I am the emotional sustenance of your deceased

The locals passed her by, the world continued to turn and no one cared about the little girl's strange reaction.

"Chitose is dead? We were hanging out together just a few months ago."

"Do you know Chitose Haizuka? Do you know her? How is she now?" Kaname Rana grabbed a passerby and said hurriedly.

"Haitsuka has been dead for several months. She's been depressed since returning from Tokyo. Are you her friend? Please accept my condolences."

The passerby spoke hurriedly and left in a hurry, just like Chitose Haizuka passed by Kaname Rakuna's life.

"Really dead?"

Is this true or false?

The heterochromatic eyes have become dull, and lifeless is the most suitable word to describe Lenai's pupils at this moment.

There are only two words left in her mind:

【go home.】

But, now that we’re here…how can we not go and see it for ourselves?

Maybe it's fake, maybe they are all deceiving themselves.

How does the saying go? Don't believe anything you hear, and only believe half of what you see.

"Hmm! It must be fake."

……

It seems...it may not be fake.

Lenai was in a daze at the door of the Haizuka residence, looking at the mailbox that was stuffed to the brim. She suddenly felt... as if something really happened to Chitose.

With trembling hands, he opened the letter gate, and dozens of letters inside rushed out.

They are free, and they fall to the ground like falling cherry blossom petals in spring.

“These…these…”

After picking them up and sorting them out, Le Na was no longer so anxious to go into Chitose's house to take a look.

The letter that Chitose had sent earlier also included information about where the spare key to Lenna's Haizuka house was hidden.

At that time, Lenai didn't know why he told her this, but now it seems...it turns out that he had a premonition.

She tried to put the letter into her pocket tremblingly but found that it couldn't fit in. Yaronai didn't dare to recall how happy and full of anticipation she was when she wrote the letter.

Now it seems that it is really——

Click.

Lena pushed the door open and walked in, her movements stiff.

The dust blowing in her face made her unable to open her eyes. The classic Japanese house looked familiar. Exploring inside along the seemingly endless corridor, Le Nai saw a towering stone tablet in the spacious and vibrant courtyard.

She has realized that no one is deceiving her, but she still hopes that she can deceive herself.

"Why... would you commit suicide? You clearly said you would come find me."

Committing suicide... Just like Chitose Noshiro.

With a splitting headache that was about to make her faint, Lenai could no longer take a step forward to step into the courtyard.

She leaned against the wooden beam and retched, uncontrollable sadness spreading through her spine.

"Really dead?"

【He's really dead.】

【I'm really dead...】

【ah. 】

"..."

Her short white hair was messy and blocked her view. She looked so shabby and embarrassed. She tried to dress herself up as decent as possible, but she found that her thumb was numb and she couldn't make a fist at all.

Many of the white chrysanthemums in his hand fell as he ran here, and in the end only one was left intact.

Kaname took a deep breath, rubbed her eyes, and slowly walked into the overgrown courtyard.

[This yard isn't as nice as the one we have in Tokyo.]

"..."

She shed tears with every step forward, and by the time Xia Feng brought Lenai to Qiansui's tomb, Lenai could no longer see clearly.

The chrysanthemums fall down, as if offering a memorial.

"Before we broke up, you said you loved me the most, why now..."

The snow-white tombstone was not as dazzling as Qiansui's short silver hair, and Lenai's body could no longer support it.

She collapsed to the ground, no longer as playful as before.

The portrait on the tombstone is heartbreaking, and it is even more sad to recall the pure smile of the girl when I first saw her in front of Qiansui's grave.

"Take medicine to commit suicide? Where can I get the medicine..."

Looking down, he found an iron box in the corner of the weeds. Lenai suddenly discovered that there was a sentence engraved on the bottom of it: [Without music, there is no life].

"..."

Kaname opened it in a panic, only to find that the antidepressant drugs left by Chitose Noshiro inside had disappeared.

What happens if you take too much depression medication?

Lenai didn't want to continue thinking about it, so she threw the iron box far away as if she was throwing away all her worries.

"Xiao Sui...you..."

It's no use saying that now, Chitose Haizuka, it's true...

"died."

It was not until this moment that Kaname Rakuna accepted the fact that Chitose Haizuka was dead.

"Is it because of depression again? Or because of shattered dreams? What on earth are dreams? Why can they be so fatal?"

What exactly killed Chitose Haizuka?

"I... wu——"

I couldn't wipe away my tears by covering my mouth, and they just burst out like a dam.

She thought back to the nightmare in which she rushed into the rainstorm with her guitar in her arms.

The cherry blossom carving on the guitar neck began to bleed. In the rain curtain of the dream, Kaname played the last note tremblingly, and suddenly all the strings broke.

The dream ended, but I never thought that it would become a nightmare come true.

In the spring, Chitose Noshiro passed away. From then on, Kaname Rakuna lived only in spring.

Later, with the appearance of Huizhong Qiansui, summer returned to the four seasons of life.

In the summer, Chitose Haizuka also passed away, and Kaname Rakuna was completely strangled by the sound of cicadas.

She collapsed to the ground, curled up into a ball, and touched Qiansui's tombstone with her fingers.

This cool touch is the temperature difference between living things and dead things.

The sound of fourteen strings breaking echoed in my ears, just like the fourteen-year-old summer strangled by fate.

That's the way it is.

Ch391. Eight years after Chitose Haizuka's death

Love is not a comfort at all, love is a nail in the skull.

After Chitose Noshiro passed away, there was a fixed program every spring, which was to go to the cemetery in the suburbs to pay tribute to her.

Every time she had to sweep away the dry and rotten cherry blossom petals in front of the grave, that was one of the only two times a year when Lena would enjoy a cup of matcha parfait.

As for the other time?

That means eating in front of Chitose Hizuka's grave.

When spring withers away amid the fluttering petals, and when the second season of the year arrives, Yao Lenai will think of an old friend.

An old friend who never came back.

"Xiao Sui, I'm here to see you."

Stretching out her slender figure, the twenty-two-year-old Kaname Lenai has grown into a very mature person.

It's just that she doesn't laugh as much as she did when she was a child.

When the cicadas' chirping ends and summer is buried in the earth, Lenai will know that the day to pay tribute to the ash mound's thousand-year-old has come.

“I still haven’t finished writing The Escape Plan.”

The women's windbreaker she wore was slim-fitting, and Lenai had been wearing the same short hair style as Chitose over the years.

No matter which Chitose she is, she likes this short hair style. Whenever Lenai sees herself in the mirror, she will hallucinate the deceased Chitose.

She had long lost track of why she had short, medium-length hair.

"Maybe it's because of you."

Every summer is the time to go to Chitose Haizuka's hometown, and Lenai will cancel all band activities a day in advance.

If the agent is not satisfied with something, then go and talk to Chitose Haizuka.

Being accused of irresponsibility was irrelevant; Kaname didn't care at all.

It was still the same path, and Lenai walked in the cold sunlight while the summer cicadas rubbed their claws.

She held a bunch of white chrysanthemums in her hand. Although it was not autumn yet, she felt very chilly, so she put on a windbreaker to keep warm.

Streets, corners, overgrown with weeds.

Over the years, Lenai has claimed that everything is going well, but in fact, she now feels that life has no fun at all.

The average person tells 200,000 lies every day.

She could no longer remember which thousand-year-old had said this to her.

Not important anymore.

"I don't like you anymore. I don't like you at all."

As he did every year, he took out all the letters from the mailbox at the entrance of the Huizuka residence. They were all sent by Lenai intermittently over the past year.

During these eight years, every visit he made would bring back countless letters written to the late Chitose Haizuka.

"I really... don't like you anymore."

Now Lenai is using childish lies to cover up the unspeakable truth.

After spending the entire morning cleaning the mansion she hadn't visited for a year, Kaname Rakuna rested beside Chitose's tombstone and arranged the matcha parfait she had bought from afar.

It melted a little, but that's okay.

"I'm lying, I love you the most..."

You said you like me too.

Then, you ruthlessly left the relationship and abandoned me, leaving me stranded there alone.

Mixed thoughts invaded her heart. Lenai graduated from university this year and signed a contract with a record company.

She has a new band and her number of fans is growing day by day, but the fatigue from the non-stop work is overwhelming her.

"Have I... fulfilled your dreams? But, you're all gone now. If I did, who would have seen it?"

The fact that she is single has become the reality that Kaname Lenai is most reluctant to face.

The iron box next to the grave has rusted. It was the item that Chitose Noshiro gave to Rakuna Kaname, and then Rakuna Kaname gave to Chitose Haizuka.

She took a deep breath and turned her head away, no longer looking around.

"What if you suddenly pop up again and... steal my matcha parfait like a stray cat?"

As adults, there is less time for fantasy, and Lenai only starts to daydream during the annual 1000th birthday celebrations.

I studied near home for four years in college, and I witnessed many of my peers fail, one after another, and were harmed by their musical dreams.