Collapse, a simulator of lifelong regret!

[From that day on, the writing became more plain and simple - this does not mean that there will be no waves to write about from now on, but it is just that the waves that once raged are now too many.]

[Hiding in dark corners, hiding in the gutter, all you can see is the narrow waves and a ray of light that is accidentally cast. ]

[Like a frog sitting in a well and looking at the sky, he doesn’t know how vast the world is, so he thinks that what he sees is the whole world.]

[Whether it is the girl's wisdom, talent, or the experiences she has taken, there are not many people in the world who can compare with her. 】

[I have a lot of experience. I have seen the mountains and the sea, and I have seen how flowers bloom, how water flows, and how clouds float across the sky.]

[The most magnificent scenery, the most desolate ruins, I dare not imagine them even in my dreams, because the materials are incomplete, and even if I try my best, I can't piece together the scenery. It was once just a path that the girl casually stepped on. ]

[The only thing missing is the exploration of the heart, and not knowing what kind of feelings the emotions in the heart will bring. For a lonely person, setting foot in the world alone will only make him feel more empty and lonely. ]

[My already poor heart is looking for a wider place, and I even lose the sense of security in the small room. I can’t hear any echo when I say a word. There is no surprise of not knowing the true face of Mount Lu, only loneliness.]

[Although the beginning of the diary has been torn off, the girl also mentioned later that she had been a magician, performing the most thrilling tricks everywhere, using her own talent to create miracles, using excitement again and again, chasing applause, chasing people's cheers after the performance.]

[Essentially, it is also the pursuit of recognition. Even if one is lonely inside, one may be able to find oneself in the thunderous applause. ]

[——Although this was later proven to be meaningless.]

[Like an anesthetic, it temporarily numbs the mind. ]

[Before the disaster came, technology had already developed to a peak period. Anyone could know endless knowledge through the fast-paced Internet, which was something that the ancients in the past could never dream of achieving in their entire lives.]

[However, unlike what many ancient people imagined, the spread of this knowledge did not make much progress, nor did it create a perfect world of great harmony.]

[Instead, it has given rise to a lot of people who use short videos to kill time, using one thing after another that can only make the skin smile to relieve boredom. ]

[There are many reasons for this behavior, one of which is that lonely people have to look through the cracks in the door to see other people's lives in order to survive. ]

[The wear and tear of the heart and the poverty of the soul are the most incurable. Only when you have the ability and opportunity to fill yourself with other things can you do it.]

[There is nothing wrong with this in itself, because the word "wasting time" was created by humans. If you can find happiness in something that seems to be a waste of time, then it cannot be called a waste of time.]

[Individual life is insignificant compared to the world. If you can't make good use of your time, life will seem like purgatory. ]

The only problem is...

[——Is this really any use? ]

[Can this happiness really be called true happiness, rather than just killing time to escape from an empty self? ]

[Just like being in a lively crowd, you think you are not alone, as if you have friends with whom you can have a good chat. But in fact, when the crowd disperses and everyone leaves hand in hand with their friends, you are still alone in the same place.]

[This sentence may seem a bit abstract to you. You have not experienced it in person, so it is impossible for you to fully empathize with it.]

[You can read the sadness of the girl from the text, the sadness of being looked at differently by others even though she is a member of a vulnerable group.]

[A society that is extremely utilitarian seems to only accept normality, only accept the ordinary in a universal sense, and cannot accept any individual characteristics.]

[As long as someone behaves differently from what others consider normal, that person will be despised and torn to pieces by the wave of public opinion.]

[Without having to pay any price, the evil of human nature and the instinctive xenophobia are more terrifying than any disaster in the world. ]

[Human intelligence decreases as the number of people increases. The more people there are, the dumber they become, and the more they will mindlessly follow the crowd and attack those who are different.]

[You once thought that as long as you haven't experienced it yourself, then most of the empathy in the world is just a false lie. ]

[It was not until this day, when you read the diary as a bystander who had lost his memory, that you realized your arrogance.]

[Even if there is no personal contact, even if there is no experience, even if there is not even a picture, there are only some words arranged in the diary. ]

[This emotion seems to transcend the barrier of time, resonating with the soul, forming a picture with words, slowly unfolding before your eyes. ]

[The girl's inferiority complex and self-loathing, she has already obtained a life that she dared not even imagine, but she still worries about gains and losses all day long, even she can't stand it, and she doesn't even think she deserves this life. ]

[Every day I am rocked by the huge waves that I have prepared for myself, but I am on a warm boat and don’t feel a single ripple.]

[The inferiority and uncertainty deep in my heart were resolved one by one by Jiang Cheng and my former self recorded in the diary, and the truth was proved by love and assurance. 】

[No matter what happens, no matter what happens inside, it will eventually be easily resolved by the self in the diary.]

[Perhaps because the writing is so good, this diary is like a wonderful novel, and your appearance is the biggest climax. ]

[Just showing up and saying a few sweet words can solve all problems, although the way to solve the problem is to solve the girl's psychology. ]

[As long as she doesn't have low self-esteem problems, at least not for a short period of time, the talent she has shown is enough to do everything. ]

……

Hey hey hey——

I actually... I actually behaved inappropriately in front of Jiang Cheng!

This is something that should never be shown to anyone. It should be buried deep in the heart forever and not revealed to the outside world.

How could Jiang Cheng discover something that could only be kept in the shadows and would be despised or even cursed at if seen?

It has obviously been a great success and all problems have been solved, so why did an error and problem occur at the last step?

Everyone is ready to start a new life with Jiang Cheng. Even Alicia has been defeated and crossed the abyss that was impossible to cross.

After persisting for so long, why can't I help but relieve the stress?

How come this matter was missed?

Is it really because I have lived alone for too long that I can't find any friends to accompany me? Even if I get one, I still can't treat it well and adapt to it?

If a mouse stays in the shadow for too long, its body will be contaminated with the stench of the sewer, and it will become unable to see. It will even be afraid of seeing the light and will be unable to accept the stimulation.

Not to mention things like rats and spiders that are naturally confined to shadows and are considered pests and garbage.

what……

what……

It's over.

Jiang Cheng he...

You must think I'm a very dirty person.

It definitely will.

Having done such a thing and behaved like this, even if Jiang Cheng doesn't say it verbally, he must hate me in his heart.

A gentle person like him would never directly deny or hurt others. Even if someone like me does this, I will not be directly denied, but will just keep it in my heart.

No.

Absolutely not.

It is absolutely unacceptable to keep such a terrible thing in mind!

If I continue like this, I will definitely lose him. If there is really no other way - since I have already shown my perverted side in front of him, it seems that the only way is to dive to the bottom.

Now that I have made my choice, whether subjectively or unintentionally, all I can do is implement this decision.

Please let that perfect boy be tainted with some darkness.

Be rougher and more rude.

It happened that when I was traveling in the Far East, I heard about an absolute secret technique. According to legend, once it is used, it will leave a memory that no one can easily forget and can wash away all other impressions.

Looks like it's time to use that.

I heard that the highest level of that special skill is prostrating oneself with all seven limbs on the ground.

In addition to the hands, feet and forehead, there are two other places that need to be pressed against the floor. I don’t know if I can reach the top level.

Dignity, status, etc.... are nothing compared to Jiangcheng.

If I can keep it, it doesn't matter what I pay.

If only I could experience a little more of the warmth of this moment.

"——I accept your apology. Next time if you feel like you can't relieve stress, I can go traveling with you. You don't have to worry that I will hate traveling. I don't really care whether I'm in the sky or in a room."

"——The only thing I care about is who the person walking with me is, and whether she will turn her eyes to me?"

"——Don't do this again, or I will get off my seat."

Jiang Cheng seemed to hate my humble behavior and even ignored my abnormal behavior. Even if we consider the highest effect of the secret book, the cleansing of memory was a bit too much.

……

Chapter of Stars and Moon: Chapter 118 is wrong.

I just woke up now and was still adjusting my schedule. I didn't expect to click on the wrong one. That chapter was originally released for free, but it was rejected so I changed the name. I didn't expect it to become like that. I will ask the editor tomorrow if it can be changed.

Ah... It feels like I have been catching a cold and preparing for a cold for a long time. When I wrote this book, except for the better condition in the beginning when I didn't have any symptoms, I could hardly find much normal time. It really is necessary to take good care of my health.

You guys should also take good care of your health. The temperature here will drop again in at least two days.

According to a normal year, the really cold weather hasn’t come yet.

Chapter of Stars and Moon: 120. Weiwei: I am really hopelessly selfish [Free]

Is it because I have never seen a mouse in a dark corner in my past life and I cannot imagine the huge gap between people's personalities?

All I know is the beauty under the sun, the blowing petals, and the birds dancing in the woods. With a slight flap of their wings, they blow up the dreamy pink light.

that's true.

If you stay with Alicia all the time, it's normal for you not to know that there are dark places in the world and that there are useless people who only complain about themselves.

I’m really sorry…

I seem to have tainted perfection.

In fact, there is no way out.

Please allow me, a lowly mouse, to continue to defile you when I have the chance.

……

It's another wonderful day.

I can see Jiang Cheng when I wake up every morning, and I can chat with Jiang Cheng while I work. He will ask about my well-being and help me by serving me tea and water.

This is clearly something I should do, but he always says - when someone is doing mental work, someone else has to do physical work.

Since that day, I have experienced things every day that I could never have imagined.

Being cared for, being loved, and so on... these are things I dare not even imagine.

Today is another day to thank Alicia.

Although saying this may make me seem despicable, but if it weren't for her, someone like me would probably never have met Jiang Cheng in my life.

Not to mention being together like we are now, I'm afraid it would be impossible for someone like that boy and I to even meet.

The only problem is that I still don’t dare to confess until now.

I don't even dare to express my feelings.

Just by looking into those eyes, which were filled with concern, it was impossible to reveal one's own humble, dirty and greedy desires.

No matter how I say that I will sink to the bottom and never hesitate after making a decision, I don't have the courage to do so after all.

He can even do it when facing Alicia.

They are willing to risk everything they have.

He even dared to rush towards a cliff.

Why can't I find any courage at the last step? Even if I open my lips, all that comes out is "hello".

Sending a text message via mobile phone is just like trying to confess your love through a wall, and the words typed out in the end will only become a simple "Are you there?"

Although there is no need to confess, a guy like me just needs to be illuminated by the sun and doesn't need to crave for anything more.

But if there is no conclusive proof...I will definitely start to feel sorry for myself again.

As expected, I am still worried that Jiang Cheng will leave.

It will suddenly disappear like bubbles, leaving only a pile of bubbling water. Dipping your finger in it may taste sweet, but it is also poisonous.

If this life is like bubbles in the sun, only shining for a short time, I will definitely not be able to accept living alone.