Collapse, a simulator of lifelong regret!

Even though he knew Jiang Cheng wouldn't do it, even though Jiang Cheng had said a thousand times that he was capable, he still couldn't feel any more secure until he could find his value in being utilized. Every beat of his heart was like dancing on the edge of a cliff. As long as the boy showed any bit of disgust, he would be kicked off the cliff and die.

Even though I knew it was fake and the boy's compliment was just out of politeness, I still felt happy and couldn't help feeling joyful.

Perhaps it is because of the mentality of taking chances, imagining that even if I am incompetent, I can be noticed by an outstanding person of the opposite sex who suddenly appears out of nowhere like the protagonist in the light novel.

Even if the final destination is the trash can, at least it should leave more impressions before being thrown in, so that Jiang Cheng can take a few more glances at it, right?

But this is just a fantasy after all. How could the story of a light novel be played out in reality? How could someone who suddenly appears, is extremely intelligent and has a cold personality, and is only gentle to himself, appear in reality?

I transferred here suddenly, so I needed to take myself to understand the campus. I have a high level of knowledge, but I don’t know much about daily life.

Even if such a thing really happened, and there really was a dream-like story, how could people from two different worlds come together?

Jiang Cheng didn't even care about the gifts. He didn't even look at any of them and was unwilling to even open them.

My feelings weren't even seen.

Obviously...

It's obviously just a little benefit.

I've behaved so vilely.

……

The contrast of returning from heaven to hell and falling from light into darkness is enough to drive anyone in the world crazy, but at this moment it befell an ordinary girl who had not received any inhuman education.

Darkness is not dark if you have never seen light.

Loneliness is not despair if you don't have a close friend to talk to.

If you have never seen the sky, have never experienced the feeling of flying freely, then living in a cage your whole life would be acceptable.

But it is taken back right after you get it. When you think you can own it, you try every possible means to follow carefully on tiptoe like a cat trying to catch a mouse. When you are ready to slap it with your big hands, you are told that the mouse never belonged to you and now it is just a shadow.

Strong unwillingness is an emotion that comes with instinct, perhaps anger, perhaps sadness, perhaps dissatisfaction, or perhaps self-loathing.

I am angry that hope is given and then taken away as if I were being played a trick on myself. I am sad at the bleak reality and dissatisfied at being treated so casually.

Moreover, because I will have these emotions when I face the truth after releasing myself, it is just like the ungrateful disgust that Mr. Dongguo has for the snake. All of this will eventually converge into regret and bitter resentment.

But this is also normal.

No?

It's just a cockroach that everyone will hate.

Just the descendant of a sinner, the son of a liar, and the daughter of a financial fraudster.

How can a person like this, who knows nothing and is incompetent, and even his swordsmanship is a rubbish that has been abandoned since his father left, be worthy of other people's kindness? Being able to remain gentle on the surface and to comfort and praise others when they are sad is already an experience that he dare not even think about.

They are just selfish and arrogant and want to get more. They have to tear down the superficial gentleness, harmony and beauty to reveal the cruel truth.

A kite like this that doesn't even know its own position is essentially just a tattered kite full of holes, without even a frame. It flies into the sky with a few compliments from others, but it can't grasp its own position well, and finally ends up falling miserably. Isn't it normal?

what……

normal……

normal……

It's obviously normal.

Why...why do I want to cry so much.

Tears wet the kaleidoscope mirror, magnifying and distorting the scene in the picture, as if a god took pleasure in this and deliberately let the tears fall on the most shameless part. The purple color was clearly displayed before her eyes - that was the part that the girl was dissatisfied with before. She had never thought that her gift would be rejected, so she arrogantly hoped to change to a more astringent style.

[Can my fatness satisfy Jiang Cheng?]

[Can you suppress the unknown girl in the boy's heart? 】

[The style of panties is... a bit ordinary. 】

[There is no lace or hollowing, just the simplest type, even the color is very ordinary. Among all the styles, I am afraid that only pure white will look more ordinary. It should not disappoint Jiang Cheng, right? ]

At that time, he was so stupid that he even wanted to suppress the girl who was definitely equally outstanding and could truly stay in the heart of the outstanding boy.

Looking back, I even feel ashamed - not because of my actions, but because of my arrogance.

Perhaps he was intentionally trying to awaken the self-righteous thoughts and remaining memories, to prove to the girl that even if he gave up everything and trampled on his dignity and face, he would not be able to get the boy's attention at all.

Sunshine is sunshine.

The sunshine that cannot be chased or sought.

Even if you have the illusion that you can stay here forever at a certain moment when you are illuminated, you will eventually hide alone in the cold sewer when night falls, and realize your own stupidity in the cold wind.

How could the sun shine on the trash can?

How can there be waste that desires to be saved?

Even if she transformed herself into a filthy girl and did reverse thrusting at night, she would only be scolded by the boy, who would think that this ugly body was not worthy of her. In this world, only that unknown girl could do this.

A useless loser like me...

Abandoned...

Isn't it normal?

……

……

"Is Mei's mood... a little off?"

'Why don't you feel angry?'

'Why... so desperate?'

The emotions were so vivid that even the Queen of Thunder realized the seriousness of the problem. What was conveyed by her other self was no longer just dissatisfaction, chaos, sadness, disappointment, or numbness.

--despair.

It was an emotion that could only be described as despair.

Any description seems too humorous.

Only humans have created words to describe absolute darkness, absolute madness and the lack of any chance of turning back.

Do not……

Isn't it?

……

Reality Chapter: When Thunder Breaks the Sky: 215. Thunder Queen: Mei...what's wrong?

Isn’t it just knowing Jiang Cheng’s true nature?

It shouldn't be that there is no hope at all.

Jiangcheng shouldn’t be that important, right?

Haven’t we only known each other for half a month?

Isn't it a bit strange that the relationship has reached this point in just half a month?

Even if something happened to her father, she wouldn't be so sad and desperate. How could she become like this just because of Jiang Cheng?

……

Mei Raiden's posture was too desperate, the tears swirling in her swollen eye sockets were too sad, her gorgeous pupils lost all their colors, leaving only an empty kaleidoscope picture reflected.

The slender fingertips were pinching so tightly that the distinct joints had turned white, as if wanting to imprint fingerprints and all the emotions at the moment on them.

The lips that I always bite lightly unconsciously, or that serve as a barrier between the white teeth, were not clamped in the middle for the first time, because the sharp canine teeth had already pierced the delicate soft flesh with bright red marks in the first instant - not just pretending, but real blood, the act of biting was truly beyond instinct and caused harm to myself.

This should have been stopped by instinct, just like a person cannot suffocate himself to death and will faint if he suffocates to the limit. The girl herself did not even react and was caught in a dazed subconscious behavior, causing harm.

Incomprehensible.

Hard to understand.

Can't understand.

Like a rushing stream that destroyed everything, countless emotions appeared in the mind for the first time in such a chaotic way. Even the voice that remained in the heart lost its lofty arrogance, leaving only helplessness. That represented one thing that was beyond doubt - the Queen of Thunder and Lightning was panicking.

The girl who thought she had everything under control and could return to the past by simply revealing her true identity fell into panic for the first time because she felt the despair of her other self that was beyond her comprehension.

It's not the numbness from before.

It's not hanging half-dead on the edge of a cliff.

All the sadness talked about before seemed too understated at this moment, and the despair of death was more like the groaning of a dying person.

……

Even if they appear to be the same person, with different personalities and consciousnesses, their essences are ultimately different. What they care about and expect are never the same. At least the perspectives are different, the difference between the first person and the third person.

In fact, the reason why I can protect so leisurely or at least relatively leisurely is because the two people are only connected by emotions and have a mutual goodwill, instead of watching everything with one pair of eyes all the time.

Perhaps it was because of the unique energy in the body, or perhaps it was the thing that was always buzzing in the ears, calling itself the Will of Honkai.

The Thunder Queen can often view everything from a free perspective, watching the treatment and harm suffered by her other self.

Although we can feel the overflowing sadness in each other's hearts because we are essentially the same person and use the same container, we cannot truly know what the other person is thinking due to differences in personality and external expressions. Even if we can know and empathize, we cannot understand it from the bottom of our hearts.

Just like some people who, when seeing others sad, do not comfort them, but instead stand aside and say, "Why are you sad after experiencing this?" I don't think this is a big deal.

It's not just that it's easy to talk without any worries, it's more about the difference in nature and the irreconcilable gap in character.

Gentle people and irritable people, people who become introverted because of personal experience of hurt, and people who become even more irritable after experiencing hurt.

The former cannot understand why the latter is becoming more and more arrogant, as if he only cares about food and not beatings. The latter cannot understand why the former becomes timid after just experiencing a little hardship. Understanding between people has always been an impossible thing. Even if it is the same person, it is impossible to be truly convinced.

The Queen of Thunder is self-righteous and thinks that as long as she can make Mei Raiden realize the falsehood of Jiang Cheng, everything can go back to the past. She doesn't need to continue to build up her strength. One day she can take revenge and defeat all those who hate her, and as the so-called apostle of collapse, she can destroy this disgusting world.

But she never realized that the reason she had to knock down those annoying people was because those annoying people caused Raiden Mei to torture herself.

Revenge and counterattack are not a process or a beginning, but a result that only a few people can obtain and fall into after everything is settled.

Perhaps it was because it was too difficult to accept the truth, to acknowledge her own incompetence, and to realize that she herself was a loser and unworthy of the boy's true love. The girl had come to a standstill, with only her tears still following the force of gravity.

The Queen of Thunder finally stopped and stopped her in-depth investigation of the young man named Jiang Cheng and asked the girl cautiously.

Humble and sensitive, it's like carefully taking honey out of a hive filled with buzzing bees.

"Mei..."

'Are you there?'

'Are you OK? ’

……

……

……

"Why... did it become like this?"

Mei Raiden leaned against the cold wall, barely supporting her weak body. She could still feel the night wind. There was a window at the edge of her sight that was not closed, perhaps because its owner left in a hurry.

Too hasty...left too hastily.

"It shouldn't be like this. This half month shouldn't be like this. The end of the date shouldn't be like this..."

She spoke very slowly, repeating the same thing over and over again, as if she was slowly recalling something. The voice that should have been as pleasant as a stream was dominated by sadness and had a slight tremor.

For the first time, the Thunder Queen felt like she couldn't get a word in.

My lips have been opened and closed many times, but I can't utter a single word. I can't find any place to intervene in the sadness that flows slowly like a stream, and I can't even jump over it.

Because it is not a stream or a river.

——It’s the sea.

It is because he was overly restrained and bound by the ropes that tied himself and the outside world for too long, so that after becoming the sea, he still abides by the rules.

Just as a ridiculous chain, if long enough, can hold an adult elephant, a little force is enough to break the chain.

——Just shut up.

The only thing you can do is listen, and this is the only thing that doesn't convey any sense of crisis while you're doing it...at least the smallest one among them.