Crazy Nezha

Xincheng, Hengbi Garden.

The security guards in these upscale residential communities are not retired old men, but rather good-looking young men, full of vigor and vitality!

The security guard on duty at the property management office was so sleepy in the early hours of the morning that he dozed off for a while and didn't see anyone leaving with the cows.

It was already four in the morning, and the security guard was watching a movie on his phone. He had chosen an action movie with subtitles, thinking of rewarding himself with a quickie in a blind spot of the surveillance cameras.

Anyone who has worked as a security guard knows that night shifts are lonely. When you're lonely, you watch porn. Watching porn can easily cause internal heat, and you need to intervene to cool it down, otherwise you'll easily get pimples.

A cow mooed from outside the guard post.

The security guard had just taken his things out when he heard a cow mooing outside. He was startled and thought he was hallucinating from masturbating too much.

Clatter! Clatter! Then came the crisp sound of horses' hooves pounding on the road.

The security guard looked out the window and was immediately stunned.

A young man rode in on a cow at the gate! And it was a dairy cow?!

At four in the morning, someone rode a cow into the residential area. It's so weird.

The security guard put on his hat and hurriedly came out of the guard post, asking, "What are you doing?" Looking back, he saw another person riding on the back of the ox, with bandages wrapped around his crotch.

Li Tianbao easily jumped off the cow's back, scanned his face at the gate, and a pleasant electronic voice said "Welcome home." The door opened automatically.

Upon seeing that it was a resident, the security guard didn't dare to offend them and cautiously asked, "Your cow... we can't let cows graze in our community."

Li Tianbao was getting impatient. "What? My friend's cows can't go in? Aren't you property management being a bit too nosy?"

The security guard looked shocked. "Yes, but the greenery in our community belongs to all the residents. We can't let the cows eat the greenery..."

Li Tianbao nodded lightly, snapped his fingers, and the cow went in with a clatter. Sun Baoqiang, sitting on the cow's back, turned his head and bowed to the security guard.

The security guard instinctively saluted...

A dog followed behind, turned its head, glared at the security guard, and then followed him inside with its tail held high.

Watching them leave, the security guard took out his walkie-talkie and said tremblingly, "Brother Liu, a resident rode a cow into the community."

The office's reply came through the walkie-talkie: [Are you still asleep?]

Security guard: "Seriously, they really rode a cow here! Check the security footage... There was also a husky, and that dog even glared at me..."

After a while, the walkie-talkie spoke again: "[I've checked the security footage. It looks like it's apartment 703 in building one. They just bought furniture yesterday afternoon; maybe they're planning to move in.]"

Security guard: "Brother Liu, are dairy cows allowed in our community?"

[Just do your job. I'll go ask what happened when it's light. I just checked the information; the owner's name seems to be Yin Guizhi. I'll call and ask. Also, our property management regulations don't say that owners can't keep dairy cows.]

……

Sun Baoqiang sat on the cow's back without saying a word. He didn't know what to say either. The cow carried him through the neighborhood. The landscaping in the upscale neighborhood was top-notch, with lots of trees, grass, and flowers, and the pavilions and fountains were beautiful.

"Brother Tianbao, you live in a ground-floor apartment with a garden, right? That kind of house must cost over a million, right?" Sun Baoqiang asked with envy, imagining that Brother Tianbao's house was one of those duplexes with gardens.

Li Tianbao said, "Seventh floor, 120 square meters, fully furnished. Let's go around to the back of the entrance hall and take the elevator with the interior decoration there."

Sun Baoqiang was shocked. "No... the cows are kept on the seventh floor??"

"Is it illegal?" Li Tianbao asked calmly.

The cow actually got into the elevator, and Sun Baoqiang couldn't hold back anymore.

Ding—The elevator is going up, we've arrived at the seventh floor, open the door.

Li Tianbao entered the password and went inside. He helped Sun Baoqiang down from the ox; Sun Baoqiang walked with his legs apart, but it didn't hurt much anymore.

Sun Baoqiang toured the house, a fully furnished three-bedroom apartment with a living room. It had wardrobes, a bathroom, and a kitchen, all ready to be used. There was also a large, unopened refrigerator with an award sticker on it. There were no other furniture or appliances; it was completely empty.

On the way, the two talked a lot. Sun Baoqiang admitted that his hometown is Luoshi County. Years ago, he borrowed 6000 yuan from online loans. In the end, he kept borrowing to pay off other loans, and his credit score was blacklisted. He couldn't find a job for a while, so he stole electric batteries three times...

Li Tianbao said, "Stay here and recover from your injuries. I'll find you a job later, and you can pay me back with the money you earn. It's a waste of your talent to be a thief."

Sun Baoqiang couldn't help but ask, "Brother Tianbao, can I ask you why you keep dairy cows at home? And..." He paused, then mustered his courage, "Can these cows understand human speech? And what about the dog!"

Anyone would have questions. What happened today is too abstract. Sun Baoqiang even feels like he's still dreaming.

Li Tianbao looked at him intently, a slight smirk playing on his lips. "Sun Baoqiang, is this so strange? Animals have a spirit. Have you ever seen an animal performance in a circus?"

Sun Baoqiang ignored him, seemingly lost in thought.

Seeing him in a daze, Li Tianbao raised his voice, "Sun Baoqiang. Baoqiang!!"

Sun Baoqiang snapped out of his daze. "Brother Tianbao, I'm fine. I'll pay back the car and money I owe you. And those three batteries I stole before, I'll find out who they belong to and return them quietly! I'll turn over a new leaf and start a new life!"

"Hmm, does it still hurt?"

"After taking ibuprofen, the pain has subsided."

"This refrigerator was a prize I won in a lottery for prepaying five years' worth of property management fees back then." Li Tianbao unpacked the refrigerator from its large box and laid it on the ground. "Make do with this for tonight. I'll bring a blanket tomorrow."

Sun Baoqiang was injured and indeed exhausted. He sat against the wall on a cardboard box with foam padding underneath, which was quite comfortable.

Li Tianbao sat cross-legged beside him, closing his eyes to rest.

The cow went into the bedroom, the dog went into the bathroom, and the sounds of urination and flushing toilets could be heard. The dog came out of the bathroom, glanced back at the living room, and barked twice.

Sun Baoqiang watched from the side and saw Tianbao nod slightly to the dog, so they must be communicating.

Immediately, the cow used its horns to turn off the bedroom light, and the dog went inside and closed the door.

Sun Baoqiang sat against the wall, witnessing everything—it was too surreal!

Li Tianbao said, "Don't think nonsense. Elephants can even paint with their trunks. Take a nap."

Sun Baoqiang nodded; he couldn't sleep at all. He spread his legs, unwrapped the bandages, examined his wounds for a while, tore off a piece of cardboard, and used it to fan his groin. The cool breeze soothed the burning wound, which felt somewhat pleasant.

"At least I don't have to spend money on circumcision, so theoretically I've made a profit."

Sun Baoqiang observed his surroundings and noticed that Tianbao was sitting cross-legged with his eyes slightly closed, and his posture was very standard, just like someone practicing internal energy in a martial arts movie! All of this was too abnormal.

Why is this happening? Sun Baoqiang was dumbfounded. Everything I experienced tonight seemed like a scene from an urban fantasy novel… A smile crept onto Sun Baoqiang's lips. The more he thought about it, the more excited he became, imagining himself as the orphaned protagonist in a web novel—

Born into poverty, and then blown up! A classic underdog story start, then he encounters a superpowered organization, and the person who guides him is none other than Brother Tianbao! Could it be that I've transmigrated to a parallel world? Or is this world never really that simple? Where's my cheat ability?!

"System!" Sun Baoqiang called out softly in his mind, but there was no response. "Open the panel!" Still no response.

"System!" he called out, but still no response. Did this mean there was no system? Was Brother Tianbao going to help me awaken some kind of superpower?

I get it! Tianbao is a superhuman; he can control animals! He must be someone from some mysterious organization, my guide, and he's testing me?

"The organization is testing me!!" Sun Baoqiang shouted out subconsciously.

Li Tianbao glanced at him sideways, noticing the man's ever-changing expressions—sometimes laughing, sometimes frowning—like a fool. Wait a minute, this scene seems familiar. His second uncle had similar symptoms when he had a seizure before.

Sun Baoqiang's eyes gleamed with excitement. He slapped his groin while staring at the ceiling, muttering to himself, "Next is awakening my superpowers, carrying out all sorts of missions, killing monsters and leveling up. After defeating the weak, the strong come! I'll keep getting stronger! Invincible under heaven, then enemies will come from the sky! Finally, what I'll destroy is this entire dimension!!"

"I've blown up dicks before, what am I afraid of? In this world, is there anything more tragic than blowing up dicks?"

"No, the name Sun Baoqiang is too common and doesn't match the temperament of my protagonist. I need to think of something more sophisticated, Sun..."

Li Tianbao frowned. "What are you babbling about?"

Sun Baoqiang's face lit up with childlike elation, and he turned his head, laughing excitedly, "Brother Tianbao!! My Brother Tianbao! Can I join you guys?"

"Are you fucking crazy?" Li Tianbao shifted his body back.

Sun Baoqiang said firmly, "I'll do whatever you tell me to do!"

Seeing that the man had his legs spread open and was facing him, Li Tianbao said, "I think I'd better call the police. You're a bit scary."

Sun Baoqiang said, "Brother Tianbao, is your superpower animal control? When will you help me awaken my talent? I really want to know what my talent is!"

Li Tianbao was stunned for a full minute, then he smiled slightly.

Seeing Tianbao smile, Sun Baoqiang became even more certain of his guess.