Loneliness and Rock and Roll with Band Observer

“Does it have to be like that? I have nothing to do with the things described in the lyrics. When I hear those lyrics, I feel… I feel…”

"Do you feel like you're being 'disciplined' by the lyrics?" Akie interrupted.

"Kua... huh?" Goto responded blankly.

"To put it simply, it's the feeling of being ordered to conform to certain standards." Akie explained, "If it's not like that, it's not worthy of being called youth! Is it like this feeling?"

"Right!" Goto Ichiri nodded repeatedly, "That's why I don't like those lyrics!"

"Actually, I'm not interested in lyrics that praise youth." Qiu Hui smiled, "When I said I wanted to write about youth, I didn't mean I wanted to write something that would make people feel depressed."

"What's going on?"

As soon as he finished speaking, Goto Ichiri's eyes suddenly lit up.

"Could it be that Akie wanted to write the opposite? A dark, melancholic, and rebellious feeling?"

"…It's not that kind of thing." Akie said with a wry smile.

Simply praising youth and simply condemning youth are at best just two directions on a number axis.

The two chatted to this point, and Ryo, who had been silent until now, suddenly interrupted: "So, why did Akie choose "youth" as the topic of the lyrics?"

Akie looked in Ryo's direction.

If it were someone else, maybe I should find a more plausible reason.

But if it was her...

"…Actually, my teacher at school recently assigned me a composition assignment titled 'What is youth?'" Akie replied with a smile, "Since I had to write about it anyway, I thought that if I could write the lyrics on the same topic, I could use my brainpower to complete two tasks."

...If it were Yamada Ryo, it would be fine for him to just say what he thought.

As expected, Liang did not raise any questions, but nodded in approval: "What a genius idea. He is really a great band member... or maybe he has gradually touched the realm of 'punk'!"

“Is that so?!”

Goto Ichiri, who had not yet reached the realm of punk, was stunned.

"So, what exactly does Akiie want to write?"

“Even if you ask me what I want to write…”

Akie smiled and slumped back against the back of her chair.

“…I don’t know myself.”

I don’t want to sing the praises of youth, nor do I want to express resentment or sentimentality by criticizing the concept of youth.

Even if you deny both the positive and negative sides, the third way will not suddenly appear before your eyes.

In the end, even though I said I wanted to write about "youth", I actually don't even know what youth is...

"But, in fact, it is precisely because I don't know what to say that the urge to say something has become even stronger."

Qiu Hui lay on the back of the chair for a while, then stretched out her hands to support the table and raised her body up again.

"Please, both of you." She looked at Ryo and Goto seriously.

“I hope that through the following discussions, we can finalize the specific content under this general direction.”

Chapter 40: Self-contradiction (Part 1)

What exactly is youth?

This is a topic that has been discussed countless times by countless people throughout the ages, and it has almost become cliché.

That’s why there are as many ready-made answers as one wants.

However, if someone deliberately thinks about this problem with the mentality of "rejecting all ready-made answers", the existing solutions will completely turn from help into hindrance.

Today, Togawa Aie is such a challenger with weird ideas.

As if sensing the signs of this paranoia, Liang intertwined his fingers together at some point, and his slightly raised head showed a subtle change in his expression, which seemed a bit serious, yet also a bit mocking.

But before she had a chance to express her true intentions, Akie herself made her own judgment on her thoughts. Akie spoke uneasily, with a hint of apology in her voice:

"Sorry, I seem to have said something strange again because of the impulse."

"This is not okay, and that is not okay either." This kind of attitude of simply denying without giving any affirmative statement is not the right attitude for a constructive discussion at all, she thought.

"...Rather than saying something strange, your "sorry" is more strange to me."

Ryo replied as if he had no idea what Akie was saying.

"If you want to advance the discussion, you can do it the other way around. If you don't understand 'what' you want, then ask 'what's not' a few more times. As long as you have an idea of ​​the reasons for discarding a certain option, after eliminating it several times, you may be able to figure out what the right choice is."

This unexpectedly serious remark made Qiu Hui slightly stunned.

"That does make sense." She nodded slightly, "But it doesn't seem like something Ryo would say so seriously."

"If you don't recognize my serious side, you'll be at a great disadvantage." Liang responded seriously.

This guy said something with a serious face, but it seemed that he couldn't be serious at all.

“…Um, can I express my opinion?”

Goto Ichiri on the side didn't seem to be able to keep up with the conversation between the two, and until now, he seemed to be afraid to express his opinions.

"Of course. It would be more troublesome for us if Pochi said nothing."

"I understand! In other words, right now, everyone actually needs my opinion, right?"

"Is that so, Pochi?" Ryo said.

Akie could sense that Yamada Ryo was indeed in a very serious state.

"Since we have come together for various reasons and become members of the same band, we should not worry about anything other than the 'band' itself. If you have an opinion, speak it out. If you have a personality, don't hide it—"

"——After all, if it's a relationship that can only be maintained with great care, I think it's better to break it off from the beginning."

Liang calmly and seriously made a rather shocking statement.

Qiu Hui stared at the cold face and thought of the past events she had talked about in the convenience store before.

Did the band she used to be in also break up for similar reasons?

Akihie even thought of Takamatsu Deng who escaped from the karaoke that afternoon.

Could it be that "that band" that Takamatsu-san used to be in, the kind of relationship that Ryo mentioned, "it would have been better to break up at the beginning"?

Unlike Akie who began to think divergently, Goto's reaction to Ryo's remarks was much more direct.

"Broken, broken or something, that's too much..." Goto Ichiri was frightened by the cold and solemn aura emanating from Ryo, and shrank back a little, "...But, what Ryo said did give me some new ideas."

She took a deep breath, as if to give herself courage.

"...Aren't we going to talk about youth? Personally, I think...when it comes to youth, a very important element is...'getting along', right?"

With his hands clenched into fists nervously, Goto Ichiri expressed his opinion.

“…It sounds simple, but I’ve never been able to do it. Friendship, ties, these things that are everywhere in the lyrics, but I’ve never experienced them. It’s because I can’t ‘fit in’ that I’m always ignored by everyone.”

She raised her head and met Liang's eyes.

"Speaking of which, Ryo, do you have many friends?"

"Right now, it should be only Hongxia." Liang answered without hesitation, "As for the others, we will decide based on the situation."

“I see. So that’s how it is.” Goto smiled as if he was somewhat happy. “Hehehe, that means there are more friends who are not sociable like me…”

"Excuse me, let me interrupt." Qiu Hui raised her hand and said, "I don't think you two can be considered the same kind..."

She paused and continued to explain the specific meaning of this statement.

“I think that the popular opinions on the topic of ‘not fitting in’ can be roughly divided into the following two categories.”

"One is to treat 'not fitting in' as a painful defect and disease, and to express one's desire for 'understanding' and 'love', for the attention and care of others. I think you, Pochi, probably fall into this category..."

Goto Ichiri nodded.

"The second is to treat 'not fitting in' as a personal trait worth flaunting. Either fundamentally refuse to acknowledge the legitimacy of a series of social relationships, including friendship, or treat these social relationships as a treasure that is too precious and heavy to be awarded to someone nearby as a symbol of 'fitting in'..."

"It feels more like that." Liang nodded.

Qiu Hui finally concluded: "In other words, both are 'unsociable', but one actively rejects the 'group', while the other is rejected by the 'group' in return..."

"Please stop talking!"

Goto held his head in his hands and curled up in pain.

“Painful memories are about to overflow aaaaaah!”

"Pochi, it's been difficult for you all along," Ryo sighed.

As soon as she finished speaking, she looked in Qiu Hui's direction again.

“Although you have made such a detailed classification, as you said before, what you want to express is probably not either of the above two views.”

Ryo asked with interest, holding his cheek with his right hand.

"So... you don't know what you want to say either. But as I said before, we can discuss this issue in reverse."

"Akie, why do you want to reject these two viewpoints?"

When asked this question, Togawa Akeie gave a bitter smile.

"Why?"

She lowered her head and looked at her pale fingers.

"...I don't think being 'unsociable' is a flaw. On the contrary, I think it's my ideal way of life."

"But from a rational point of view, I cannot deny the legitimacy and role of social relations."

“Humanity has been able to create such a huge amount of material wealth as it is today, so that I can now stop worrying about hunger and the threat of predators and can talk nonsense here… This achievement is inseparable from the cooperation mechanism based on social relations. In other words…”

Togawa Akie let out a long sigh of relief.

"...I am pursuing something that I myself do not believe is legitimate."

Chapter 41: Self-contradiction (Part 2)

"..."

Liang responded to Qiu Hui's statement with silence.

She was silent for a while as if she was thinking, and then she spoke reluctantly: "Pursue something you don't even believe in."

She pulled the whiteboard that Hongxia had just used from nearby, turned it over, and wrote this sentence on it in a sloppy handwriting.

"Although I don't understand what this statement means when it comes to lyrics, I'll just write it down for now." Liang put down the marker, "Then shall we continue?"

"Let's continue."

Togawa Akiie, who said those words just now, looked as if she had just done some intense exercise and leaned against the table looking a little tired.

Goto Ichiri, who was standing by, looked at her nervously. In Ichiri's eyes, the face with a slightly desolate look seemed to have a heroic tone.

"Akie is amazing," Ichiri exclaimed, "She's much better than someone like me who is simply afraid of socializing."

"...I'm only good at talking." Akie looked at Ryo and Ichiri with a somewhat distracted look, as well as Nijigasaki and Kita who were studying a cover video tutorial not far away.

"Actually, there is one thing that I've always been concerned about." Goto Ichiri said, "That is, Aki seems to always emphasize that she is a traitor who doesn't like dealing with people, right? But even though she says that, when Aki is dealing with others, she always seems very skilled. She's totally unlike someone like me."

Goto looked at the words on the whiteboard and continued, "Is this also because, Akie, you are pursuing 'something you don't even believe in'?"

"That's about it. 'I can do everything by myself', that's my ideal state. But from a rational point of view, I don't believe there is such a way of life that allows a person to live a decent life without contacting society..."

"…So for various reasons, I was forced to deal with all kinds of people, some of whom I could accept, and some of whom I couldn't accept."

Liang nodded: "Sometimes it is true. For example, if you want to increase album sales, you must write songs according to popular tastes and styles, and various activities to increase exposure are also necessary..."

"...These objective needs are one aspect." Qiu Hui added, "In fact, there is another aspect, which is subjective needs. Although I say that I like to be alone, every time when it's late at night, I still can't help but want to have a friend to chat about something..."

…This ‘contradictory feeling’ of wanting to have your cake and eat it too.