perhaps it was unintentional.

Ultimately, this will lead to things you shouldn't know or investigate, things that could potentially burden you with a heavy psychological burden.

[If it were Alicia, assuming it was to alleviate your guilt and allow you to live a normal life, she might genuinely conceal all of this, leaving the girl to bear the weight of the past alone.]

There's no such thing as a simp. Tom was simply reciprocating the blessings he received.

[The girl who knelt on the ground after being resurrected, weeping simply by looking into your eyes, was willing to give you everything she had.]

[A daytime announcement, a complete grove of kneeling warriors—this is something that should absolutely never happen to a fairy as adorable as Alicia.]

But you've already received and witnessed everything within just two days of entering the town.

[Full of guilt, full of requests for punishment, willing to give you everything—that heavy, mountain-like emotion truly as steadfast as a mountain range.]

【Even Alicia has treated you this way, this heavy feeling, this heavy love that wants to give everything.】

[The girl has gone to such lengths; she's practically the world's ultimate simp. To doubt her would only make you seem heartless, cold-blooded, and ungrateful.]

If love can be faked, if it can be fabricated, then there is no such thing as truth in this world.

[You don't believe you could be so easily fooled, not because you're confident in your own abilities, but because you have complete trust in everything, in all your memories.]

[The only clear, complete, and unambiguous memory you have now is that small period of time from your childhood.]

[Playing with Alicia, frolicking by the pond, reading books together, swinging their little legs, including the first time under the trees, when a gentle breeze stirred up fallen leaves and petals, revealing a lovely girl.]

The dreamlike light shone through the gaps in the interlacing branches, forming rays that evenly spread across her delicate face.

The first time I opened my eyes, it was in response to your invitation; that touch of pink was like a cherry blossom petal blown in by a breeze.

This memory is absolutely genuine. Regardless of what you experienced later, your childhood interactions with the girl were not fabricated.

[You believe that as long as you can find Alicia and explain things to the girl, this problem can be solved just like before.]

[I don't even need to tell you the whole past; I just need to give you a reason that's acceptable, understandable, and permissible to deceive you.]

Whatever your past may hold, it should never become a stumbling block in your present.

……

hope……

Is that really true?

Hopefully, this is really just a stumbling block.

I really hope this rotten life can continue, even if it has turned into a corpse that keeps moving forward simply because of inertia.

Order isn't necessarily good, and chaos isn't necessarily bad, but it's still much better than despair.

How ridiculous!

In moments of peace and happiness, one longs for collapse; yet at the moment of collapse, one desperately prays and fantasizes that everything can continue to exist.