I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"Mr. Sheji, you don't seem to have much motivation."

"Well, because I'm not very interested in anything." The days of relying on passion to do things are over. Now I'm more focused on making a living. If you don't work hard, you won't gain. It's more direct to say, "If you don't work hard, you won't eat." Well, that's how I'll teach my children when I have them.

"Is that so~" She didn't seem to care much about my attitude, "Then I'll put forward my opinion first."

"Um..."

"How about making a special chapter? Christmas is coming soon, how about writing a little extra chapter to give out some sweets?" she suggested to me.

"...Don't you think everyone would do that?"

"It's precisely because most people do this that this method proves to be effective," she continued confidently. "No reader would dislike dog food, unless the dog food tastes too weird."

"That's a pity. I can't draw anything other than battles, explosions, and blood." Being straightforward can save a lot of trouble.

"There's nothing I can do about it." She sighed helplessly, "Then let me teach you how to draw."

"..." This was the first time I heard the editor-in-chief directly teach the author how to draw. "Okay."

“Although I’m not very good at drawing.”

"..."

"But as the saying goes, 'art comes from life.' Mr. Sheji, you're not good at describing things like love and shopping. I guess you didn't experience that as a student."

"That's right." It was the truth, and there was no need to hide it. Back in high school, I wasn't so decadent as to devote all my energy to a relationship destined to end in failure... That's right, at least I hadn't met a girl worth my effort.

"That's the crux of the matter, Mr. Sheji, you've never been in a relationship before, so you instinctively reject this kind of situation. You need to give it a try and get used to dating and shopping with girls."

"You mean...with you?"

"...Well, that's about it. If you decide to try this kind of plot, I'll cooperate with you." She said this without a trace of shyness on her face. "Anyway, Mr. Sheji, you don't have any close female friends, right?"

This guy was really ruthless. In comparison, my own blushing at the mere mention of the word "date" was a typical reaction of an older virgin.

Damn, was she once a real person? Was that impression I got when we first met all just an illusion? Was she some kind of... socialite on campus?

"I'm sorry, was that a bit serious?"

Perhaps it was because she took too long to react, she felt a little uneasy.

"...It's just this level, it's okay."

Anyway, there shouldn't be any language more vicious than this.

"Then, let's try to fall in love..."

"If it's just a side story, I could give it a try." I thought for a moment. "The popularity of the two supporting characters is rising, so it wouldn't be bad to make a side story. But Christmas would have to be changed to a holiday that fits the setting."

"Yeah, I see..." she said, pulling out her phone and typing away earnestly. "Then, please decide on a date. After all, Mr. Sheji's schedule is usually so tight, and he doesn't have an assistant to help him...it must be difficult for him to find time, right?"

"...I'm still pretty energetic right now, so I can still handle it. I can't say for sure what it'll be like in a few years... I feel like my body is aging incredibly quickly."

"Oh, that's something to be careful about."

"But then again, Xiaoye, don't you have a boyfriend? He's so handsome and has a nice figure, he must be very popular in school." I suddenly had this question.

"Eh?...Well, it's okay..."

"Have you ever had a boyfriend?" "Of course I have."

"Eh... wouldn't it be bad if I went out with you?" I didn't want to be misunderstood. And once I was involved in something like that, I couldn't explain it...

"We've broken up. That guy was just a little more handsome...he has no ambition at all." She explained quickly.

"Oh..."

Then I am just a guy with no ambition and not that good looking...If I had a good appearance, maybe I wouldn't be so unpopular with women.

"By the way, Mr. Sheji, do you usually only eat ready-made meals at convenience stores?"

"No... Sometimes I order takeout, and sometimes I eat instant noodles or something like that. If I really don't want to move, I have compressed biscuits..."

"Ah, no wonder." She seemed to have come to some conclusion.

"No wonder what?"

"No wonder you always look haggard, Mr. Sheji. It's all due to staying up late and your eating habits... And if you don't pay attention, you're likely to get stomach problems. There's no cure for this disease, and it could be a lifelong ailment."

"..There will be no woman to accompany me for the rest of my life, but there is a possibility that a disease will accompany me for the rest of my life?" This is really a ridiculous fact.

"It's okay. If you change your daily routine and eating habits now, there shouldn't be any problems."

"Huh..." Is she interfering in my life?

"Just adjust your sleep and rest schedule slowly... As for the three meals a day... If you're not good at it, I can teach you."

"...I don't think editors care about the author's living habits, right?" I pointed out something that felt strange to me.

"While that's true... I have a feeling that Mr. Shaji is someone you can't just leave alone. That's why I wanted to take care of you a little bit."

"..."

I didn't really understand what she said... However, since someone offered to take care of me, I didn't want to refuse out of pragmatism.

.....

As I get older, the things I used to pay attention to are no longer so picky. Whether it's the brand of clothes, the type of toiletries, or where the food comes from... these are all things I don't need to pay attention to.

It's okay if it's just about right. There's no noticeable difference between me and other people; I can be called an ordinary person. Anyway, I'm still alive, so why bother pursuing so-called respectability?

"Yeah, it looks even more handsome with this on."

"...is that so?"

But this guy in front of me never tires of trying to make me look even more handsome. Whether it's choosing my clothes for going out or asking me to shave my beard... he doesn't seem to mind any of this at all.

"If you, Mr. Sheji, don't dress yourself properly, I'll feel quite uncomfortable walking down the street with you."

"..."

So, she had really dressed up carefully. She was wearing a light grey windbreaker, a white beret, a black sweater visible through the collar, and white stockings that didn't look too thick.

"Since your color is light, is it better for me to go darker?" I said, looking at the clothes on my body.

"Well, this way it won't feel awkward if others see it." She said as she put on her scarf.

By the way, hers is a black scarf and mine is white.

"It's a complementary relationship. Simply white and black aren't good, so we need to add some opposing colors. Well, that's pretty much it."

"..."

"Please consider this aspect more when designing characters."

I always feel that she is really teaching me how to do it.

"Well, we can set off now~" She finally sighed with relief, then smiled with satisfaction.

... She’s such a funny person.

Irreparable time

No matter how you live, you have lived your own life. Why do you want to pursue heights endlessly?

"Because destiny requires me to keep moving forward, I must keep moving forward, constantly...constantly moving forward."

In this case, you will become farther and farther away in my eyes, so far that I can't reach you at all. What should I do then?

I'm a useless person who just stays where I am and refuses to move even a step. If that's the case, how can I possibly get closer to you who are constantly moving forward?

"In that case..."

【Love】Time that cannot be made up

"Drip, drip, drip, drip, drip—"

"..."

For me now, life is a constant cycle of insomnia, then suddenly feeling sleepy while sitting somewhere I shouldn't be. In short, it feels like I'm being manipulated. I constantly lose what I want, only to then, without realizing it, obtain what I want. Perhaps it's the gods' duty to prevent everyone from living as happily as they expect. Gods don't empathize with human emotions, nor do they possess them... If gods truly exist, perhaps this is what they're like.

Is my life happy now? I can't answer that question yet. However, whether the world is complex or simple, one thing remains constant... There are many ways to achieve happiness, but the process of achieving it is difficult.

“…Ah, this is annoying.”

I'm combing my hair today... I know how difficult it is to comb my own hair. I really hate paying attention to insignificant things... but now it seems that those things are really insignificant. After paying attention to those little details, my living space actually feels a lot fresher.

I had thought I would be forced to change, but I had no idea it would be her who pushed me to change.

“Gurgle gurgle—”

Yes, no matter how busy you are, you still have to eat breakfast... I guess. It's just that I'm still not very good at cooking myself... maybe it will take another six months to master it. So, it seems that my hands-on skills are really not very strong.

"call..."

It's finally time to go out. Even though there's nothing busy like work to do today... However, what I'm about to do is something big that I've decided to change, and it's also the first time I've made up my mind to do something.

Just like the weather back then, the chilly wind that always lingered in the streets was now bringing down snowflakes. It was December 25th, and this kind of weather seemed like something you'd call a "White Christmas," a rarity in recent years.

However, I am not in the mood to think about which glacier has melted again, or how many years the end of the earth has been pushed forward - even if the earth is to be destroyed tomorrow, or today is the day of destruction, it will not stop me.

People are always selfishly thinking about how to live a wonderful life, and they also selfishly want those around them to admire their brilliance. The more someone flaunts themselves, the less worthy of attention they are, in my opinion.

"I've been hiding a lot of things."

"..."

So, when I meet someone who's been hiding something, I'll focus all my attention on them. How did she get to where she is now?

"To fit in, I had to dye my hair black, the color most people wore. I even used makeup to darken my eyebrows, so... I wouldn't be excluded."

After enduring years of strange looks, she finally chose to fit in. Humans are ultimately social animals, and those who can't fit in, except for those like me who can tolerate loneliness and are inherently bored, are the outliers who are refused integration.

"Do you think I'm weird?"

“…Not really.”

It's just a different hair color... Well, biologically speaking, maybe there's a genetic flaw. But anyway... I don't think this is a big deal. It's understandable that elementary school kids can't accept abnormalities. They're living in this strange society, so why can't they accept someone with just a different hair color? Clearly, it's those with different mentalities who need to be wary.

No, this idea is not correct either.

".."

Right and wrong are only defined by normal people. But special people don't follow them, so when they don't follow them, ordinary things will disappear.

.....

People in the world are not all the same, and the reason why we feel that the people around us are very ordinary is simply because they can only show their normal and ordinary side.

Spending considerable effort just to be normal?

Well... I think that no matter how hard you work, what you accomplish, or what you enjoy, these are just ways to kill time. Life will eventually come to an end, but no one is interested in your daily experiences and feelings as you go through it.

Feeling that you've put in a lot of effort is just an excuse to feel good about yourself. Humans are creatures that only value results, which is why so many people cheat.

"...How complicated is life after all."

It feels more complicated than paying attention to the decorations on a figure when painting.

"Different people like different ornaments, even though ornaments generally don't have any meaning. But... just wearing them makes a difference."

“..Is that so?”

"Yes, after all, although people all strive to fit in with the group, they still secretly want to be unique. That's why they pay extra attention to the choice of decorations."

It seems that the reason why I don't care about this kind of thing is because I don't feel the need to be special - maybe I am already special enough in the eyes of others... or weird.

"I will remember."

I now understand the meaning of decoration. Beauty cannot be described in words; the most intuitive way is through the canvas...Making the painting exquisite and beautiful is what every painter needs to do.

Even if the things around us are worthless, our duty is to seek out their value. In a society obsessed with profit, discussing the importance of spirituality is like sailing against the current. A world rich in technology and money but lacking in emotion is ultimately not a good one.

Snowflakes continued to scatter across the pedestrian streets, attempting to transform the otherwise chaotic city into a pure, bright white. However, this made the roads slippery and potentially dangerous, leading to accidents. Therefore, snowplows were deployed to clear the roads before any snow accumulated, and salt was already being applied to prevent ice from forming.

Ideals and reality are incompatible to a certain extent.

Even though you understand this, you still stubbornly keep moving forward... Why do you keep moving forward? That's just the direction you expect, but in my opinion, that's not the future.

...To this day, I still can't tell what other people are thinking. I don't think I'll ever be able to tell.

"You don't even understand the characters you created."