Collapse, a simulator of lifelong regret!

Is there any way that I can be remembered by him in a way that he will never forget?

Maybe the secret technique I used before can be reused.

……

After making a mistake today, I couldn't help but apologize in that bad way.

It was obviously me who did something I shouldn't have done.

It was obviously me who did something that only a pervert would do.

Jiang Cheng's face was still as calm and peaceful as ever. He didn't look unhappy at all because I messed up, or like he was going to leave me in disappointment or anything like that.

In fact, the only emotional fluctuation was not because of the dissatisfaction caused by the mess, but because the apology was too humble and too shameless.

"——This kind of slightly emotional behavior can really make people happy. This little bit of liking is definitely not as good as my love for you at this moment."

Don't get down in front of me for anything, because compared to your insignificant hobbies, I care more about your dignity...

It sounds like what he would say. Only he would say that to someone like me.

Having said that, I felt even more apologetic. When I thought about the fact that I might have done something to make Jiang Cheng sad, I couldn't help but want to be severely punished. It would be best if it was rough and cruel so that the memory would be more profound and my body would remember it firmly. I would never make such a mistake again.

Well……

The thought that after I made a mistake, I would still not be able to help but disobey Jiang Cheng's words, make the mistake again, and then get off my seat to express my apology.

They make mistakes again after making them, and even though they know the other party will not allow it, they still use this despicable method to threaten the other party. Just to express their apology, they want to be severely punished and warned clearly that they cannot do these things.

As expected, a gutter rat like me might be as disgusting as a spider, and I can't even be calm and at peace when I'm around him.

This kind of pampering and gentleness is not suitable for trash like me. I need to be severely taught a lesson before I can listen to human words.

-

This was the last disturbance in several diaries that followed. From then on, the girl would always use this inappropriate and overly humble way to please herself in the story at critical moments.

Although from the very beginning this humility did not allow me to gain any pleasure, instead I felt helpless and could only sigh silently.

It's not just self-speculation.

It’s not a glorification of the past.

It is an emotion that truly comes from the bottom of my heart.

Losing memory and losing the past can, in a sense, be understood as losing the personality and self that were constituted by these memories.

The existence called human beings is not so weak and powerless. All the feelings in life are not limited to memory. Some of the excitement, sadness and anger will be engraved in a deeper place.

That is something that cannot be explained by material theoretical foundations, and countless scholars and geniuses in history have been unable to explore, and that is the existence of the soul.

Perhaps in materialism.

Talking about the soul is ridiculous.

Except for some believers, no one in this world who has received a strict education would believe that the soul really exists in the world.

But if this world can be hit by a completely unreasonable disaster called collapse, even an extraordinary life like the Herrscher can be born.

Can the word "soul" really be denied so easily?

Isn't it really because human technology alone cannot explore the soul and cannot explore higher levels, so we assume that it does not exist?

That emotion has long been deeply engraved in the soul. The so-called forgetting is just a brief straying away. As long as you see that moment again, as long as you recall that moment again, even if it is just a tiny bit, it is enough to touch the inner feelings.

Perhaps more memories are still blocked, and even now I don’t know the name of the girl in the diary. There are many things written in the delicate description, but none of them is closely related to myself.

The only place that might have recorded the name or the past had been torn up so cleanly that not even any extra words could be seen.

This feeling is enough to be felt the moment it is brought into perspective.

——There is some helplessness of being disappointed in one’s friends.

It is obvious that the girl has such amazing talent.

The girl was so beautiful that even I, who had grown up with Alicia, was moved and engraved in my memory, and her figure was so stunning that it was enough to make seven people bow down to her, but she regarded her dignity and everything about herself as lighter than a feather and cheaper than a pebble on the roadside.

Even if it is a stone, a stone that can be kneaded and trampled at will, it will definitely not actively come over and rub and kick the foot.

Why……

Why do you want to be so self-deprecating?

You have done something that even Alicia couldn't do.

You have proven that your courage shines brighter than any rare metal in the world.

Any component that makes up you is unattainable, unimaginable, and even unimaginable for ordinary people.

Even if you insist on being so self-deprecating, at least make it clear that this beautiful, happy and warm life is what you have earned with your own hands.

You have already defeated the devil as a hero and married the princess. Even if you treat her as a prize, just calm down and treat this happy life well.

--No.

The brave man who possessed endless courage and talent, who defeated the great demon king who was almost impossible to defeat and who required all his talents to face even if he stood in front of him, got the reward he deserved, and lived a wonderful life with the princess, was defeated by a small monster on the roadside.

No matter how you look at it, this is a joke that can only come from surrealism, or even fundamentally should be created as a funny entertainment.

This is essentially the same as a world-class swimmer drowning in the shallow end of ten centimeters where they have to lie prone on the ground to even touch the water.

People who are good at swimming are often the most likely to drown, and there is also a prerequisite that the rivers and lakes they challenge are truly hellish in difficulty.

Humans can slip on a banana peel when walking, or accidentally hit a stone and fall, but the obstacle must not be just a grain of sand.

But this surreal scene actually appeared in reality, in Jiang Cheng's hands, holding a diary that recorded everything about a certain girl.

Not only did the dignified brave man lose to the monster, he would have died suddenly if it weren't for the princess who did her best to provide him with health recovery.

After the general prostrated himself, the girl's mood did not improve at all despite her attempt to stop him.

This expectation that the girl would not perform such a humble act of abdicating herself and trampling all her dignity and face in the mud was not only useless, but also had the opposite effect.

The original girl just apologized when she encountered something wrong, and the psychological pressure she suffered was not too deep.

But ever since she expressed her dislike for the scene, the girl has to endure a lot of psychological pressure to even perform such a humble act.

——It’s really outrageous.

Jiang Cheng turned to this diary, which was a little too long and seemed to have been made with some unique technology to condense a terrifying amount of information into a book, until the end of the third month of his new journey.

The girl did not become lively and cheerful at all, or at least show any less inferiority complex, under his careful help and persuasion.

It's not that there are no changes. At least his identity as a scholar and genius is constantly strengthening, and he is learning everything in a miraculous manner.

His original wisdom was unattainable and unimaginable, like an ultimate genius that only existed in games and animations.

After embarking on a new journey with herself, perhaps even worrying about gains and losses all day long is better than the abyss and poison created by loneliness and solitude. Instead, the girl worked harder and learned more about her subjective performance.

At least he didn't give up like others, saying that he was unworthy, but in fact he didn't accept his unworthiness with peace of mind. Instead, he tried his best to satisfy his own wishes and kept moving forward.

Although for that girl, her inferiority complex made her always think that she was not worthy of this beauty no matter how hard she tried.

It might be sweet to watch as a party.

But if we add the identity of a bystander...

It would be weird if I just wanted a heater for cold weather and came up with controlled nuclear fusion, or a clean version.

Since the birthday party, most of the daily life in the diary has been like this. It's either the girl's various inferiority complexes, worries about gains and losses, researching higher-level uses of Quan○ShiXiaZuo, or creating impossible props like Doraemon just because of her own small requests.

This daily routine of constant tugs and turns in the relationship did not take a new step until the second year after they met.

It wasn't that someone confessed, but that some really important information was finally revealed.

——The invitation of the Fire Moth.

……

Today I did something very despicable. It was clearly me who did all the work and experiments, but I pushed them all onto Jiang Cheng, making him bear and take on the responsibility that should have been borne by me.

If it's just about communicating with others, I can do that. As long as I don't leave Jiangcheng within three meters, even I can communicate with others.

But I ran away from my job simply because I didn't want any changes.

I don't want to meet or come into contact with people outside of Jiangcheng.

I don't want to make any changes to my already happy life.

This daily life, which is as bright and brilliant as bubbles in the sun, allows even me to live happily, but it must... must not be burst.

If I hadn't realized that there were deeper things hidden in this world, and that if I didn't take the initiative to explore, those things would definitely find me, I might not even agree to respond to the invitation from the Fire Moth.

I forced a young man who had just started his journey to stay here like me just because of my own thoughts.

I am really hopelessly selfish.

……

……

Chapter of Stars and Moon: 121. This is a dead end【Free】

Kill me...

How can a dirty, incompetent, useless, despicable, shameless, and dark-skinned guy like me deserve to stay by Jiang Cheng's side!

Obviously...

Obviously, that was a responsibility I imposed on him.

It was obviously because of me that he communicated with those strangers.

But I, I, I...but I...but I would feel terrified by this scene, terrified by the scene of Jiang Cheng communicating with others in a light and calm manner.

Three minutes ago, Jiang Cheng was gently touching my head and comforting me, but in less than three minutes, I felt jealous and negative.

I really want to step down in public, even if it will attract strange looks from others, even if Jiang Cheng will hate me, this is the only way I can express my apology to him.

Stupid and incompetent, he always breaks his word after speaking, saying one thing and thinking another, and he can't even express his feelings seriously.

Whenever I think about Jiang Cheng wasting his precious time on me, my life, which was originally about to embark on a journey, will stop here because of me.

I really want to be taught a lesson severely, and use the pain to make this body, which will never be like a normal person, gain experience and memory.

juvenile……

You definitely won't do that, right?

Even if I took the initiative to ask for punishment and knelt on the ground to hand over the torture instruments, he would never hurt me. He would only explore whether I had done anything wrong.

A guy like me would actually compare such a good person like Jiang Cheng with Alicia, just because he is also surrounded by people.

Jiang Cheng and Alicia are two completely opposite people and should never be confused with each other. How can you feel familiar with them just because of this scene?

……

In a sense, it seems that I am actively pursuing an uneasy life.

Because as long as everything is quiet, I can't help but recall and fantasize about the past, as if I am still that lonely person.

That is a mouse that stays alone in the room, a person who can only leave the room alone, eat hot pot alone, go to performances alone, go to the movies alone, go shopping alone...

Before I knew it, it seemed that the loneliness of being alone was normal. It had almost invaded my heart and I had to get familiar with it since I was born.

If that kind of life wasn't too painful and too difficult to endure, there's no way I could become one of those people who can enjoy solitude.

Every lonely night and day, I can only stay alone in a dark corner, feeling empty and falling to the bottom of my heart.

I...maybe I really should treat this as an acceptable and normal thing.

No matter how chaotic or bad it was, what happened between me and Jiang Cheng, just the messy thoughts were enough to prove again and again that the present was not the same as the past, and that we had embarked on a new journey.

……

A lot of people came to bother me again today. It turns out that no matter where we are, the nature of human beings is basically the same. Most people admire the strong and bully the weak, and in many cases this does not change with the improvement of wisdom.

The essence of the world is a makeshift team. State institutions are makeshift teams, corporate institutions are makeshift teams, and the Fire Moth is also a makeshift team.

No matter how famous and powerful they appear to the outside world, or how many titles they are given, they are essentially just ordinary human beings.

It's human.

Then there are bound to be shortcomings.