A heretical cultivator in Bureau 749, I'm the fiercest at pulling out tendons and skinning peop

"Uh, Mr. Pan, so you're here to look for a job too?"

Wang Dazhuang spoke cautiously.

"No need for that."

Panda swallowed the last bite of bamboo, patted his belly, and although it was still flat, at least his eyes were shining.

It struggled to climb off the chair, regained some strength, and its tone even carried a strange hint of confidence.

"I'm a college graduate, after all, and I've received higher education. I haven't been idle this past month; I've already figured out a lucrative path to wealth!"

"However..."

It rubbed its furry bear paws, a little embarrassed, "This is my first time doing this, I don't have much experience, and I'm a little nervous. So, I need a few people to help me out."

"Oh? Cooperate? Sure, no problem!"

When Wang Dazhuang heard that the other party had a plan and wasn't just there to freeload, he immediately perked up.

"How would you like to cooperate? Please feel free to make any requests!"

"Great! That's very kind of you!"

Panda grinned, revealing a standard, endearing panda-like smile.

Then, it turned around, stuck out its rear end, and rummaged through its dirty backpack.

"Wait a minute, let me find my tools..."

A few seconds later.

It pulled out a dark, heavy object that looked a bit like a gun.

The dark muzzle of the gun was steadily pointed at the three people and one cat inside the house.

Panda lowered his voice and, in what he thought was his most ferocious tone, roared, enunciating each word clearly:

"Robbery!"

"Don't move! And don't try anything funny!"

"Give me everything of value you have!"

"Dare to hoard even a single penny..."

It brandished the "gun" in its hand, its bravado masking its underlying weakness:

"I'll smash your dog heads in right now!"

Ji Zuo said: "..."

Wang Dazhuang: "..."

Cihuamao: "...?"

The office was deathly silent.

Ji Zuodao blinked, glanced at the panda opposite him, who was bluffing and trembling with fear, and chuckled.

"Hey! Goodness!"

Far from being afraid, he took a half-step forward and looked the panda up and down, unable to suppress the smile on his lips.

"Robbery? Coming to our 749th Bureau to rob us?"

"This move... wow, I wouldn't say it's the last one, but it's definitely unprecedented! Your thinking is quite unique!"

Panda felt a chill run down her spine from his laughter, but the die was cast, so she had no choice but to grit her teeth, push the "gun barrel" forward a little more, and howl with a fierce but weak voice:

"Stop talking nonsense! Hurry up! Get your pockets out! Hand over your wallet, phone, and all your valuables!"

"Hurry up! Don't dawdle! Let me tell you, my bullets... they don't have eyes..."

Before it could finish its harsh words, the world spun around it.

"Awooooo—!!"

"I was wrong! I was wrong! Big brother! Grandpa! Ancestor! I was wrong! Stop hitting me! It hurts!!"

The office was suddenly filled only with Panda's pitiful howls, the muffled thuds of punches landing, and Ji Zuodao's slightly excited mutterings.

"Wow, this feels pretty good!"

"Before, if I wanted to visit you guys at the zoo, I had to wait in a really long line and pay a fortune! I never imagined that today, not only would I see you, but I'd also get a good beating! It was worth it! Absolutely worth it!"

"Hey, this is sturdy! So springy! It can take a beating!"

After a "love education" that wasn't too forceful, but was definitely something Panda would remember for life.

The world is quiet now.

With his hair disheveled into a bird's nest, Panda hugged his head and huddled in the corner of the office, looking as docile as an 800-pound child.

With tears welling up in his eyes, Xiong's face was filled with "grievance" and "lingering fear".

Ji Zuodao shook his hands with a refreshed expression, then bent down to pick up the "murder weapon" that had fallen to the ground.

I held it in my hand and weighed it in my hand. I examined the rough tape-wrapping technique and the suspicious clumps of stiff brush heads sticking out from under the tape.

His facial expression became quite interesting.

"I said, Brother Guobao..."

Ji Zuodao held the "gun" in his hand and waved it in front of Panda, his voice almost overflowing with doubt.

"What were you thinking before you robbed them?"

"They're out of money for food."

Panda sniffed and spoke in a muffled voice, but he honestly confessed.

"I've planned it all out. If the robbery succeeds and I get the money, I'll have money to eat. If the robbery fails and I get arrested, at least I'll have something to eat in jail; I won't starve either way."

Ji Zuodao was taken aback by this bizarre train of thought, and didn't know whether to laugh or cry:

"That's not what I'm asking! I'm saying, you came here to rob us, and you didn't even prepare a decent prop?"

"They think they can pass off a brush with a few turns of duct tape as a handgun?!"

"Even if you go to the corner store near the elementary school, spend five yuan to buy a plastic toy gun, spray it with black paint, I'll still consider you hardworking, dedicated, and conscientious!"

Panda turned her head away, looking aggrieved, and muttered softly:

"I already said I have no money. We can't even afford food, where would we get the money to buy toys..."

"I had to rummage through the trash cans in the back alley for ages to find this brush, and I got a small piece of tape from the repairman at the entrance..."

Ji Zuodao's lips twitched, and he gave a thumbs up:

"Fine. It's a waste that a national treasure like you ended up like this, such a waste of your looks and your excellent birth!"

At this moment, Wang Dazhuang, who had been rubbing his temples, stared at Panda for a long time, then suddenly exclaimed "Ah!" and slapped his thigh hard!

"Wait! I remember now!"

He pointed at Panda, looking as if he had just realized something.

"You! Panda! Didn't you come here once a couple of months ago? Old Li took care of it for you! He even told me afterwards that he'd introduced you to a really good job!"

"It's that wildlife park on the outskirts of the city! The zookeeper who feeds the monkeys! The work isn't tiring, just throwing fruits and vegetables in! Food and lodging are provided, and you get paid!"

"Old Li even secretly told me back then, 'This job is tailor-made for you! If you go, you'll not only get a salary, but you can also sneak a taste of the monkeys' food every now and then!'"

"What a great job! Protected from the wind and rain, like being back in your own backyard! How did you end up resorting to robbery again?!"

It would have been better if this hadn't been brought up, because the moment it was, Panda's face fell even more, and his dark circles looked like he had given up on life.

"I was fired for stealing fruit from monkeys."

Wang Dazhuang: "...?"

The excitement on his face froze, slowly turning into a look of utter confusion, as if to say, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"No... just how much did you sneakily eat?"

"I remember it was a pretty big zoo, the fruit supply at the monkey enclosure should have been plentiful, right? If you just casually picked up a couple to try while feeding the monkeys, the management would probably turn a blind eye... How could it escalate to being fired?"

Panda lowered her head even further, almost burying it in her hairy chest, her voice barely audible:

"Well... not much..."

"I always make sure I'm full before I go to feed them..."

Wang Dazhuang's heart skipped a beat, a sense of foreboding washing over him: "Full? How much is enough to be full?"

Panda secretly raised his eyelids, glanced at Wang Dazhuang, then quickly lowered them again, his bear paw touching his fingers:

"I think I'll be about 80% full after eating all the fruit I prepared to feed the monkeys that day..."

Wang Dazhuang's vision went black: "What do monkeys eat?!"

Panda shrank back, her voice even softer:

"A few days before I was fired, they seemed to have started gnawing on the mud and tree bark..."

"I later heard that some of them were so hungry that they even chewed up the caps of the mineral water bottles that tourists threw in..."

"Later, the park authorities investigated the surveillance footage..."

Wang Dazhuang opened his mouth, wanting to say something, but found that his throat was blocked by something, and he couldn't utter a single word.

He silently raised his hand and covered his face.

"Oh my god..."

"What kind of mess have I made...?"

"How the hell did another one come?!"

"Greedy! Lazy! And all you do is eat, you don't even know how to be smart! You even dared to eat the monkeys' food! And the monkeys ended up eating dirt!"

"What can you guys do besides eating and causing trouble?! Huh?! What decent social skills do you even have?!"

Wang Dazhuang felt like he was suffocating.

Is this Demon Management Department some kind of "weird monster containment center"?

Just when Wang Dazhuang was on the verge of collapse.

Ji Zuodao stroked his chin, his eyes rolling around twice. He looked at the emo tabby cat in the corner, then at Panda, who was bruised and swollen and clutching his head.

A brilliant idea, like a light bulb, "snap" into his mind.

He slapped his thigh!

"Got it!"

"You two have a ready-made solution!"

"Go become a mukbang streamer! No need to transform into a human, just do a pet mukbang."

"You don't have to do anything, just sit in front of the camera and eat as much as you want! Eat like crazy! Live stream for ten hours a day, eating from the moment you open your eyes until you close them!"

"Just look at your natural advantages—one a domineering cat demon, the other a national treasure-level giant panda! Your looks and rarity are off the charts!"

"You may not have other skills, but acting cute and silly, making faces at the camera and begging for gifts—these skills must be innate, right? You can do them without even learning them, right?"