A heretical cultivator in Bureau 749, I'm the fiercest at pulling out tendons and skinning peop

The tabby cat was completely emo and gave up. It collapsed on the ground, paws in the air, and started rolling around and acting like a brat.

"I quit! I'm not working anymore! Do whatever you want!"

"Speaking of which, I'm just a cat! A cat! Why do I have to work? Huh? Before I gained any intelligence, I lived just fine scavenging for scraps in the park, didn't I?"

"If all else fails, your department can find me a proper pet owner to take care of me! That should do, right?"

Upon hearing this, Wang Dazhuang's head began to throb, and he wore a pained expression.

"Brother Cat, my ancestor! You yourself said that was before you became a spirit!"

"And now? You're a cat demon who's been around for almost a hundred years! You've gained sentience! And your appetite, good heavens, if you ate like a madman, you'd eat the equivalent of a brown bear! If you don't work, are you just waiting to starve?"

"You'll still need a pet owner to support you? What normal person could afford to feed a glutton like you? In the end, won't you just have to go back to being a rich woman and live off her?"

Upon hearing the words "soft rice" (meaning a woman living off a man), the tabby cat rolled around even more fiercely, slapping its tail on the ground.

"I don't care! I don't care! I just don't care!"

"I was originally a perfectly normal, happy little kitten! It was you guys at Bureau 749! I don't know which brainless, idiotic researcher insisted on watching some anime, suddenly decided to watch catgirls! And fed me that damn spirit fruit, forcibly making me intelligent!"

"Damn it! I'm a male! A male! Didn't he even bother to pry my legs open before feeding me?! Huh?!"

"In short, it's all your fault, Bureau 749, that made me like this! You have to take responsibility! Support me for life!"

Wang Dazhuang was completely exasperated by this unreasonable tirade. He ran his hands into his hair and scratched wildly, turning his hairstyle into a bird's nest.

He turned his head and looked at Ji Zuodao, who had been watching the show with great interest, his eyes filled with despair at having nowhere else to turn.

"Brother Dao... no, Master Dao! Please be the judge and give me some advice!"

"You mean, just this one person—no, just this one cat! Gluttonous and lazy, with absolutely no social skills, yet all he thinks about is eating well, drinking well, and playing well, expecting to be waited on hand and foot..."

"What kind of job should we find for him?"

Ji Zuodao was sitting with his legs crossed, slurping Wang Dazhuang's cup of aged tea leaves when he heard this and almost choked.

He twitched his lips and slammed the paper cup down on the table:

"Don't ask me, I don't know."

"If you could really find such a heavenly job..."

Ji Zuodao paused, a familiar, wicked, and smoky smile appearing on his face:

"Remember to include me. I'd really like to join too."

That's what he said, but his eyes darted around and he actually started to think about it.

The main topic is helping a monster find a job, which sounds quite interesting.

It's much more fun than patrolling and taking a stroll.

"Um……"

Ji Zuodao stroked his chin, his gaze sweeping over the tabby cat that was still rolling around, and then looking at the two heavy, rather conspicuous "domineering accessories" on its rear end.

Suddenly, his eyes lit up, and he slapped his thigh:

"Got it!"

"Become an internet celebrity! Live stream! Short videos! With your looks, this... uh, unique!"

He took a special look at the two pendants.

"If we create some buzz, we might just become a hit! If we're lucky, we'll never have to worry about food or drink again, with canned goods to our heart's content every day—how wonderful!"

The more he talked, the more reliable the idea seemed, and he was about to elaborate on the "Cat Demon Internet Celebrity Development Plan"...

"Take my advice, Taoist Master, is that right?"

A muffled, weak voice came from the doorway.

"Being an internet celebrity... isn't that easy."

Everyone turned to look.

There stood a chubby young man who looked to weigh around 200 pounds at the door.

He was wearing a faded tracksuit, his cheeks were a little sunken, his steps were unsteady, and his complexion was sallow, looking like he was about to collapse at any moment.

He leaned against the doorframe, took a breath, and continued, his voice filled with a deep, world-weary weariness:

"I...this is what I do."

"Going hungry for three days and eating nine meals a day."

Wang Dazhuang paused, stared at the chubby young man for a few seconds, then looked down at the crumpled duty log in his hand and asked uncertainly:

"Um...you are...Mr. Panda, who had an appointment yesterday for a consultation?"

"Yes, it's me."

Panda nodded weakly and moved into the house.

Forget about being polite, and seeing an empty chair in the room, he plopped down on it with a "thump," the chair creaking under his weight.

He licked his slightly chapped lips, looked expectantly at Wang Dazhuang, then at Ji Zuodao, and finally his gaze fell on the half-finished cup of tea leaves on the table, Ji Zuodao's unfinished drink. His Adam's apple bobbed.

"Um... do you have anything to eat? Anything is fine..."

"I've been starving for almost a month. I can barely maintain my human form anymore."

The words had barely left his mouth—

"puff!"

A soft sound was heard, and a wisp of smoke drifted by.

The chubby young man weighing over 200 pounds who was sitting on the chair was gone.

Instead, there was a giant panda slumped in a chair, its black and white fur somewhat dull, and it looked equally listless.

"Holy crap?!"

"panda?!"

Ji Zuodao, Wang Dazhuang, and even the tabby cat rolling on the ground all stared wide-eyed.

Ji Zuodao jumped up and circled the chair, looking the exhausted national treasure up and down, his face filled with disbelief and shock at the thought, "This is actually possible?"

"Not a buddy?!"

Ji Zuodao bent down, staring at the panda's dark circles under its eyes, his tone filled with disbelief:

"You must have maxed out your reincarnation skills! You were even born a national treasure! This is an absolute god-tier start!"

"How did you end up like this? You're so hungry you have to come to our 749th Bureau for help?"

As he spoke, he reached into the human skin pouch in his arms, muttering to himself:

I remember picking a few bamboo stalks with spiritual energy in the secret realm... Where did I put them...?

After rummaging around for a while, he actually pulled out a few emerald green bamboo stalks that exuded a faint fragrance.

Here, have some to eat first.

The panda—Panda—whose originally dull, lifeless eyes with dark circles suddenly lit up the moment it saw those few bamboo stalks! They turned a vibrant green, like those of a hungry wolf!

Without even bothering to answer, it let out a howl and pounced on its prey with an agility completely out of character for its weakened state!

"Crunch! Crunch! Crunch!"

It grabbed the bamboo and started munching away, making a racket and eating like a refugee who hadn't eaten in ages seeing a Manchu Han Imperial Feast.

As he gnawed on it, his eyes slowly reddened, and large tears welled up in his eyes, mixed with bamboo shavings, making him look utterly miserable.

After eating a few bamboo stalks and barely catching his breath, Panda finally spoke, sobbing and with a heavy nasal tone:

"Times have changed..."

"Now everyone advocates self-reliance and hard work."

"Back in the park, I was treated like a national treasure. I could eat whatever I wanted, sleep whenever I wanted, and even have other animals lining up to take pictures of me..."

It wiped away non-existent tears with its paw and said in grief and indignation:

"I don't know which damned expert in the park slapped their forehead and said they wanted to cultivate the pandas' wild nature, and did this whole 'wild release' thing!"

"They just kicked me! This civilized bear, who grew up in the park since it was a cub, all white and chubby, unable to lift a finger, and even needing bamboo cut into sections, out into the wild! And they call it: 'Release'!"

"Release it my ass! This is abandonment! This is murder!"

Panda became more and more excited as he spoke, waving a half-eaten bamboo shoot:

"You want me, a civilized bear, to go out into the wild for wilderness survival? A month! Just one month! I've been living hand to mouth, and I've lost dozens of pounds!"

Ji Zuodao and Wang Dazhuang were dumbfounded, their mouths twitching.

Good heavens, this is even more outrageous than the tabby cat getting beaten up by a social rat.