I was just fishing, how did I become a Great Old One?

SCP Foundation Main Universe, Site-19, Deepest Subsurface.

This is the outer buffer zone of the SCP-2000 (Deus Ex) facility.

What should have been an absolutely silent area, protected by a high-intensity reality-stabilizing anchor, has now turned into a sea of ​​red flesh.

"Sizzle sizzle—"

The hard concrete walls were "sweating"—a red, highly corrosive, and infectious grease. Countless pulsating blood vessels and tumor-like lumps of flesh were growing on the ground.

The air was filled with a nauseating, sweet-smelling odor, as if it had been left to rot in a slaughterhouse for three days.

[Warning! Massive containment breach detected for SCP-610 (Flesh of Hatred)!]

[Error! Error! This is not a normal 610!]

[Divine response detected!]

[Source: A high-ranking warlock... or perhaps an even higher-ranking... entity of a god of flesh and blood!]

……

"roar------"

A wet roar, seemingly emanating from a million throats simultaneously, came from the fissure in the ground.

The crack was no longer a fissure in the stone.

Instead, it was a... huge mouth, drooling.

It smelled the scent coming from above.

That was the aroma of SCP-682's meat, brimming with boundless vitality after being nourished by Nurgle's Soup.

"hunger……"

"Eat..."

"A perfect...body..."

With whispers.

A gigantic, fleshy tentacle, formed from the twisted and fused limbs, internal organs, and bones of countless humans, suddenly emerged from the crack.

It defied the laws of physics and penetrated hundreds of meters of earth's strata.

It reached up towards the deep blue canteen (formerly Site-19 restaurant) above.

……

Inside the cafeteria.

SCP-096, who was engrossed in eating, suddenly stopped.

Its keen senses detected the vibration beneath its feet.

"Huh?"

It raised its head, its mouth glistening with oil.

Before it could even react.

"BOOM!!"

The cafeteria floor cracked.

The enormous fleshy tentacle burst from the ground, like a giant red python, and coiled directly toward SCP-682, who was "trying hard to grow flesh" in the kitchen.

"roar!!!"

682 roared in terror.

"Who is it again?!"

"Why do they all want to eat me?!"

"I'm the Undying Lizard! Not a buffet!!"

……

"Loosen it."

Just as the tentacles were about to wrap around 682.

A black cleaver (Occam's Razor), imbued with the dark power of Gluttony, slashed down from mid-air.

"brush!"

The tentacle snapped off instantly.

What gushed out from the cut was not blood, but countless tiny, still writhing maggots.

Jiang Li stood in front of 682, the knife in his hand still dripping black oil.

He looked at the severed tentacle.

Then he looked at the hole in the ground that was still gushing out chunks of flesh.

"This kind of meat..."

Jiang Li frowned, looking disgusted.

"It's too scattered."

"And they were all... lymph nodes and tumors."

"This thing fails the food safety inspection... absolutely not."

……

The descent of God.

"Ants..."

The underground entities were enraged.

The ground completely collapsed.

A massive mountain of flesh, almost filling the entire underground space, slowly rose up.

It has no fixed form.

It is constantly changing.

One moment it transforms into countless pained human faces, the next into enormous beast claws, and then into a still-beating heart.

[BOSS: The Hunger Incarnation of Yaldabot.]

[Rank: Supreme Divinity (Avatar)]

[Characteristics: Represents flesh and blood, instinct, savagery, and devouring. It is the ultimate belief of the Salk sect.]

……

"I am... the source of flesh and blood."

The mountain of flesh roared.

"That lizard (682)... possesses what I desire... immortality."

"Give it to me..."

"I will grant you... eternal ascension of flesh and blood."

As it spoke, countless mouths split off from the surface of the mountain of flesh, attempting to mentally corrupt Jiang Li.

……

"Flesh and blood ascending to immortality?"

Jiang Li stared at the wriggling thing in front of him.

"this one?"

Jiang Li pointed to its chaotic body structure.

"Can't tell the difference between fat and thin."

"Fascial adhesions".

"It doesn't even have a decent texture."

"You call this ascension?"

"In my hometown..."

Jiang Li sneered.

"This is called... scraps."

"It's just dog feed...minced meat."

"Woof!"

Er Gou, who was standing next to him, barked once and then shook his head in disgust.

(This stuff looks spoiled; even a dog wouldn't eat it.)

……

"presumptuous!!"

The embodiment of Yardalbot was enraged.

It represents the wild nature of life in the universe, how could it ever be so humiliated?

"assimilation!!"

"boom----"

The mountain of flesh suddenly exploded, transforming into countless red flesh spores and viral tentacles, which swept towards Jiang Li in an overwhelming manner.

Even a tiny bit gets on it.

The organism's genes would be rewritten, turning it into a lump of flesh that only proliferates.

……

"Since it's minced meat..."

Faced with this catastrophic disaster.

Jiang Li not only didn't dodge, but instead put away his knife.

From the space bag.

He pulled out... two enormous metal rods (made from Tyrant bones and necromancy).

"Then... let's grind it into minced meat!"

……

[Cooking Skill: Chaoshan Handmade Meatballs - Divine Meatballs]

"The Dharma Form of Heaven and Earth!!"

Behind Jiang Li, the Gluttony Godhead manifested, transforming into a black giant wielding two clubs.

"Ergou! Take the pot out!"

"173! Add garlic!"

"682! Stop looking! Borrow some regenerative cells as starch!"

……

"Bang!!!"

The first baton hits down.

Right in the middle of that oncoming wave of flesh and blood.

This strike carries the weight of the rules of vibration.

Those flesh spores that tried to assimilate Jiang Li were shattered and lost their activity the moment they came into contact with the stick.

"Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!"

Jiang Li's arms turned into afterimages.

In this underground space, an extremely violent... scene of beating flesh unfolded.

The avatar of Yardabout originally intended to devour Jiang Li.

turn out.

My body is being brutally pounded by those two sticks.

With each strike.

The chaotic tumors, lymph nodes, and impurities within its body were all shattered and removed.

The rest.

Only the purest, most resilient... muscle fibers.

"Awooo!!!!"

The ancient god let out a scream.

This kind of pain is not physical, but conceptual.

It sensed that its "chaotic" attributes were being forcibly "ordered".

It is emerging from a lump of indescribable rotten flesh...

It turned into a lump of... springy minced meat.

……

"It's quite powerful."

Jiang Li commented as he played.

"As expected of an ancient god."

"This gelatinous texture... is so strong."

"Keep it up!"

"Hit him ten thousand times!"

"I want to make... the most bouncy, pissing beef ball in the entire universe... no, an ancient god meatball!"

……

Compromises regarding ingredients.

Ten minutes later.

The enormous mountain of flesh that originally occupied the entire underground space has disappeared.

Instead.

It was a huge, pink, smooth-as-a-mirror-like mass of flesh, fifty meters in diameter, and still trembling slightly.

It stopped moving.

No more roaring.

It has been defeated (in a physical sense).

Each of its fibers has been broken and reassembled, becoming incredibly smooth.

……

"682! Starch!"

Jiang Li shouted.

"Here comes the old man!"

682 is now a well-established food supplier.

Without saying a word, it bit off a piece of its own tail.

"Pooh."

Spit it into the meatball.

The meat of 682 has extremely strong binding properties, just like top-grade starch.

It instantly locked the mass of ancient god flesh, making it even tighter.

"173! Serving!"

"brush!"

173 teleported over and poured in a ton of garlic and peanut sauce that had been prepared beforehand.

"Stir!"

Jiang Li inserted both hands into the fleshy mound.

"rise!!"

The enormous mass of flesh spun and thrashed in the air.

At last.

Jiang Li shaped them into... four huge spheres.

"Four Happiness Meatballs?"

Tex watched in stunned silence.

"This is huge! How big of a pot would you need?"

……

"pot?"

Jiang Li pointed to the hole that Yaldabout had drilled out earlier.

The cave was bottomless and connected to the underground magma layer.

"This is a ready-made... earthen pot."

"Ergou! Spamming!"

"Woof!"

Er Gou emptied all the water tanks in Site-19 in one go and sprayed it into the cave.

"Swan! Pour in the Nurgle brine!"

"Okay!"

"ignition!"

"boom!"

The underground magma was stirred up, and the water boiled instantly.

A rich, savory aroma, mixed with the smell of sulfur, rose into the air.

……

"Add the meat!"

Jiang Li kicked out.

"Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!"

Four enormous "ancient lion heads" were kicked into that huge earthen pot.

"Gulp!"

The soup splashed up into waves hundreds of meters high.

……

"Put the lid on!"

Jiang Li brought the Gluttony (which had transformed into Leviathan form) over.

They used the massive belly of the spaceship to cover the entrance to the cave.

[Cooking Technique: Pressure Cooking - Earth Core Version]

……

The agony of waiting.

Half an hour later.

The ground of the entire Site-19 was trembling slightly.

But this time it wasn't an earthquake.

Instead... the meat in the pot was bubbling around.

An indescribable fragrance wafted out through the cracks in the ground.

In this fragrance.

The stench of the flesh god was gone.

It's all about the richness of the meat, the aroma of the spices, and a primal urge that makes you want to devour it.

……

"It's ripe."

Jiang Li glanced at his watch.

"Open the pot!"

The Gluttony was moved away.

"Whoosh—"

A golden-red beam of light shot into the sky.

Four huge, reddish-brown, glistening braised lion's head meatballs, still trembling slightly, floated in the boiling broth.

……

"Oh My God……"

The O5 council witnessed this scene through surveillance cameras.

Collective silence.

O5-1's fingers were trembling.

"He...he brought the incarnation of Yardabout..."

"You've made... meatballs?"

"and……"

O5-13 swallowed (though he probably didn't have any saliva).

"It looks... really delicious."

……

"Dinner's ready!!"

Jiang Li gave the order.

This time, it wasn't just the task force members.

Even the D-level personnel who usually only eat liquid food, and even the supervisor of Site-19, rushed down with their food bowls.

"Cut it open!"

Jiang Li brandished his sword.

A lion's head was cut open.

The meat inside is... pink and juicy, with clear texture.

Take a bite.

"Pfft—"

The broth was overflowing.

That chewy, bouncy texture, honed through countless trials, dances between your teeth.

The essence of the ancient gods' flesh and blood transformed into the purest energy, nourishing every cell in every person.

……

"Delicious!"

SCP-096 held a meatball bigger than its head, its face covered in oil as it ate.

It felt its skeleton getting thicker and its muscles growing.

It is no longer a thin bamboo pole.

It's turning into a...muscle hunk.

……

The gaze of the Broken God.

Just as everyone was celebrating.

In another dimension.

A colossal mechanical consciousness, composed of countless gears, springs, and pistons, is watching this place.

McCann, the God of Shattering.

It is the mortal enemy of Yardalbot, representing machinery, intelligence, and order.

at this time.

McCann's logic core (CPU) is running at high speed.

It watched as its mortal enemy (though only an avatar) was turned into dumplings and devoured by a group of mortals.

[Logical error...]

[Calculate recombination...]

Conclusion: ...Well done.

A hint of...pleasure arose within McCann's cold, mechanical consciousness.

This human being... represents a new "order."

Transforming chaotic flesh and blood into orderly delicacies.

[This aligns with... the doctrines of the Cult of Machines?]

Perhaps... I should... give him a gift.

……

A package fell from the sky.

Jiang Li is eating meatballs.

Suddenly, I heard a mechanical roar coming from above.

A beam of silvery-white light descended.

An exquisite cube made of an unknown metal landed in front of him.

The cube unfolds automatically.

It has been transformed into a... steampunk-style... fully automatic kitchen knife set.

Each knife was spinning automatically, gears meshing, emitting a sacred smell of machine oil.

[Item: McCann's Gift.]

[Rank: Mythical Grade Kitchenware]

【Features: Automatic cutting, automatic temperature control, and never wears out.】

[Note: The enemy of my enemy is my friend. Go cut up some meat, kid.]

……

"Oh?"

Jiang Li picked up a chainsaw-like kitchen knife that was still spinning.

"A gift from the Machine God?"

"These days..."

"Are all immortals this polite?"

Jiang Li smiled.

He cupped his hands in a gesture of respect towards the void.

"Thanks, bro."

"Next time there's a chance..."

"I'll treat you to... motor oil hot pot."

……

A new crisis: The Crimson King's gaze.

The incarnation of Yardabout was eaten.

McCann gave a gift.

But that doesn't mean the matter is over.

In the depths of a dimension unseen by anyone.

A pair of scarlet eyes slowly opened.

SCP-001: The Crimson King.

That supreme being that represents absolute destruction, tyranny, and pre-modern fear.

He looked at Site-19.

Watching that human cooking with the gods.

There was no anger in his eyes.

There was only one impulse to destroy this "blasphemy".

"order……"

"civilization……"

"cooking……"

"These are all... shackles of hypocrisy."

"Only destruction... is eternal."

"Seven brides..."

"Open the door to that world for me."

"I want that cook to know..."

"What is... true despair?"

……

"Achoo!"

Jiang Li sneezed.

He rubbed his nose.

"Who's talking about me?"

"Is it time for some good ingredients to be delivered again?"

He glanced at the chainsaw-like kitchen knife he had just acquired.

"Perfect."

"We just got a new knife."

"We haven't even had a place to test the knife yet."

Jiang Li looked at the abnormal blood-red sunset on the horizon.

"Dark red?"

"have no idea……"

"Could you make it into... a red velvet cake?"