Crazy Nezha

Li Tianbao had never seen a superhero in his life.

At that moment, he felt like a superhero.

It just lacks a catchy name.

As dusk approached, Chen Rui mentioned that there were battery thieves in the old town, committing multiple crimes over the past month or so. Presumably, this was the person standing before us.

This little thief might be quite capable; he shouldn't be underestimated.

Li Tianbao was a man who respected his opponents, even though this petty thief looked thin and helpless. But! Li Tianbao firmly believed in one principle: appearances can be deceiving!

The reason was that on the fifth day of last month, his second uncle was livestreaming when a generous donor gave him a virtual gift, wanting to arrange an offline meeting with his uncle. Li Tianbao realized a truth: in this world, what you see may be what others want you to see! And the truth often lies hidden where people cannot see it.

From that moment on, Li Tianbao resolved to be someone who wouldn't be misled by appearances. He was a man who valued the soul and the inner self!

So, Li Tianbao frowned and asked, "What's your name?"

The thief quickly said, "My name is Sun Baoqiang, brother, let's go to the police station."

Sun Baoqiang, whose name also contains the character "Bao," seems to have a certain connection with him. Under the streetlight, Li Tianbao observes the petty thief; thin and small, with a naturally shifty-eyed appearance. But the thieving look is merely a facade! Any man who dares to include "Bao" in his name possesses a certain slyness.

The thief was completely bewildered, sitting against the wall. From his angle, he looked up and saw that the man standing in front of him had a large red bulge in his crotch outlined by his tight thermal pants.

"Wow, that's huge!" The little thief shook his head. "What the hell am I thinking!"

"Woof woof!" "Moo~" At this moment, the barking of dogs and the mooing of cows rose and fell, the sounds not very loud, as if they were deliberately keeping their voices down.

Li Tianbao turned his head and whispered, "Shut up," and the dog and cow immediately stopped barking.

Sun Baoqiang exclaimed in surprise, "Holy crap!"

"age?"

"2...24." Sun Baoqiang looked miserable, his forehead wrinkles deepening.

Is this really 24? Li Tianbao looked at him; he looked more like 44! Sure enough, his intuition was right; appearances can be deceiving!

There are two kinds of men in this world: one kind is the same at 18 and the same at 40; the other kind is the same at both 18 and 40.

"gender?"

"..." Sun Baoqiang's face stiffened.

At this moment, the cow, panting heavily through its nose, raised its front hooves to paw the ground, making a wild, charging motion, its imposing presence declaring, "The Third Prince is asking you, answer honestly!"

To Sun Baoqiang, those words sounded like a cow mooing.

"Holy crap! It's really come to life!" Sun Baoqiang was dumbfounded, stretching his hands on the ground and backing away to one side.

Li Tianbao waved his hand: "Step back."

The cow's front hooves stomped down, kicking up a cloud of dust. "Third Prince, I can trample him to a crisp!"

Sun Baoqiang was almost in tears, begging for forgiveness: "Master, I was wrong, Master. I'm just a battery thief. Don't scare me. Please call the police, let's go to the police station and talk, okay?"

Li Tianbao asked curiously, "How much can you sell a stolen battery for?"

"300!"

"How many times have you stolen it?"

"Four times."

Li Tianbao shook his head. "Three, four, ten, twelve. You went through all that trouble to earn only 1200? There are security cameras everywhere. Have you never failed at stealing batteries?"

"I scouted the area, and the surveillance cameras here are broken. Also, Master, let me correct you, including this time, that makes a total of four times! Actually, I only earned nine hundred!" Even in this tense atmosphere, Sun Baoqiang still needed to clarify.

Li Tianbao nodded slightly. Since the cameras here were broken... he smiled with relief.

"Go put my electric scooter battery back in, then go to the police station."

"Good, good, good!" Sun Baoqiang felt as if he had been granted a pardon. He stood up shakily, walked around the frightening cow, and bowed with his hands clasped.

The celestial hound noticed that the little thief only worshipped the old ox and not him, which made it uncomfortable. So it immediately stood up, put a paw on his shoulder, and barked twice.

Sun Baoqiang broke out in a cold sweat! Holy crap, even that big wolfhound stood up?

He quickly clasped his hands in a salute to the dog, then scurried away to the side, picked up the battery he had just thrown, went to the electric scooter, took out his tools, and quickly installed them.

Li Tianbao watched from the side, took out his phone, turned on the flashlight, and carefully shone the light for him. "I'm providing light for you, so you'd better watch carefully and don't connect the wires incorrectly."

"Don't worry, Master. I studied mechatronics at a vocational school before, so it can't be wrong." Sun Baoqiang buried himself in his work.

"You can't go wrong if you're careful in everything you do."

After fiddling with it for a while, Sun Baoqiang reset the battery, put the cover back on, and patted the seat. "Okay, you can try it now."

Li Tianbao inserted the key and turned it, but there was no response. He tried twice more, but the battery was still dead. "Did you break the battery when you dropped it?"

Sun Baoqiang shook his head. "Logically speaking, it shouldn't break so easily!" Then, his face turned pale. "It's all over."

The celestial dog barked wildly, "Smoking! Smoking!"

Li Tianbao jumped down, and about ten seconds later, the smoke from the electric scooter increased.

Sun Baoqiang felt like he wanted to die. He must have connected the wires backwards in his nervousness. It's too late to say anything now. He mustn't let anyone misunderstand that he did it on purpose!

Li Tianbao turned his head and angrily shouted, "Hurry up and do it!"

"The battery is burnt out and can't be fixed, I'll pay for it! I really will! I have a new battery at home." Sun Baoqiang raised his hands, indicating that he would not resist.

"Third Prince, let me stomp on him!" Leopard Head sensed his master's anger. As the saying goes, "When the ruler is worried, the subject is disgraced." He felt he needed to do something to show his loyalty.

Sun Baoqiang said sincerely, "I really will compensate you! I'll buy you a new car!"

Li Tianbao kept a straight face. The other party's attitude made him feel embarrassed to lose his temper for the time being.

Sun Baoqiang is not tall, and although he has shifty eyes, there is something in his eyes called sincerity.

Li Tianbao is a very hardworking person. After transitioning to a short drama actor, he often practiced his acting in front of the mirror and watched many acting tutorials shared by academics. He could sense that the sincerity of the other person could not be faked.

Immediately afterwards, the electric vehicle caught fire.

"It's on fire!" Sun Baoqiang's eyes widened. "A battery with this wattage shouldn't be able to catch fire, right?"

This electric scooter was illegally modified by Yin Jianshe.

Under the cover of night, Li Tianbao stood frozen in place, staring intently at the burning electric vehicle, which resembled a chariot of flames, burning ever brighter.

The raging flames were reflected in Li Tianbao's eyes. The flames were so sexy that he was somewhat infatuated, and he had a strange feeling that he wanted to go up and lick the fire.

"It looks like it!" said the Celestial Dog.

"Like what?" Leopard Head asked.

"Like the Samadhi True Fire when Third Master transforms, I really look forward to the day when Third Master transforms from fire, with all the special effects turned on!" The Celestial Hound's eyes shone brightly.

There was no water nearby, and the fire had already started. Sun Baoqiang immediately took off his pants and urinated on them, trying to salvage some of the losses. He was bound to lose the car, but it would be good if he could salvage some parts and sell them for money. He spat as he urinated.

"Do you guys need to pee? Hurry up, let's pee together!" Sun Baoqiang shouted.

The battery burned very quickly, followed by a series of small explosions, not very powerful, but enough to be frightening.

Sun Baoqiang was urinating right in front of the fire when the explosion sent plastic fragments flying everywhere...

As the sudden explosion rang out, Sun Baoqiang felt a sharp pain in his lower body and stopped urinating.

"Ah!!" Sun Baoqiang clutched his groin, hopping and falling to the ground. The pain intensified, and he rolled around on the spot, his screams rising higher and higher.

Li Tianbao rushed over, squatted down to check his injuries, and saw that his crotch was covered in blood—it was terrifying! "Holy crap, call 120 right now!"

Sun Baoqiang looked down and saw that his crotch was soaked with blood, staining his long johns red. He cried, he really cried. He was still a virgin! He screamed in anguish.

"Master, Master, please check if it's still there?"

Li Tianbao used his phone to shine light on the wound and comforted him, "The skin is broken, turn it inside out and let me see if there are any injuries inside."

Sun Baoqiang felt somewhat inferior, saying, "I've never been able to get down."

With things having come to this point, there was no need for further words. Li Tianbao took out his phone and dialed 120!

"I'll call an ambulance for you, don't panic."

Stealing electric bikes is a minor offense, and this petty thief's attitude was sincere. We can't ignore something like this! After all, it damages one's foundation, and it could be a lifelong regret!

Li Tianbao is a righteous man!

"Has 120 been dialed yet? It hurts! Why is it bleeding so much?" Sun Baoqiang pleaded.

Any man would be terrified if his genitals bled profusely. Who wouldn't feel despair?

In the middle of the night, the 120 emergency call connected: "Hello, this is Xincheng Emergency Center..."

"Hey, someone's blown up!! You guys come quick." The situation was urgent, so Li Tianbao cut straight to the point and quickly interrupted.

"What did you say?? What are you going to fry?"