Ikari Shinji's Harem Comedy Daily Life

Seeing that they are about to start fighting again, of course I have to protect my cubs.

"Thank you for helping NERV transport Unit 2. This is not a Chinese document. It's a United Nations document. It gives us command authority in the event of an emergency with the fleet..."

"Hmph." Glancing at Shinji Ikari, the old man's blood pressure began to rise. He cursed angrily and threw the document Katsuragi handed him aside without even bothering to glance at it. "Are you going to activate this giant toy at sea? I haven't received any orders from the president."

"The Commander-in-Chief is very busy. It's impossible for him to issue every order directly to the UN fleet. Please understand and just take it as a precaution." Katsuragi seemed gentle and elegant.

"What do you mean by 'just in case'? It is precisely to prevent this eventuality that our Pacific Fleet came to escort! Ah, when did the UN Fleet become a courier?" Major General Bob turned around and asked the adjutant beside him.

"It started when a certain organization, oh, NERV, started wasting funds—which is exactly the day they were founded."

"Huh. Mobilizing such a large escort just for a large toy is insane."

"You're so old-fashioned! I thought the US military's strategy was always ahead of the world, but it seems that's just how it is." Shinji Ikari grumbled. "That's great! The more people like you there are, the better. The EVA's terrifying record is an open secret throughout the industry. After the military saw how powerful I, the EVA-01, was, I guess every country has started frantically building EVAs as new military units. They might even need the United Nations to adjust conventions to restrict them. America is great, really great. I hope there are more old guys like you. The resistance is huge. You Americans shouldn't even build a single EVA."

"...Haha, toys are just toys. Large combat robots are strategically meaningless, that's for sure. Only small and medium-sized ASs will be the mainstream in future battles. You're still a Japanese at heart, stop pretending to be Soviet. Decisive battle weapon? That sounds ridiculous. What's the point of a decisive battle weapon? Spending so much national strength to produce a useless piece of junk that can starve people to death is just in line with your Japanese norm."

"Hahaha, times are always changing. Old empiricism is lethal—"

"Alright, old empiricism tells you right now: at sea, you all have to obey me. Once we get to Yokohama Port, you can do whatever you want, but until then, I'm the king here!"

"You've got guts." Shinji Ikari gave him a thumbs-up and said provocatively, "I hope you guys showed this kind of arrogance when you confronted the Chinese in the South China Sea. If you had this kind of arrogance last year, there would have been World War III. Why would you keep your tail between your legs and continue to live in the breached First Island Chain?"

"Don't worry about this—come on, take them down! Be careful, these are Japanese and Soviets, who knows what crazy things they might do. I'm really afraid that my fleet will turn into the Katyn Forest."

"I don't deserve it. I'm also afraid that my rest area will become an Indian reservation."

————————————————————

"You just learned to curse, huh? I always thought Japanese people liked Americans." Asuka had zero affinity for Americans. They spoke German better than English, and English better than Japanese. After all, she lived in Germany until she was ten, and Germany was a mess, with East and West Germany, so it was hard to tell who was infiltrating who.

"I'm Soviet, a communist fighter," Shinji Ikari replied calmly. "In your eyes, all Asians are the same. If you say I'm a yellow-skinned communist, then I'm Chinese. But it doesn't matter who we are—you are one of my most trusted comrades, there's no doubt about that."

My dear, even though you're terrible and have never won a single game, and you were about to win the last game, but the opponent cheated (a mass-produced machine), I won't despise you, my dear.

"Hmph, you're smart... Hey, I went on a tour of China yesterday, and it seemed like you paid for it, right? Come, I'll make sure you get your money's worth—" Asuka suddenly pulled Shinji Ikari into a corner—

"Wait a minute, stop, don't do anything that's not good for your health." Little Ikari was a little panicked: "Well, although I like you very much, how long have we known each other? It's not appropriate for you to suddenly serve the audience, right?"

"?! You, what are you talking about! Pervert!" He kicked Ikari's butt, who blocked it and was left with a bloody wound: "I showed you Unit 2! What are you thinking!"

"Unit 2? Oh, yes, Unit 2." Ikari Shinji shrugged and said, "I didn't even see the entire process of the Jiangnan Shipyard transporting Unit 2 onto the giant ship—I've never seen Unit 2 in my life. So? What does it look like?"

"Hehehe...you pervert, you're in for a treat!" Uh, isn't that a bit too sensual? Asuka took Ikari Shinji's hand and walked towards the military helicopter used for the ferry: "Come on, let's get off this aircraft carrier and get to my No. 2 helicopter!"

"what?"

Ikari didn't quite understand, but Asuka's jumping imagination made sense to him - this girl was very different from ordinary people.

"Unlike your Unit-01, my Unit-02 is..." blah blah blah - Asuka said a lot on the way, describing Unit-02 as rare in the sky and unique on earth.

That's true. You were the one who completed the anima arc, not me. But then again, since I basically survived the anima arc, I'm considered a GE.

"Where's your Unit-01?"

"My Unit-01?"

"Yeah—as an old prototype, how about a performance comparison?"

Mine is the completed Unit-01, and yours is the mass-produced EVA Unit-02. What are you talking about?

Honestly, Unit-01 is my mother, and Unit-02 is your mother. My mother, Yui Ikari, has her entire soul inside, while your mother, Zeppelin, only has half. So? The second monument is half price?

"My Unit-01... maybe it's old." Shinji Ikari nodded. His mother calculated his age, so he should be forty by now. Born in 1977, 15 years later, he'd be an old woman, hahahaha... cough cough, I can't let my mother know this. "But... I don't know if the Germans have this tradition. I respect it. But among the Soviets, it's my most beloved vehicle."

"Well, that's understandable—my Unit 2 is also my most beloved vehicle."

"Is that understandable? Unit-01 is like my mother, my dearest mother."

"...No, I can't understand." Asuka suddenly took a step aside when she saw Shinji Ikari's behavior. She was speechless looking at the beautiful boy who looked like a fetishist. "A machine is a machine. What's the use of mother or not..."

"Then you are wrong. What did the Germans say... Oh. 'If the goddess of luck abandons us, if we cannot return home, if we are doomed, then our loyal tanks will become our steel graves'——"

"?! That's a Nazi!"

"Emmm... I always thought this song belonged to the Wehrmacht. Our Soviet film, The Battle of Kursk, featured you singing it, and honestly, it was quite amusing. Since you don't want to listen, forget it—after all, we have a similar story in our camp. Unit-01 protected me at many critical moments, so naturally, she's like my mother." Ikari shook his head slightly and said, "In the future, she will be my mother—when it comes to protecting humanity, every Unit-01 is like a mother protecting her child, isn't it?"

"No, of course not. It's just a machine. Why so much nonsense?" You see, this is true rationalism, but rationalism is often the most cold-blooded and ruthless, and EVA is a metaphysical thing.

"Yes, there is certainly some merit in what Asuka said. But isn't science all about evidence?" Ikari Shinji sighed and whispered to Asuka, "I find this EVA thing very strange. Whether it's spiritual pollution or something else, it's beyond the understanding of current science. But you should know that I'm a communist and a supporter of materialism. If the spirit is proven to be visible and tangible, then I will admit its existence. Now we can only find its existence, but we don't know what it is - then I will admit this first. Oh, shouldn't we do this?"

"But... isn't that stupid? And what does this have to do with science? You call a machine mom? Eh~ Oedipus?"

You are the one with the biggest Oedipus complex in EVA, right?

"Hmm... maybe." Ikari Shinji thought about how to break the deadlock with Asuka in the future, then nodded and agreed - I'll take the blame! "Maybe it is true..."

"Eh!!! That's disgusting!——But you actually admitted it just like that?"

"Hmm...it's hard to say. Well, it's a bit embarrassing to talk about this." Ikari Shinji smiled naively, reaching into his military cap to scratch the back of his head, and said with a helpless smile: "I heard that my mother lost her life in an experiment when I was four years old. She...made a sacrifice for the benefit of all mankind. I am proud of her, but also feel deeply painful. But soon after that, I was kidnapped and then rescued by Soviet comrades. I'm sorry to have said so much. My dear, please don't mind..."

"...Tsk." Asuka was very reluctant to admit it, and didn't even want to say it.

I actually felt that the other person seemed to be the same kind of person as me.

Sympathy is always a good way to get along—you lost money in the stock market? I'm jumping off a building. Are you mad about having a daughter? I don't even have one yet. Your wife doesn't want you anymore? She doesn't want me either.

"You..." Asuka looked up and down at the cheerful-looking boy, then punched him hard on the shoulder: "Not bad!"

"Oh, that's okay." Xiao Ikari smiled and rubbed his shoulders. The door of the other person's heart opened a tiny crack - and then Xiao Ikari quickly stuffed his foot into the crack! Want to close the door? Wish!

"Hmph, I thought he was a complete lunatic. Forget it, follow me, and I won't let you suffer in the future! Got it? You're a mother-obsessed person who calls a machine your mother, stupid Shinji!" Of course Asuka wouldn't tell a story every time the other person told her a story - my family was so miserable, my mother went crazy after an experiment when I was a child, and then my father cheated on me while I was in the hospital, and my mother died - she would definitely not say this as soon as they meet.

"Then, Miss Asuka, please take care of this idiot like me." Like a dog.

"Well, of course! --Hey, don't be too sad, if you feel miserable all the time, you're a complete loser. You... look pretty strong, so you should be fine, right?"

"Of course, thank you for your concern.

"After all, I'll be the captain from now on! Make no mistake, I'm simply checking in on the team members!"

137 This is a man

This is just a child, you have to coax him.

Normally, your comrade needs to be a normal human being who can communicate, but Asuka is too impulsive. She hasn't received formal and rigorous military training, and at the very least, she misunderstands the minimum requirement for a soldier: obeying Minglin's orders.

In Shinji Ikari's eyes, this is just a child - if Sosuke Sagara cooperated with him, there would definitely not be so many problems.

"Talk to me, Asuka—" Shinji Ikari felt like he was a kindergarten teacher, surrounded by troubled children. He also had to work as a psychiatrist. Although he hadn't read many psychology books, the Asuka before him was different. If she had a mental breakdown, she would do anything terrible. "I don't know how wonderful your life in Germany was."

"Are you stupid? You're asking about a woman's past after just meeting her? You're such a fool! Don't even the Soviets know what gentlemanly manners are?"

"Well, that's true. I'm young after all. It would be a pity if I didn't meet Asuka's requirements." Ikari Shinji sighed and thought that being a partner with Asuka would be like dealing with a wild cat. It would be impossible to make the other party let down their guard without going through some hardships and pain.

"Hmph, I'm glad to know..."

"But I still want to know more about you, whether in future life or at work. Members of the same combat team have to entrust their lives to each other - it's better to understand some things." Ikari Shinji was patient. What he said about Asuka at the moment was not too much.

"Well, that's fine, I accept." Asuka nodded proudly, then plopped down next to Shinji Ikari. Her red cheongsam was slit all the way to her thighs, so the two of them were practically shoulder to shoulder. "Ahem—let's start with my wonderful childhood!"

"Well, I'm all ears." I'd heard enough of that.

Shinji Ikari played with his child and tried his best to satisfy Asuka's series of performance desires.

Especially after Asuka saw the Gold Star Medal and the Medal of the Republic on Shinji Ikari, in a sense, it was also a recognition of Ikari's military career over the past few years. He was not a simple idiot and had some ability.

To be precise, Asuka had no choice but to admit it - Ikari Shinji's fighting ability was there. The constant exclamations of praise from little Ikari made the tsundere feel very happy, and his vanity was greatly satisfied.

"Hmm" "Ah" "You can tell me" "Tell me about it" "Oh my god" "Fuck you"

Of course, you can't just give in to the other person; that's not a good way to treat them. You have to engage with their story and have a laugh with them—isn't that what it means to be the supporting actor?

Considering that Asuka doesn't understand Chinese and the foreigner's talk show doesn't have any crosstalk, Ikari did a pretty good job of supporting the main character, and Asuka was very satisfied.

"And just like that, I completed a double doctorate in the US. Easy as that! If I weren't an EVA pilot, I'd be the greatest genius. Hehe, now I'm going to be the world's hero. Will I be president in the future, or win a Nobel Prize? Oh, how about both? It's easy! Hey, combat idiot—I'm just talking about me. In Bonn, I was the child prodigy that everyone admired. What about you? What about you as a child?"

"I...was very skinny when I was little, not considered strong among my peers. I joined a militarized youth corps, and honestly, I got bullied a lot, but I can't compare to Asuka." Ikari Shinji thought for a moment, and decided not to sound so bitter and vengeful. "Let me tell you, the worst time was when I was pinned to the ground by some kids a few years older than me, like they were playing whack-a-mole. As soon as I looked up, they'd punch and kick me. But I don't believe it. You've played Pac-Man, right? At first they chased me, and then I picked up a shovel and cracked one of the unlucky ones' heads, and then I chased them and beat them. Finally, the principal came and called all of us over, and we all ran outside in -30 degrees Celsius until we were frozen. You know what, those days were really..."

"Okay, okay, this is such a violent country... I won't talk to you about this anymore. Your childhood was..." Asuka suddenly felt that her life was not so bad.

People always have to be compared.

Both of them have lost their horses, and their fathers are equally inhuman. In a sense, Asuka wanted to be the center of attention and wanted to be recognized by everyone - and she got it from the beginning with the thoughtful little Ikari, which was a very satisfying state.

But in comparison, Ikari's childhood was not a life for a human being.

"Don't you have any psychological trauma from your childhood?"

"Of course, but so what? I've found the meaning of living—"

"Okay, that communism of yours again?"

"I think it's quite meaningful, besides that. Miss Asuka, my dear." Ikari lay on the deck with his face up, looking at the sky, and said, "What's the point of just looking at the past? I saw my comrades who shared life and death with me, ah, you, and the first suitable candidate Ayanami Rei, and Sister Misato, and Sister Ritsuko and Sister Maya from the technical department. So many people, so many things... How long can I stay in this world in human form? Why not do something I like. If one day I betray my comrades, please let me die without a burial place. If one day the battle is won, please bury me on the hill."

"...What an idiot, idiot. Hey, you said you had a comrade... the pilot of Unit-00? The most suitable person? -- I heard he got into NERV through the backdoor. Hey, you're also a second-generation rich kid, right? Humph, although I heard the synchronization rate is very high?"

"We need to talk about this. My adoptive father is called Kalinin, he's Russian, and he's no worse than my biological father. My so-called biological father is my biological father, I don't have any emotional connection with him. I hope you don't get me wrong. Also, as the first suitable candidate, Rei Ayanami... I feel like she's been PUA'd. She might even be brainwashed. My biological father might be a damn lolita control. As for the first suitable candidate..."

"Ugh?" Old Ikari's image instantly dropped several notches in Asuka's eyes: "Bagana? Red bean paste? - Is it really okay for you to say that about your father?"

"Truth is above all else. Basic fairness and morality are far more important than this so-called biological father." Xiao Ding swung his feet and continued to lie on the deck. "I'm talking about Asuka. To me, my biological mother is much better than my biological father. I bring carnations to burn incense for my mother every Mother's Day."

The machine soul was ecstatic.

"Um... Commander, I heard you're a very strong person, but you're actually a lolicon? I can't believe it... That's really unlucky for the first suitable candidate."

"That's right—there's a lot of praise for my dad: one is emotionless and just tries to stir up trouble, the other is just trying to force his way through nothing. His sexual preferences are like those of a Catholic priest who only loves children; his command is like a turtle staying in a hotel, a complete idiot. The apostles are coming, Sima-faced, and he can't do anything; his command is random and the commander is African-American. He's an expert in civil war, like Godzilla beating Pikachu; he's a novice in foreign war, like a Bieber fan provoking Stallone."

"Pfft... Hahahaha, you're so disgusting, hahaha... Pfft... Hahaha... Damn it, oh thank you for the generous gift, you really mean your father like that... Pfft... Hahaha..." Asuka felt like her merits had been reduced by one, but it was really funny: "You, you..."

"Let me tell you, my lolita-loving father is just as disgusting, as disgusting as it can be. His combat orders are never clear, an old habit the Japanese had during World War II. Let me tell you a joke, the Japanese emperor was a war criminal during World War II, and your American trials are really problematic. That aside, during World War II, the Japanese emperor never said anything clear, always being ambiguous. He let the Japanese army guess, and if the battle was victorious, it was because of the emperor's wise leadership, and if the battle failed, it was because his subordinates distorted the emperor's will. My father was like this during battle, as clumsy as it could be."

"Uh... so disgusting?"

"So I unleashed the Soviet Red Army's subjective initiative and submitted numerous reports. All of them fell on deaf ears. My last suggestion was clearly correct, but he still forced me to attack. He even gave me some strange potion that nearly killed me."

"?! No way? So cruel?"

"—Asuka, you have to be careful. Contact your American and German ambassadors more often. I only survived until today thanks to the Soviet and Chinese embassies. Listen, if you are suddenly given some strange medicine, don't take it!—Leave it all to me, I'll try it first."

"? Uh, can you just taste the medicine? No, are people in Japan so disgusting?"

"That's just disgusting. But don't worry, I'm already at level two mental pollution, so eating anything is no big deal. You..."

drop!drop!drop!

Suddenly, a shrill alarm sounded.

"Emergency?" Xiao Ding was stunned for a moment and asked in confusion: "I'm not a navy, but this is an alarm, right?"

"Of course! --Well, I'm not a navy officer, I'm an ace in the Luftwaffe..."

Then there was no need for anyone else to give orders. Xiao Ikari took a look from a distance and - Oh my god!

A giant steel beast appeared on the sea surface in the distance! It was different from the fish angel I had seen last time - this time it was more like a giant monster warship sailing on the sea. It was not purely fish-shaped. It had a bit of a K-type feeling, but it was not completely an octopus. It looked more like a deep-sea monster.

"What is this?" Xiao Ding was shocked out of empiricism: "This is also an apostle?"

"? That's the Apostle? You've been fighting this kind of thing?" Asuka sighed like Vegeta (this is the oldest tsundere, but unfortunately he's a man), thought for less than a second, and suddenly turned to Ikari Shinji: "Then..."

"You don't want to..."

"Haha, it seems we do have some tacit understanding. You're not a complete idiot, Baka Nobuki!" Asuka patted Ikari's shoulder and said, "Start Unit 2!"

"Alas, it's a pity that my Unit-01 is not here..."

"What are you thinking? You come too!" Asuka looked at the Fish Angel sinking several frigates in the distance and felt that no place was safe. "Follow me and insert the plug! That guy might be looking for Unit 2!"

No, I'm here to see Adam.

By the way, every one of these apostles has a poor sense of direction, except for this fish angel who found the exact location of Adam.

"? That won't work." Ikari Shinji shook his head and said, "My mental pollution is so high, how can I enter the same plug with you? What if something happens to you? ... You want to take care of me, right? No, thank you, I'll just stay on the boat. At worst, I can jump off the boat..."

Mainly because I don’t want to wear women’s clothes anymore.

"...Baga! Idiot!" The idiot cursed in eight languages. Asuka pointed at Shinji Ikari's nose and said, "I'm also an EVA pilot. I just said we'd share life and death together. How could I be afraid of you?! Put on your pilot suit! The pilot suit can prevent mental pollution - come with me!"

"The suit is useless. It's just a large body bag..."

"Baga! Come with me!——"

"Hey, hey, stop pulling!"

Shinji Ikari was dragged to a corner, and Asuka started changing into a women's pilot's suit. Little Ikari refused to put it on.