There is something wrong with my infinite flow teammates!

Hayato Hayama took another puff of his cigarette, stamped out the butt, stretched out his hand to relax his body and continued, "Because I know that Yukinoshita doesn't like me, and she will never like me in the future. We are just not compatible in terms of personality, so I did it. I thought she wouldn't know. Even if she knew, it wouldn't matter, because she wouldn't like me, and I wouldn't like her. I thought she would think I was doing this for her own good, and even if the worst happened, she wouldn't blame me, so I did it."

“But you screwed up.”

"Yeah, screwed, not only did she know, she also guessed everything I was thinking, can you imagine that we were only in sixth grade at that time?"

Hayato Hayama sneered, "I screwed up. Not only did the Yukinoshita sisters start to dislike me, my father also started to be disappointed in me. My mother cried and asked me why I could do such a thing, but I just respected the thoughts in my heart. What a despicable guy I am."

Yes, he was not wrong, or he did not know that he was wrong, because nothing was wrong in his growth trajectory. He grew up in cheers and praises and had never heard any criticism. All he had were his father's serious teachings and his mother's gentle smile.

His father only taught him what he should do, what he should do next, what goals he should achieve, and whether it was right to do so. But his father never told him what he should not do or what he could not do, because an excellent son does not need to be taught these most basic common sense of being a human being. You must understand them from birth. This is my best son, the son who can carry forward our family, my pride.

Therefore, Hayato Hayama is not qualified as a human being.

"I messed up, so I started to make amends. I started to repair our friendship, which was not that good. I started to apologize to Sister Yang No and to classmate Yukinoshita, but it had already happened... Mrs. Yukinoshita never expressed any opinions on such things. When my father came to apologize, she just smiled and forgave me very generously, saying that adults didn't need to get involved in children's affairs. But I knew that they and I would never have any intersection in the future... Later, Yukinoshita transferred to a middle school overseas."

"In fact, after that incident, I had a clear self-awareness and knew what kind of person I was..."

"No, you don't."

Beiyuan Kong stretched out his fingers and grabbed at the air, blocking his sight. From his angle, it seemed as if the moon had been caught in his hand. "You have never known what kind of person you are. This is all thanks to your father. I have heard of countless stories of fathers who betrayed their children, but very few of them betrayed their children. Unfortunately, you are one of them."

"Your father taught you a lot of things, such as etiquette, communication, ambition, etc., but the only thing he didn't teach you is how to be a human being. I'm not scolding you here. Let me tell you this: I have thought about all the dark, evil, and even heinous things in this world, but I just haven't put them into practice."

"A person will always have dark thoughts. Selfishness and fear are ingrained in our ancestors. Without selfishness, humans would have become extinct in ancient times. Animals would kill each other for food. When lion kings are replaced, the successors would cruelly kill all the cubs except for their own bloodline. So all the dark and even perverted thoughts you have are normal. Fear is also normal. You fear what others think of you, just like a beast fears its natural enemy. The former will kill it, and the latter will make you think you will die socially. You are not born a hypocritical and despicable person. You just don't know how to distinguish. So you don't know what kind of person you are, but you mistakenly think what kind of person you are, so you will always be like this, always... very tired."

"Having those thoughts is one thing, knowing whether you can do them is another. Before your values ​​are fully mature and you've done something you'll regret, you've already defined yourself as the kind of person you want to be... well... to be honest, you're really abominable."

Hayato Hayama looked at Kitahara Sora in confusion, and after a moment hesitantly asked, "Are you trying to excuse me, Kitahara-san?"

"Do you think I'm making excuses for you?" A cold wind blew in from the window, extinguishing the candle and making the room dark, but Kitahara Sora didn't intend to relight it.

"Hayama Hayato, I want to ask you a question."

As the latter waited quietly, Kitahara Sora continued, "Are your feelings for Tobe Sho real? Or if Miura Yumiko hadn't died, would you have treated her sincerely?"

Hayato Hayama did not answer immediately, but when Sora Kitahara asked this question, his condition began to become a little abnormal. His calm face began to look painful. He began to wheeze slightly, and then breathed violently as if he had asthma. He bent over, covered his chest and began to cough. His serious injury had not healed, and his saliva mixed with blood foam sprayed onto the ground. He made uncomfortable sounds.

"Miura Yumiko died for you. She liked you, but you never seemed to like her. Even if you risked your own life for her, you never seemed to like her. How did you view her? But even if you didn't like her, why did you feel so painful when you saw her die? Little girl, you are so pitiful..."

He began to show a look of fear, no longer fear of what others thought of him, but fear of his own doubts.

I have never liked Yumiko Miura from the beginning to the end, and it was because of me that Sho Tobe became friends with other people in the circle, and it was because of me that Yumiko talked to Sho Tobe. Without Hayato Hayama, their small circle is no longer active. I still play the role of a good son and a role model for other people's children. After experiencing what happened with Yukinoshita, this kind of thing has become even more serious.

Because I don't want to see my father's extremely disappointed eyes again, I have become accustomed to being the center of attention, I have become accustomed to being the focus. When hypocrisy is ingrained into one's bones, then that person is hopeless. I am a good person, and it is because of me that everyone gathers together and gets along happily.

Sho Tobe didn't know that he was pretending, and he didn't know that he didn't take him too seriously. Yumiko Miura knew that he didn't like her, but she didn't know that she had been using her to avoid being surrounded by other girls, because high school was different from elementary school, and having too many girls around would give him the derogatory label of a playboy.

But... why was I so sad after they died? Why was I in pain? Why did I blame myself when I thought about Yukinoshita sometimes? I obviously didn't care about them that much.

When a bad guy pretends to be a good person all his life, he is a great good person, because he will still pretend until he goes to the grave, so no one knows what kind of person he is except himself, but is he always hypocritical when doing good deeds? Has he ever truly enjoyed the gratitude of the beneficiaries, has he ever felt real satisfaction in his heart, and a sense of pride when he sees others get help?

But his original intention was to pretend to be a good man, and he actually had other purposes in doing good deeds.

It seems that is the case.

Ah, so that's how it is, Kitahara-san. I think I understand.

"You have always been obsessed with the idea that 'I am actually a despicable guy, and no one knows it except me', but you have been living a life that runs counter to your mentality. You have gathered thousands of brilliances in one person, but you have been deceiving yourself. You can't even understand your true feelings. Even your actions of jumping out of the car and daring to face the tank for Miura Yumiko have been labeled as pretentious in your heart. You think your own personality has surpassed the value of life, but in fact you don't understand yourself at all."

"But you clearly understand how selfish you are. You know we won't give up on you, and you can guess that we will help you. Even if we don't help you, Miura Yumiko will cry and make a fuss, so you are very selfish. For the sake of your own image and to save Miura Yumiko's life, you selfishly jumped out of the car. On the surface, you faced the tank by yourself, but in fact, you dragged all of us into the water, just to save Miura Yumiko, who is most important to you."

"In fact, you have already fallen in love with Miura Yumiko, the moment she jumped out of the car for you, maybe you don't even know it because you are good at deceiving yourself..."

Beiyuan Kong sighed softly, his tone somewhat helpless: "You look a lot like a friend of mine."

"A, uh, friend...?"

Hayato Hayama covered his mouth with one hand, still not recovering from the violent coughing. Kitahara Sora finally turned his gaze from the moonlight, looked down at the uncomfortable Hayato Hayama, and gently patted his back: "His name is Oba Yezo, and he is a person who radiates the same brilliance as you."

“Is… ahem, is that so?”

Hayato Hayama raised his head, looked at Kitahara Sora's face and smiled. His originally beautiful white teeth were stained red with blood. He looked particularly cautious: "Kitahara-san, do you want to introduce him to me?"

"Unfortunately, he committed suicide." Beiyuan Kong took out another cigarette, lit it and continued, "He was just like you. He lived his whole life for others. He made others laugh and amused them. He became excellent for the sake of his family. He did everything well for the opinions of his superiors and colleagues. He had all the advantages, but he was a person who was extremely depressed inside. What made him different from you was that he saw through himself and the world. Compared to him, you are much happier."

"He has the same troubles as you. He doesn't know why he lives in this world. He has been living for others all his life. He is anxious and panicky. People always package their dark thoughts and desires in a decent and elegant way and then express them perfectly. He can often see through them at a glance, but he himself lives for these people he hates and forces himself to like them and fit in with them, so he becomes a little world-weary."

Just like Hayato Hayama, he became excellent for his father's ambition, but in fact he was afraid of his father, and he supported that seemingly solid but fragile circle for the so-called friends, but in fact he didn't care about anyone among them. For the eyes of everyone around him, he began to pretend to be what they thought he "should" be, but in fact, it didn't affect them at all.

The vegetable seller's son will not become excellent because of his excellence, nor will he start to work hard because he is a scum despised by everyone. The vegetable seller's son will always be the vegetable seller's son. No matter what Hayato Hayama becomes, he will always find other examples to complain about his son.

Just like after coming to this world, Hayato Hayama put all his heart on Tobe Sho and Miura Yumiko. When the two of them died, Hayato Hayama became confused instantly, so he came here and wanted to talk.

Kitahara Sora stood up and put on his coat, hung the Desert Eagle that had evaded the search on his waist, put on his backpack, and said as he put on his shoes and socks: "He couldn't find the definition of life, and he knew that he had lost the qualifications to be a human being, so he felt very sorry, sorry for his friends, sorry for his lover, sorry for his relatives, and sorry for himself."

Hayato Hayama quietly thought about Kitahara Sora's words and imagined Oba Yozo's life, until Kitahara Sora opened the door, then he hurriedly called him.

"Wait, Kitahara-san."

Kitahara Sora opened the door and turned around, only to see Hayato Hayama, who was panting, continuing, "Thank you..."

"No need, I'm just waiting for time. If I don't have time, I won't listen to your nagging."

"No, I was saying thank you for saving me. Thank you for saving me from that monster."

"I was just trying to repay you. If it weren't for you, I might have been killed by Da He Taiyang. So we're even. And next time, I'll watch you die."

However, after saying this, Kitahara Sora was stunned because he saw Hayama Hayato was stunned. So Kitahara Sora listened quietly to Hayama Hayato's explanation, then nodded and left without saying anything.

It was not until the door was closed for a long time that Hayayama Hayato smiled self-deprecatingly: "I owe you a life, Kitahara-san."

He sat alone on the edge of the bed, continuing to stare at the moon in a daze. A dark cloud floated in the sky, blocking the moonlight and making his heart gloomy.

Am I happy? Compared to Mr. Ohba Yezo? The only thing we have in common is that we both can't find the meaning of life and we don't seem to be happy.

No, it seems that the time I spent with Sister Yukinoshita was the happiest time of my life, because I could often be with Sister Haruno... but I also tore it apart with my own hands.

But I still can't figure out why I live in this world? I live so hard, and I live so hard after creating an irreversible situation in front of the person I love. Is it for my father? For my friends?

Or for myself - Sister Yang Nai will never like me again, what else do I want? I don't know -

What else do I have left in this world except a false mask? Is the gaze of others my life? But I seem to have deceived them and myself.

So far, he has not made any contribution to the world, but has only contributed his own strength to the ruined childhood of an innocent girl.

Why should Mr. Ohba Ezo apologize? I am the one who should apologize the most!

I should apologize to Yukinoshita-san. I was such a despicable person that I caused you to be bullied.

I should apologize to Sister Yang Nai. I hurt your favorite sister.

I should apologize to my father and mother. I’m actually not that good.

I should apologize to my teacher friends. Some of the things you see are just fake.

Yumiko... do I like her...?

In fact, the person I should apologize to the most is... myself. I seem to have already lost my qualifications as a human being a long time ago.

That's right!

I'm so sorry to be born into this world as a human being...

Chapter 1: Light ()

I didn't know how the sudden explosion happened. The only thought in my mind was, ah, I escaped again.

The temperature around was not cold, perhaps because they were in the basement, which made Yukinoshita Yukino feel grateful for surviving a disaster.

When Kitahara Sora suggested that he wanted to talk to Ohga Taiyo alone about something, after helping Kitahara Sora clean up the nun's room, he decided to go to the innermost priest's bedroom to see Hayama Hayato. After all, he had known the other party for a long time, and both of their parents were not just ordinary employees and bosses. In fact, he was very happy that he survived.

So when Zoe saw me coming, she told me something and then went to do something else. As for what she told me, I have already forgotten.

How did I find a secret door to the basement under the bed in this bedroom? Why did I suddenly want to look under the bed? It didn't matter. What mattered was that my caution or recklessness saved me in the end. After passing through a not-too-deep stone staircase, there was a storage room inside, or it would be more appropriate to describe it as a strange torture room.

Under the illumination of the flashlight, the basement, which was only a few dozen square meters in size, was filled with all kinds of disgusting torture instruments. Yukinoshita Yukino usually liked to read all kinds of ancient Chinese books. Although she read mostly novels, she would occasionally step on landmines and see a lot of strange plots, just like these torture props. Although she had never seen them before, just a glance at them would give her goose bumps instantly, her cheeks flushed and hot, and her heart beating violently.

But this is not the most important thing, just like the strange wooden horse in the corner and the naked female mummy could not arouse Yukinoshita's curiosity, but the things in the other direction are worthy of her attention. In another corner, there is a facility similar to a bar counter, and the wine cabinet is filled with various brands of expensive wines, as well as many non-perishable foods and bottled water.

Yukinoshita was not interested in what kind of pervert the priest was, nor did she want to analyze in depth the purpose of this place. This place might be full of the worst side of human nature, but the food was good news for everyone. So when she turned around and was about to tell her companions about this discovery, a sudden violent explosion trapped her in this extremely evil space.

The steps leading back were blocked by rubble, and the ground shook like an earthquake, causing him to accidentally fall to the ground. A huge piece of rubble hit his leg. From above his head he could hear Bill's shouting and Frances's cursing, and gunshots rang out. Everyone upstairs was facing an emergency again.

Yukinoshita panicked. She wanted to get up, but the huge rock pressed her down and she couldn't move. The slightest movement would cause severe pain in her leg. So she started to shout, but no one responded. So she started to call for help, but no one heard her...

Listening to the continuous gunfire and explosions, Yukinoshita knew that no one could save her because they didn't know where she was and maybe they didn't have time to save her. So she tried her best to move the stone slab pressing on her legs, but the pain kept sending warning signals to her brain, making it impossible for her to concentrate on accumulating strength. Every time she lifted a little, she would lose strength and the stone slab would fall down again, causing secondary damage.

So she started shouting and calling for help again, but still no one responded, so Yukinoshita became even more panicked. She struggled desperately while enduring the severe pain. Slowly, she became desperate because the dull gunshots above her head became smaller. It didn't mean that everyone had resolved the crisis and stopped shooting. It was a sign that the gunshots were fading away and the family had started to flee.

They left, they gave up on me, they maybe forgot about me.

Will they come back? Yukinoshita asked herself, they should come back, right? But I am still here.

She didn't know, and because she was afraid, she didn't dare to guess.

Quiet, deathly quiet.

The first is the silence that violates the living environment of human beings. The second is darkness, the pitch-black darkness that makes people feel extremely scared. Why do humans fear darkness? It is an instinct given by our ancestors in ancient times when humans were still struggling in the food chain. Because night is the time for natural enemies to hunt, because when night comes, some familiar faces may disappear forever when the sun rises the next day. Therefore, humans are afraid of darkness because there are many unknown fears hidden in the darkness.

The basement had collapsed, and luckily I was not hit a second time, but is this luck?

Yukinoshita sat on the ground leaning against the wall. The stone that was pressing on her leg had been removed. After experiencing a period of pain that made her faint, she finally straightened the position of her right calf because it was broken.

Can’t see, can’t hear, hurt, everyone is gone…

Why do I suddenly feel lonely? Why is this happening? Am I used to being lonely? A feeling of sadness spreads in my heart. What should I do? What will happen to me? Can someone come and save me? Anyone can come and save me?

No one came. This is not a normal world. It is not like the original world where there would be a rescue team after an earthquake. There is no rescue team. It does not exist, so I can only wait to die.

But Yukinoshita felt a glimmer of hope in her heart. But it's different. Kitahara-san will come to save me. He will come! He will definitely come.

I just need to wait, because he won't abandon his companions, let alone me! Because I saved him once... But why did I tell him that it was Ye Shan who did those things? I don't seem to have done anything of great value for him, why am I so dishonest? Did I not trust him at that time? Yes, I didn't like him at all at that time, but why did I save him? It's really strange.

He doesn't know, but he will definitely come to save me, because we are trustworthy companions. Will he... come?

Yukinoshita Yukino began to worry about gains and losses, and slowly her heart became confused, no longer as calm and composed as usual. She waited anxiously, constantly comforting herself in her heart, because she knew that in such an environment the only way was to brainwash and hypnotize herself, and thinking positively was the best approach, because many times the body's changes can be influenced by emotions.

She began to numb herself, telling absurd reasons that she didn't even believe, and imagined self-deceiving hopes in her mind, fantasizing that in the next moment someone would dig up the collapsed rubble, and a questioning voice would come from above her head, "Are you still alive?"

But this approach doesn't work because holding on to hope every moment makes people more desperate.

Time passed by minute by minute. It was too long. Why didn't anyone come? According to Kitahara's personality, if he really wanted to save me, he wouldn't wait. Would he really not come? No, he's not that kind of person, but what if he also met with an accident? Yukinoshita Yukino panicked again. She didn't dare to think about it anymore, but there are always accidents in this world. Human life is really fragile.

How much time has passed? One hour, two hours, or three hours? There is no sky, no time, and the phone has run out of battery.

Yukinoshita stretched out her hand and spread it in front of her eyes, but she was blind and could not see anything. She could only feel that she had placed her palm in front of her eyes. So this is the world of the blind?

Is that so? Maybe I'm blind?

It cannot be confirmed. People will have unpredictable physical reactions when they are in extreme fear and in a closed space. Don't think about it. Don't think, I'm not blind, I'm normal. Don't let your brain think that you have defects. The brain is mysterious. There was a famous experiment. They took a death row prisoner to an absolutely quiet space, tied his eyes and gently cut his wrist, and then told him that he would die of excessive blood loss soon. He really died one night later, but they didn't really cut his wrist, and the dripping sound he heard was just the dripping sound caused by the tester not tightening the faucet.

In order to test the brain, some people told the prisoners that they would use a red-hot iron to burn a mark on their chest. When the iron was pressed on the chest of the blindfolded experimenter, he passed out from the pain. Soon after, a burn mark did appear on his chest, but the iron was not red-hot, it was just an ordinary piece of iron.

So, don't deceive your brain, don't confuse yourself, never, just wait quietly, you will definitely be rescued, but, it's so dark, so quiet...

"Hey!"

She shouted, and then felt a sense of relief in her heart. I was not deaf, it was just too quiet.

Yukinoshita Yukino waited, anxiously and calmly comforting, it felt like a long time had passed, my calf no longer hurt, maybe my leg was not injured, maybe the injury was not that serious? Maybe my senses deceived me, in the critical moment, no one can be trusted, Yukinoshita Yukino, have you forgotten after all these years?

Every time you get hurt, no one will come to comfort you. You can only rely on yourself. Why would you expect anything? So get moving. Relying on yourself is the right thing to do.

Yukinoshita Yukino kept talking to herself in her heart to comfort herself, so she moved, and the pain in the injured area came again. She gently stroked her calf, and she could feel a large swelling from the touch. Her leg was indeed broken.

I can’t see anything in the dark and it’s inconvenient for me to move. How can I save myself?

It's so quiet. This kind of quiet is so annoying...

So Yukinoshita Yukino started making some noise. She picked up a small stone nearby and knocked it rhythmically, and then... she felt so bored.

Just wait patiently.

But suddenly I felt a little sleepy...

Oh, why not just take a nap? Maybe you will be in a safe place when you wake up? Maybe you will see Kitahara-san’s concerned eyes when you open your eyes again?

What am I thinking about? Why do I keep thinking about him? Didn't I dislike him at first? When did I stop hating him? It's only been a few days, can I forgive someone so easily?

She closed her eyes and thought, forget it, let’s go to sleep.

everything will get better.

Chapter 2: Light ()