Loneliness and Rock and Roll with Band Observer

On top of that, if my answer to Aine is also “I want to”, then…what should I do?

The so-called "possession" means "exclusion".

If the objects of "exclusion" of both parties are not the same, then how should this conflict be reconciled?

Togawa Akee is more or less aware of the feelings he has towards women.

But the problem at hand is far more complex, subtle and difficult to deal with than a simple orientation.

Just as Ichiri was thinking about how to reply, Akie was also worried about how to respond.

Therefore, the two of them tacitly fell into a temporary silence.

Fortunately, the Ferris wheel had not yet reached its highest point, so they still had a lot of time left.

The city beneath your feet is becoming more and more like a miniature bonsai, bringing a real sense of the passage of time.

I don’t know how long it took before Yili slowly spoke.

"……I have no idea."

This doesn't count as an answer. Qiu Huiben wanted to speak directly and clearly like this.

But on second thought, she still didn't say that.

"It's okay if you can't come to a conclusion right away, but can you please tell me your thought process?"

Although Yili said that she didn't want me to accommodate her anymore, it was impossible for me to really ignore her pace.

Therefore, thinking this way, Qiu Hui used this method to encourage Yili to organize his thoughts.

Ichiri, who was encouraged to speak, nodded slightly: "I really don't know if my current thoughts have reached the point that Akie described."

"If I see other people with Akiie, I sometimes feel unhappy, or rather, a little... scared."

"Because, apart from playing the guitar, I don't have any other strengths. I don't have much initiative, and I always have inexplicable thoughts. I often have outbursts for various reasons, and from time to time I will cause trouble for everyone... including Akiie."

"So, I actually... don't like seeing other people with Akie. It makes me feel... unwanted."

"But, no matter what, this can't be said that I want to... take..."

Yili lowered his head and his voice became softer and softer.

And Qiu Hui's brows gradually relaxed.

“…I see.”

She smiled and nodded.

So, is this what she thought?

Because they think they have nothing to give, they worry that they are not needed.

I may have struggled with this issue to some extent.

Ever since that incident, I've been struggling with what I can give in exchange for the qualification to be friends with someone.

Because I was afraid of the high price I set for myself, I chose to give up again and again.

If it weren't for the arrangement of the library that forced me to take the initiative to find teammates, perhaps I would still be spending my high school life alone until now.

So, if she has the same concerns as me...

"If that's the case, I'll... tell you a truth about life that even I don't believe in."

She raised her head thoughtfully and looked at the sky through the viewing glass.

"My father taught me since I was young that the relationship between people in society is based on 'equal exchange'."

"Like any school-age kid, I hated the obvious conclusion."

"But something happened that changed my attitude and made me completely accept this value..."

"…So, I began to fear the necessary sacrifice, so I closed my heart and spent my high school life alone, until I met the need to end the band due to work."

"I've gotten used to this kind of loneliness, and I've gradually begun to appreciate it."

"But, Ichiri, I don't think you can become like me."

"So, Ichiri, I hope you can... hold completely opposite values ​​to mine on this issue."

"Neither friendship nor so-called love is a relationship that can be summarized as 'needing' and 'being needed'."

The Ferris wheel gradually rose to its highest point, and Qiu Hui, who had expressed these thoughts, felt a sense of relief as if she had ascended to the clouds.

"But, but..." Goto Ichiri didn't seem to be so easily convinced, "Akie has always cared about me like that..."

"Actually, I didn't give you anything." Akie shook her head gently, "I just did my part as a bandmate."

"Ichiri, you don't need to do anything extra for me. Your presence itself is enough as a reward."

The Ferris wheel made a slight operating noise, but the two people in the car could hear it clearly.

Goto Ichiri remained silent, but the expression on her face at this moment vaguely reflected the turmoil and anxiety in her heart.

"Thank you. After our conversation just now, I now understand Ichiri's thoughts a little better."

Qiu Hui said with a smile.

"Well, maybe it's my turn next. There are some things that I feel I need to clarify with Ichiri now."

Finally the time has come.

Although she still maintained a calm smile on her face, Qiu Hui believed that she might not be any more relaxed than Ichiri at the moment.

Just as Yili told me his thoughts.

It's time for me to face my own thoughts.

"I'll...get straight to the point."

She pushed away all distracting thoughts in her mind and spoke in a calm tone as if she was describing someone else's situation.

"In my opinion, Ichiri is an important bandmate. And just like Nijixia said, in a sense, he is like a family member in a second family."

At this time, Goto Ichiri lowered his head slightly, as if he had vaguely guessed Akie's next words.

"As for myself..."

After hesitating for a moment, Qiu Hui decided not to say the specific name.

"Although I haven't been able to tell him/her until now...but I have someone I like."

Qiu Hui hated herself for saying such words with a smile on her face. Don't you think such lines are particularly stupid?

"……really?"

Goto Ichiri lowered her head even deeper, her drooping hair hiding her lost face.

"I've expressed my thoughts, so now I can probably ask the question directly."

"Ichiri..." Akie paused slightly.

"Do you really... like me?"

Ichiri was about to answer the question when Akie raised her hand to stop him.

"Wait a mininute."

She stood up and sat next to Yili.

Although the Ferris wheel cabin is narrow, it can still accommodate two people sitting side by side.

"As I just said, the relationship between people should not be simply summarized as 'need' and 'being needed'."

"So, I hope you can put all these things aside, knowing my thoughts."

"Don't worry about whether I need it or not. Don't worry about whether it bothers me or not. Don't worry about anything. Just pay attention to your own thoughts."

Akie spoke to Ichiri slowly but firmly.

"Leave everything aside except your own thoughts, just like the car on this Ferris wheel..."

"... Exclude the entire world outside of this and ask yourself in this situation."

"do you like me?"

Togawa Aie quietly stared at Goto Ichiri beside her.

She is patient and willing to wait for the other party's answer, no matter how long it takes.

Confusion and a certain impulse hidden under panic flashed across Yili's face like a kaleidoscope.

Yili remained silent, his lips slightly opened and then suddenly closed.

She turned around and looked into Qiu Hui's eyes, moving closer little by little, then suddenly backing away.

Qiu Hui has been quietly waiting for her answer...

She finally answered.

But, he didn't open his mouth.

The first step is to close the distance.

Then he reached out and placed his hand on Qiu Hui's shoulder.

It didn't stay there for long, but quickly paddled backwards, forming a hug-like posture.

Qiu Hui subconsciously wanted to scream, but failed because her lips were blocked by something.

Goto Ichiri was very close...really very close.

She closed her eyes, turned her face slightly, and pressed on Qiu Hui's glasses frame. The glasses frame dug into her skin, causing Qiu Hui pain.

The same must have been true for Ichiri, but she didn't care.

She closed her eyes, perhaps really isolating herself from the entire world except for what she was doing.

With her eyes still open, Qiu Hui realized that the touch of human lips seemed to be cooler than she had imagined.

But in fact, I can feel the body temperature transmitted from the other person, which is really a contradictory situation.

Wait a minute, why would I care about such a strange thing at this time?

Akie realized that her mind was blank.

Maybe the same could be said for Ichiri, but she really didn't care.

“Hmm…Hmm…”

God knows what happened. Perhaps he accidentally lost his balance when they were pushing and shoving each other, and Akie fell to the side while being embraced, but Ichiri showed no intention of relaxing.

She closed her eyes and fell sideways on the seat of the Ferris wheel car with Qiu Hui, trying to overwhelm Qiu Hui.

“Hmm…”

She felt a heavy pressure on her chest and a smell like mothballs. The rough surface of her pink sportswear rubbed against her exposed neck.

Even now, Qiu Hui's mind is still blank.

Maybe the same is true for Ichiri...

The tightly pressed lips parted at this point and Yili raised his head, his expression exactly the same as it was before all this happened, confused and at a loss.

Qiu Hui stared blankly at the other person's equally blank face, then subconsciously turned her face away and straightened her messed up collar with a mechanical and stiff movement.

"I... only have this set of formal clothes."

Qiu Hui's mind was blank, so these words just came out of her mouth somehow.

"Please...be careful, don't...t tear it..."

Chapter 134 I will try my best

That state of complete stupor did not last long, and Goto Ichiri soon realized what he had done.

And what just happened completely overloaded her brain.

“Wow…Akiie, I’m sorry, I, I didn’t mean it… No, how could I not do this on purpose? I…”

She sat up suddenly as if she had been electrocuted, trying to distance herself from Qiu Hui, but accidentally bumped into the edge of the backrest and cried out in pain.

“This, I… I… I see that it’s always played like this on TV…”