Honkai Impact 3rd, a simulator of lifelong regret!

……

A gentle breeze stirs the hem of clothing, and even the flowers wither. In this desolate wasteland where no bird can fly, only the wind—this natural phenomenon, also a symbol of freedom—can reveal a glimpse of its own unique character.

Although the winds of today can no longer be imbued with anything beautiful, carrying with them fierce Honkai energy, they are themselves accomplices to natural disasters.

[This calamity and corruption are nothing to you; the Herrscher, being the greatest manifestation of calamity, fears no degree of Honkai energy.]

You simply bask quietly in the wind, feeling your hair flutter as if soaring into the sky, sitting calmly atop the ruins amidst the intense Honkai energy, protecting the book in your hands with your own power.

[Page after page has been turned, from the night the girl met Alicia, which she kept, all the way to this very moment.]

The story has reached its climax, culminating in a couple finally embracing after overcoming all obstacles.

……

Today is another day spent with Jiangcheng.

Even though I've already put myself in their shoes and interacted with them personally, this gentle and intimate interaction still feels unreal, like I'm in a dream.

In any case, someone like me really doesn't deserve this warmth.

Even after you've already obtained it, you still hesitate and fret about losing it.

I've even hurt Jiangcheng's feelings.

Constant self-destruction and hesitation will not only harm yourself, but also turn all the friends who are willing to help into dumping grounds, and everyone around you will be hurt.

With so many people in the world, there must be people more suitable than me or Alicia, and there must be people more worthy of Jiang Cheng's affection.

Could this behavior of knowingly pushing forward when it's impossible be interpreted as shamelessly trying to deprive the other person of any possibility?

Even if I succeed, it might just be like giving a boy a dose of mind-altering potion, carefully brewing it to make him forget his own excellence and my lowliness.

Is there a problem with that?

This is not a conclusion that can be drawn easily.

The essence of love is actually deprivation, it is the destruction of Jiangcheng's possibility of finding something better and more suitable.

Falling in love is essentially a kind of intoxication; the feeling is no different from being given a bowl of mind-altering drugs.

Many people never even get to taste this drug in their lives. They can only use their reason to find someone who meets all the criteria and do the saddest thing in the world: live with someone else.

Perhaps ordinary people can accept such behavior and suppress themselves, but someone like me, a good-for-nothing and a complete waste, is not even comparable to ordinary people.

what……

I can't even imagine that ending.

I'm sure I'll die.

It's not about deceiving yourself or pretending to be someone else because you hate them so much; it's death in the truest sense.

And even if he chooses to give up, can he really guarantee that Jiang Cheng will meet the right person for him next, someone with whom he can go for both of them?

Like Alicia, she will only appear perfect on the surface, while deep down she remains indifferent and cold, continuing to hurt Jiang Cheng with her icy attitude.

9五零⒈八０九0㈨

This restraint, this contemplation of knowing one's own limitations and therefore not attempting to explore, can often be labeled as cowardice.

Having come this far, having already witnessed one beautiful scene, one seemingly perfect scene that was ready to be exposed, what is there left to hesitate about?

The best choice is to carefully protect this lie, to safeguard it.

At least……

I can try my best.

……

……

Although all of this is ultimately just self-comfort, in the end, no matter how much I overthink, I can no longer leave him, and I can no longer send that message like before, telling him not to look for me anymore.

Ultimately, I'm just a useless piece of trash, a failure. Even after being exposed to sunlight, I'd still be terrified and prone to making rash decisions.

But no matter what, in the end, it all points to only one thing: the influence of thoughts on the mind can no longer override the level of reality, and can no longer drive the body to do things that are contrary to the mind.

It's impossible for me to accept losing Jiangcheng.

It was no longer possible to plunge back into the cold ocean after boarding a safe and secure ship, clinging to that tattered piece of wood and drifting aimlessly.

Even if it's selfish.

Even greed.

Even if it's deprivation.

Even if this behavior is inherently wicked, this thing called love is a drug that can't be vomited up from the very beginning.

This is the only thing that we can't figure out no matter how hard we try.

It is a forbidden zone that can never be explored.

From a scientific perspective, this is not a difficult thing to analyze. There is a structure in the human brain called the thalamus, which has important functions.

When a human sees another individual, that part of their body releases dopamine, and they feel pleasure, happiness, and excitement. In the traditional, universal sense, this is the wonderful emotion known as love.

If you see someone who cannot secrete these substances, you cannot feel joy, happiness, or any positive emotions simply by seeing them.

So no matter how much you force yourself, no matter how much you pressure yourself, even with drugs, you can't truly fall in love, love the soul.

But the world still cannot explain why that particular person releases this substance, while others cannot.

Perhaps if we continue to explore and spend time searching for all the mysteries of the human body, even the existence of love can be analyzed and understood.

Forget about things like that.

Not everything in the world needs to be explored.

No matter how much you know, it can't overcome your own heart. When faced with loneliness, it can't fill the emptiness and solitude in the slightest.

Knowing less makes you feel more at ease. Instead of exploring the source of love, why not think about what lunch to make for Jiangcheng today?

……

……

[Successful. 】

Unlike your imagined ending where your passion and awareness are ruthlessly shattered by cruel reality, leading to despair and collapse, that girl succeeded.

[It truly feels like something out of a fairy tale, or perhaps more like a light novel set in the Far East. Two people, both neglected, insecure, and withdrawn, meet and become the only ones in each other's world.]

【Perfect. 】

[A perfect ending.]

[An ending that could never have happened based on everything you've experienced in your memory.]

If you embarked on a new journey with that girl back then, why do you have such a deep connection with Alicia now?

[If it weren't for the extended contact during their subsequent journey that made Alicia realize the importance of your existence, you wouldn't believe that what's recorded in her notes alone would constitute everything Alicia feels for you now—this heavy, oppressive, and almost draining love.]

You can feel the girl's feelings for you through her words, and you absolutely believe that Alicia's love won't be much weaker.

One is the only light, the only smile to appear in a dark world; the other is an indispensable paradise, a lifelong childhood sweetheart.

You have no right, nor are you qualified to judge which of these two relationships is more burdensome, or whether both loves have reached the limits of life.

[In a sense, this is why you still can't feel any aversion or even just dissatisfaction towards Alicia after reading the notes.]

Notes in a book might awaken some fragments of your memory, but these scattered memories can never compare to the clear and coherent present.

Those times were discontinuous; perhaps the existence of filters amplified them somewhat, but there's a limit to how much emotion a person can absorb.

Just as sweetness brings joy and was even a vital national resource during wartime, many people enjoy sugar. However, consuming excessive amounts of sugar at once, causing the sweetness to accumulate and increase infinitely, can eventually turn into bitterness, or even a foul odor.

……

What did you borrow? .jpg

119. Velvi's ultimate secret is prostration.

[In the memories, Alicia's indifference and the girl's actions towards you yesterday, the impact of those closer encounters is ultimately greater.]

[So, assuming this kind of love needs more time to develop, why would the notebook say you've embarked on a new journey?]

—This is absolutely not a lie.

[This is absolutely true.]

—This is absolutely not self-deception.

It wasn't that the girl couldn't accept being rejected or the harshness of reality, so she simply became extremely withdrawn and started fantasizing.

[It's not that this tragedy is so heartbreaking that simply looking at it makes one feel distressed, pained, or even wishing they could rush into their notebooks and rewrite the tragic ending.]

Even ignoring the meticulous details of your daily habits written in the notes, such as how many times you brush your teeth, it's still possible to understand the process.

Every move you make is filtered through a lens, unintentionally captured by eyes brimming with tenderness and gentleness, and recorded in your diary.

[It's merely a bodily instinct; the heart, located in your left chest, is already telling you that all of this is not some false or delusional statement.]

[After a brief moment of doubt and surprise reflected in your dark eyes, a look of calm acceptance and affirmation emerged.]

It seems that all of this unfolding doesn't surprise you, nor does it leave your soul bewildered; rather, it's as normal as going with the flow.

【perhaps……】

Your past is more eventful than you imagine.

[At least until we understand everything, it's best not to make any unfounded doubts or speculations.]

The reversals and transformations you've experienced today, the emotional impact—truths that would leave anyone speechless and even unable to accept them—far surpass the combined impact of the two years since your resurrection.

Perhaps none of your past experiences have been as thrilling as today. The clouds have parted, only to reveal that a clear sky isn't necessarily truly clear.

[Beyond this seemingly obscuring fog, countless more truths lie hidden, truths that you might not be able to find even with diligent investigation.]