Longmen Memoirs

If something is essentially right, then some people will agree with it. But if it is something that is right, it is very difficult to do it. If it is something that is right and beneficial to them, they may not even see the slightest bit of it. Hope.

Everyone knows the bitter consequences of war, but how many people can actually prevent a war from happening? Because everyone has their own ideas, because human nature is selfish and people seek advantages and avoid disadvantages.

What if this matter will cost them their loved ones, what if this matter will even cause them to lose their lives, what if they can't see the result of this matter, and for them, they can't get anything at the moment, and what will happen? How many people have dedicated everything they have to a great and illusory ideal.

Shuangxing felt that he couldn't do it. Likewise, there was very little he could do, because they were a group of infected people. They had nothing but this life. They might have nothing to lose, but that didn't mean they weren't afraid of death.

Tallulah always made promises, she said them over and over again, and she was always full of confidence, but such confidence would make those who followed her feel tired.

Because they can't see hope, because even after doing so much, their lives have not changed. They are still being chased away by the pickets. They are still living a life of hunger and even worry about losing their lives. .

The ideal is indeed aspirational, and Tallulah is indeed a person worthy of their respect.

But the reality is that Tallulah's ideal is too far away, so far away that they can't see any hope. The reality is that such exhausted days make them feel anxious and uneasy, and they can't help but wonder, why, why does it take so long? Why are we able to defeat the pickets and why are our lives so difficult?

Tallulah's ideal seems like a beautiful dream that can never be realized. She is immersed in this dream and is even willing to do everything for it. However, on the way to pursue this ideal, she forgets those who think about her. She had not considered herself, so she naturally neglected to consider these people.

If she could stay for a while, might everything change later?

But even if she is willing to stay, will she still be the Tallulah you are familiar with?

The ideal took root in Tallulah's heart. She hated the injustice of this land, and hated Ursus' oppression and indifference to the infected. She vowed to change this unfair fate, and she vowed to find a place for the infected. A land of stable survival.

So, it's not that she ignored those things, but even though she noticed it, even though she knew it in her heart, she still couldn't stop, didn't dare to stop, and wasn't willing to stop herself.

She was unwilling to lose this ideal, and she was unwilling to choose to end it, because there was a fire burning in her heart, a fire ignited by this decadent and suffering land, by the greed and indifference of the nobles, and by the injustice and tragedy of the world. Flames were burning in Tallulah's heart. If she couldn't do these things, she would never be stable in her life. If she turned a blind eye to all of this and just let it go, she would never be able to forgive herself in her life.

Why does it have to be her?

Why does it have to be Chen Mo?

If no one does it, she will do it. If she is unwilling to look back, then Chen Mo can only go on with her.

It doesn’t have to be Tallulah or Chen Mo.

It was she who chose this ideal, and Chen Mo just chose her and Chen.

Chen Mo was an outsider who died more than 20 years ago, but he did not die. Chen Mo always believed that this was destined by God. It decided to give him a decent way to die, at least after he could not decide his own birth, it was willing to give him a choice of his own. Die.

He still has many regrets, regrets that he could not accompany Chen, regrets that he could not watch his daughter grow up, regrets for many people and many things, his experiences over the years, the past he has known, the people he has regretted and thing.

If Chen Mo dies one day, he deserves it. If Chen Mo's death can make them suffer less, he will get what he wants.

In the past 20 years, Chen Mo has lived desperately, trying desperately to find an excuse and reason for himself to live. He has done many wrong things, but in the end, the most ridiculous thing is that he found out that the culprit of all this was... From myself.

If he had died 20 years ago, there would not have been so many tragic incidents caused by him.

He gave Chen a future without expectations, left Vina alone in Londinium, and deceived the fox again and again.

Chen Mo told countless lies, but it was the most difficult thing to lie to himself. He lied to himself that he no longer had any thoughts about Tallulah. He lied to himself that even if he left the snowy field, he could still live with peace of mind. He lied to himself Yan Guo can no longer find him, so he can live well in Longmen.

He is the most selfish selfish ghost in the world.

April 1

The team crossed the Solawor River. On the map provided by Kannot, they bypassed the area patrolled by infected pickets. Kannot provided a map of the pickets' deployment, although it was not known where he came from. It was obtained there, but it is roughly consistent with the distribution of the Yeti monsters.

It was a drag on Kannot and his group.

The most difficult problem to solve within the team has been properly settled. The group of sick infected people has always been the most difficult problem for the entire camp.

Everyone was watching how Shuangxing and the others dealt with this group of infected people, whether to let them go on like this or to take them with them and allocate the few manpower to take care of them.

Neither of these two is a good thing, and there is only one result.

Given the medical conditions in the camp, even if personnel are sent to take care of them regardless of the danger of Originium Disease, their condition cannot be alleviated. The best result is that these seriously ill people die one after another, and the camp, which had improved slightly, once again fell into a bleak situation. In the atmosphere.

Because this group of infected people is not a dispensable symbol in the camp. They are not cold numbers in the battle damage report. They are still alive, have people they know, and have their own expectations.

If they die in front of people like this, even if they know that Frost Star is not to blame and this is the ending they should have, will the infected people think of themselves?

Do you think it's death no matter what, and what difference does it make if they die here or somewhere else?

Do you think that if they had not acted with the guerrillas, if not for this evacuation, they would still be alive?

Yes, the guerrillas sheltered them, but the guerrillas could not shelter them. Now that the guerrillas are no longer here, it is not surprising that they would think this way, and it is not surprising that they would leave because of this.

What reason did Frost Star have to force them to stay? They never promised that they would swear allegiance to the snow monsters and the guerrillas.

Fragile connections, fragile symbiotic relationships, once they cannot be guaranteed, separation is the most natural result.

Because what keeps them together is not a concept that everyone agrees with, nor an ideal, but just to live, and in order to live, they naturally have to find ways.

This is not their fault, nor is it anyone's fault. If you have to find a reason, you can only blame the snow monsters for not being able to provide them with shelter, and blame the frost star for not being able to prevent this from happening, rather than blaming these nowhere people. But the people who go there are indifferent and callous, blame them for being selfish, blame them for choosing to leave because they want to live.

After all, they have not received any education. After all, they do not understand many principles. They are just a group of ordinary people. They were even farmers and miners before, doing the lowest level of business. They do not have so many big principles in their hearts. They are not great, otherwise they would not have become infected, otherwise they would have had such a hard life after becoming infected.

If they can protect themselves, why do they need to join a group to keep warm? Those who can still survive on their own after being infected with Originium Disease are worthy of admiration, but compared with these people, they have received education after all, and they have skills after all. , such as Chen Mo himself, and the operators in Black Steel who were accidentally infected with Originium disease, the weird team, and the Sakaz mercenaries.

People are different. Even if they breathe the same air, they can never be generalized. Fairness is a broad term, and justice should be established within the scope of people's approval. A person's justice cannot be called fair. Even the righteousness of a group of people should not be called righteousness.

Chen Mo is very optimistic about Alina's infected person education group. It should be renamed as an education school now, although school is a more exaggerated term.

The team set up camp near the Ural Mountains. The selected location did not have an area patrolled by infected pickets. Because winter had not passed yet, everything seemed desolate. The seasons when infected pickets were frequently dispatched were generally summer and autumn, with the former It is a rare warm season in the snowfield. The latter is the day of the harvest season, and there is oil and water to fish for. In other seasons, the pickets generally rarely go out, unless there is a nearby village that is not protected by a large landowner, or there is a passing mobile city nearby. Attracting caravan trade.

The nearest city, Schratsburg, was far away, and most of the pickets were led there by the city. No one would pay special attention to a group of infected people stopping somewhere in the cold winter.

Days like this are not uncommon in the lives of infected people. They quickly built a gathering place that looked like the past. The wooden houses made of logging still smelled like trees. Although they were simple, they were warmer than tents. many.

This group of infected people who had been idle all the way even built houses for the guerrillas and the soldiers who had not yet returned. It seems that they really can't wait to do something these days.

Building a new home is a wonderful thing. Although this is not the first time they have done this, since the Cannott group came, a different atmosphere has emerged in the team. They insist on using a To use an adjective to describe it, it’s called angry.

The vitality of the crowd gathered together was like a market in Longmen, but it seemed too small compared to a place as huge as Longmen.

Chen Mo felt gratified by this, gratified that he specifically proposed to take Kannot and the others back to the camp so that they could communicate more with the infected, instead of leaving after getting the supplies.

Maybe Kannot knew what Chen Mo was thinking in his heart, but he didn't tell him, but that didn't mean that Chen Mo didn't owe him this favor. Favor was one thing, but blocking his way later and asking him why was another thing.

Chen Mo had to think about this, and had to consider that because of him, this small camp would be destroyed. He would think so, especially after Kannot revealed his identity, but because of Because of the camp, he had to deal with this weird businessman patiently.

It doesn't look all bad now.

Chen Mo once again returned to his old profession. He played a guest role as a teacher in several wooden houses built by the infected, teaching the infected in the camp to read and write. He has been very passionate about this recently.

But every time he met Shuangxing, Shuangxing looked at him with strange eyes from time to time.

Because Shuangxing remembered that someone seemed to have said to him before that he was not very good at teaching others. Looking at it now, most of what this person said cannot be believed.

Snow monsters occasionally come over. Recently, a new class was opened among the soldiers in the camp. The content of the class is no different from the team coordination that Chen Mo learned in Black Steel. Every time Chen Mo attends class, he can always see A group of infected warriors sat below, looking up at themselves, so that the figure of Frost Star would sometimes appear among them, pulled by the snow monster.

To a certain extent, Chen Mo has become the teacher of this group of infected warriors, but he is also a comrade-in-arms with them. At least these soldiers think that he has become their comrade-in-arms, including Shuangxing, even though she has never Never said that.

In this life, Chen Mo has had many identities. He has been a top mercenary, a war general, an executioner, a politician, and a noble...

He has various identities and a rough life.

He knew that his hands were stained with blood, but the only thing that made him feel at ease and feel a little proud was not that he had held power and decided life and death many times in the past, but that he had become a teacher for a group of infected people in the snowy field.

In their mouths, Chen is ordinary and even mild.

Not the ruthless mercenary snake in Black Steel who always weighs the pros and cons of everything, nor the battlefield butcher that everyone in Kazdael talks about, nor the cold-blooded executioner who made Londinium bleed like a river.

He has many things on his mind, he is speechless, he is entangled with grudges, and he is cold and indifferent.

Those complicated past seemed to gradually become a simple and chaotic dream on the snowy field.

Chapter 28 How ruthless life is

April 1

夜

The snowfield was immersed in a thick darkness, with fires lighting up in the distance from time to time. The deafening roar broke the silence of the night, the cold wind howled, and the sound of cannons shook the earth.

That was the Originium Artillery Battery carried by the Ursus advance team attacking the defensive position built by the shield guards.

The magician's spells and the fire of the cannonballs rose into the dark sky, fell like meteors, and bloomed into bright and gorgeous flames on the earth.

The heavy snow fell apart and flew into the air.

"Tallulah, we can't stand it any longer. The enemy's attack is too fierce and we can hardly withstand it."

On the flanks of the defensive position, the infected warriors who were fighting Ursus' forward troops temporarily retreated. In the snow trench built by the magician, an infected warrior found Talulah.

Her black military uniform was full of traces of gunpowder smoke, her silver hair was stained with dust, and she looked indescribably embarrassed. Only her gray eyes remained firm in the night.

She held the weapon in her hand tightly and looked at the soldier who said this. 【@

Not far away, the gunpowder smoke had not dissipated. The fir trees were ignited by artillery fire, burning violently in the night. The snow rolled over, exposing the frozen soil below the crater.

"What's the situation with the guerrillas?"

"Usas's artillery is bombarding the shield guard's position with such frequency that no one can get past them. Their situation will only be worse than ours."

"Then we have no reason to retreat." Tallulah said, looking around at the warriors surrounding her, who were staring at her.

They were disgraced, their equipment was backward, and most of them were injured and looked tired. They couldn't tell whether it was snow or something else, and their old clothes were dyed in a mess.

What a tragedy, just like this group of infected warriors who are like a ragtag group, are brazenly fighting against the regular army of Ursus, just like throwing an egg against a stone, seeking their own death.

Tallulah breathed a sigh of relief.

"I'm not asking you, my brothers, compatriots and comrades-in-arms, I know you are tired, I know the enemy's attack is fierce, and I also know you need to rest."

She tightened her grip on the sword in her hand, and her eyes gradually became firmer.

"But the guerrillas have not chosen to retreat. They are facing the enemy's strongest troops in front and withstanding the fiercest attack. Before they make a decision, we must firmly guard their flanks and provide them with cover. .”

"This battle is difficult, more difficult than all the battles we have encountered in the past put together. Some of us will definitely fall here, maybe you and I will fall here," she said.

"Are you saying we are afraid of death? Tallulah." A soldier shouted: "We are not afraid of death, otherwise how could we have come here with you, Tallulah, you don't want to be a coward, and we don't want to be either."

"No one can be a coward, Djogov. You are a very good soldier and an excellent comrade. You are all. I know you are not afraid of death."

Tallulah's words paused, and the infected person whose name was called looked at Tallulah and looked at the others.

"But what I want to tell you is that even if we all fall here, everything we do is meaningful. At least Ursus understands that the infected are no longer livestock for them to take, because we On our own we have become opponents of the Ursus army. At least those who survive will remember that a group of rebels once fought here. Our compatriots will remember our deeds, and our opponents will remember that they were defeated. It was given to a group of infected people, infected people that they looked down upon."

"You will become an example, an example and a pioneer who dares to resist Ursus and resist the fate of the infected. Once they remember this, they will think of you."

"Can we also be role models? Tallulah, to be honest, sometimes we really can't understand what you say. I would say you are more like an educated noble, but you want to come and fight with us, a group of ignorant people. The helpless infected people are mixed together.”

An infected person looked at Tallulah and smiled.

"But even if we don't understand what you mean, we can still understand in our hearts that what you said makes sense. You are thinking about us. We have no other ability and only this miserable life is left. If it weren't for you, We were even hiding in Tibet after being driven out by the pickets, and we couldn't explain why we died at the hands of those black bugs that day. So we believe you, Tallulah, if you say we can set an example, then we must, hey, I never thought that one day my death would be so worth it."

"But I would rather you survive."

"Stop talking nonsense, Tallulah, I know you definitely want us all to live, but there is a truth even if you don't say it, we understand it." The infected person said with a smile: "There will be undead people in the war. Yes, we have all made preparations for this. In the past, we could only wait for the pickets to catch us, but it is different now, Tallulah, do you still remember those pickets who were driven away by us and fled in all directions? "

he said, laughing out loud.

"It turns out that they are just like us. It turns out that those picket men are also afraid of death and are cowards. From then on, I thought, I must follow you. No matter where you go, I will follow you, no matter what. The ideal is simply to prevent others from practicing it.”

"We have nothing and only this life left, so I hope it can be more useful. I don't want to run away forever like a vagabond, waiting to finally turn into a stone one day."

"You're right. Actually, I didn't think too much about joining the team."

An infected person suddenly spoke out. He held a crossbow in his lowered hand. When everyone looked at him, he felt a little embarrassed, but he still didn't stop talking.

Maybe this is the last time, and they all hope they can say something, even warriors who usually don't like to talk.

They are helpless and helpless, no better than duckweeds.

"Although Tallulah often talks about why we are fighting, to be honest, I don't care about this. What I think is that it is safer to follow you and I can also eat. I don't know where I should go. I had no choice but to follow the team.”

As he finished speaking.

The soldiers who had gathered around rushed to speak first, so that Tallulah didn't know what to say.

Death did not come suddenly, but what made people feel tortured was waiting for their own death. Tallulah knew in her heart that the soldiers in front of her could not feel at ease. They wanted to say something, otherwise they would be afraid that they would shrink back. .

It's not that they are not afraid of death, they are afraid of becoming cowards. In the past, they were cowards. At that time, they had no dignity. They were like animals waiting to be slaughtered. They could only choose to resign themselves to their fate.

No one wants to go back to their old life, especially after they can face those who once oppressed them and find that they are not so superior after all.

Rather than dying, they are now more afraid of becoming cowards in the eyes of others, of being looked down upon by their former comrades, and of going back to their old lives.

That day, Tallulah, who was usually the most talkative in the team, remained silent for a rare moment. That day, Tallulah spent more time looking at the soldiers in front of her who were pouring out their hearts than she did thinking about the future.

Tallulah's mind went blank that day, and only the group of warriors who had fought side by side until now were left in the blank. Some of them were young, some were much older than Tallulah, some of them joined the team later, and some She had been in the team from the beginning, and Tallulah dared not say that she remembered every one of their names, but she had an impression of most of them. Just like those soldiers who had chosen to leave and sacrifice, Tallulah knew every one of them clearly. Chu's mind is in mind.