Longmen Memoirs

Until a young soldier was pushed and stood uneasily in front of him, with several soldiers behind looking in their direction.

The soldier from the reconnaissance team named Wood finally plucked up the courage to speak.

"Tower... Tallulah..."

He stuttered over his words and even bit his tongue, but facing the coveted leader and the coveted girl in front of him, he still didn't want to stop.

Maybe this is the last chance to speak.

Tallulah just looked at him.

"If...I mean if, we all survive after this battle, when we go back, can I...can I invite you to dance?"

The young warrior's eyes were full of anticipation, and Tallulah seemed to have already guessed what he wanted to say.

The soldiers suddenly fell silent, and collectively looked at the young man who suddenly said these words to Tallulah. Some whistled, and some called Wood's name, complaining that he had taken the lead.

Surrounded by this group of people, Wood felt that his face was hot and his heart was beating harder. He didn't even know how he said this.

But all of them were waiting for Tallulah's answer.

Want to refuse?

How can you refuse?

Tallulah suddenly understood that the reason why these warriors followed her was not because they were attracted by her own ideas and felt that what she said was right. That was not the case at all.

They simply wanted to live, so they found a way to survive. They simply made people feel helpless.

Did I think too much in the past? Maybe Tallulah should have understood in her heart. Maybe she has always known how far away her ideal seems, but what she wants is that a little change, a little hard work, One day, they will slowly move closer to that ideal.

Does she really understand the thoughts of these infected people?

Or is she always thinking about herself and her own thoughts, while ignoring them? Can the infected people accept such an idea? Although they agree, do they really think they can do it?

She was always talking about confidence, but Tallulah suddenly realized that she had been ignoring it. The confidence she thought was only based on her own ideas, and she never asked the infected people what they thought.

Is it because she spends too little time with infected people to get to know them?

Every time there was a camp gathering, what was she doing when everyone gathered around the campfire? She was formulating the content of the next plan in the tent, discussing with the guerrillas the direction after the camp, or thinking about the idea in her mind of saving the infected. Great idea.

Tallulah's expression softened.

"Yes, of course."

Her promise seemed to ignite the originally quiet atmosphere. She watched the soldier being teased by familiar comrades after returning and listened to their cheers.

Tallulah seemed to understand in an instant those things that she had ignored before, those were the warriors' true inner thoughts, their demands, and their desires, not her own wishful thinking.

The attack interrupted the brief respite.

Compared to the previous third wave of attacks, which was more violent and more difficult for the infected warriors to cope with, Ursus' advance team once again launched an attack on the flanks of the guerrillas.

They were also bombarded by artillery that turned around.

The soldiers hurriedly responded to the enemy, and the fire suddenly lit up again in the snowy night. The restless night was still very long.

"*Usas swears*, if they hadn't quietly brought artillery..."

After being hit by artillery fire, the soldiers lying on the trench above the slope cursed and shook the dirt off their heads.

"The enemy has brought artillery units in advance. They have been prepared for the guerrillas. They have been looking for the most suitable place to attack for a long time. But we cannot blame the enemy for being insidious and despicable, because in the future, we will always have to face such opponent."

Tallulah said.

------

April 1

夜

North Ursus, near the Ural Ridge

infected camp

"Still haven't received any news from the guerrillas?"

In the new gathering place in the village, not far from the classroom, Chen Mo met Alina.

"No."

"Will something happen to them? I mean, I'm a little worried about Tallulah. She's with the guerrillas now. Although she often went out with the soldiers before, I know I shouldn't think so, but I still I can’t help it, she hasn’t come back yet.”

"Don't worry, Alina. They may just not be able to find our location temporarily. Maybe they are already on their way back. The guerrillas are all experienced fighters. In the past, they were able to sustain themselves on the snowfields, which shows that they are Not easily defeated."

Chen Mo comforted: "Shuangxing also mentioned to us this afternoon that she wanted to send a few snow monsters to contact the guerrillas, so don't worry, what you should consider now is how to do your job well, Teacher Alina, You also want to give Tallulah a surprise when she comes back."

"Speaking of this, you haven't been here much in the past two days. Everyone is asking me if you will come to class again."

"Not for the time being." Chen Mo shook his head: "The camp has stabilized for the time being, but there is still a lot of work that we need to do. The camp needs a stable source of food. The fields cultivated nearby cannot be sown until spring. Even if Planting potatoes will take at least three months to produce a harvest, and the remaining food won’t last that long, and you know you can’t survive on potatoes alone.”

"The camp also needs medicine, fuel, and bedding. We need a lot of things. When the guerrillas come back, we have to consider the wounded among them. In short, it will become very busy during this period."

"So there are so many things to do?" Alina asked in surprise.

"If your expression could be a little more surprised, maybe I would believe it, Alina." Chen Mo looked at Alina's pretended surprise: "If Teacher Alina could spend more time outside of teaching, In fact, you can actually know this, right?"

"But what I don't know is where we should get these. Chen Mo, you are right. We have a lot of things we need now and in the future. Supplies, weapons, food. We simply can't do it on our own. To be self-sufficient, people are not machines, and people will get tired.”

"Frost Star is actually pretty much what you said."

Chen Mo glanced at Alina in surprise, and explained in the latter's curious eyes: "Shuangxing also asked me the same question, asking me where we should get these, the city of Ursus, or the gathering place for the infected, she Say we don’t have much to exchange, and no one will bring this to us in vain.”

"I don't deny that, especially when you go to the south of Ursus, it will be more difficult to get these, because the infected people in the city will not easily trust us, and they will not easily provide us with supplies. Ursus' army The police will not just watch us grow."

"Have you thought of a way?"

"I'm thinking about it." Chen Mo said, "But I can't do it alone. I can't save anyone by myself. The infected should not rely on others. The only people infected can rely on are themselves."

Chapter 29 Not a word about it

Chen Mo always seems to be like this.

Whenever Alina thought she knew him a little better and then came into contact with him, she would find that there were some deviations between him and her previous impression, some deviations that were unspeakable.

He would never deliberately hide his thoughts from anyone, and he could even say hurtful words such as that he would not be able to provide any help to the camp without Tallulah, but if he thought about it carefully, what was he thinking in his heart? But no one can tell clearly.

Those who stood by his side, those who called him their teacher, those who greeted him when they met, and Chen who always responded kindly, no one among them could know what he was thinking at that time.

Chen, who was saying those words, had been worrying about this infected camp that did not belong to him.

Alina can't help much in this regard, because she can feel that Chen and Tallulah are different people. Whenever he has a certain idea in his heart, it will not change easily. Therefore, relying on words alone It is impossible to persuade such a person.

At best, it's called determination; at worst, it's called paranoia.

Paranoid Chen Mo, it’s hard for Alina to imagine that he would be such a person, but what is the part that makes him so paranoid? The part that makes Tallulah paranoid is the experience of infected people, so, the part that makes Chen Mo paranoid What is it again.

Alina actually already had an answer in her mind.

If what Tallulah can't let go of is the injustice and oppression of Ursus, and the cruel and miserable fate of the infected, then maybe it's the same for Chen, but the difference is that he just doesn't want to see people who suffer a cruel fate. It's Tallulah.

Alina can see it, and also【}

But does Tallulah know this?

Alina couldn't help but have this thought. Looking at the man in front of her, she couldn't help but wonder if Tallulah understood what she was thinking. It would be okay if she didn't understand, but if Tallulah understood, then That's what's really sad.

Because Alina knew that Tallulah could not give up her current career no matter what, so how long could Chen wait for her? If one day Tallulah had to risk her life for her ideal, what would Chen do at that time? Do, do something.

Should he watch her sacrifice everything for his ideals, or should he choose to respect her career and ideas?

Alina doesn't know the answer, but what she knows is that that day will come, and if Tallulah is unwilling to stop, if they keep going like this, that day will only get closer.

The path Tallulah chose was accompanied by cruelty and hardship from beginning to end, so that even after giving everything they had, they could not expect to get anything in return.

"how?"

Alina suddenly became quiet. She was silent and lowered her eyelids slightly, not knowing what she was thinking.

Chen Mo asked, and Alina came back to her senses.

"Nothing." She smiled and shook her head slightly. "I suddenly remembered that since Chen came, even our luck seems to have improved. The situation in the camp has become much better than in the past. Before, we didn't even dare to think that we could still survive. With the help of the caravan, I see that Miss Frost Star has become much more relaxed recently."

"This has nothing to do with me." Chen Mo said.

"really?"

"The person who leads the team is Froststar. The soldiers and snow monsters who protect the team are you and the infected in the camp who take care of the patients. Cannott is willing to help the team because of his reputation as a guerrilla and Tallulah. The hard work over the past few years has yielded results. Even the meals are cooked by you. I have only been here for a few days, so I can’t do much no matter how much I do.”

"That's what I said, but if it weren't for you, we wouldn't have been able to get here so smoothly. The soldiers often talk about you. They talk about what you have done these days. Everyone admires you." Alina retorted. He said, as if he remembered something again: "If I hadn't heard from the soldiers, I wouldn't have known that you had commanded the soldiers in the camp to fight before."

"Why do they say everything?"

Chen Mo sighed helplessly.

"Doesn't this just mean that everyone agrees with you? I think this is a good thing." Alina raised her head slightly. She held the book and stomped around to Chen Mo's side.

After hesitating for a moment, he still asked.

"Actually, you don't care about this, right? Chen, there is only one thing you really care about."

When Chen Mo looked over, Alina no longer looked at herself, but looked in the direction of the simple classroom. At night, there was not enough electricity and lights to provide lighting in the camp, so the classroom was dark and could only be vaguely seen. contour.

Chen Mo could only see Alina's side face and heard her say: "I can think of it even if you don't tell me. In this short half month, I can feel that everyone in the camp values ​​you very much. They think you It can make them feel at ease, even Miss Frost Star is somewhat dependent on you, because you always act very reliable, do you know that this kind of reliability can easily give people an illusion."

"..."

Chen Mo didn't answer, nor did he refute. He looked at Alina who said these words and waited quietly for her next words.

"But your heart is not here, Chen. You stayed because Tallulah wanted you to stay. It was also because of Tallulah that you were willing to help the infected people in this camp. But in your heart, you It was never part of us, and Tallulah’s ideals are not your ideals, am I right?”

She turned her head and stared at Chen Mo's eyes with her gray eyes, as if she had seen through the thoughts hidden in his heart. Chen Mo subconsciously wanted to use lies to get over it, but when he faced Alina's eyes, he understood that lies You can't deceive this girl. In the end, the only one who can be deceived by lies is yourself.

Self-deception.

"How should I answer you? Alina."

Chen Mo did not refute.

"Are you also not optimistic about what Tallulah wants to do?"

Chen Mo was briefly quiet for a few seconds.

"I would like to say that there is nothing wrong with infected people wanting to fight against injustice and oppression, but I don't want Tallulah to be the one to do it."

"why?"

"Because I know in my heart how difficult it is to do this. She may not get what she wants to see. A group of infected people. Alina, I don't mean to look down on the infected people, but to be honest, if I want to rely solely on There is no possibility of using a group of infected people to change Ursus's attitude, not even the slightest possibility." Chen Mo said: "Your enemies are not only the powerful people of Ursus, but your enemies are also Ursus. The people of Ursus, who are huge in number and far outnumber the infected, may have some sympathy for the plight of the infected and want to help them out of pity. In the final analysis, it is just pity, but it is only when the infected are not yet alive. Before it touches their interests, they can pity you cheaply, but once you become enemies, once you threaten their lives, can you imagine what the scene will be like, Alina."

"Let me tell you what will happen, Alina. The higher the infected stand, the more conspicuous they become. When you stand on the cusp of the storm and look around, all you see are enemies."

Chen Mo said softly: "Can you take action against the Ursus people? To those ordinary people, to those people who you think are selfish and indifferent, they just want to protect their own lives. They are naturally opposed to you, so you don't take action. You will be controlled by others, but once you take action, you will become a group of thugs who have no reason."

"No one will sympathize with you in the future, and who will help you? What bargaining chips do you have in your hands that can make people take risks for you? No, even when your team grows and there are differences, if Bozokas replaces Now that you are gone, if other infected people do not agree with you, have differences with you, or even betray you, how will you deal with it? Is Tallulah capable of convincing everyone?"

Alina didn't seem to expect that Chen Mo had thought so much, but Alina couldn't refute what he said.

Chen Mo also saw the surprise on Alina's face.

"Have you been thinking about this?"

"I have to think so. I have seen far more than what I am telling you. Resistance is never easy. It is not just picking up weapons and rushing to the streets and knocking down a few Ursus military police. What can be called a resistance cannot be called a resistance just by a group of ragged infected people attacking infected picket strongholds everywhere."

"What you want to do shouldn't just be resistance. This is difficult, extremely difficult, because you have to be careful. If you make a mistake, even a small one, your enemy will try to attack you in the opposite direction. You, even if you have not made any mistakes, they will spread rumors and slander. Those people cannot tell the truth, because what they see is what others want them to see. They add fuel to the fire and distort the facts, but you have no right to speak. , even if you refute, they can find countless ways to overthrow you."

Chen Mo breathed a sigh of relief and added slowly:

"...It's always easier for evil people than good people, Alina. Evil people have no bottom line, but good people can't. Evil people can think of ways to do evil, but good people can only do it after committing evil deeds. Just because he is a good person? But you guys You can only choose to be a good person, because you cannot use the same means to fight back, because you are already in a weak position and cannot tolerate any mistakes. But there are too many mistakes. People can only make them once, and they can never be undone. Opportunity."

It's like the Sakaz Butcher. He is a notorious evil person in Kazdare. In Sakaz's eyes, he is an executioner who does all kinds of evil. If he doesn't come to argue for him, he doesn't need to argue.

Because the Sakaz Butcher should not continue to live, because the Sakaz Butcher does not care about the opinions of others, but Tallulah and the infected cannot, because they cannot become thugs. Once they become thugs, they will no longer have any reason to speak. .

"But she's already doing it, Chen."

"So this is my fault." Chen Mo replied: "If I could come back earlier, if I could find her earlier, before she had decided to embark on this road for the infected, it would still be too late, but this There are no ifs in the world.”

If Chen Mo could not have so many worries and return to Longmen after Black Steel was stable, if Chen Mo could put aside Kazdel's worries and come to Ursus when he returned to Longmen, if Chen Mo could find her early.

Chen Mo should have done this.

Maybe Tallulah hadn't become an infected person at that time, maybe it was still too late, so it was Chen Mo's fault and Chen Mo owed her.