Loneliness and Rock and Roll with Band Observer

Qiu Hui sighed.

so tired.

I just want to...rest...

"..."

Chapter 56: Regrouping

…Having said that.

But Togawa Aie actually knew very well that it was not time to rest yet.

I can't rest yet because there are still monsters roaming around in my head...

That's pretty much it.

What's more, it's not night yet and I'm not sleepy anyway.

Moreover, Toyokawa Shoko's words did make Akihime realize that she needed to do something.

Since the problem is before us, we must solve it.

This is also part of the values ​​she has been adhering to during this period of time.

Although Xiangzi's analysis is practical, it also omits some very critical parts.

Only Togawa Aie herself knows all these things.

However, I still want to thank Xiangzi.

Because, if she hadn't said that just now... I might never have shifted my thoughts in that direction.

Qiu Hui placed her hands flat at her sides and tried to relax herself, which would help her concentrate.

Xiangzi saw that I was judging myself by harsh standards, she thought.

But, classmate Xiangzi didn’t know why I did this.

How would she guess my purpose... Would she think that I did this out of selfless devotion? Or was it because of some subconscious inferiority complex?

The latter might be somewhat possible, but the former... I definitely don't think so.

I can't do that. If I were really the kind of person who was strong enough to put my own interests aside, then I shouldn't have shown such a useless side.

Maybe I will still be overwhelmed by stress, but that just means I need to rest and not let things get to the point where they are now.

I just acted like a normal person and subconsciously chose the path that was most beneficial to myself.

If I think so, then I will choose to blame myself...

…That means this approach must be beneficial to me in some way.

Xiangzi's words became an opportunity.

Togawa Aie's thoughts began to move forward along this line of thought.

Why do I feel that self-harm is beneficial?

If you can figure this out...

Qiu Hui didn't know what would happen exactly, but she had a feeling that this question might have some unusual meaning to her.

My mental state was tangled and twisted, and in short, completely unhealthy.

The current situation forced Qiu Hui to admit this.

During this period of time, she did have the illusion that she had gained a firm foothold; but the current situation has effectively disproven it.

Well, now that the truth has been revealed, let's make things clear.

Thinking of this, Qiu Hui felt a sense of relief that she hadn't felt in a long time.

The bad news is, it's all over. The good news is, even if it's all over... I can still keep thinking like this.

Qiu Hui opened her eyes and looked at the ceiling.

"I don't think... I'm that bad." She said to herself.

I haven't even experienced that cliché scene where everyone gathers in a circle around me and takes turns sharing the power of friendship and bond with me... I've already started preparing to cheer myself up.

Qiu Hui smiled in her heart.

Of course I would be very happy if everyone is willing to help me.

However, this is a problem that is entirely within my personal scope, and I cannot rely entirely on everyone.

Because, a lot of the necessary information needed to solve the problem is only known to me.

I have to rely on myself.

Qiu Hui was surprised at how calm she felt at the moment.

Alone in a dim bedroom, almost cut off from the whole world.

But she knew that this was not the case, and she actually encouraged Toyokawa Shoko and helped her get out of the dilemma of paranoia and self-doubt.

Since I was able to help her, it meant that I was able to face my own predicament calmly. Because, it was because I was able to deal with my own predicament that I was able to help her.

This is a somewhat ridiculous and unreasonable circular argument, but at this moment it has actually become my own strength.

"Maybe there is one thing I didn't do wrong," she thought.

"I paid a lot in exchange for everyone's love and recognition of me."

"Now, perhaps it's time to put these things to use?"

……

after a while.

"Why don't you come out, Senior?"

Sitting on the sofa in the living room, Aine looked towards the closed door with some worry.

"Maybe he's resting, or maybe he's thinking about something."

Toyokawa Shoko was sitting properly on the sofa at the side with a calm expression.

"Toyokawa...classmate, you look like...you're not worried at all?" Goto Ichiri looked at him uneasily.

Xiangzi shook his head slightly: "I'm really not worried. I believe in Qiu Hui."

She had a slightly wistful expression on her face, and her eyes swept over the three people beside her one by one.

"Yutenji-san and Aki are old friends. Aine and Goto-san both formed a band with Aki. The three of you are probably closer to Aki than I am, so perhaps... you have seen Aki's vulnerable side more often."

A little concerned.

When I was talking to Qiu Hui just now, she seemed to be calmer.

Qiu Hui, what does it look like when you really have an emotional breakdown?

Xiangzi only had the idea for a moment, but did not follow through.

Perhaps it would be better not to see him ever, she thought.

"It's probably because my relationship with her is not close enough, so my impression of Akie has always been that she is very calm, reliable, gentle and kind."

Xiangzi's face flushed slightly, but he still admitted it frankly.

"She encouraged me and helped me get out of the predicament I had created for myself."

"So, I believe she will be able to properly handle the problems she faces."

After saying that, she stood up from the sofa and bowed slightly to Ruomai.

"It's getting late, and I don't want to bother you anymore, so I'll take my leave now. I may come back to bother you again in the future."

Yutenji Wakamugi stared at Xiangzi for a long time and let out a long sigh in helplessness.

"Actually, I think it's better for you not to come. Do you know why?"

"Uh, I...I might..." Xiangzi waved his hands, his ears red.

Ruomai's resentful look made her feel inexplicably guilty.

"But let's be fair." Ruomai stood up and prepared to see Xiangzi off.

"You're able to come this time and say those words to Xiao Qiu, I..."

Ruomai hesitated for a long time before finally saying the words shyly.

"…Really, thank you."

"Don't be so... formal." Xiangzi also smiled, trying to get rid of the subtle awkward atmosphere between the two of them at the moment, "We will see each other often in the band in the future."

After saying that, she opened the door and walked out.

Chapter 57: The Real Main Attack

The next day, afternoon.

Togawa Aie sat on the sofa in the living room. Outside the window were dark clouds and heavy rain that fell like a curtain.

The weather was very sunny yesterday, but it started to rain heavily today.

In this kind of weather, she naturally had no desire to go out.

"…How do you feel?"

Ruomai came over with some cut fruits: apples, pears, oranges, kiwis, and strawberries with the stems removed.

She wanted to smile, or at least she wanted to smile.

However, due to certain factors, she could not fully carry out her wish, so she could only maintain a half-smile like now.

She wanted to appear as relaxed as possible in front of Qiu Hui, but this kind of pretending to be relaxed might only make people feel more nervous.

"It's OK. I should say it's gotten much better."

Qiu Hui stood up with a smile, took the plate from Ruomai, and gently placed it on the coffee table in front of the sofa.

Ruomai still looked very nervous, probably because she was worried about me, so I had better act positively to avoid causing her unnecessary worries.

"That's really... great." Ruomai smiled reluctantly, "If that's really the case..."

Qiu Hui sat back on the sofa, so she sat next to Qiu Hui.

"...Xiao Qiu, do you know? I've actually been...very worried about one thing."

"You say you're doing fine now, but I don't know if you're telling the truth."

Ruomai looked uneasy and a little aggrieved.

She lingered on the sofa, moving closer to Qiu Hui, reaching out her hand, and holding Qiu Hui's upper arm and shoulders, deliberately seeking friction and zero-distance contact.

Having said that, there was absolutely no hint of romance in her every move.

It was as if he was simply craving for physical contact, trying to confirm the other person's existence in this way.

At this time, Qiu Hui was only wearing a thin top, so she could clearly feel the soft touch coming from Ruomai.

But just like the other person, her reaction was not at all flirtatious.

"...I think I have a cold." Akie looked directly at Wakami who was standing very close to her, "Be careful not to get infected. If both of us get sick at the same time, I think the situation will become very troublesome."

She did not avoid his gaze, nor did she feel shy about the close contact between the two of them at the moment.

After truly facing the past and present of the two, Qiu Hui realized that still holding that kind of thought until now was disrespectful to Ruomai and herself.

She was just telling the other party the facts that she thought they needed to know. As for how the other party viewed it, that was their own business.

"..."

Ruomai said nothing and showed no intention of backing away.

Well...if she doesn't care about the potential risk of infection, then...

"What did Xiangzi say to you at that time?"

Ruomai suddenly asked bluntly.

"Huh, why are you suddenly mentioning what happened yesterday?" Qiu Hui was startled.