Longmen Memoirs

He understood what Frost Star meant, just as Frost Star understood the meaning of his joke just now. Now he and they were indeed not as familiar and trustworthy as Tallulah, but that was only now.

But for many things that are mentioned inadvertently, only the person listening knows what they are thinking.

"You think I'm joking with you?"

"I just think you will be even better in the future than you are now."

Chen Mo said, Shuangxing was stunned for a moment, turned his head, but the corners of his mouth were slightly raised.

"As long as what you say is true."

"You're not going in?"

At the door of the patriot barracks, Shuangxing stopped, and Chen Mo turned around and asked.

"He only said he wanted to see you, but he didn't say he wanted to see me."

"so."

"...If he says something to embarrass you, don't take it seriously, although I think it is unlikely that he will say this to you."

"It doesn't matter. In fact, I met Mr. Patriot."

"Oh, when?"

"When we first came here, we had a pretty good chat."

Patriot seemed to have been waiting for a long time. Perhaps he heard the conversation between Shuangxing and himself in front of the door. He was not surprised by Chen Mo's arrival.

Wendigo's body is still as tall, but he no longer carries his halberd and shield, and has temporarily taken off his heavy armor, but he still wears that weird helmet, making it impossible to see his helmet clearly The next look.

There was no tension in Chen Mo's heart, so much as fear or fear, even if he was a Wendigo, the cannibal Sarkaz, the Shield of the Infected, or the former imperial general of Ursus.

For Chen Mo, these awe-inspiring titles mean nothing to him, even if he is an emperor, a monarch, a god or a demon.

He has been struggling in this hell called the human world for many years, with many years of joys and sorrows, many years of ups and downs. He is no longer afraid of any devil or evil. The only thing he fears is disappointment. Own.

"I can already feel, young man, the aura of death wrapped around you is getting stronger and stronger. You must know this better than me."

Surprisingly, this was the first sentence the Patriot said after seeing him, and it was this sentence that made Chen Mo unable to answer for a while.

After a long time, he looked at the figure of the Wendigo and did not deny it.

"Yes."

Originium Disease, the Demon King's Curse, the countless hidden injuries and the sequelae of overuse of bloodline power for a long time, the exhaustive calculations and hardships, these things drained his efforts and left no scruples in his body. spreads and attempts to destroy every physiological function of the body.

Sarkaz's clustered memories never stopped their fight. The chattering battle kept roaring in Chen Mo's mind. They told of betrayal, blood debt and anger, and the endless anger and pain came like a tsunami.

Chen Mo is burdened with too much sin, the expectations and hatred of those who have died. He is constantly torn between promises and lies, making it impossible for him to make the choice he most wants to make.

Because he couldn't let go, couldn't abandon, couldn't betray, because he was once the court master who left the court, because he used lies to bring people hope, which was hope and responsibility, so he who couldn't be cruel finally became his own conspiracy Book the most suitable victims and chips.

"I heard my daughter mention everything you have done during this time. Even if you did it for only one person, even if you have different ideas from ours, I have seen the results of what you have done, but young man, you have Time is running out.”

"But I can't die yet, Mr. Patriot. If all this ends, people like us should die, but it doesn't, so I can't die yet."

Chen Mo was not surprised. His voice was calm and steady, even if he could not refute the words of the patriot, even if his time was indeed running out.

"I once provoked a war for many people. In the war, I became a butcher who killed countless people, just because I could not live up to expectations. If the sin of this evil thing, war, must be shouldered by someone, then I am undoubtedly the most suitable person, even if Kazdare is not my hometown, even if I am not a Sarkarz."

"Theresa said many words, and I escorted her speech to Sakaz several times. One sentence remains fresh in my mind. She said that it is the same ideas and visions that drive people together, not It is a certain identity, and it is not the blood flowing in the body. I agree with it. It is just like what drives you Wendigo to fight for Ursus, and what drives you to fight for the infected. To me, there is no such thing. Any difference.”

"I stayed because of Tallulah, because she trusted you, so I can trust you too."

The patriot didn't answer. It took him a long time before he spoke, his voice hoarse and low.

"Do you think it's not worth it?"

"I already know the answer in my heart whether it's worth it or not."

"This road is your own choice. Wherever there is no road, will you regret it?"

"Everyone regrets, but most of those who regret can't look back, sir." Chen Mo said: "We can only move forward, even if there is nothing in front of us, we have no way out."

【->

Chen Mo once again reached a fork in the road in his life.

It always seems to be the case.

He always knew what choice he should make, and he always knew what choice was right for him.

But without a doubt, he never made that choice.

Because it is too difficult.

Just like he didn't choose to live a peaceful life on that rainy night in the orphanage, just like he didn't choose to stay in Colombia later in Black Steel, just like when he was in Londinium, he didn't want to let go of Chen's hand. Just like in Kazdale, he had already understood His Highness's inner thoughts, just like later in Londinium, he kept Vina without saying a word.

In his short life, for more than ten years, he has never followed his own heart. People say that he can't help himself, but Chen Mo doesn't think so. He believes that most of the hardships and ups and downs that people encounter are actually caused by It can be avoided, but people don't do it. For various reasons, they are unwilling, dare not and cannot avoid it.

In fact, there are many choices in life that are not without a way out. In fact, if people want to, they can leave at any time. However, due to responsibilities, ideals, and some illusory but real things that press on people's shoulders, they are unable to do so. Do, there is no way to escape.

Bodrocaster said that the dead radio station in the camp was his handiwork, and Chen Mo quickly understood what he meant.

He left Shuangxing behind and deliberately cut off contact with the camp. This was not only a test he left for his daughter Shuangxing, but also a test for Chen Mo.

Test what kind of person he is and see if he is trustworthy based on the results.

Chen Mo was surprised for a moment, but he quickly calmed down. There was no anger or doubt. He understood that as one of the de facto leaders of the Snowfield Infected Organization, there was nothing wrong with what Bodro Castor did. Perhaps he was also trying Teach his daughter this way.

Chen Mo thought of Shuangxing.

It was no secret in the camp that a Wendigo could not produce a Cats offspring, but Bodro Custer's love for Froststar did not diminish.

"You have her aura on you, it's too mixed. The species curse she endured and some unknown power in you are eroding your body all the time. Young man, your will is worthy of admiration, but you don't have much life left." .”

In the longhouse, Bozhuo Kasti stared at Chen Mo sitting opposite.

"It also includes the infection of the Origin Stone." Chen Mo said, "I'm surprised that you can feel this."

"But you chose to stay here, waiting for an ending that can be called unfortunate for both you and her."

"What is misfortune?" Chen Mo shook his head and replied: "I don't think so, old man. The infected people have very little life left, so this is misfortune, because they can't get what they want. This is also called misfortune, but misfortune should be borne by people themselves. To decide, if I think my actions have meaning, then it shouldn’t be called misfortune.”

"Even if Tallulah regrets it."

Chen Mo did not answer immediately, nor did Bozhuo Caster urge him. He looked at the young man opposite him calmly. His young body was suffering from unimaginable pain. These pains were eroding his life, making him feel uncomfortable all the time. He becomes weak.

"Will she regret it?" Chen Mo said softly: "She will, I know, of course she will, but she still won't stop, because he is different from me. She no longer lives for herself."

"You too."

"I'm just paying for the mistake I made." Chen Mo said: "It was a mistake I made many years ago and I can't look back now."

Bozhuokast fell silent, perhaps because Chen Mo's words reminded him of some unforgettable memories, memories that were too long ago, if only fragmented fragments were left.

Isn't he trying to pay for his own mistakes?

He chose to be with the infected and became what they call a shield to protect the infected. His followers believed that he was a real warrior fighting for Ursus, fighting injustice, slavery, blood and oppression for the future of Ursus. fighting.

But Bodracastle never thought so. Even though he was called a patriot, he never thought so in his heart.

The gaze staring at Chen Mo under the helmet gradually changed slightly.

Bodrokasti spoke slowly, his voice still low and hoarse.

"Young man, do you know why I left Kazdare?" he asked, and added: "The reason for my departure is probably ridiculous. I left Kazdare because I hate killing...but I will spend my whole life." They’re all killing people.”

"I can't avoid murder, and neither you nor I can avoid it. You are stained with the aura of countless Sakaz deaths, but do you know where my current title comes from?"

"They call me a patriot, thinking that I am fighting for the true Ursus, resisting injustice, slavery and oppression?" He sneered softly, his voice soft but extremely clear.

"I have fought too many battles. As the Wendigo of Ursus, we purified the savage skinners, the vicious herds that ripped bones and feasted on flesh."

"Outside Ursus, there is a monster with twisted growth, fishy long limbs, white eyes and thousands of fingers [#

"Victoria's steam armor, Casimir's celestial horse with silver spear, and the Pope's cavalry in Lateran City, we fought fiercely with them several times and defeated them all." He said, sighing: "But we can't defeat ourselves. The greed of the empire cannot be defeated, and the death of our compatriots cannot be defeated.”

"And my tribe has withered because of this. In the Sakaz, we Wendigos were considered closest to death, but on this land, there are fates worse than death, and these fates are all accompanied by what we do. What you did.”

"When people think we are upright, so we should accept it calmly? When fate treats us as weak, we should accept it, and when we become strong, we should bear it all?"

"Betrayer, resister, killer, defender...all the former titles are just like patriots, they are just fragments left behind on the battlefield."

The tall Wendigo finished speaking softly, as if he was recounting his life, or maybe he just saw a similar shadow in the young man in front of him.

"What drives me to do all this is, in the final analysis, nothing more than regret and hatred of fate in my heart." He said, "Just because I have tasted loss, once I have tasted it, I cannot remain indifferent."

"I never thought that I was born in Kazdare but was not infected. When I am old, I will taste the infection. The soldiers said that I know my mistakes and can change them. In fact, I know very well that I can't turn back. ." He looked at Chen Mo and asked: "Did you choose to stay because of what you have already lost, young man?"

The patriot stared into Chen Mo's eyes.

His voice rang in Chen Mo's ears.

I chose to stay because of what I had already lost, because I had lost this girl, and when I came back to my senses, she was far away from me.

I chose to stay out of my own guilt and debt, wasn’t it?

"No." Chen Mo shook his head and said, "On the contrary."

He said it with absolute certainty.

Even though he had found countless reasons for himself and made countless excuses.

What made him choose to stay here was never a certain result, nor was it the preparation he had made when he returned to Longmen. Regardless of whether Tallulah remembered him at that time, all he wanted was a result.

But things took a turn, and Tallulah also left Longmen, where Chen Mo didn't find any answers.

Maybe Sfeldt was right, he just didn't want to allow himself to accept that fact, not because he believed in anyone, it was like some kind of stubbornness, and at that time he had nothing else but that obsession.

But so far.

The answer is no longer important to Chen Mo, because Chen has already given him the answer, because many things have inevitably changed.

He stayed here just because he didn't want to lose anymore.

I don't want to lose Chen, and I don't want to be the weak, incompetent and helpless person I was like when I was a child.

The patriots are right, their real enemy has always been themselves, the one Chen Mo couldn't get rid of, the once naive, weak, and powerless self.

The one who later fought desperately against his fate, only to be beaten to death again and again, and now his time is running out.

But Chen Mo always has to do something.

Because he did not choose the easiest path, because he pushed himself into these hardships, and what he had to face was the consequences caused by himself.

He wants to move forward, even if he is scarred, even if there is not much time left, he wants to do what he wanted to do most in the last time he has left.

The once innocent Chen Heiquan, the Xiao Mo they talked about, and the Christmas that Longmen could never go back to.

He wanted to get out of the fire and see if the sky outside Longmen was still full of gray mist as before.

He wanted to make up for the regrets and debts Chen felt about the past.

Just as he once deeply loved the city called Longmen and the beautiful memories of his childhood.

------

No one knows what Patriot and Chen Mo talked about that day. Everything was as usual. Patriot just saw the shadow of his past in this young man.

But he never trusted anyone, he only trusted himself.

He is a warrior, a pure warrior. People say he is noble and great. No matter how people talk about him, praise him, or trust him, he can always recognize himself.

Recognize what you have done.

Because he never considered himself noble, and he never felt proud of anything he did.

He is a warrior who carries all the dead, their pain and hatred, their silence, and their expectations and moves forward. His footsteps can no longer stop, even if his life still belongs to him.

But all the heavy pressures he has experienced in his life can only be borne by himself, and he does not need others to bear them for him.

"You came out, what took you so long?"

Chen Mo saw Shuangxing standing outside the longhouse. She seemed to have been standing there for a while. When she heard the sound of Chen Mo going out, she turned around and put down her arms.

"Have you been waiting here?" Chen Mo asked.

Shuangxing, who said that patriots would not embarrass Chen Mo, still stood guard at the door.

"It's rare for him to suddenly want to see someone alone. You and he are not familiar with each other yet."

"So you stay here."