Collapse, a simulator of lifelong regret!

A sixth sense deep in my heart told me that if I continued to interrupt, something bad might happen.

The girl was indeed just talking, bit by bit, and her seemingly numb words slowly vented her inner distress and sorrow in the night wind.

"Jiang Cheng smiled several times during today's date."

"In the dessert shop, when the food was delivered to my mouth, and when I was chatting with him about the egg tart recipe."

"He has always cared about me. Even after he knew about my father's affairs, he never hated me. This should really be true."

"There's no reason for him and I to be like this. Why did he have to leave? Why did he make the mistake of saying that we were strictly curfew at night? I even canceled several dates."

"Ming Ming Jiang Cheng... He has never told me a particularly bad lie. Even if there was a lie when we first met, he only reported that he had stayed in school for less than a month longer. He really doesn't know this school. He hasn't even walked outside the dormitory and teaching building. I also helped him to understand Qianyu Academy..."

"me....."

I talked about the past bit by bit, but suddenly I couldn't go on. The characters were stuck between my teeth, restrained by morality and shame, and couldn't move.

It was not until she recalled it again that the girl suddenly realized that her self-righteous dedication was really something worth remembering for the boy.

That doesn't matter at all. To the boy who seems to know everything, these things are available to him by plenty of people as long as he wants them. No one would hate a genius who can rub an engine with his hands made of scraps.

A mere mouse dares to take credit for picking up a few pieces of garbage.

It's so shameless to say such ridiculous things.

Mei Raiden could only bite her lips hard. The fishy and salty taste was clearly spreading in her mouth, but she seemed to be unaware of it.

——Do you want to cry?

No, that's not the case, because the tears have long since dried up, dried up in the corner of my heart...

——Is it painful?

Maybe, it was a kind of pain that was so extreme that it seemed like I had no feeling at all...

……

……

"what……"

"I am still self-righteous."

"I must look really stupid now."

The girl finally sat down, her slender fingertips spread out on the cold floor as if their bones were pulled out, just as disheveled, pitiful and ridiculous as her body at the moment. Her delicate face was clearly looking up at the ceiling because of gravity, but her eyes were drooping and her pupils were dim.

If you can change the time period or time point of this posture of looking up at the sky, and choose the vast grassland, or the high tower, hills, or the beach, you should be able to see an extremely stunning scene.

During the day, the breathtakingly beautiful clouds change into countless shapes; at night, the stars hang in the sky, as if millions of lights are lit.

Perhaps you will also see a surging tide that seems to be sweeping over the world, gently hitting the rocks on the shore, and occasionally splashing a few cold water drops.

But this is just an ordinary room, a room where even the owner has left, the smell in the air is gradually becoming blurred, the floor is cold and smooth, and can reflect people's faces.

This room is neither tall nor wide, and one can see the end at a glance. It is just an ordinary, relatively large student dormitory with nothing special about it.

Perhaps because it was aimed at the nobility, there were feather pens, peacock fans, and velvet carpets that were not found in ordinary people's homes. This place was no different from an ordinary room or dormitory.

When she looked up, she could only see the bright incandescent light, which emitted a cold light like that of laboratory equipment. When it shone on the girl's face, for a moment she thought she was lying on a cold operating table.

It seemed as if he had been experimented on before, and he could even vaguely feel the pain in his body - the feeling of being cut by a scalpel.

It is even worse than the well of the frog in the well. At least... there you can still see the real sky and the insignificant but truly shining moon.

……

"Huh...ha..."

The sound of breathing seemed heavy, and there was no sound in the overly quiet room. The computers were not turned on, and it seemed that the entertainment equipment provided by the school for each student had never been truly turned on once.

Is it because of the lack of adaptation, unsuitability, or the young man just can’t find what he likes?

None of this matters anymore.

This is not something Mei Raiden can think about.

What qualifications does a mere ordinary classmate have to discuss the problems of such an outstanding person in Jiangcheng? Isn't it a bit too arrogant and presumptuous?

"Huh...huh..."

The breathing sound continued, as if it was stubbornly using this inferior method to prove its existence, to prove that it was not completely dead yet.

——depression.

It's like a bird that has just been released from a cage. It soars in the sky for a moment and thinks it is free, but is once again locked in a small space.

The heavy pressure coming from deep within the body and soul comes endlessly from every dark, narrow and empty place within sight.

It's not just a physical feeling, there's also a certain feeling, as if the heart is being tightly squeezed by someone, an indescribable sense of oppression and discomfort.

……

Her vision began to shake, and her thoughts went into chaos as well. Mei Raiden propped up her lowered head and looked at the mirror on the wall next to her. She looked at her own reflection in the clear mirror, with a depressed face, empty pupils, and stiff fingers. She was just holding the tear-stained kaleidoscope like a machine, like a disheveled homeless person on the street.

A weak and pitiful little kitten who was cruelly abandoned by its owner could only hide alone at the edge of the wall under the beating of rain.

The wind was very strong and the rain was heavy. It was very cold when it hit my body. My hair was all wet. I didn't even have the strength to walk and I couldn't find a place to shelter from the rain.

I could only lie there alone, looking at my reflection in the pool, recalling my past happiness and beauty, and waiting for death to come.

As time passed, the lenses soaked with tears even became damp. This product from the old times was not very durable.

Mei Raiden gently tugged at her clothes with her slender fingertips. She did not go home, so she did not take off the dress that had been her birthday gift.

It no longer makes sense. Both the person who gave me the gift and the person who allowed me to wear this dress have disappeared and no longer exist.

Those who only live for others and only persist because of others have never and will never have the ability to live alone.

……

It fits the character very well. .jpg

Classic and normal. .jpg

PS: I feel like I’m dying. I’ve only written more than 5000 words in more than a week. I’ve been relying on my saved manuscripts during this period. I feel like I’m dying... Compared with this time, any previous time when I was in a bad state seems a bit too understated and pretentious.

what……

Could it be that I have persecuted Mei too much and was cursed by the Queen of Lightning?

Reality: When the thunder breaks the sky: 216. Why do I have to go through all this?

The girl was caught up in some intense emotion, unable to utter any words, her body went limp, her heart was empty, and she raised her head in despair. That pitiful face must have seemed extremely small in the eyes of others.

Sure.

Who would care about beggars on the street?

Most people just give alms out of their kindness, and even more people are just indifferent, silently laughing at beggars in their hearts, or thinking that beggars are too dirty, polluting their eyes and the city.

This kind of thing is so common that you can naturally imagine the contemptuous and disgusted looks of passers-by without even thinking about it.

——This is all normal.

Classmates discriminate against the daughter of a financial fraudster. City residents may have been influenced by this and therefore also hate everything related to the financial fraudster. The teenager offered help out of politeness. It is normal to privately dislike a loser and the daughter of a criminal.

This is normal.

It's really normal.

I'm not being stubborn, nor am I trying to deceive myself into accepting all this. Everyone does this, and everyone lives like this.

This is the basic law governing the operation of the world. It is also the absolute bottom line that has long been silently engraved in the world and is deeply rooted in our hearts.

Everyone is busy and has their own things to do. Who would care about the offspring of a financial fraudster, an unlucky girl whose family members have become criminals?

It doesn't matter if you ridicule, beat or scold them directly. Being polite is already too luxurious and only truly good people will do that.

……

……

……

--why?

……

……

The untrimmed sharp nails pierced into the skin, and the pearly teeth bit the lips tightly - Raiden Mei could no longer bear it. Her entire self finally collapsed completely. The weak and gentle personality that was forcibly transformed could not withstand the darkness that was more desperate than despair and had no trace of hope.

It is really too cruel. Even a person with a big heart cannot accept such ups and downs, and fleeting hope and light.

Especially after seeing the kaleidoscope with my own eyes, thinking back on my previous behavior and my self-righteous thoughts... I felt as ridiculous as a clown.

Looking back at my joy, excitement, and bashful face at that time, I only feel their absurdity as a comedy.

Having a well-behaved and gentle personality does not mean that there will be no emotions at all. It is precisely because one is not good at expressing oneself and is used to burying everything in one's heart that when the moment of real explosion comes, it will not be a simple venting like other people, but a complete explosion in an irresistible way.

Mei Raiden looked at the world and the room with her crimson eyes. The clear lines and colors became so blurred for the first time, and the furniture that could be easily identified seemed to have lost its reality and become unfamiliar.

"Why?"

"Why does it have to be me who has to go through all this?"

“Why does it have to be me who has to go through so many problems?”

"Father is obviously very rich, why did he have to commit financial fraud?"

"The Raiden family has clearly paid the price, why do my classmates still hate me?"

"ME Club has obviously been taken away by someone else, why do people in the city still hate me?"

"I don't understand any of this. I don't know why it has to be like this, why the world has to work in a way that I can't understand."

There is no need for the world to stop because of any individual's thoughts. The cruel earth will eat everyone. The harm caused by a mere individual is nothing in the eyes of the world. It is so small. There may be countless individuals appearing every minute and every second, and all their organs are only worth this little money.

This is indeed the law by which the world works. It is the cruelest and most real thing that the girl has been forced to know and understand during this period of time.

But why should I accept such an unreasonable world? Why should I swallow my anger and accept this kind of thing that has been going on since ancient times?

Endure everything, bite and swallow all the hurt, waiting to die quietly in a stinky ditch like a rat.

Why……

why?

why! !

……

……

There is no room for self-deception anymore, because I have pushed it to the end, to the point of despair where there is no room for any more. Even my back can feel the cold wall, and I have even broken through that seemingly solid wall.

I have already broken the wall down because I refuse to accept that this connection with the boy is so fragile, and I refuse to accept that I have never been saved.

So what if it gets broken?

It was nothing more than going from the darkness where one could still stand to an endless abyss where there was no room for stability.

Is it really useful to simply choose to endure and escape?

Can you really escape by choosing to be a coward?

If you make yourself more and more insensitive and numb, and no longer feel the pain caused by others, can you make the wounds caused by others disappear?

The hurt is there and will never go away. If you don't try to bandage it or fight back, you will just keep losing blood.

The act of covering one's ears to steal a bell can at most make oneself unable to hear the ringing sound. It does not mean that the ringing sound will disappear, nor does it mean that reality can really be rewritten.

Others can still hear the ringing tone, and even the act of not fighting back can make it easier for others to hurt the person who chooses to escape on their own - because they can do whatever they want without worrying about any retaliation.

Adding little by little.

A little bit of bloodletting.

The body is weakening and the soul is being cut every moment, just like a person who has lost the sense of pain and has no feeling at all. The moment he realizes that there is a problem with his body, death comes.

The price of breaking through one's own lower limit, being unwilling to point the spearhead at others, and stabbing all the thorns and cruelty at oneself is that one day one will be pierced with holes by one's own sharp blade, and even the heart will be pierced and destroyed.

When she is truly approaching death, all her past escapes will turn into nightmares before her eyes, and everything she has left behind will catch up with the girl.