Collapse, a simulator of lifelong regret!

——Am I not worthy of happiness?

It was as if a voice identical to my own was ringing in my ears. It was the extremely self-destructive mumbling of a person who had given up on himself. It was a sadness that had never flashed through my heart before, and it brought about an ultimate denial of all self that I had never imagined even in the most desperate and darkest times.

It's not that there is no happiness, or that one can only stay in a dark world, or that it's not because of any person or environment, but that this person named Raiden Mei may not deserve happiness from the very beginning.

The denial from others is absolutely no match for the feeling you have experienced personally. You have personally experienced brightness and happiness, but because of your own ridiculous behavior and just a moment of negligence, all of this has been lost.

I could obviously have avoided this kind of thing, it was just that someone bumped into me. If I had been a little more careful, this wouldn't have happened.

I am a warrior!

I am a swordsman who is praised even by young boys.

Why……

Can't you even take care of such a small matter?!

……

The oppressive environment and the man-made despair take a long time to erode away bit by bit, taking away all hope and all light. Only the disaster that comes from the heart is so terrifying and thorough.

Get the light.

Then lost the light.

Maybe some people are very greedy and cherish and value things they don’t have, but the vast majority of people in the world will only feel heartbroken when they get something and then lose it.

Because once you get it, it belongs to you. You can own it, touch it, and experience it, which is different from the complete unknown.

Once you get it, you know it.

Beautiful, happy, sweet, comfortable...

All of these are not feelings that can be obtained through imagination.

Therefore, when you lose something, you will feel heartbroken. It is a pain that can even be accumulated infinitely. The more you cherish it, the more painful it will be.

If before you have it you have infinite desire and infinite longing, and after you have it you feel like you have fallen into a sweet paradise even if you just touch it a little, then if there is even the slightest possibility of losing it, fear and sadness will come from the depths of your soul, making you want to cry.

"——You coward, you don't deserve happiness!"

Once again, a voice similar to my own, but a little too sharp, rang in my ears. It was not self-doubt, but an intuitive accusation.

Don’t let your imagination run wild…

cannot……

Do not……

The girl's voice trying to comfort her became smaller and smaller, because after losing the sunlight, the plants' struggles were nothing more than wasting more nutrients, and their best efforts were just like the fish on the shore flapping their feet, unless they could once again receive the warm light from the sky.

……

……

or……

Go find Jiang Cheng?

……

……

We don't quite understand.jpg

It's so weird...

Reality: When the thunder breaks the sky: 211. Raiden Mei decides to open the box

Yes……

I can still go find Jiang Cheng.

……

The sound that seemed to be breaking down that was circulating in my heart disappeared, and the feeling that my spirit and thoughts were about to melt and break also stopped in an instant.

It wasn't completely safe. I could still vaguely smell the heat and something was about to break, and when I shook my head I could feel something was about to break.

Everything just stopped and did not continue to deteriorate. It was like suddenly seeing a rope to climb towards the light, and once again grabbing the life-saving straw to support the body in time when about to fall off the cliff.

The lingering dimness in the pupils disappeared, and although the light did not return, the erosion also stopped at this moment, still retaining the last ray of light.

——Because the relationship between me and the teenager is not that fragile.

——Because I also know how to find young men.

The connection with the boy was not so short that they could only chat on LINE, or that they could only meet because they shared the identity of students in school. The girl also knew the coordinates written on the student ID card, the personal dormitory in Jiangcheng, and the only room where the boy lived.

Even if it is just one person's peeping or unreasonable exploration, this is ultimately a way to find the boy, and the connection and bond between him and him.

The most terrifying thing in the world is never that two people have a bad relationship, but that two people have no relationship at all.

As long as there is a relationship, there is a chance to get along no matter what.

Even if it is disgust, at least it is in the sight of others.

This kind of behavior will certainly anger others. Offline box opening is simply the worst thing in the world. It is not a suitable reason at all to do it for the so-called trivial things of chatting on the mobile phone.

The girl knew better than anyone else in the world how bad it was to secretly record other people's addresses and sneak in without an invitation. The mere thought of it made her feel nauseous.

But there was no way and no choice. Even the girl couldn't figure out why she was trembling all over just because of such a small matter.

Perhaps a life-saving straw does not want to be grasped by others and bears everything of a person, but if one still thinks so much when it comes to life, then there is really no hope.

The boy is not a terrible beast. If we think of ways to make compensation, even the negative emotions will definitely be corrected.

……

'Ah. '

A faint laugh was heard in the quiet environment.

"I want to find Jiang Cheng."

Mei Raiden seemed not to notice and was still talking to herself, her slender fingers stroking the soothing emotions in her chest, trying to make herself accept that compared to the trembling of fear that was now all over her body, going to look for the boy in the middle of the night without any requests was a more acceptable thing to do.

"——Are you sure?"

There seemed to be still doubts in my mind, and that unknown voice speaking deep in my heart, as if asking and answering myself, still did not stop.

It seemed like a noble voice coming from outer space, with a thick accent and arrogance like an actor in a drama, playing the leading role of the queen, proud and aloof, but the complete doubt and denial were so obvious.

'Do you really think a stranger who suddenly appears in your life is someone you can trust?'

'He's spent all your money.'

……

——I took the initiative.

The girl's eyebrows drooped slightly, and her white teeth gently bit her bright red lips. Her overly cautious posture made everything seem more like a physical contact.

It wasn't because of any guilty conscience, or because he was really being stirred up by the voice in his heart. He simply chose to bow his head almost instinctively, even to his own voice.

'You're not really expecting a gift from him, are you?'

"You are getting stupider and stupider. You actually expected a guy who is so comfortable letting a girl pay for things to prepare some expensive gifts?"

"I don't believe you can't see it. I don't believe you don't have the ability to read other people's emotions at all. You really got beaten so much for nothing."

'Jiang Cheng didn't feel embarrassed or awkward from beginning to end, as if he was used to being paid for by others.'

'What kind of person is used to this kind of thing?'

'Who on earth can be so complacent?'

……

——I don’t care.

——I’m going to find Jiang Cheng.

Mei Raiden just kept repeating her actions, channeling her emotions, comforting her heart, and letting herself accept it all. It seemed that she had completely regarded the voice in her heart as her own instinctive fear.

Even if I have to pay, even if I will continue to pay, no amount of money is worth anything compared to the warm hope I will receive.

Compared to the inexplicable voice in your heart that is obsessed with money, what really disturbs your mind is your own shamelessness.

in fact……

There's nothing wrong with going to a teenager's dorm.

Maybe you can see some strange things...

For example, tissues in the trash can, sketchbooks under the bed, models next to the window, or even some more unhealthy and strange things.

Generally in light novels, by this stage, the goodwill between the two parties will increase rapidly due to the awkwardness, and there are usually even some small fights.

As for any misunderstandings between the two parties, you may be regarded as a pervert who opens boxes offline. You just need to find a suitable reason.

Certainly possible.

big deal...

……

'what……'

"I see."

In a trance, the girl seemed to be able to feel the waves rising in the depths of her heart, like countless thunders flashing, and the raging waves were also accompanied by an extremely dark sky.

It even seemed that the gloomy sky, the sweeping gale and the heavy rain were the core, and the churning sea water was just ripples caused by the wind.

It was too complicated, too strange, just like a washing machine that was shaking wildly. The only thing that could be judged was the clear anger.

There is no disguise or pretense. He is like a silly newborn dog that will yell when it encounters something unpleasant, revealing all his emotions without any reservation.

strangeness……

Mei Raiden subconsciously relaxed her lips that were gently biting, and the thing that seemed to be pushing her emotions to the extreme disappeared.

Not only that, it wasn't that some kind of driving force disappeared, but the emotion itself seemed to disappear at a certain moment and be pulled out of the body.

The girl blinked lightly, and the feeling she had when she was watching the phone suddenly disappeared. The water in the same container was transferred away by another person.

The abnormal, stagnant calmness came again, and rationality and wise time were born from it - just because a message was not responded to, the heart would not collapse to such an extent. No matter how scared you are, you would not be startled by the slightest disturbance.

In fact, you can apologize to the boy tomorrow. You just need to tell him directly that his phone is broken. Nothing is likely to happen in one night. On the contrary, the more you care about it, the more likely it is that something will go wrong.

It's like an insecure person who always likes to test feelings, and can't find the confidence in himself that the other person will love him. In the end, it's often his own tests that wear out the other person's patience over and over again, and even the love from the heart itself disappears.

You lack confidence in the first place, so you feel insecure. So instead of trying to please others or improve yourself, you interfere with and test others.

Even if you are disliked or hated, there is nothing to blame.

……

Mei Raiden only regained some of her clear thinking, and was pulled out of the confusion of the first person and entered the indifference of the third person, a stable, peaceful, and at least healthier heart, as if the thinking that entered the sage time had already formed the best solution in her heart.

Although this peace lasted for a very short time, almost in the blink of an eye, the emotions that suddenly disappeared returned to the body again.

In an instant, I went from being a bystander to being a participant. I could no longer be leisurely, and the words that judged me suddenly became heavy.

Irritability, clutter, uneasiness...even the fear of being abandoned can swallow up all rationality in an instant like a black hole of nothingness.

The so-called tomorrow that I could apologize to the boy was actually painted with a halo of ease, because if the boy cared even a little bit, the price he would have to pay would be beyond his ability to bear. Nothing is more frightening than the unknown.

……

'disappear……'

“I’m out of breath…”

'It's just as I expected.'

'Then go and find him, find him quickly.'

The denial in the inner voice disappeared, and the previous dissuasion, dissatisfaction with the boy and slander seemed to reverse 360 ​​degrees in an instant, leaving only support and impatient urging.

……

Did you convince yourself?