Honkai Impact 3rd, a simulator of lifelong regret!

Why are good people always the ones who get bullied?

Someone as trash as me would never be noticed. Even if I ran to Jiang Cheng's bed, I would definitely be kicked... gently.

Aside from being a little fairer-skinned, having a prettier face, bigger breasts, a perkier butt, a slimmer waist, and fuller legs, I don't have any other strengths.

In the end, my actions not only didn't change anything, but actually allowed Jiangcheng to meet more people.

Stealing chickens will not lose rice.

As expected, a useless person like me can't do anything.

Or we could try inventing a time machine that can turn back time and go back to the past, but that would definitely waste a lot of time.

I still need to find a way to buy a doghouse in my room in Jiangcheng and move in. Compared to things that can't be changed, this is the most important thing right now.

Unfortunately, neither the collar nor those special silver rings were used, and Jiang Cheng vehemently denied any intention to harm my body.

……

today……

what……

I had a very special birthday party.

As expected of Jiangcheng.

He knew from the beginning that those people could bother me and him only because I was raising a tiger that would eventually harm me, and I didn't want to control or restrain them.

Because of my extreme ugliness, like black water fermenting in a garbage can for decades, I gurgle and spew out a foul stench.

He was just keeping it a secret because he knew that if he told the truth, I would be devastated, so he deliberately saved it for my birthday.

Even the birthday party wasn't held in the normal way; instead, a room was prepared just for the two of them, and the truth was revealed the moment the gift was presented.

Jiang Cheng has been trying very hard to take care of me, this piece of trash, who is a complete waste who even breaks down emotionally when his mistakes are pointed out.

Even so, the moment I heard the truth, I broke down, and even... even wanted to escape, to run away from him, to escape all of this, and to give up everything that I could no longer give up.

I don't want to face it.

I dare not face it.

I can't face it.

This means that the only option left is to escape. For a mouse like me, there was only one choice from the very beginning.

To willingly leave the sun's dazzling warmth, to leave the large ship that protects you in the storm, is a pain that can utterly tear your soul apart.

Although this pain is nothing compared to the slightest disappointment or faint sigh that might appear on Jiang Cheng's face.

But if I actually turned the handle, if I actually ran out of the room, and the cold night wind forced me to calm down and start reflecting on everything I had done, I would definitely choose suicide out of regret.

Jiangcheng has already tried his best.

I am completely useless, incompetent, stupid, and trash.

It's ridiculous that I ran away just because I was told I didn't want to face the consequences, even though it was my own mistake.

Even the person who has most profoundly understood the word "clown" in the world, the best actor, cannot compare to my performance at this moment.

Jiangcheng did so much to accommodate me, someone who could use the Joker from a deck of cards as an ID card from the very beginning, despite having no dignity whatsoever. In the end, it all came to nothing, and he still couldn't save this good-for-nothing.

Although dignity is something that doesn't exist for me, if I'm the first to escape, there's really no going back.

People living on a warm, large ship are not capable of facing storms.

If I leave Jiangcheng, I definitely, definitely won't be able to survive.

Even so, I can never go back.

It's not that I'm ashamed of my actions, nor is it that I don't want to go back because of issues of face or dignity. It's simply that I'm completely unworthy to go back, completely unworthy to face Jiangcheng's eyes again.

I can't even imagine the look in those brown eyes, even if it might contain concern or forgiveness.

I made a mistake and then chose to shift the blame, I'm not even willing to face my own errors...

—She never had the right to stay by his side from the very beginning.

When acting impulsively, one may choose to escape because they cannot accept the situation. After calming down, they will only feel more disgusted and resentful of their own behavior.

Not only do I hate my own behavior, but I also hate everything I did in the heat of the moment and my escapist behavior.

After analyzing myself, the final conclusion I came to was that there would be no change whatsoever. I could fully imagine what I would do if I lost everything at that moment and was extremely depressed.

I don't deserve to be near Jiangcheng.

I am not qualified to interfere with his journey.

I am not worthy to taint his glory with my own filth.

Someone as utterly filthy, stupid, and incompetent as me shouldn't exist in his life; I should have been kicked out from the very beginning.

Rats like me should die outside, in some unknown corner.

This is the ending that should have happened.

Jiangcheng, he...

I chose to forgive.

The boy stopped me the moment I turned around and grabbed the doorknob, calmly and gently handing me the cake he had made himself.

It was a birthday cake made with very simple ingredients, yet sweeter than any food in the world, as if it filled and satisfied even the soul.

Although the cake seemed so bland and tasteless compared to the sounds I heard next.

“Vellvie.…”

"Happy birthday to you."

"I'm sorry, this cake may not look that good or taste that good, because I really don't have much talent. I've done my best."

That voice, which tried its best to make its words sound more relaxed and playful, could not be fully described even by the word "forgiveness".

Forgiveness only comes after anger; the boy never showed any anger or dislike towards my foolish behavior from the beginning.

"I won't blame you for this. The reason I chose your birthday is because I felt it was more appropriate to say this on your birthday."

"Our first encounter, that dreamy uphill stretch of road, was on the way to the birthday party~"

That uphill stretch of road is something I still remember vividly; it felt like a dream, a scene straight out of a novel.

An incompetent loser meeting an outstanding and perfect young man—even the most contrasting plots couldn't possibly have such a gap, right?

For someone as outstanding as Jiang Cheng, this kind of thing should be a daily routine, and there's nothing special about it at all.

He kept all of this in his heart, and even when I wanted to escape, he used it to comfort me, who was the one who made the mistake from the very beginning.

What kind of joke is this?

The victim was comforting the perpetrator.

But Jiang Cheng was truly offering comfort, not just comfort, but also a promise, and the unwavering determination in his eyes that shone like the sun.

"I promise you, with all that I have, I make the most sincere vow to you."

"I will spend the rest of my life with you, and we will never be apart. No matter what happens or what we encounter, I will be by your side."

"You don't need to worry anymore. This relationship is not some bubble under the sun, but an eternally shining star in the night sky."

what……

what……

what……

Actually, there's nothing left to write about now. With my meager talent, I simply can't describe the feelings I had at that moment.

Even if one wanted to preserve it as a diary, it would be completely impossible to capture the boy's radiance, sparkling eyes, and upturned lips at that moment.

Even the saints in the Bible are no more than this.

It truly felt as if this despicable, filthy, shadowy rat-like heart had been dissected from its deepest recesses and cleansed with holy light.

Even if I were to repeat to myself at this point that I am not worthy and that I am trash, I would probably only be hurting Jiang Cheng's good intentions and damaging his heart.

I wanted to tear myself apart, to crush myself into pieces, yet I felt my chest pounding violently. Some inexplicable feeling seemed to burst forth, something indescribable was accumulating inside, almost overflowing.

dying.

I'm really going to die.

I'm about to drown in this tenderness.

In a sense, it's like the loneliness of being all alone, still holding only a plank, drifting in the boundless ocean, being washed by the seawater, which occasionally rushes into the lungs, almost suffocating.

Actually, how I feel now.

It is something that cannot be compared to the lonely past.

Unlike the icy cold ocean, it felt like falling into an endless warm hot spring, enveloped by the spring water that seemed to have its own senses, leaving no part of the body untouched or relaxed.

……

There are pictures here, which can be viewed after the updated version

There are pictures here, which can be viewed after the updated version

There are pictures here, which can be viewed after the updated version

123. Will I die young? [Free]

The suppressed heat, like a flame gathering all the body's heat in the chest, still retained excessive heat even after all the chill had dissipated, as if it had an inexplicable urge to tear itself apart. It seemed that only by using this most extreme method could this emotion be relieved.

I seem to...

I can completely understand those trembling sounds now.

If their partners are somewhat similar to Jiang Cheng, then it's normal for them to crave being hurt or to experience violence.

It's not that I really crave pain, it's just that my emotions can no longer be released through any extra actions, and my body aches as if it's about to explode.

Extreme guilt, nurtured by unwavering love like that of a god, can only give rise to an outcome known as masochism.